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It's been 9 days now that I've been dealing with an intrusive thought which appeared as a question. It pretty much asked me if I want to cheat on my boyfriend with a specific person who has been a trigger for me for almost 5 months now. I read somewhere that responding affirmatively to intrusive thoughts will help, so I made the mistake and I tried it.... Not only did it not help but I've been spiralling ever since, I feel like my response was evidence that I actually want to do that (although I know for a fact that I don't, I just can't trust myself). I also feel like I should break up with my boyfriend because I can't be with him after this (which is absurd, I love my boyfriend and I'm so happy with him). I just can't be present around him because I'm constantly preoccupied and on edge due to the thoughts. I'm also having intrusive images of the face of that person that triggers me and I'm so scared. I don't know how to deal with that either and it has caused me a lot of sleep disturbances lately. Any piece of advice would be much appreciated.

So for context me and my girlfriend have been together for closing in on 8 months. We're really happy! And we've always been happy. However I believe in am dealing with ROCD (ive had ocd symptoms all throughout my life) and its begun to affect me badly. First off a few months ago I randomly got the thought of "what if I am losing feelings?" Usually I can dismiss intrusive thoughts like this easily but this one stuck. This one would plague my mind and thoughts for weeks on end, it caused me anxiety and sadness and I was extremely scared. Then one day, the thoughts just went away. We carried on as usual, then one day we went to out friends Quince. We were there and dressed up nice eating with friends and during conversation the topic about our age gap came up. I wasn't thinking when i said this and then I ended up saying the age gap me and my ex had instead of the one me and my girlfriend now have. I am over my ex and i dont miss her and didnt ever miss her at all throughout me and my girlfriends entire relationship however I immediately felt awful. It was a slip of the tongue but intrusive thoughts flooded my mind of "what if im not over her?" Or stuff like "what if I miss her?". I told my girlfriend about the slip of the tongue and she insisted that it was ok and that we were ok, but the thoughts lingered. For months on end I proceeded to have those same intrusive thoughts about my ex, it branches off into intrusive memories and dreams as well. Its also caused me to have intrusive thoughts about other things as well. For example when talking to someone ill have the intrusive thought of being attracted to them and it makes me panic, or ill overthink getting s groinal response when I accidentally see something revealing, and other thoughts that IF they were true would heavily collide with my relationship. And worst of all, the thoughts of not being in love with my girlfriend have resurfaced stronger than ever. Every waking moment of every waking day have been filled with these thoughts ever since the incident and ive been in constant anxiety and when im not anxious im either discomforted or sometimes even numb. It scared me because my brain tries using it as proof that my thoughts are true and that I dont love my girlfriend. Last night I bawled my eyes out at the thought of losing her but these thoughts still continue. We have cute happy intimate moments where I feel madly in love and then my thoughts shatter that. Its miserable, and im scared, and drained. I do want to lose my girlfriend, she's been the greatest person to me ever and I do love her so much. I hate that I can rationalize my love for her because I wouldn't care this much if I didnt but also that these thoughts are extrenely powerful and cloud my mind. Any tips to manage this? I dont have access to therapy at least not for now and i need help

I’ve been really struggling with OCD within my relationship. We’ve been dating for almost 2 years and things were going really good but we just moved in together and it seems to be making it worse. We have both made mistakes in the relationship that I’ve mostly been able to work past but this last month my partner had gambled away a majority of our money. He’s offered to go to counseling and get help but I’m finding it so hard to trust him and to move on. I constantly find myself trying to look at his phone or ask questions. I get panicked when he goes to the bathroom bc I’m convinced he’s lying to me. I feel like I’m in a constant state of fight or flight. I just don’t know whats real, when we argue i convince myself he’s being evil or abusive (im a dv survivor) I don’t know if I should just leave him for the sake of my mental health or stay and hope it gets better and he proves himself. I’d never want someone to turn there back on me when I’m struggling so I’m lost between this moral ground of guilt and taking care of myself. Any advice?

