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I don’t know if I have hocd anymore or just gay anytime I hang out with friend make me question if I’m even straight and when someone say or call em gay I starting questioning stuff

My theme has shifted drastically in the past year. I haven’t used NOCD in a while since i’ve been doing a lot better and thought i’d just check and see how the community is doing. Hope you’re all doing okay 👌🏼. I suffered with SO-OCD for over a year. Thankfully, i’ve somewhat overcome this and it’s nothing but a passing thought in my head After a period of peace I began having obsessions and fears about the end of the world. Specifically asteroid/comets. The sound of a plane, a low rumble, or a loud bang is enough to send me spiralling. I’d jump for my phone to see what the news was saying and even downloaded a flight radar app to check if what i was hearing was a plane or not. Last night i noticed a bright star start flickering and i was convinced i was gonna die. The dreams are relentless. Every night I have nightmares about the same thing and every night I feel absolute horror, coming to terms with death before waking up in a cold sweat. Let me know your thoughts or if anyone else is going through similar things.

I dont even know how to explain myself. Im 20 and I’ve never been in a relationship and one day i want to fall in love and be with someone. I really desire that and i want to love someone and i also wish i was a mother one day. The thing is, i always obsess about the thoughts of relationships. When i have a guy on my mind i always need to google stuff like “Signs you are in love” or “Signs you are attracted” just to know. When i think i might like someone i get these thoughts that “this is not it, you are just making things up etc.” I just feel so obsessed with it, like i always question if i can love, if i ever will be in love (i really want to), or the fact that some people at my age have a partner, slowly getting engaged or they are expecting a baby. Im scared that im just too old and nothing like that will happen to me. I just feel like urge to figure it out. Like who my partner is gonna be, if im gonna love someone. It’s hard to explain. I feel like i can not be just chill and live my life and not always focusing on these things. Then i compare myself with others and i feel like im broken because i feel like it will never happen to me. Then i even get thoughts that what if im aromantic. It also makes me anxious even though i dont think im one. Another thing is, that when this is mixed with SO-OCD its even more terrible😔 Sometimes when i have these thoughts about relationships and also so-ocd….i feel that my stomach is tight and i feel anxiety. Then i get scared that just because i think about relationships and i get tight stomach that must mean im just gay and denial and the thought about having a relationship with a men must be wrong for me, even though my natural thoughts are always with men. 😔😔 it bothers me. I feel like i will never be at peace.

Are there any demisexuals on here that struggle with SO-OCD (I'm a straight woman, or so I think I am). It's a struggle to know what's OCD and what isn't

Hi all!! It's been a while since I've been on here and I just want to say everybody can do this. When I was diagnosed with ocd and specifically so-ocd I thought oh lord I'm lying to myself and my sexuality. No! I've always been straight and will be!! Anyway, what I have learned is to let thought be a thought (that is harder than it seems). But if you try to not force the thought and let it leave when you want and show the thoughts that you are unbothered things will become easier. But today I have the realization that I no longer have the urge to figure it out because I do know who I am and that these thoughts are not of me. I no longer feel like I am lying to myself and I feel more and more like my old self. Anyway, if you have read all the way here just know you got this I'm proud and I feel myself beating ocd every day. You will have your down days and that's ok just get back up and keep moving forward. Love you all❤️

Ok so basically I have a question and it's genuinely like a question, when having false groinal responses/ erections, can those happen while having a loss of attraction to your preferred sex? Say like your into guys and then you all of a sudden loose attraction to guys but you still have groinal response to girls, is that something y'all have experienced? Like it happened and I was still feeling those groinal responses but it was so hard to get erect at erotic media of men, and then maybe 7 or 5 days after the loss, I had a thought about one of my male friends that I thought I had a crush on and it all came back, anyone relate?

