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Why am I feeling like I’m losing attraction for woman and gaining for men?

Undiagnosed but I'm trynna observe my behaviour to understand. Could this be considered OCD? I'm at the library. Book a study room on 2nd floor and set my bag and everything in the room. Go to the bathroom and suddenly i remember a book. So i go to the third floor and look for it. I don't know when - but somehow somewhere - i knew / decided (?) that i *had* to keep that book on my desk to study(dont know the name or author but only what it looks like from the side). I keep looking over and over again. Through all isles. Its not a textbook, its a fantasy fiction book. I start getting more and more anxious. I dont know why im looking for the book. Only that i cannot leave 3rd floor without it and i hadd to have that book on my desk as i studied. I went through the same 20ish isles at least 10 times. Browsing, eyeing for that black book with a golden "&" and a gold imprint bird. I am googling lists of fantasy writers, 2023 fantasy writers, 2020 lists, 400+ pages books. Found two empty slots where books couldve been and started to panic. Spent time convincing myself that others could've borrowed the book. I am now trynna convince myself that others couldve borrowed it and thats okay. I continued looking for the book. I searched the empty slots book number in the library database. Continued looking. And im trynna calm down and continued telling myself that maybe someone took it. But the compulsion remained. The need to find the book. The need to hold it. The need to find the name of the book. And the need to leave 3rd floor with the book. I was about to cry at this moment. I considered calling the librarian to ask if someone borrowed a thick black hardcover fantasy fiction book. I didnt stop looking for it. I had a similar loopy situation the other day trynna find the right playlist to plan and then play the right playlist to study. I couldnt find the right playlist to plan so i couldnt plan and didnt study. I recalled playlist incident to tell myself that its nothing and i can just leave any moment. I can *choose* to leave 3rd floor and go to my study room. The clock tower bell rang twice. Its 2pm. I arrived at around 1:20pm. I tell myself i spent half an hour here. I shpuld just go down to my study room. I cant. I keep looking. Then i find it and i exhale a hige sigh of relief. Then i left the 3rd floor. Went to the 2nd floor, to my study room. Put the book on the table. Felt just right. Started studying. The time is 2:24pm. Spent an hour looking for a book. Extremely relieved to find it. Not to read the book but to keep it on my desk so i can study. It was scary though. I wondered what wouldve happened if i didng find the book. There was no other option. I HAD to leave 3rd floor with the book. I wanna know what yall think. And ask me questions about it too. I am undiagnosed. I want to observe myself, so i can present them to my counselor.

Hi people, I’ve been feeling really down lately and am wondering whether I may actually have some form of pure o ocd after doing some research. Just not sure how if it’s just me being a doubtful person/ major over thinker or something a bit more. Some of my experiences which are making me wonder include… in high school I experienced very consuming overthinking around a could areas - humility - I was constantly paranoid I would be perceived as self-absorbed. I would sometimes feel really uncomfortable whenever I would say ‘I’ in a sentence for fear there was too much focus on myself. Embarrassed by achievements and friends dubbed it a ‘humility complex’ - friends - constantly doubting whether a friend actually liked me or if they were just faking it/being nice. Also worried about things like silent pauses and if that would mean the friendship wasn’t real - sexuality. Since realised I’m actually asexual but growing up in a religious household I did not know this. I would be scared to watch movies because of how much time I’d be spending watching the male vs the female and if that would mean I wasn’t straight. Worried about me finding female influencers pretty and then feeling the need to also look at male people to see if I felt the same about them. - people - although I’m aroace, would get attached once in a blue moon to a person emotionally and constantly be thinking about them (like years) and feeling terrible about the fact that I’d never be able to like them in the same way as others. This could last for ages and the person wouldn’t even know me that well Now at uni… - my faith - completely destroyed my faith in a complete existential crisis. Couldn’t put the breaks on endless existential questions, spending hours googling - my love of music (as a music major) - this is affecting me right now terribly. Alway have felt guilty maybe not being as passionate as my peers and now I feel like I can’t even listen to music without thinking about whether or not I’m enjoying it or not and if not, does that mean my passion is gone. Feeling the need to see if I’m following as music people online as my peers. Then I want to avoid things because I feel like any involvement in musical activity is performative :( - mental health - feeling like crap and checking whether I might have depression (so many online quizzes). Then feeling bad because maybe I’m just tricking myself into it and feeling sorry for myself. Thus, not wanting to get help because I’m scared I don’t actually have depression and I’m just either overly self-aware or looking for an excuse for my current laziness/general lacklustre about life. Feeling bad when I am happy because maybe that means when I am depressed ‘I’m just faking it’ I feel the constant need to go in long walks or watch brain dead shorts on social media just to get my brain to be quiet. Feeling very unproductive and I hate it but am not sure if actually I’m just super lazy and directionless Sorry for the long post - a lot has been on my mind, but would appreciate any thoughts

