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Tried to say "ok im just gonna accept that i'm gay" and you felt calm, like It was true and then It freaked you out wven more cause It felt real???

This post will be for people 18+ and it is a topic on sexual attraction, if you are comfortable you can read but it’s completely up to you. I know I’m not the only woman that watches lesbian love for pleasure as we are all humans and our hormones go up. I’ve been watching lesbian love for years now (about 3 years) and in most of that time, not once did I question my sexuality until someone asked me a question that triggered my overthinking. Today after watching that, I was asking myself questions like what it would feel like to do this with a woman? How would it feel like to be with one? And because these thoughts came to my mind I freaked out because I keep thinking that I like females but never in my life and even till this day have I ever fallen in love with a women or even thought about marrying a women one day. I always want to have a husband one day and at least have a kid or two. But lately all this questioning has me confused to the point where I question if I’m bi or lesbian and if I even have SOOCD or if it’s generally just me tryna figure out my sexuality or if I’m just in denial. I am also talking to a man romantically and whenever I’m around him I feel happy and I’m always excited to talk to him and he also makes my heart flutter and my body burn for him. But because of these recent thoughts I’ve been having, it just confuses me and adds some stress. Any tips for how I can go about this?

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... This youtuber was accused of grooming a minor, making inappropriate sex jokes with a minor, and planning to meet up with him at dreamcon when the minor turned 16, talking about doing explicit stuff in the presence of minors, etc... this was all when the youtuber was 20 and the minor was 13... POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including minors, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them (including the minors) about my 18+ HOCD struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way...

I have been having a lot of fears and intrusive thoughts lately and it’s been hard for me to help myself believe that it’s all just ocd and not that im crazy. I just wish the thoughts of “what if this, what if that” would just stop. I feel like i am so close to just breaking down and spiraling. I have held it together for a while, just going day to day with these fears but it is getting harder and harder every day to not spiral out of control and have a panic attack. Constantly im thinking “oh you thought this person looks generally beautiful? You must be x, you are a horrible person” but i know in my head that it doesnt mean anything to merely think someone looks good, a lot of people are beautiful or have attractive features and someone just acknowledging it without any bad intentions or thoughts doesnt mean anything but i cant help but think that it means something bad. I dont know what to tell myself to just calm myself down. I would never do anything to hurt anyone and i have no desires to ever do anything bad or inappropriate to anyone, especially kids. I am just always thinking that some thought might mean something really bad, and all those thoughts are is that i notice features that might be considered attractive or beautiful

I just need to vent. I feel hopeless. When i think about guys i feel anxiety. That’s why im scared that I’m actually experiencing comphet. I dont feel anything for guys. But i also do not want to do anything with girls. But i do get thoughts that im gay. It feels real. It makes me so sad that i feel like this. It feels like i should accept my true identity. I cant anymore. Why does it feel like i know im gay and i just have to come out and admit that I’m gay? 😔 i think no one feels like this. I want to cry. I feel empty.

I get that you can’t fight the thoughts, otherwise they get way worse. No use arguing that, it’s OCD-101. lol. But agreeing with them can be damaging right? Especially with POCD and SO-OCD. I’ve accepted that I’ve had these thoughts and have stopped trying to fight them mostly, but I refuse to accept that the thoughts say anything about me. Is that the correct way of dealing with it? Agreeing with them seems like it truly would damage me and hurt my self-confidence.

I need to talk to someone, I basically believe that almost all I have experience to this point with my HOCD until now it was just OCD tricks and bullshit, but I have this one memory that it's killing me cause it happened before the HOCD, and it's me having a feeling like I could actually crush on a dude, I just had it for one moment one night, I'm not sure why, but I did had it, and this was before I had HOCD, I'm also pretty sure it's not a false memory and I don't know what to do

This youtuber was accused of making inappropriate sex jokes with a minor, and planning to meet up with him at dreamcon when the minor turned 16... this was all when the youtuber was 20 and the minor was 13... POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including minors, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them about my 18+ HOCD struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way...