i’ve been dealing with SOOCD for a while now. in the beginning i remember getting random thoughts about secretly being gay because whenever i see a woman portrayed in a sexual manner (like butt naked and/or doing something super sexual) i would get aroused. i used to brush it off because i just knew i didn’t want to be with a woman and i was and always have been only interested in men. I would only get aroused seeing those things in media and ofc porn but never in real life. I would even sit and stare at the content trying to see why i was aroused because it would only give me a groinal feeling and not the same attraction i felt when i saw sexual content about men (i had a HEALTHY libido growing up and all i thought about was men). i would watch music videos and not think anything of it but when something sexual came up or if a woman was nude or doing something sexual i would get aroused and as my anxiety got worse the intrusive thoughts started to pop up and stick around for longer. i tried to understand why it was happening and i realized i was exposed to sexual content at a pretty young age (thank you google) and i knew what sex was and how a woman “should look” during sex and anything that was even a little bit sexual made me aroused . Like me looking at myself naked would arouse me because i felt like “oh this is sexual” ykwim? and if i saw like lacy underwear i would be like “oh this is for sex.” in middle school the world history textbooks had pictures of statues with women without shirts and i automatically got aroused and i was concerned and confused but i realized oh i immediately think this means sex? like a woman only looks like that to have sex? i think my exposure to sexual content at a young age warped my idea of sex and what being sexual is? idk if what i’m saying is making sense. anyways in high school i noticed i started getting urges to watch any sexual content or anything involving sexual content whether it involved girls or guys and that triggered my intrusive thoughts even more. i still had and have no desire to be with a girl. I would rather never marry and be single all my life than even think of experimenting with a girl. basically i’m writing this all bc i was triggered by a cardi b post where she started twerking in a thong out of nowhere (i should’ve expected it) and i got the most massive groinal response and i got extremely anxious and i started thinking “you’ve always been aroused by sexual content like this your gay” “your lying to yourself” “this isn’t just ocd stop lying” “there was too much exploration in your childhood to mean ur straight” “you don’t even have a libido or attraction to men anymore but you get aroused to this?? ur gay”. and so i’m here ranting and not making sense. i miss being boy crazy so fucking much i hate living like this i used to be so BOY CRAZY that these things and experiences and thoughts never affected me but now that it’s all gone and it’s been so long since i’ve felt any of it the intrusive thoughts hit me harder. ok i’m done sorry this is all over the place.

Is it ocd or is it denial I don't get what ifs and I wasn't diagnosed with ocd I went to the pych twice and part me just doesn't want to be tru that I'm might be a p and using ocd just for me not to believe it. Im going to go again and if they say I am a p I'm going to end it because that's a scary thought and I'm also worried about my relationship with my boyfriend he is 6 years younger then me and I'm 27 and he's 21 I met him when he was 19 turning 20 and I was 25 turning 26. I'm tired and I don't want sympathy I just needed to type this out it's been getting on my nerves a lot and I think everyday of breaking up with him fear of judgement. He does act very immature I don't know what do with my life myself and the people around me and making friends is not my cup of tea everytime im around new people I feel like I'm hiding a big secret and I don't want to get close to anyone and just makes me feel bitter because people just be normal and not have these intrusive thoughts pop up and lm like why me why why me. And I just push everyone away I can't stand myself either I'm fat and eating is what really what makes me happy no one knows what I go through and I can't talk about it I'm afraid of getting shunned or that I won't get better and actually seek help that I know I need I've feel like I have no control over my life I'm 27 no job I don't have my own place my sisters are doing better then me I probably sound selfish I want to get better and it if is just ocd it would be a sigh of relief and I can work through my issues. I have more I want to say but this part of my truth

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what my sexual orientation is. I love being with the opposite sex. I want to be with the opposite sex but what if I’m suppressing my true feelings? My intrusive thoughts and unwanted urges of the same sex are getting worse and I ruminate day and night. I don’t know if I should be with a man or a girl. And if I was gay, I’ve tried to accept it but yet I still like men. This is TEARING me apart.

Has anyone ever acted on their thought. I used to make them pop up out of self destruction and now I feel they’re not intrusive but a part of me now and I acted on a thought and now ocd is telling me I’m gay and I can’t be with my bf even though I know even though I don’t feel it I don’t like women.