I sometimes repost things on my insta story to spread awarness about different issues like racism, homophobia ect. I today went idk why through my history archive to see what i have posted before. One repost has made me really anxious now. It was a repost from two years ago about the racism some football players from England faced after a match. The front page was saying that and under that was shown a hate comment saying the hard r n slur. I now am having so much anxiety about this. I know that my intentions were to spread awarness about the incident and nothing more, but now i feel terrible that the post contained the slur. It almost feels like i said it. I don’t know if this is actually wrong of me as a white person or if this is my ocd. I would really appreciate if someone could help!!!

I’m a college student and I’ve had a healthy and stable relationship with my bf of almost two years, but about 3 months ago symptoms of ROCD started flaring for the first time. I was scared and extremely distressed. I told my mom all my doubts about my relationship. I had to pull myself together after a few weeks because college was starting back up. Since I’ve been at college my mom has only really made things worse for me even tho I explained to her that I thought I had ROCD (now I’ve been officially diagnosed) but my mom seems to not be on board or not understand no matter how much I try to explain things to her. She pokes and triggers my OCD every time we speak about it and I’m not sure if it’s intentional or even how to handle things moving forward. Any reason why she might not be supporting me? I’ve tried sending her videos on ROCD and other things to help her understand.

Im really stressed right now because im worried my boyfriend is too boring for me and not deep enough. He’s not great at communication, doesn’t have many interests and it feels like we run out of things to talk about. We also do spend everyday together with the rare day off. His family is from Poland and they don’t talk much during dinners I’ve had with them and seem a bit boring as well. I’m wondering if this is something he could change or if im just overreacting or if it’s an incompatibility. I do love him and he’s really kind and sweet but I need him to know how he’s feeling but he always says he doesn’t know or that he isn’t thinking about anything. im so scared and i don’t want to break up but I don’t want to be bored and lonely in a relationship forever.

Hi everyone, my name is Alexa and I have OCD. I live in Romania with my parents, they are a little bit older than other parents of kids at my age, if it does matter. I noticed the first symptoms of OCD two years ago. I associate this onset of OCD with my grandfather's illness, which affected me badly. The symptoms were like: • obsessive screenshots at different magical numbers • symmetrical touching of different things (if I touch something with my left hand I MUST do the same with my right hand) • counting during different activities • intrusive thoughts about my existence • or intrusive thoughts followed by compulsive actions (for example: if you don't touch the wall 4 times something bad will happen to your parents) •in the last year, the situation has worsened a bit, and a recent symptom is the fear of contamination (the feeling of germs on the hands after touching an object touched by someone else) At first, I didn't know what are these things, but after some searches, I found that I identify with mosts of OCD symptoms. I told the school psychologist that I might have this problem but was ignored. After this incident, even I chose to ignore my problem. Lately though, I feel like I can't carry all these things anymore. And I want more than ever to heal! I want to get rid of this damn disease once and for all! So, I installed this app with the hope that it will manage to change something in my life. If not, at least I know that I shared all of this with someone, and that I didn't keep it all to myself. Thank you!