Earlier this year, after 7 years since I first experienced it, my SO OCD returned. When I had previously experienced it, I remember taking all these tests at the time, that said I was most likely experiencing SOOCD but I completely neglected the OCD part, and let the experience of that period of my life haunt me. When it returned this year, after weeks of worsening depression I told my wife and finally reached out to help. It was then I finally realized the OCD aspect, received a diagnosis and became aware of just how my OCD had been tormenting me through the years. I am writing this at a point where I believe I have finally conquered this theme, or at to e very least am close to conquering it. I could very well have a lapse though, but the one thing I am thankful for with this theme is that it helped me finally confront my demons, some that I didn’t even know about, and learn the tools that, hopefully, will prevent me from reaching the pit I have fallen into. As I write this too, I’ll be honest in admitting that a lot of what I have experienced this year feels like a blur. I wish I could recall every thought and feeling that I have had to help whoever takes the time to read this post, but I will do my best in just listing some tips that have helped me, especially in the last few weeks. So hopefully these help at least one person out there - Get off of social media - no Facebook, no Twitter, and especially no Reddit, even these OCD subs. You will see highly triggering things on these sites, and while you may not realize it yet, the reason you are even coming to subs like this one, is for reassurance which is only keeping OCD around more. It’s hard but the more you’re able to resist any of these the better - Stop watching porn - Whether you’re watching gay or straight porn to make sure you’re still turned on by it, or not turned on by it. Doing this will result in you performing a checking compulsion. Even then, are brains are wired to get turned on by anything sexual. If you listen to the podcast Purely OCD, they have a snippet in their episodes covering SO OCD that says it best, it that we are all animals when it comes to sex. - Get therapy - If you can afford it, and if you can’t try to reach out to someone that does OCD peer support like Chrissie Hodges - Your SO OCD may just be a disguise for another theme - Throwing their name out again but Purely OCD, both the therapists mentioned how they see SO OCD as being either moral scrupulosity OCD or existential OCD. For me I found both to play a role. A lot of the “reasons” I was actually the opposite of the orientation I thought I was, had an existential reasoning, i.e. there was some kind of extreme super repressive way my brain was actually keeping me from knowing the truth and the what happens next had a moral scrupulosity basis, I.e I have to leave my wife because it’s not fair to her - Try to be the orientation you fear - you running away from it is keeping you stuck in fear. Now for me when I see a dude. I accept that I’m going to be triggered. I even tell myself, hey, if you’re going to start liking dudes now I’ll have to get over this anxiety so, and guess what happens? Nothing. I don’t suddenly turn gay. I still feel distress sometimes and when I don’t, I’m not even thinking about figuring out what my thoughts could mean towards my sexual orientation. The simple fact that you’re feeling this distress shows that what you’re experiencing is SO OCD, and if you’re not feeling distress you’re not thinking about it and having the response you want to have. - Know that SO OCD is misunderstood - there will be people who say to just try engaging with someone of your feared orientation. These people may mean well because unlike something like harm OCD, engaging in a checking compulsion isn’t as bad, but these people are wrong. This will only lead to more confusion and distress. Trust the therapists that know what SOOCD is. - Watch out for a theme switch - OCD is a tricky beast and will do whatever it can to keep you stuck. For me my SOOCD switched to meta OCD along the way, but still wore the mask of SOOCD. I have spent months now trying to figure out if I really do have OCD and those thoughts only reminded me of my SOOCD and kept me stuck fighting that illusion while I was really fighting a new one - Trust yourself - There is a reason you think this is SOOCD. Your brain is stuck trying to find a new answer, so you can not trust the thoughts and feelings that you currently have. Instead trust the you that got you here today and work towards being a new you that sees these thoughts for what they are, meaningless. - Do not set a time table - much like anything else in life it takes people different times to learn things. Overcoming OCD take time and practice. You will have lapses and you won’t be perfect in resisting compulsions, nor need to capture if you’re doing a new compulsion right away. None of that takes away from the progress you have made and will make fighting this terrible illness. Even everything that I have written will not just “click” right away and that’s okay - OCD can do anything - if you worry if what you’re experiencing is not OCD, just know that it is, and that the answer to whatever question you want to ask as far as, can OCD, has yes as an answer. - You are not alone - that voice inside your head is a liar. You have the 4th most debilitating mental illness in the world and probably have been dealing with it longer than you have even realized. You have plenty of community with people online but know that what I have written and what others will say do not make your fight with OCd effortless. just know that you are not alone in that fight however and that you can do this!

Guys I’m super confused. I know I’ve posted about this before, but I feel like I may be on the asexual spectrum, but then it’s giving me a lot anxiety. Why? I can’t get used to the label, but I think it makes sense? But it doesn’t feel right. I don’t know if it’s the desire to be straight as that is how I’ve always identified. Idk. I feel very distressed. Hocd does not make this easier. I’m 16. Any advice or ways to be calm? X

Im just so confused about the attraction. I feel like i’ve never really felt sexual attraction towards someone, or maybe i did i just dont remember. I personally dont really think im asexual. Maybe this is reassurance seeking but how does real attraction, or sexual attraction feels like? Im scared that my admiration for woman was actually attraction?😔 even though i had no sexual or romantic fantasies or desires with them. I can tell if a woman is pretty or attractive but i’ve never had any desire to date one. And it scares me. Like what if i’ve never been attracted to a guy? I dont even remember how does it feels like. Im so fu*ked up, like im 20 years old, my last crush was when i was 13 on a guy (even that my ocd makes me doubt) and i have these thoughts since 14. It got me in this early age when everyone around me were experiencing crushes and i DID NOT.

