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the NOCD Community

i’d love to talk to anyone abt any ocd struggles if you’re interested, or even just anything in general. just feels good to get it all out once in a while :)

i keep accidentally looking at peoples private parts and i don’t mean to but i just happen to glance and i hate it because i feel like i make them uncomfortable. like yesterday my friend was talking about how her shirt made her uncomfortable because it was low on her chest and i glanced down there and i feel so bad cus i made her even more uncomfortable than she was before. i naturally keep my eyes to the floor but sometimes my end up on someone’s butt and i have to look up and tell myself how horrible of a person i am that i did that.

I’m really struggling. I’ve had BDD as long as I can remember- most days I feel so unbelievably sad and hopeless and I’ve never known what it’s like not to feel this way. I’m constantly thinking about which people are looking at me, what lights are on and off, how I can move my hair in front of my face so people can’t see me, what clothes I’m wearing, how to lose weight or dress to look skinny, and I spend hours at a time digging bloody holes in my face just because a tiny pimple felt so excruciating to know about without getting rid of. I have acne all over my face and I feel like sobbing whenever I see myself in a mirror. I can’t have my makeup off in front of people (haven’t been able to in a decade since I was 9 years old) but I also can’t sleep with makeup on, and this makes it so I can’t travel with my family or friends or stay at people’s houses unless I have my own room and bathroom (which is obviously not the norm). I miss classes and socializing often because I feel like I can’t go outside in the light so I sit alone in the dark for days at a time. I push everyone in my life away because of it. I was hospitalized a couple of times for an eating disorder and had to spend months at a time in inpatient treatment, so I’ve tried lots of intensive therapy and outside of treatment I met weekly with a therapist for 3 years. I’m just feeling so lost, alone, and helpless. I need advice, help, something. I always wonder whether I’d just be better off not living, even though I know that decision can’t even be on the table. It sucks.

I turn 18 in one month and on one hand I’m excited but on the other I’m nervous about the pressure that comes with this age, new responsibilities, the pressure to move out like everyone else my age…has anyone else felt this way? What ways have you felt less stressed?

Is anyone else scared to not fight their intrusive thoughts about seriously hurting people and even killing them? Like the premise of ERP is to just let the thoughts flow and not do compulsions, but I’m scared if I don’t stop them or ruminate to keep them in check, then they will get out of hand and I will suddenly want to act on them. I’m terrified that suddenly I won’t be the kind, empathetic, harmless person I’ve always been. It doesn’t make any sense to me. I also fear that it’s not OCD and I’ve just been faking it or trying to convince myself that it is OCD.

My therapist suggested I really think about which of my worries about germs are based in scientific fact, but when I look things up on the internet, it just gives me more worries. How can I do research when I have contamination ocd? Sorry if this doesn’t make sense

it was quiet for a second and my mind was like it’s quiet cause you want all of these thoughts to happen. i didn’t get anxious like i usually do and it made me worried that this isn’t OCD and this is all me. now my mind keeps going back on this and i genuinely hate it cause the anxiety i used to get when this all first happened is not the same rn and it makes me even more worried that it’s not like that anymore cause i want these things to happen. i hate that this is all happening and i feel completely out of it. i feel like out of body and all stuck in my head and it sucks completely. i keep getting spike of anxiety and that is scary. does anyone else feel this way or knows what i’m talking about? i feel like this is just me and no one else gets this way and that is also very scary.

i just got a fortune from a fortune cookie that read: “we are what arises in our thoughts” are you serious?? 😭 why did i have to get that fortune!! it’s stressing me out i just wanted to throw that thing away!

i’m trying so very hard to overcome ocd and try to live my live above it but i can’t seem to get through a single day without that annoying little voice in my head saying “you’re crazy”, “youre a bad person”, or “you’ll become a bad person”. which is probably the most terrifying thing to hear it’s like i’ve become afraid of myself a fear of becoming crazy which is making me crazy🤦🏼‍♀️ i’m not looking for reassurance, but any advice😭 i’m really struggling.

i am so terrified i might hurt somebody. i have harm ocd, and lately, the things i do to make myself feel better (my compulsions) aren’t helping anymore and i don’t know what to do. i’m scared i have the urge to hurt somebody, specifically my family. i hate being in the same house as them out of fear i might want to one day grab something and kill them. i don’t. i would never dream of it. but i’m so terrified. i keep on posting about the same things, and i’m sorry, i just don’t know what else to do to make myself feel better. i know i’m supposed to sit with uncertainty, but it’s just so hard 🙁

I haven’t been able to sleep properly for 2 weeks bc of intrusive thoughts they always seem to get worse as soon as I’m getting ready for bed. Any tips on how to manage this? I drink a lot of caffeine but that’s never influenced getting to sleep before

i got this app because i have order and symmetry ocd, but after reading the descriptions, i relate some of the other types of ocd, and can’t tell if i have that as well. all the time i notice that i “mess” with my eyelashes- i don’t pull them out or anything, but i kind of bend them in a way that feels “just right,” but it generally goes on for minutes or hours because i physically can’t get myself to stop because it doesn’t feel just right. is that maybe perfectionism ocd? i’ve noticed recently too that when i remember old memories, like ones 10+ years ago, i wonder if they’re really real or if they’re just a fake occurrence that i made up. i especially think this when i remember some of my earliest memories, like from being a toddler, and i feel like there’s no way i can prove they’re real. is that false memory? (ofc this isn’t a professional diagnosis, but it’s be nice to hear from other people who do have it to give insight)