I have this irrational fear that my mom is going to ☠️(i can’t type the word because i’ll trigger myself but i hope you get what i’m trying to say) and i won’t know because i live far away from her and it literally keeps me up at night and i’ve cried so much about it. A lil context my mom is like my best friend I love her so freaking much and that’s where this fear stems from because i simply wouldn’t be able to live if she did pass away. This fear will trigger my compulsions so i literally need to check in with her almost every day and make sure im telling here to be safe and just being annoyingly over cautious with everything she does bcuz it’s like ahh!! don’t ☠️ mom!!! If i love someone a lot the thought of them dying becomes actually debilitating and feels like it’s already happened in a way even when their perfectly safe and healthy. Just death all around I obsess over, even those who I have actually lost i obsess over the fact that their watching me at every minute of everyday and i cant do anything that i wouldn’t do in front of them? if that makes sense? Is this a type of OCD?

I have a form of ocd called trichotillomania which causes me to compulsively pull out my hair. although therapists have suggested several ways to try to control these compulsions none have worked for me. does anyone else experience this and have advice?

I visited her over the summer and I had the best time but before I went back I started feeling numb and dissociated. Like I had no feelings, I am back at school and I feel the same way worse even. I feel nothing, I have thoughts like I don’t love her anymore and I feel urges to break up. I have been fantasizing about someone and anytime I see that person my brain is telling me to check if she is pretty, staring at her. I also feel attracted to most girls, I have thoughts that I should experience college life even though deep down I know I don’t want to. It is so difficult because I feel nothing to what my girlfriend says, all I could say is that I am sorry. Even when I say that I struggle to, my mind makes me think I don’t want to be be back to normal and it feels so real it is scary. The same thing happened last year too. I got to school and I started fantasizing about being with someone else, I followed that person and once I knew she didn’t have any interest I was back to sort of normalcy. I don’t know what to do. It is overwhelming. I am still feeling this way and my girlfriend decided to take a break because she is unhappy about what I say about my thoughts brings her confidence about herself down, I feel nothing towards her. have thoughts that I am a manipulator and narcissist, thoughts that I don't care about breaking up, that she is fat, not attractive, etc and that I can just move on and date other people or live the typical college life or download dating apps and engage in hooking up with people. I also have thoughts about people performing oral sex a certain way that I want it to be like, anytime I see a girl my mind thinks oh she can probably give a good oral sex then I have the image of how it would be in my head, I also have this fetish/kink with acrylic nails that if a girl has it my mind start to fantasize about the person performing oral sex on my with the nails or having sex with them. I am not sure if this is because of watching 🌽. Anyone else feeling like this or have experienced this?

How are you and sum it up into one word or phrase 😊 💚Amazing 🧡Ok ❤️struggling 💙awful

I don’t wanna say what disease or illness is making me over think because I don’t wanna trigger anyone but I’ve had a really bad spike :( anyone know how to cope with severe health anxiety and rumination

I set the class color of my analytical chemistry course in canvas to a bright yellow using hex numbers because that’s what I feel like it should be, but that color only shows up online and in the apps it matched it to the closest pre-set color. I’ve been changing the color all semester to try to get it right because I’m afraid if it’s the wrong color I won’t take the class seriously enough and give it the attention it needs to do well. It had been the same color as a chem course I took a year ago and didn’t do so well in, so I didn’t want to think of this class like I did that one. Then I set it to bright red to give it importance, but that didn’t seem right either. Do any of you feel this way about things sometimes?