I’ve been suffering with SO OCD for a while now and the thought of late in life lesbians really scary me like what if this is all real and that’s going to happen to me. My boyfriend and I are about to hit 2 years and I’m scared for the future. :(

Around this time last August, I had a terrible OCD relapse. It got to the point where I didn’t see the point in living anymore. I had everything I had dreamed of a house, a lovely fiancé, a good job and a decent amount of money coming in, so why was i feeling like I didn’t deserve or needed to leave my life? I have suffered from intrusive thoughts all my life but I have particularly struggled since the age of 19 when I started to have sexual intrusive thoughts. I didn’t understand what was happening, the more I tried to make these thoughts go away, the more aggressively they came. I would stay awake Googling all night and not sleeping. I carried on with life but was doing mental compulsions constantly. Every 6 months I’d have a big relapse where I would be so anxious that I couldn’t eat, sleep or take care of myself. I had never been open about my intrusive thoughts with anyone. I had therapy and didn’t tell the therapist the extent of my intrusive thoughts as I thought I would be sectioned or that my thoughts would be confirmed as truth. So I talked about generic things like checking doors, the gas and my hair straighteners. Where really I was worried that my whole life was a lie that I wasn’t attracted to my partner, that I could be gay, that I could be an evil person etc. Anyway, my big relapse happened a year ago, I was trying to plan my wedding but felt like a fraud. It got to a point where I couldn’t keep it in and broke down to my fiancé, I told him all my intrusive thoughts, my worries that I didn’t love him, I gave him permission to leave me when that was the last thing I wanted. I now know what true love is, he was amazing he told me he wouldn’t leave unless that’s really what I wanted. He supported me, I sought out therapy again, although it was hard I opened up, my GP diagnosed me with OCD. It didn’t get better over night, I still struggled for months on end, trying to put in to practice what I had learnt from therapy, there were many dark days. The support system that I had once I opened up was the best thing I could of hoped for my mum was incredible as was my partner. I am getting married next May, I am planning my wedding, I have bought my wedding dress, I feel like me again. I can be at peace alone without constant thoughts running through my head. Today I went for a walk alone and read a book on a bench, something I could never of done a year ago. I’m retraining as a counsellor as I hope to help people in the way I was helped! I want to raise more awareness to ocd as before my diagnosis I had no idea people had the same scary thoughts that I did. It gets better, keep pushing, do your ERP it won’t get better over night but trust the process give it time!

Does anybody have tips for mild OCD flare ups. I’m not completely in panic but I’m feeling it getting there. The trigger was I played a video game with a male character I’m attracted to. The problem is he is a merman and I worry about being a zoophile for liking him since he is part fish. He is still sentient and can talk, he was also once a human (it’s a scifi horror game) I’ve taken my propranolol for the physical symptoms but I’m trying to curb the mental symptoms before they get any worse.

I dont know is this is sign of me being a lesbian or what but I feel like i can’t talk with my girl friends about guys. When i was young i used to, it was fun, talking about those things and talking about sex when we were pre-teens. But now I’m 20 and i feel like that im just not that boy crazy as other girls and i feel like im just left out of the conversation. When im alone and i do feel normal and my ocd is not spiraling i notice guys and i do have fantasies. I just feel a bit broken when i talk about guys with my girl friends. But i dont think im a lesbian. Sometimes i just know I’m not. But i’ve read many stories like “I realized I was a lesbian when all my girl friends were talking about guys and i couldnt relate”. 😔😔 Maybe this is all because of HOCD because i have it since 14.

I am super scared that this might not an ocd I was so confident that this was just T-ocd but after remembering some real events, i no longer know who i am 💔 i am super scared I do not want to change my life , i loved my life as a girl ( even if i am a true trans )