I’m not making this post to gain any reassurance (my therapist would kill me lol) but I just need some support here as I feel so alone and lost. I’ve been in ERP for a few years now and it’s been a journey thus far. I’ve experienced many different themes but currently it’s on sexual themes and I’m being drowned by it. I have to do exposures with videos of girls making out or being sexual with each other and then basically sit with the discomfort after. My brain literally jumps all over the place all day long. It’s throwing every thing at me from shows that I watch where women who were once with men get with girls, family members that I have who are gay, it’s having me question if I love my husband or feel anything toward him anymore, I have these thoughts that I can’t get close to God because “I like women” while also having it tell me that’s it okay because gay people still follow God. The other thing that gets me is the guilt I feel with my kids. It’ll throw images of my kids at me and I cry instantly. My brain is constantly talking to itself if that makes any sense? Constantly battling itself throwing thoughts and feelings at me to prove that I’m supposedly gay and then the other part is firing back showing why none of it is true. It’s just a lot of noise all damn day ! Anyone get this?. I try to sit with it and let it just go at itself but now I’m being told that’s not what I’m supposed to do, that I’m supposed to interrupt it?. I really feel like there’s something wrong with me that this can’t just be OCD. Can anyone here share there experiences with these theme? Anyone experience my type of story? I feel like no matter what I do I can’t get out of this.

He broke up with me out of nowhere and told me he never loved me & he said he stayed with me for years due to comfort and guilt of not hurting me.He was emotional & physical distance for years and drove my ocd and jealousy up ,leading to him reaching a breaking point and few weeks after his with someone new . It’s been almost two months now and still can’t eat or stop crying and spiraling. It’s affecting my job and never got closure because he just sugar coats things if I ask or ghost me . We together for almost 5years . I’m stuck and can’t stop my thoughts consuming me . I also have trouble doing daily task or finding energy too. I don’t have friends or family and trying to make friends but I have bad habit of trauma dumping and that pushes people away. I also live alone and being alone is something I struggle with and causes me so much anxiety/panic attacks Idk what to do to get back to normal I made app to see a psychiatrist, but it’s not for a few weeks and I am seeing a therapist. I just started, but it doesn’t seem to help because I’m just venting to them and I feel they don’t specialize in OCD. Is there any actual supplements that helped anyone or anyone in a similar situation will helped you get through this I feel like my OCD makes me self sabotage my relationships because of my insecurities and I also have abandonment issues.

- what if i fall backwards in front of the whole class ? - what if i strip down and reveal myself in front of everyone ? - what if i hurt one of my good friendships by doijg something bad ? - what happens if i start an argument with the teacher ? - what if i start violently vomiting / retching ? - what if i read a worse inappropriately wrong aloud ? - what if my crush finds out i like him ? - what if i randomly blurt out a random classmates name for no reason ? - what if the teacher gets super upset and yells at me ? - what if i answer the question wrong ? - what if i cry super loud ? - what if i open my phone and something vulgar starts blasting this is only a few of the many i think on the daily. theres so many what ifs and infinite possibilities its hard to protect myself from all of them and feel secure

I’m losing it, I feel like I have no idea who I am and weather I have been faking it my whole life. I saw an episode that triggered me and this guy said he realized he was gay when he was 18 and I just got sooooo anxious. Because then I asked myself did I like anyone at that age (I’m 22) I have never had a boyfriend. I feel like I’m sitting here and just lost faith in the fact that I like men. I feel like I have been lying to myself. I don’t know what to do or if I will ever get the life I have dreamt of. Help me, what do I do???!?!?!?!!! What if I’m not capable of loving a man????!!!!