I first began NOCD therapy in crisis mode. I had been stuck in SO-OCD since 2022 and there came a point where I would have to do deep breathing exercises before my best friend’s bridal shower because I feared intrusive thoughts and feelings during the event. After spending two years in talk therapy, mentally and emotionally stuck in rumination and isolation, I made a desperate call to NOCD after a morning walk riddled with racing thoughts and tears. I began ERP therapy with Emily and in the beginning, there were many tears and anxiety over finally confronting the thoughts, images, and needing to develop new strategies instead of compulsions. Starting medication was the final boost I needed to succeed in my ERP homework and developing new neural pathways to combat OCD. The total war approach of therapy, medication, and taking each day as it comes has given me life again. I used to check my eyes because they would be puffy from the raging cortisol and stress. It’s been two weeks and my eyes look wide and clear again. Mental compulsions that would take hours of my day are now a blip in my brain that I can let pass and move forward with the day ahead. Thank you NOCD, Emily, Dr. Azzem and God for bringing me to life again!

how do I know the difference between having having a low sex drive versus being asexual? I saw a video about how someone found out they were asexual because they were sad or crying after/during sex. I have cried after sex with my boyfriend sometimes and I often do experience sadness/anxiety many times but I believed that maybe aftercare needs to be prioritized more and that maybe my ocd/anxiety/depression puts me in a state of low libido a lot. There are times where I begin to space out during sex or begin to have uncomfortable thoughts, and then there are times where I enjoy it in every way possible. I also believe that because me and my boyfriend are going through the process of healing betrayal and trust in our relationship that that could be a big factor as well. all of these things add up as reasons for just having a low sex drive. I've also always said that i think i could be in a relationship where i didn't have sex often if at all and I think id be okay because it isnt a priority to me. But seeing that video really made me suddenly question it and it scared me a little because I have questioned if I really know sexual attraction vs. aesthetic attraction and now I just feel scared and confused. This could change so much for my relationship and I'm just scared that the answer is something I don't want it to be. could someone please help or leave some insights?

I'm just not doing alright at the moment. The thoughts keep on showing up. They keep on haunting me. I keep getting thoughts that say I'm really not a good person. Or that I have ulterior motives that are against who I am. Like if I'm a pedo or if I'm a sex offender, or an abuser. Or just not a good friend. I can't sit with them any longer. I just want medication to help me with this, even if it feels like I don't deserve to have it. I keep thinking about how even though I was uncomfortable talking to a 17 year old when I was 19 about their OCD, I still went anyway and helped them. Why did I do that? Was it some kind of exposure? Or when I was in the awkward position of someone passing by a tight space and their behind touched my elbow. I had thoughts saying to move it and not to move it and I didn't think I needed to because it wouldn't happen or it was just because I was zipping my bag up in the moment. But since it did happen, now I think I'm a deviant or a dangerous person. Or the thoughts talking about my exposure to porn as a teenager and doing very impulsive, cringe worthy things in relation to the whole exposure. The things I've watched, seen, or heard of. It all disturbs me very much and I can't take any of them back. Last time in therapy I just ended up crying because I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm even scared to try and get my family on board with medication. I'm just afraid they'll be bad at me if I do take it. At the same time though, I don't know if I care that much because it's either that or I just keep going through the days like.. this. I don't want to keep this up anymore. I just want a way out. I just want my life back. Right now it feels like I'll never get it back and it feels like all of what my intrusive thoughts say to me is true.

I have no idea if this is just OCD and I’m actually just straight or i was in denial my whole life. Now it feels so scary, i feel like im realizing my true self, that ive always been gay, that im just using SO-OCD as a cover up. IT FEELS SO REAL. I even feel like others with SO-OCD dont experience this feeling and i must experience something different. Its literally a feeling like an urge to admit myself that I’m gay and it even feels like i know im gay and i was using OCD as a cover up for 6 years. I cant even describe that feeling. When i try to imagine myself with a girl in my mind it makes me feel like i like that thought like i want it😔 It feels all very very real. I think you guys with SOOCD have different feelings and you actually have OCD. I dont want these thoughts. I dont want to be gay, i dont want to feel this. But maybe i was my whole life in denial. 😭😭