Hey guys. I’ve come to realise that a big barrier to accepting uncertainty about my orientation is being obsessed with “having a label”. That I MUST have a label. That, if I don’t, it means I’m in denial about something, or, I’m running away from the “truth” or whatever. I realise that I feel way less pressure when applying the “not labelling” technique, and just experiencing anything. It seems that my obsession with labels feels the same as when I was obsessed with the number on the scale (with anorexia). And that, if I didn’t know, it meant I was in denial of my weight, or that, it is required to know. Now that I have been in recovery for anorexia, and have practically recovered, I just don’t care what weight I am. As long as I am happy. Yes I prefer to be “slim” but that doesn’t mean that I HAVE to know if my weight is in a specific category. And also, that weight doesn’t define self worth, or happiness, or your entire health. When I was obsessed with the number on the scale, I felt as though everyone else was like that too, making me feel double required to know and be a certain weight, and ALWAYS be that way. Now, as I don’t care myself, and don’t know what I weigh, and that I just go off how I feel, I realise that literally know one cares themself. Or not to some unhealthy extent. And now I feel content in who I am, without having a number, aswell as zero pressure to fit into a box, because literally, know one cares. It’s just unnecessary, made up hassle that I believed was necessary. So I think that’s what’s going on with the label thing with orientation. Yes, it can be useful to quickly sum up your preferences, but, for us with hocd/so-ocd, it will only be used as a “certainty” that we must have. A requirement, an unhealthy tag. It doesn’t matter what I identify as now, I will just obsess anyway. Gay, bi, straight, asexual, etc. I will just use it as a box. A requirement that apparently “everyone else cares about and “knows more about than me””. The truth is, no one is walking around caring what “box” they fit into, they just experience their friggin atttactions, whatever they are. Our friends, our parents, our siblings, celebrities, whoever. Maybe some of us with hocd/soocd don’t care about labels, but for me, it’s a huge barrier and a huge “MUST”, and by getting rid of the must and just forgetting labels “whether that means I’m in denial or not” is far healthier, more useful, and causes no pressure to “be sure” and “know” and to “fit into a box”. I mean, think about why we were so “sure of ourselves” before hocd/soocd, we didn’t really CARE about the label anyway. We just experienced our attractions and, if “needed” use the best word to describe them. It wasn’t a daily, MUST. So, relieving that pressure, will help us to experience our normal selves again. And it feels good to me. It feels better than reading up on all different labels. Even if they may resonate in some way (possibly). I just obsess. And it’s unhealthy. Labels should be used healthily. And I am in no position to be looking at labels, like others with this disorder. Just like when I had anorexia, I was constantly weighing myself for over a year, and did I stop caring? No. I only stopped caring once I actually stopped caring and forgot about the number. It makes you live so much better. As I do now. My relationship with weight is literally perfect. No fear, no care, no urgency. I feel happy in regards to food, weight and size. Because I let go. Now, the anorexia treatment obviously was with a professional, and I haven’t got ocd treatment. But if I can stay as true to the post as I can, maybe that will relive a lot of issues, and maybe some of yours. Thank you for reading!! Hopefully this helps!! X