I live on this small island … very small. Since I was in 2nd grade I have no memories but remember my feelings. I HATED it here. Like seriously I’d constantly wish I could run away and move. So I don’t feel suffocated and trapped. My situation with my parents didn’t help. I wanted to leave everybody, everything, just…..fade? I thought of how it might be to have parents that care about you. Your feelings… your thoughts. It’s been just me and my imagination, my inner voice and all of my thoughts for years. I’d drift away and talk to myself in my head constantly making scenarios or imagining things. Anything to not be in the moment I guess. But now sadly it’s something constant that I can’t fully control. I drift away when I need to be aware and attentive; forgetting what I’m doing or how to do something. Having to re-focus and not drift away again! Little me…. Trapped on this island no friends and nothing to do finally cracked around the time covid started. Online wasn’t for me making everything 10x worse. I couldn’t focus on anything at all, my memory empty, listening to words…. what’s that? It’s like I forgot how. I was— in my own words “brain dead” completely not here. So that year I failed…. Got held back a grade. At this point I’m devastated but I come back into reality? Like my brain has teleported. The shock from my failure waking me up. Oh to be aware…. The depression. It all hit me crushing me killing my brain… I had been depressed that whole year but I just slept and ignored it so me having realized my feelings I’m now broken? Fast forward I end up in the same grade but depression doesn’t help so I basically give up. I fail but got put in an alternative school to make up the grade so I don’t get held back again (thank god). I was somewhat smart ig… before covid at least. I got all As without ever studying or trying because everything just “made sense” in my brain. I get into this alternative school and we take these assessment tests, they basically told me that I scored very high and they’d like to take the chance of sending me to 9th without me having to make up my 8th credits that year. An opportunity! I say yes, though it was a hard year I made friends and lifted myself up at the end. Now I’m in 10th and still hate it here but i can bear it. Or can I? I’ve thought of moving to Tennessee after high school to live with my grandma who is walking distance of the university, everything is really convenient and I’d love to be close to family because it’s something I value. But last week I went to Tennessee with my mom just for a week and realized how much moving now and finishing my two years in the states would benefit me. I’m very serious about what I want to do and my aunt is also in the same career field. She told me she could help me with those opportunities and even get me some other opportunities where I can make money while in school those years. I would have a jumpstart on feeling comfortable in that state and would already be familiar and established. Meeting people and making friends is wayyyy easier in high school too which I feel I’d be more open to doing than if I were to move when I’m 18. I could also join more sports and find hobbies that I enjoy while they also help me stay active.But my father just doesn’t care. He won’t think of how I can benefit and wants me to be “safe”. He’s not open minded about it and basically established his answer… NO. I feel like a whiny teenager but god I haven’t been this passionate in forever and think that this is my chance to stand up on my own feet. I hate it here and staying gives me no benefits so comparing these options to me is a no brainer. I hate to admit it but my aunt also gives me that feeling of having a parent that I’ve been yearning for my entire life. She’s so helpful and understanding. She doesn’t shame mental health and weirdly obsessed with being natural like my dad is. She truly cares and I can feel that. I want it…. I’m upset that my father won’t let me have that. Sorry for the long rant but, any advice?

I feel like I want to reach out and find answers. All my life I’ve had these little images of fake scenarios play out in my head while I live my life. I hate how they’re always disgusting thoughts like me constantly committing suicide or imagining the death of others “if something were to happen”. It’s always there that thought those images and I’ve just learned to accept them but then again why are they there? Last night I had somewhat of a breakdown, when I get anxious I scratch my scalp and it calms me down because it’s what my body wants to “feel”. But it just wasn’t doing it that literal and imaginary “itch” just wouldn’t leave. It drove me crazy from that I then got overwhelmed by my clothing, my sheets, the air? I just want that feeling or me having to do something so I “feel right” to go away. It’s suffocating and lately has been taking a huge toll on me. I do think me not understanding isn’t helping too.