Disclaimer!! TW: Hi guys, When I was 10 my uncle (my dad’s brother), inappropriately played with my sister and I. where we felt his genital on our behind but we were all clothed and he disguised it as a game. I would catch him also acting weird around me. Later on when I was 12 and my sister was 10 1/2, he went on top of my sister while he thought she was sleeping and she had her eyes half open while she pretended to be asleep. She kept moving around and he thankfully didn’t do anything to her but that alone was horrifying to her. then he went to my bed and I’m a light sleeper so I immediately woke up. I asked him what he was doing and he said “just fixing the nightlight”. The next morning my sister told my parents and I what happened. My dad cried. I never saw him cry in my life. We left immediately and never spoke to him again. He has 3 kids and an amazing wife. Recently he’s been really sick and he had multiple strokes and he can’t walk. My cousins are older now and the eldest is 2 years younger than me. His eldest daughter was in the room as well but he didn’t do anything to her. I talk to my cousins on the phone but I never talk to him. I ignored that it happened for years. I am 24 years old now. In my teenage years I became boy obsessed and hyper-sexual. I got into relationships and got cheated on multiple times. I also feel like I developed OCD because of it. Now I don’t trust men or people at all. I also have triggers that make me feel horrible. A few months ago my older brother complimented my hair and my brain told me that meant he was attracted to me and it made me sick to my stomach. But that isn’t the case and I know that. But I hate that my brain made me think that. The other day my eldest brother (a different brother) facetimed me and showed me his son, my 3 year old nephew. He checked if my nephew peed my feeling his diaper. My brain told me “what if he’s touching your nephew inappropriately?”. God forbid.That made me spiral and feel like I can’t even trust my brother and made me scared for my nephew. I hate how I never can know. I would hate if that were true. That would break my heart because I love my brother and my nephew. But all because of my uncle, I feel like I can’t trust anybody or put it past them. Especially men. It’s ruining my life and making me break down and want to self isolate. I don’t want to live like this. I also don’t want my brother to ever do that. I hate this. Thanks for reading this if you made it this far.

I don’t know if it was ROCD or me falling out of love or what…but broke up with my ex a long time ago. He’s moved on. Not a day goes by where I don’t wish I could try again with him. There is nothing bad he did that I could cling onto, but I was obsessed with the “not right” feeling. I am fully convinced I will never love anyone else to that extent again. Or love them as fully. I’ve always wanted to get married but I don’t see it happening anymore. I don’t know what to do, any thoughts would be helpful. Thank you (edited)