Sorry if this is too long I just wanted to vent or express myself. There is some trigger warnings later on in this vent about sa sorda. I didn't give detail or anything. This is just a long vent. I just needed to vent out everything and I mean everything lmfao. But for the past 2 weeks or so I've been wondering about my sexuality. And at first I was wondering if I was having sexual orientation ocd or just actual desires or thoughts of me trying to figure it out. I'm 22, female. And I have a bf of 6 years now but 2 years ago I even questioned it for about a month and even came out to him sayinf I might be bi because there's this female celebrity who i think is so pretty and gorgoues. Almost in Zendaya level of pretty. Like just in awe and I joked around and even said i have a girl crush on her. I mean my mom has a girl crush on one of her actors but she likes steictly men. Idk but a lot of my friends who are females have like a girl crush of some celeberty. Anyways he said he was okay with it but he did think I was overthinking a lot maybe about this whole thing. Cause at the time he even asked me would I want to kiss a girl and he was like try saying it to me. And I couldn't even say it cause I was like I can't haha like it just wouldnt come out no matter how hard i tried. Like if i ever said I liked eating hot dogs, my bf would be in shock causs I won't like how they taste. So that's how it felt when I tried saying it . We're funny like that but he was being serious. Like he just wanted me to also figure it out too. I can't explain it. But he was there for me. And it went away eventually and I was like I don't think I'm bi anymore lol, cause I just only liked guys still at least in terms of my crushes of celebs and fictional characters. Anyways 2 years later struggling again, but now I feel like it has to be some type of sign that I must be on the bi spectrum. I have given thought that maybe I am afraid to kinda put a label or come out but I've always been open about things. And even my brother is gay and other family members in the lgbt. So lgbt stuff was never an issue in my family growing up really. But I guess sometimes I feel so overwhelmed of the fact I could be gay or bi but mainly gay. I don't think I am gay because my whole life I've had crushes on boys and celebs were boys and so on. I did find women pretty and attractive too but in a sense that like I know when someone is attractive if that makes sense. But when I think that I could be or may be gay I just get so much anxiety from it. Not that I think anything is wrong with being in the lgbt. But idk how to explain it. I guess the one thing that's really questioning me is when I was younger I unfortunately experienced things at a young age with a guy. And I'm sure you can see where I'm getting at. But I think I was kinda exposed to such things early on but also. I was like 8 and young and was always curious about bodies I guess. But as time went on and middle school came around I did look up women's n*ked bodies a lot. Like I think I did get aroused when I saw naked women or when I saw intimate scenes with a couple in a movie of something I looked up in. I would always look at the women more. I even had a crush on this anime girl and drew her n*ked cause I was just so into her body. I swear I'm not like a weirdo I'm just trying to express my thoughts. But anyways yeah I always just wanted to look at nudes of women online I guess and I would get nervous someone would find out. But more in a sense of I didn't wanna get caught looking up something inappropriate than someone thinking I'm gay if that makes any sense? But I'd like to also point out that I was only interested at like n*ked women but seeing regular women or whatever or growing up in school and such I never saw girls cute or had crushes on them or when I was in p.e. I would sometimes look at them when we changed but I was always just curious as well to see what they had too. I also use to be insecure about my breast and such since my moms side had small ones while my dad's side had big ones. So I was always like I wanted bigger breast haha. Sounds stupid I know but I was young. But once High School came along, I just stopped caring. I never had crushes on girls either too, like I'd find some pretty or whayeber or admire how they looked too and sure as a human if I saw a girl showing more skin my eyes would be more drawn into it. But in High school only had crushes on boys and I had friends who were openly bi and everyone in my band class was also gay, bi, lesbian and so on . My high school was very accepting of everything and everyone. Even had pride weeks at school. So in high school, if I suspected I was gay or bi I wouldn't have cared about coming out because oh how open everything was there and at my house. So I'm just very puzzled right now. In middle school I was curious about the women body a lot and such but I don't know if I was just curious of how my body will look or was actually attracted to women's bodies. I mean I like to say I was attracted to them I guess now that I think about it. Because it felt like a little secret. But I also would look at guys bodies too but there wasn't like much I guess haha. I mean sure I'd be curious of how guys private parts were but I don't really remember how I felt durning those. But I will admit I was so fixated on how my body will look growing up, like I'd literally be checking how much my body would grow and such and always fixated on myself. So yeah idk. But also during that time I only had crushes on guys and guy celebs and anime guys and so on. I mean recently like 2 months ago I was going ferral over this anime guy and such lol. But anyways I feel like crying because idk if it's cause I'm in denial of suppressing hidden feelings or desires or if I'm just so overwhelmed with who I am sexually. And what makes it kinda hard is that I'm pretty sure I'm asexual too now and when I thought I was asexual I actually was pretty okay with it and didn't give much thought into it. I qas like yeah seems about right or so. No ocd trigger. But when it comes to be possibly being gay or bi now it gives me so much distress. And now that I'm having these thoughts more, I keep only looking at women to test myself which I know is a compulsion but it doesn't help either that I do find women pretty aestically or attractive or beautiful. But sometimes it's also like wow she has nice eyes and I'll think I wish I had them too. But I'll notice how nice their body is and I'm like wow that's a nice body. I mean also too. If a woman has a "sexualize" body I do think like oh she has a sexy body cause you can see it I guess. Almost likw Jessica Rabbit, the cartoon she's literally drew like that on purpose cause she's a sexual icon. So yeah I think she's sexy but I don't think I had any feelings towards her. And I know people say like you won't know till you try but idk if I'm really down to it. But when I do see a fairly attractive guy I do think like oh do I look good? But not in a cheating way because I do have a boyfriend. But in a sense of being human I guess I already told him all this too so he knows. But when i see a pretty women at least recently or slightly attractive or whatever I think, now since I'm so fixated on it I get like nervous around then at work or something. Like today I saw a pretty girl but I would think would I wanna do such things with her? And I couldn't really give an answer. But when I think about being with a guy I could see me more holding hands and such . So I'm just confused right now haha. I really just needed to vent. I wss gonna write all of this down on my journal but I got lazy to do that haha. My bf tells me tho that straight women find women pretty and find them attractive too. But I just don't know what to think anymore. Most of my distress is because I have a bf I feel like super stressed out. Like I don't wanna disappoint him if I am gay?? He said he supports me with whatever I am and such. So that's nice to hear but idk. I always dreamed of us living together forever and all that fantasy stuff. But now since I'm so hyperfocused on this theme I just feel like I can't see a future with anybody. And I thought writing all of this down would make aomwthing click to me but it just keeps adding and adding to more confusion. Like I have said before like I think I'm bi, and I was like okay with it for awhile but then I just never looked at women lmfao. I was always crushing on my male characters or celebs and stuff and fan fics. So I was like I think I'm just straight. But this theme or hidden sexual orientation keeps coming back and I'm never sure and I know I probably won't be for a lil while. I have thought if I got with a women like maybe things would be okay? But I feel like I'd just wanna be with my bf at the end of the day or with a guy I think? But idk either obviously and I'm not really comfortable with experiencing. I've also had some type of bad experience with a girl back then ad well and when I would think of it, it would give me anxiety too. But at the time sure I wss like oh, okay I think I kinda liked it but it didn't feel right to me bevause I guess it wasn't consented and even after that I still was just into guys and never tried it again. So I've had bad experiences with both guy and girl growing up. So like I realllllllllt don't know for sure lmfao. I guess what I wanna say is I don't wanna be gay but I feel like me saying that makes it feel like that's the truth coming out secretly like maybe I am gay? And just afraid to admit it? And I have nothing against lgbt, It's more just me feeling lost cause this whole time in pretty sure i was straight my whole life. After all that middle school stuff with me looking up females, my device did get like frozen lmfao. But I was so panicked and afraid of what the techs would see when they fixed it. So after that I did stop looking at women's bodies (like at p*rn websites and stuff) cause I felt guilty I wss looking up inappropriate things. But high school came along and I'm pretty sure I have looked again but I just never got interested looking up that stuff. But now I'm like was it cause I felt guilty looking up inappropriate stuff or was I afraid of looking at women's bodies again? But I will never know cause I can't go back in time to check. But I genuinely do think it's cause I just liked guys more. I mean all my phone wallpapers and things were guys I had crushes on TV. But my cousin came out as bi back in middle school and you would think that would make me rethink my sexuality too but no. I was like that's cool, I support you. And never thought about liking women. So I can't tell if I ever had desires to be with women secretly or just always saw them in a sexualized way cause of how I portrayed women at the time? UGHHHHHHHGGHGGGG I'M JUST CONFUSEDDDDDDDD. I will say I still think womens bodies are just beautiful and more appealing to look at than guys. But for guys for me it's like if you have a nice looking face or shoulders or personality I get interested. Or like in shows I always just fangirled over the guys growing up. I mean my first crush was Eric from The Little Mermaid and Link from the Zelda franchise also Inuyasha and L from death note, and Ichiago and Sora if you know who those are haha ( i grew up with brothers so some of my crushes were video game guys lmfao) . And then I remember seeing Edward Scissorhands when I was a kid, Johnny Depp was like my first human crush and had a crush on Jack sparrow and so on. And for example, I had a crush on Chris Evans in fantastic 4 and so on I can name even Jensen Ackles he was a really big one in middle school for me and High school. But whenever I did see a scene where two actors got intimate I'd always look at the woman's body more, like sure I'd see the guy but I was looking at how she looked. But I always had the crush on yhe male lead so I guess that's why I'm so confused? And even in fictional characters I had crushes on like in games and stuff never cared for the girls either. So that's why I'm so puzzled. Like how can I look at all that stuff in middle school and whatever. But growing up I was always just having crushes on all these guys cause I thought they were so cute and perfect????????????? SORRY FOR THIS BEING SO LONG I JUST NEEDED TO VENT. Another think I feel like I'm afraid of loosing my bf too one day cause of how I am or if I turn out to be something else. So yeah. I'm just a mess right now and I just wanted to write my thoughts onto something. Sorry it's so messy and all over the place, that's just how my brain is at the moment. And for clarification, I support the lgbt community, it has nothing against me not liking the community. I just feel confused as to who I am sexually and who I am as a person now. I get very nervous for the future all the time so I just never know obviously. Thanks for taking the time to reading this whenever made it to the bottom of this messy thread. You don't have to comment if you don't want to, I just wanted to vent onto something and writing this physically would've made me lazy lmfao. Thanks again for anyone who does reply of just takes the time to read. I'm not looking for an answer really, I just idk. I just wanted to express how I've been feeling and yeah...