I know this is sorta reassurance but idc rn I never post in here anymore so pls someone can you comment without judgment. I feel like ocd always puts intrusive images of like sexual things of people I’ve seen in the past, and in my head things seem so vivid and real but I’m sure it’s just ocd bringing up a farmiliar image but it wouldn’t be properly detailed or anything or be exactly what I’ve seen before I think it’s just ocd trying to trick me? Can someone please just give me a tiny bit of reassurance that I wouldn’t be able to remember clearly and detailed these things I’ve seen in the past… sometimes I struggle to even picture anything properly, so how could I actually be remembering proper details? It still doesn’t mean I’m turned on by these images regardless of if it was a clear image or not, because these thoughts make me feel gross… but like if I’m trying to picture my partner and the image maybe isn’t perfect does that mean it’s still him because my intention is to think of him and I and I feel like it’s hard for me to visualise things of him in proper detail nomatter how hard I try, he tries to tell me not to worry and he doesn’t care how I imagine him as long as I’m thinking of him

hey everyone. i’m not sure if this app will help me or not, but i feel the need to try anything because i can’t keep living like this. i struggle with obsessing over everything in my life. it feels like everyday my brain picks a new thing in my life to obsess over. for the past couple days ive been obsessing over my interpersonal relationships. for example; “do i like the people im with” “do i like my friends as more than just friends” “do i actually love these people or am i lying to everyone”. it’s been really messing with me and making me question my support system. i can’t stop stressing. i’m even afraid to talk about it with my therapist because i have those thoughts about her too. i’m new to my OCD diagnosis (got diagnosed last month) i was hospitalized for a week because i couldn’t function. i also obsess over my sexuality and nothing i pick for me ever feels quite right. i recently started a relationship with someone who’s trans, so maybe that’s why? does anyone else go through this? my brain tries to convince me that i do this to myself and that im making it all up. but who would want to feel this way? uggghhh

Love how social media allows nudity…I opened up instagram and instantly saw a naked women and that triggered some thoughts making me uncomfortable and second guess my sexuality. 😕I tried my best to tell myself “maybe or maybe not either way I don’t care” and sitting with the discomfort but it’s extremely hard. Especially when I’m currently talking to someone I really like and want to get to know him. Just makes life harder sadly.

Right now I'm having trouble with something I did years ago. When I was in my early 20s, I accidentally talked about an interest I wholeheartedly refused to believe wasn't nsfw on my blog where minors followed me. These minors would sometimes like my posts and leave comments and I think one even made a blog regarding this interest. I never reached out or messaged any of them. I've never wanted to harm anyone and I'm asexual/aromantic so I've never thought of anyone in a sexual way, especially not kids. I've had really bad religious guilt around sex in general, so that doesn't help at all either. Eventually I accepted that the interest wasn't completely sfw (I didn't think of it as sexual, but my body does for some reason), so I made a new account and deleted the old one and blocked the minors. I forgot about it for a few years, but one of my favorite YouTubers just got cancelled for being a pedo and now these memories are all coming back. I feel disgusting and like I'm a groomer. I can't stop thinking about how one day someone will come forward and accuse me of being inappropriate or grooming them. I can't stop thinking about how young the minor who made a blog dedicated to the interest was and how I maybe ruined her life forever. I'm currently doing therapy through NOCD and my therapistis great, but I just got triggered so I'm having a hard time right now. I feel sick at the mention of kids, I feel sick around my friends who would maybe hate me if they knew this, I feel sick because this feels like something I'm going to have to carry on my conscious for my whole life. I know I can't ask for reassurance, but I'm just so tired :(

I'm so triggered right now. I'm at the airport and something horrible happened. I'm writing this from the bathroom of the airport. I was sitting and eating, looking ahead, and in front of me passed a "bottom area". They were t*ght leggings, and you could literally see the shape of the bottom. I just saw that and didn't see the whole person, and in that moment I think I found it attractive. At first I thought it was just an adult woman that was a bit short. Then after some context clues I realised that it wasn't an adult. I think I felt arousal down there, but it was before realising it, but it lasted a bit. I don't know if was a groinal response because of stress upon realisation. I'm so triggered and feel like a ****. I'm supposed to go on a trip with friends to have fun but I feel like I can't anymore. I'm seeing triggers everywhere. I'm starting to believe more each time that I'm attracted, that I want those things. After this event happened each time I saw a trigger I felt like I was attracted, like I wanted it, but that's probably a narrative painted up by OCD that making me believe those things too realistically. I passed in front a t**n*g* girl and saw shorts and felt the urge to look down, and I'm afraid that it wasn't the usual compulsive checking to check for a triggering element but because maybe I was attracted. Or this is just OCD highjacking my brain, making believe that. I'm feeling a lot of anxiety, my friends are asking why I'm so non-talkative. I didn't want these things to happen. Why do they keep happening? I can't anymore. A b*by is crying and I'm hearing it, and I'm afraid. I'm stuck in the bathroom from more than 15 minutes writing this.