a quick statement about myself, i have pretty bad contamination ocd to the point where it takes hours out of my day and changes the course of my daily plans entirely... I needed a job at the beginning of summer so i applied around and got a call back from a grocery store not too far from my house. i interviewed and it went great, and the manager had said that this job was fairly simple and easy and if i wanted the job it was mine. I took the position not thinking much of it at the time. now that i look back i would be a lot happier of a person right now if i hadn't accepted the offer. things started off well, i would do what i was asked and didn't have any problems or restrictions completing my tasks. people would buy raw things (one of my fears), and most horrifying to me, raw chicken. people would buy those items and i would avoid touching them or being around them.... easy enough. (before yall say i sound crazy or anything, the chicken packages sometimes leak juices and i in general cannot get over my fear of those packages because they do that, even though most are sealed properly.) ok sorry onwards as time went on though, i began to watch more carefully at who touched what and what they touched after. customers would grab chicken without bagging it or sanitizing their hands afterwards as recommended. they would them touch the cart, the other groceries, shelves, self checkout screens, hand scanners, mini fridge handles, and the clean bags. in my head, that deems that everything else is unclean and extremely unsanitary, so i now am cautious to touch anything i had seen someone with "chicken hands" touch. working register is even worse as to where i would have to touch, scan, and bag their chicken, so i am afriad to work on register. (im not even including touching the carts and baskets because lord knows when these people last washed their hands) it has gotten to the point where i cannot complete the simplest tasks required of myself in my job without having a breakdown or a traumatic experience. to combat these fears, i now purchase a container of 40 hand wipes before every single shift and usually use all of them by the end. i also try to wash my hands every so often but the bathrooms are so gross and the people using them are even more gross i end up feeling more dirty leaving than i did entering. since everything i touch is the epitome of disgust in my mind, the minute i get home i have to do a deep scrub shower, wash my uniform, and scrub everything i brought with to work until i think it is clean enough. while that doesn't seem like all that much of a difficulty, keep in mind that cleansing and calming down can take hours and i am a stem major college student that has no time whatsoever. because of this job, my hands are now destroyed, cracking, bleeding, and more dry than ever (i already had dry hands but this made it ten times worse), my mental health is at an all time low, and every time i work i am miserable the rest of the day because of how triggering work is for my ocd. moral of the story is don't work at a grocery store if you have contamination ocd like mine. you will be miserable. your mental state will hit rockbottom. it is not fun. (if you read this thank you!.... a quick psa, i can't just like quit either, it pays well and it is my best option for getting hours with my current life schedule, although i don't even get to enjoy my weekends because i work every single one to the point where i have no social life whatsoever, just misery.)

can someone please help me and tell me it’s going to be okay my mind randomly thought of this doll and started saying i’m gonna get cursed by it and it’s a thought that keeps repeating in my head i’m literally awake in the middle of the ngnt i’m gonna start sobbing ughh please

I’ve just started my final year at uni and I’m terrified my OCD will ruin it for me, I’ve had a massive OCD flare up this past summer so coming back to uni has been a lot harder than in previous years. I just want to be close to my family and now I’m over an hour away from them. I’m really worried that if it carries on it’ll massively impact my degree, like what if I’m just a mess all year and it end up ruining my ability to study. I hate this feeling and I just want to feel settled, I’m hoping within a few weeks I’ll feel more comfortable. But my harm ocd is acting up and just anxiety and homesickness in general. I just want to be home with my mum lol. Any advice?

Hi everyone, I have finally worked up the courage to post here. Something about posting made it feel like someone was going to find out about my OCD and judge me. That is one of my fears “being found out” about what? Well, that changes… But hey, I DO have OCD and this is supposed to be my community! If anyone is going to get it and not judge it is going to be you! I have been making great progress since my diagnosis and am doing pretty well with higher doses of Fluoxetine (lucky to have minor side effects) and therapy. I was feeling great, having an awesome and productive day, and then WHAM! Out of seemingly nowhere I was triggered. I did my exercises to not avoid the trigger and so forth, but now my anxiety-linked body sensations are super high. Any healthy tips for calming yourself and reducing the residual physiological symptoms of a huge anxiety spike? I’m looking for tips that won’t lead me down my compulsion path so any advice is welcome!

Hey guys. Looking for my ROCD peeps who have struggled with fixating on past arguments and constantly feeling the need to open that can of worms again and figure it out. Or fixating on your partners flaws. How did you do it?