My rocd has been very bad the last few months and I’ve been questions my boyfriend a lot. A lot of the things he has told me haven’t really made any sense, they’re minor things but still. Anyway, he talked to this girl briefly for like 2 months 2 years ago. They were just friends but he said she played with his feelings and was weird so he stopped being friends with her. She was irrelevant most of our relationship until some months ago when I saw her in his suggestions. She never had an instagram account before. I started staking her profile a lot and becoming really insecure. I’d always bring her up and question if he had liked her in the past or if he looks at her insta. Anyway, he went to a birthday party a few months ago which I knew she’d be at and it made me uncomfortable. I think I was being controlling though, I just didn’t want him talking to her or something. He said he wasn’t around her at all that night and that was that. I know one of his girl friends probably posts her sometimes though so I’m scared he found her pretty and starting talking to her again. I keep looking at her socials and I don’t know why. I want to be her so bad, she’s literally perfect. I feel like she’s the kind of girl anyone would find attractive no matter what their type is. She also listens to the same exact music as my boyfriend and is like niche I guess idk, unique. I know I shouldn’t have constantly brought her up for no reason but I’m just so incredibly insecure. I brought her up last week after I had saw a post she made. I was just questioning my bf again. Like 7 hours later he had listened to the same exact song she posted on her story which was beetles by aphex twin. That song isn’t popular at all and he had never listened to it before and it wasn’t on any of his playlists. I started questioning him and he first told me he saw it in a TikTok edit. I asked him to find the edit but he couldn’t so he then said it must’ve been instagram or YouTube. That song literally has like 100 posts on each social media platform and that’s it. He told me what the edit was about but couldn’t remember where he had seen it. He couldn’t find the video on insta or YouTube either so then he said maybe he saw it somewhere else but he was sure he had saw it. He said maybe it wasn’t an edit. I said “you literally told me exactly what happened in the edit though” so then he said he was sure it was an edit but he couldn’t find it. It turned into this huge thing and we’ve been arguing for a few days. He SWEARS he didn’t look at her profile and we had a long discussion about why he doesn’t like her and all this stuff. He showed me her blocked contact. There was a girl right above her who my boyfriend had told me he only deleted, not blocked. She wasn’t anyone concerning but I literally asked him multiple times if she had ever texted him since he told me she wasn’t blocked. My mom was also blocked and then a random number and some team lead he worked with at seaworld who he apparently reached out to for help with his enlistment process. I’m scared he just blocked a bunch of random numbers to make it look like she had been blocked for a while if that makes sense. He also calls her grace instead of Gracie sometimes. At first he said it was just a typo but then he did it over call. Her real name is grace, he said he doesn’t switch between the two on purpose. She also only takes her account off of private when she posts herself on her story idk if that’s weird. My boyfriend and I finally talked everything out and I was calmed down. He had always told me in the past that he’d give me all of his socials. We’re long distance so he can’t just show me his phone. I asked for his insta password today to just see if he actually would since I’d always decline. At first he said yes but then he said no and that it was an invasion of privacy. He told me he didn’t want me to start overthinking and arguing with him over nothing which I always do bc of my rocd. He said he’s been really stressed (he has) and wants to avoid arguments. He said if I didn’t question him about every little thing then he would have. He also said there’s things he talks about with his family and best friend that are private, we’ve been together for 2 years btw and we were planning on moving in together next month. He said we could call tonight and he’d screen record and go through his profile. I just feel like he’s hiding things from me. I’ve had a horrible gut feeling for the past like week and I’ve felt sick (also on my period). Well the gut feeling has been there but the sickness started this week and I can’t eat. He said I shouldn’t need his passwords and it’s immature. On social media I see the opposite and a lot of people say your partner should be able to have your passwords especially if you’ve been together for a while and it’s a serious committed relationship. We’ve been intimate together but he has things that he doesn’t want me to see. He’s seen my body and I’ve seen his but passwords is an invasion of privacy? I just feel really sick. He has been cheated on before and his mother was too so I never thought he could do that to me and he always expressed that he couldn’t. I never doubted him the months we weren’t long distance or the beginning of long distance but I don’t know this version of him. I love him so much though and I don’t want to be loved by anyone else, I’m just scared I’m oblivious to what’s actually going on.

So in the past year that I’ve been diagnosed with OCD it’s always been relationship OCD and I feel that I’ve got a pretty good handle on understanding how to deal with relationship OCD but the past few days I have been obsessing over like different health things like yesterday I was watching so many videos on rabies and like learning all about it and questioning if I had rabies and then like I have a dry patch on me and I thought it was ringworm or something, but I don’t think it is based on like how it is I don’t know, but I did a Teladoc appointment because I noticed a rash and they gave me a prescription for it and like it’s no big deal. it’s just a yeast infection but then he said that like the thing that I thought was ringworm, I should go see my primary care provider to make sure that it’s not skin cancer and so now I’ve been looking up like skin cancer signs what it looks like and stuff because he kind of freaked me out with that and I don’t know if this is a normal reaction to someone saying that or if this is more of like an obsession now.

Anyone else have ROCD and just go through a breakup? We broke up 2 months ago but I still think about it every day. I moved to another country to study for the semester and yet I still think about it. Is anyone else going through this? Just looking for someone to talk to 🫶 or some advice on how to deal with this (that doesn’t involve compulsions lol). I also made this playlist that has been helping me get through this experience. It’s private so request if you’d like to follow but I’d love to see if it helps anyone else out. Thanks!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6klqvxGgbBuMEYE61G4zLp?si=oxo5LdTTTlSMOCzOa7G2Lw&pt=0160b2efd08ddb94d55252adcbfb7e56&pi=MrYcTDa5SVyIB

I feel like I just have to be lesbian because I keep running away from men when they like me back. Like I’m using my avoidance and intimacy issues as an excuse. It all feels so real. I really don’t want to be lesbian but it feels like I have to be and it would make sense and I would be happier with a woman. Why do I feel like this.