So idk how to explain this well but anyways, for the past 2 weeks I've been struggling with sexual orientation ocd and figuring out if I'm maybe Bi or not but everything I think I am I feel like it's not the right word. But anyways my problem I'm struggling with right is Trans-ocd? Idk if that's the right term and I apologize if that's not the right word to say with this subject. But for the past month ( I'm a female btw) I've been noticing more of like masculine features on my face, for example like my jaw or the way my eyes look etc. Idk how to explain it but yeah. And sometimes when I put my hair up I can see it more. And I'll admit like dang, I'd look decent as a guy if I was one? It's just something that would pop up cause I have pretty strong confidence of how I look usually. Like I'll wear a bag that doesn't match my outfit and idc or I'll go to the store looking like I got out of bed but idc cause I'm just comfortable I guess. But anyways, idk I've just been very confused if I'm trans? Or want to be or idk. I will say it does distress me when I think about it. And when I put my hair up sometimes I'm like oh I look more like a guy in my head and it'll stres me out but I'll try not to give in to the thoughts. Growing up I've been kinda tomboyish, I liked a lot of guy things and the toys and comics and all that. And I dressed like casual I guess. But I use to like wearing ties and guys clothes cause I thought they looked cooler or just nicer. But I would have my female clothes and I thought I looked okay but not comfortable I guess? But now I wear anything pretty and I'm like I look good but sometimes I just wanna get back to wearing my t-shirts but idk. I'm just so very confused right now and it's stressing me out. I also have a bf and idk if that's why I'm more stressed out cause I just don't wanna disappoint him I guess? But also I don't know. But also growing up I always dreamed of being the princess and having all these like women fantasies or for example if I read fanfixtion I always was the girl cause I liked the guy and so on. But on a side note, when I cosplay for conventions or dress up for Halloween I usually like to dress up as guy characters since I was in middle school cause we'll my fav characters were always the guys and I wanted to dress up as them. And I felt cool but I didn't think about trans stuff at the time as a kid. I was just dressing up. But I guess recently I dressed up as a character from JoJo Bizzare Adventure as Jotaro which is a guy and I thought I looked so good but I wore like a cute tight crop top for the shirt and stuff. So I like mixed it up and had my long hair obviously. Idk I'm just confused. Like does me dressing up as these guy characters mean something more behind it? I just can't tell anymore if I'm having some type of trans-ocd theme or if it's a desire ? Like am I secretly wanting to be trans and don't know it yet? Or am I just overthinking as usual? I'm just confused right now. I do think I'm having a identity crisis right now. Just so stressed out idk what to do or where to start. I know a lot of female cosplayers cosplay as a guy or male character but idk I just feel like when I look in the mirror I sometimesnjust see more guy features than a women? But not too long ago I was praising my female body and even drawing it cause I thought I looked pretty and felt inspired to draw my body so I'm just so confused rn. I'm sorry for the long vent and if the sentences don't make sense. I've just been so stressed out. I want to ask my bf what he thinks but he'd probably just be like huh. I know you're not supposed to ask for reassurance here. I'm just asking more if someone is or has gone through this or what's your opinions on what I said? Thank you for anyone who answers