Hello, I’m new here. I don’t have a formal diagnosis, just sharing my experiences with my obsessive thoughts. The only compulsion I really have is note taking. I feel the need to hoard most of my thoughts and write extensive to do lists, even scolding myself in notes like “be better!” or “STOP being the way you are.” When driving or unavailable to write things down, I have to repeat the thoughts in my head so I won’t forget until I can “save” them. Does anyone else have any experience with this fear of forgetting/not living the perfect life? My notes also revolve around anything someone might causally mention, taking turmeric for example. Will I ever incorporate that into my routine? No, but I write it down just in case because otherwise I’m convinced I won‘t live a healthy, fulfilling life. This all started when I lost a relative and also my house. I wonder if those losses made me subconsciously afraid to lose more? I don’t know. On the bright side, my current medication has been helping my depression. I am able to function and get out of bed, for the most part. But when I am in class or work, I have such crippling self doubt. I don’t feel like I am capable of anything. I don’t trust myself with any tasks. It really gets me down, my thoughts just spiral and I can’t see myself being able to hold down a job that involves working with people…that leads to more note taking of how I can improve. I get such anxiety if I don’t know every little thing there is to know, necessary or not. I get so caught up in it that I can’t even do the bare minimum I DO know without messing up. Even my class notes are full of irrelevant notes from my obsessive thoughts that appear during a lesson, and a girl that sits near me laughs because of how crazy my notebook looks.

i told my therapist about erps i could try and do (like her bringing a knife or scissors or a lighter next time i see her) and she thinks it’s a good idea, but now i’m having anxiety about when she actually brings them 😭 i’m scared i might act out on intrusive thoughts and hurt her. is this normal? like is it normal to feel anxious when you know you’re going to do an erp 😭

I just got diagnosed with OCD and anxiety today and prescribed Prozac. I’m feeling happy I’m finally getting help but a little cautious about moving forward with medications but I think it’s very necessary for me.

what is considered severe ocd ? i know most people with ocd probably feel like it’s severe but i actually do think mine is severe

I was reading a book on OCD my therapist told me to read and in the book they have a test to see if you have ocd and the questions all seemed like a stereotypical view of OCD and i felt like i only related to one or two questions and now i’m sitting here thinking you don’t really have ocd or your mental compulsions aren’t actually valued compulsions and now i’m sitting here high thinking this was all a lie, my diagnosis was a lie, and i don’t have OCD that this was all me.

i woke up this morning and laid there just thinking. mind was like what if these thoughts are not thoughts and i’m making myself think these things and i’m like why would i think this like what is going on. why now am i sitting here wondering why is this happening.

Is anyone in a relationship, an extremely happy one and loyal one. But you see a person and you find them attractive and you feel guilty? You feel like you’re cheating and it’s consuming your mind.

I’ve been questioning if I maybe might have… autism…. and I hate that because I feel like people are gonna look at me and say that I’m a faker or I want attention or something when it’s like… I’m horrible at reading social cues, certain fabrics really bother me or sometimes I can’t wear them (includes shirts with tags, I hate tags tbh) I have “safe” foods and it’s really hard for me try new things that don’t feel okay to try. I have these moments where if I’m in public and feel a lot of pressure or get worried I feel like everyone is looking at me and everything just kinda gets loud and overwhelming and I just want to be alone in quiet and have nobody around me and I do get really really excited at things that make me happy… sounds, colors, small things. Sometimes I fixate on a certain thing so much that it basically becomes all I’m focused on for however long and then it switches again. The one thing that really made me question though is when my best-friend (with autism) said that she also questions if I have it due to the fact that I told her that I feel like I read a book or watch a movie and I find a character I like a lot or relate to a lot and I basically become them until I find another character in the same way. Example: I watched the fault in our stars and I ended up changing my wardrobe/clothing looks to match hazels, I ate the same food they had in the movie and I picked up on her mannerisms. I also explained that I never really feel like myself I feel like I’m like… a “void” and I become what I see or what others want me to be sometimes. Like when you’re playing a video game and you’re on character select and going back and forth with the little arrows choosing between outfits or characters I feel like that. I always have my whole life. Like I’m just a body and I don’t really know “who I am”. Also sometimes when people are talking to me I have to remind myself to listen to them. Like they could be right infront of me talking and my brain is like “they’re talking we need to focus on listening to them” but I get so focused on trying to focus on listening to them that it ends up being that I don’t really fully hear what they’re saying. This has caused a lot of problems for me and I’m trying really hard to be better at social cues and listening more but it’s so hard. My boyfriend gets mad because I have to be told specifically each step of what to do sometimes. Like the other night I was frying chicken and I didn’t know really how to do everything correctly (because of the household I grew up in I was basically raised on fast food so I don’t really know how to cook a lot) so he’s telling me to turn the burner on and put the chicken in but I needed to know exactly what to put it on, how to position it, how long to wait etc. this happens a lot he’ll tell me to do something but I need it broken down into steps (he hates that). Also I have to write lists for everything. This is what my typical list for my day would look like: 10:00 AM : clean my room 10:30 AM: take a shower (Brush teeth, use *certain facial wash* Etc. And if I don’t stick to the exact times I set with everything I do it frustrates me sometimes. I’ve been called really high maintenance because of these issues and after looking into some of my favorite creators who happen to be autistic and experience the same things it’s made me start to question if I am. I don’t like questioning it though because I already feel like people think I fake my OCD and other mental health disorders I don’t want them to think I’m faking something else or just want attention but I also really want answers. I don’t know what to do and I honestly want some advice. I was never diagnosed with autism and don’t think anyone ever thought I had it as a kid. I know I was antisocial as a kid and the doctors and therapists struggled to get me to interact with other kids and they said I had early signs of depression and anxiety but that’s all I’ve ever gotten…. Does anyone here have autism or have any advice that could help in this situation? Am I a bad person for thinking I might have it? (If you read this far thank you)