PLEASE ONLY 16+(coming from a 16yo) im talking about kink and it may be triggering for some Hi so I'll say this straightforward i had this kink since being younger, its a tummy kink and like weight gain and humiliation because of it( but not anything like unhealthy, also im not trying to gain weight myself and humiliation with consent of course). But i was terrified for almost a year now that this kink makes me attracted to kids or my family? Like when i imagine for example my mom calling me out for gaining weight i feel it deep down and i really can't tell if it's groinal responses or not. When in real life that happenes(it didn't in a while but yk) i wasn't getting like aroused i think, maybe when i was younger and didn't understood it yet and was finding out this "attraction". Im trying to explain it to myself that even if i would be aroused at those it wouldn't be about the bound or anything just the shame or whatever??? Im so scared tho I don't want to be a weirdo, im already struggling with this kink because of ocd saying im absolutely disgusting, even if it's not my choice. I'd really appreciate some advices of what i should do..

PLEASE ONLY 16+(coming from a 16yo) im talking about kink and it may be triggering for some Hi so I'll say this straightforward i had this kink since being younger, its a tummy kink and like weight gain and humiliation because of it( but not anything like unhealthy, also im not trying to gain weight myself and humiliation with consent of course). But i was terrified for almost a year now that this kink makes me attracted to kids or my family? Like when i imagine for example my mom calling me out for gaining weight i feel it deep down and i really can't tell if it's groinal responses or not. When in real life that happenes(it didn't in a while but yk) i wasn't getting like aroused i think, maybe when i was younger and didn't understood it yet and was finding out this "attraction". Im trying to explain it to myself that even if i would be aroused at those it wouldn't be about the bound or anything just the shame or whatever??? Im so scared tho I don't want to be a weirdo, im already struggling with this kink because of ocd saying im absolutely disgusting, even if it's not my choice. I'd really appreciate some advices of what i should do..

I know I keep coming back with this exact issue lol Idk why it happens. It only happens and stays consistent around my boyfriend of close to 2 years. I am happy. I love him. I enjoy being with him. So why am I nauseous? It happens when I get triggered like when I have a groinal response but when I’m just SITTING with my bf doing nothing- i feel this like. Almost wanting to throw up? But not really? Like I said- I love him, very much. He’s wonderful and kind. He looks at me with such care. And I look at him the same. I love to be next to him. Cuddling him. Telling him I love him Even typing this I feel nauseous, google said lovesickness but idk. I feel like this nausea started after I got on birth control last October? I seem to be having issues with it I think(I’ve been having 3 week long periods since April. Not consistently. But it’s like my 3rd period now and I passed a massive clot so I’m seeing a doctor😃😃) things are. Odd. I’m worried all of this means I’m gay or don’t love him and should leave him wtf etc. We have been discussing marriage so maybe that’s where it’s coming from? And also we’ve been sneaking around for the last 2 years and his parents are getting less and less happy about it (very traditional Muslim family). We’re serious it’s not just a fling I can assure you. We talked about marriage like 4 months in, kinda when my ocd started actually, and it helped relax me and remind me hey things are going well. He’s great. You guys align and can talk about anything. It’s smthn I dreamed about honestly. He makes me laugh. I make him laugh (not as often, I’m not that funny). Idk. Maybe I’m worried I don’t deserve it or it’s all gonna implode Also this frog in my throat seems to make me hungry? But also I can’t eat when I have it. It’s hard to swallow food. That’s always happened so it is an anxiety response ig but. Why? When he’s with me and we try to eat food most of my hunger goes away after a few bites. I can usually eat quite a bit depending on the day. Idk. I’m tired. I don’t feel like myself anymore Advice or related stories would be great🫶🫶🥹🥹