So idk how to explain this well but anyways, for the past 2 weeks I've been struggling with sexual orientation ocd and figuring out if I'm maybe Bi or not but everything I think I am I feel like it's not the right word. But anyways my problem I'm struggling with right is Trans-ocd? Idk if that's the right term and I apologize if that's not the right word to say with this subject. But for the past month ( I'm a female btw) I've been noticing more of like masculine features on my face, for example like my jaw or the way my eyes look etc. Idk how to explain it but yeah. And sometimes when I put my hair up I can see it more. And I'll admit like dang, I'd look decent as a guy if I was one? It's just something that would pop up cause I have pretty strong confidence of how I look usually. Like I'll wear a bag that doesn't match my outfit and idc or I'll go to the store looking like I got out of bed but idc cause I'm just comfortable I guess. But anyways, idk I've just been very confused if I'm trans? Or want to be or idk. I will say it does distress me when I think about it. And when I put my hair up sometimes I'm like oh I look more like a guy in my head and it'll stres me out but I'll try not to give in to the thoughts. Growing up I've been kinda tomboyish, I liked a lot of guy things and the toys and comics and all that. And I dressed like casual I guess. But I use to like wearing ties and guys clothes cause I thought they looked cooler or just nicer. But I would have my female clothes and I thought I looked okay but not comfortable I guess? But now I wear anything pretty and I'm like I look good but sometimes I just wanna get back to wearing my t-shirts but idk. I'm just so very confused right now and it's stressing me out. I also have a bf and idk if that's why I'm more stressed out cause I just don't wanna disappoint him I guess? But also I don't know. But also growing up I always dreamed of being the princess and having all these like women fantasies or for example if I read fanfixtion I always was the girl cause I liked the guy and so on. But on a side note, when I cosplay for conventions or dress up for Halloween I usually like to dress up as guy characters since I was in middle school cause we'll my fav characters were always the guys and I wanted to dress up as them. And I felt cool but I didn't think about trans stuff at the time as a kid. I was just dressing up. But I guess recently I dressed up as a character from JoJo Bizzare Adventure as Jotaro which is a guy and I thought I looked so good but I wore like a cute tight crop top for the shirt and stuff. So I like mixed it up and had my long hair obviously. Idk I'm just confused. Like does me dressing up as these guy characters mean something more behind it? I just can't tell anymore if I'm having some type of trans-ocd theme or if it's a desire ? Like am I secretly wanting to be trans and don't know it yet? Or am I just overthinking as usual? I'm just confused right now. I do think I'm having a identity crisis right now. Just so stressed out idk what to do or where to start. I know a lot of female cosplayers cosplay as a guy or male character but idk I just feel like when I look in the mirror I sometimesnjust see more guy features than a women? But not too long ago I was praising my female body and even drawing it cause I thought I looked pretty and felt inspired to draw my body so I'm just so confused rn. I'm sorry for the long vent and if the sentences don't make sense. I've just been so stressed out. I want to ask my bf what he thinks but he'd probably just be like huh. I know you're not supposed to ask for reassurance here. I'm just asking more if someone is or has gone through this or what's your opinions on what I said? Thank you for anyone who answers

Hi community! I’m new to NOCD and OCD treatment in general. I recently started seeing a specialist for what I suspect (and hope) is SO-OCD. For context, I have happily and comfortably identified as a lesbian for the past 8+ years (i.e. since late adolescence, have only dated women, dreamt of a life with a woman, etc). It always seemed natural to me and how I saw myself. Up until 2 months ago, I had little to no problem acknowledging a guy’s attractiveness when - seemingly overnight - boom…then I did. Relentless intimate/sexual intrusive thoughts, groinals, constant false attractions to strangers and platonic acquaintances, total loss of genuine attraction as I knew it, and so on. I had no idea what was happening to me. The possibility of OCD didn’t even occur to me at first as I hadn’t experienced these nonstop intrusive thoughts and compulsions before. Rumination accelerated quickly. It was devastating, disorienting, and felt like death. I couldn’t stand to be in my own mind. Discovering this app/community was a crucial turning point. It gave me language for my experience as well as direction for treatment and hopeful recovery. I’m not sure where I am in this journey or what I feel now exactly. All I know is that these months have drained me: it feels like my memories have been distorted, like I‘ve been cut off from the person I used to be, like I can’t even imagine being that person. It’s all doubt. Even with a diagnosis. As I type this, there’s a little voice telling me I’m lying, that I’ve been wrong about my life, but I’m trying to push through. I wanted to write about my experience here partly because I haven’t found posts from other gay/queer people who seem this deep into “the spiral” so to speak. Just to say you’re not alone if you are. <3 Huge thanks to everyone who posts here, across themes. As a newbie, your courage is admirable and very appreciated. Thank you for helping me feel less alone. Wishing you all well in recovery!