My partner always says if it’s in my head then I “didn’t do anything.” But liking another person is doing something wrong!!!!!! (this is just one example I have more) I feel sick

I started talking to this girl a few weeks ago. At first, everything seemed great, she asked questions, planned a date, even rescheduled when she couldn’t make the first one. Then, out of nowhere, she ghosted me for about eight days. When she came back, she apologized and said she’d been going through a tough time and was scared of going back in the dating world but really liked me and didn’t want me to think I did anything wrong. We started texting again, and it felt like we were back on track. But over the past few days, she’s been inconsistent with long gaps between responses. So last night I basically asked her if she was actually interested in talking or not, to which there wasn’t a quick response so I followed up calling myself dramatic and apologizing. When I woke up there still wasn’t a response and I went into an OCD episode where I thought I had messed everything up and felt the need to overly explain myself with a few more texts even mentioning the OCD because I know how double, triple or however many texts come off. My OCD spiraled, and I ended up sending multiple texts trying to explain myself and apologize, which I now regret. I didn’t say anything mean, the gist was trying to explain myself and apologizing. She hasn’t responded to those messages yet, and I’ve managed to calm my nerves a bit but has anybody had their OCD act up in similar ways? I feel really bad for sending multiple texts but in an OCD episode it felt like I had to in order to calm myself; which I know is irrational. Has anyone been through something similar or have strategies for handling this kind of relationship anxiety and overthinking?

How to deal with OCD when you’re dissociating and numb and it’s going from ROCD, existential to how you hate yourself, to your whole life story trauma flooding, to retroactive jealousy, to how you never anointed to much, to how it’s hard for you to love people and not scrutinize, to how you never really did much on your own and always needed help and attention, to how you’re scared of death, to how you’re scared of abandonment and being alone, to saying if you don’t fix all these at once you’ll lose your relationship (I have CPTSD and there’s a push pull and I never had a chance to fix it) and I try to control everything. And I realize it. And it’s going on about how adulting is scary. About how I try to work and the. Quit because I’m afraid of opinions. About how I hoard. About how everything in life seems senseless. About how I can’t connect. About how I people please and about how I’m selfish. About how nothing will ever be perfect. I’m not joking when every second of my day is a FLOOD of thoughts and it’s been 46 days like this after one thought I tried to sit with spiraled me into a dissociative shutdown. I’ve had bad OCD all my life but as I got older more and more fears piled up. And my trauma is so bad. And so loud. The OCD is so bad. There’s nothing in life I don’t fear. And everything feels like a threat to me. His past. Him. And how I don’t want anyone else but my brain won’t stop ripping him apart. How “no one” will be good enough for my perfectionistic mind. I truly don’t know how the absolute fuck to get over something this severe. And I have horrific self worth issues. Bad. Like zero self worth. boundaries. Anything. I never had skills. And idk how to explain to my family how bad this OCD is. I run to my mom like a scared child. But even she can’t give me comfort because I’m in hell. And I always wanted people to help me fix things and now that I’m trapped in my own mind I can’t. I’m scared. Shitless.

A few weeks ago i was reminiscing about my past. Like friendships and relationships. And then I realized that I thought about my ex, I shouldn’t have done that, especially if i’m in a committed relationship. Now I’ve been obsessing over that and having constant anxiety if i’m not truly over my Ex. It sucks because I fully love and commit to my boyfriend. And I can’t go through the day without feeling like i’m wasting his time. I’ve had so many cycles of anxiety and I don’t think all of it has gone away. First it was “i thought someone else was attractive” to “what if i don’t love him anymore” to “what if he doesn’t love me anymore” and now it’s this. What can I do? I don’t know if i should just end the relationship for my boyfriend’s mental heath at this point.