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the NOCD Community

Hey so for almost the past year I’ve had thoughts and fears of hurting a loved one I’m not completely sure if it’s OCD, so I’m here asking for a confirmation or help because I’m 16 and I really wanna find out how I can help this. It usually calms down and starts again. The thoughts usually involve a sibling getting hurt by me. I’m kinda lost on what to do.

Do any of you also have this feeling that you don’t love your partner and you are with them for the wrong reasons ? It feels very real. But I want to love him so it makes me sad. Is it still part of ROCD or does it mean that my feelings are a sign that my fear is true (that I really don’t truly live my partner). We have been together for three years pretty much. We have been in long distance relationship since this September and have been trying to fix our relationship for a year after a break up (due to my constant doubts and feeling that I don’t truly love him). I was so excited to visit him like a child before Christmas, now that I’m with him I realise that I don’t feel the way I thought I would: I don’t feel intense love and excitement and it sometimes even feel strange. I don’t feel much and I’m hoping it’s just because I need to get used to be around him again but sometimes I even feel suddenly that I’m with him just out of convenience such as staying out of fear of changing my routine. I do feel a bit of that for sure because I’m so used to have him around me and for me that without him my life would feel very strange and empty. But I want to love him so bad because like everyone I want to be in a relationship but also because it is a good relationship, he is nice with me, caring, I love to cuddle with him, we experienced a lot together, he changed me (in a good way), he motivated me to become a better person more motivated, he gives me confidence and I like to make him proud, when he spends time with friends or family I feel a bit sad because I wished I was experiencing what he is doing with him, I’m attracted to him and I’m obsessed with his smell, the way he cuddles me make me feel relaxed. Moreover he is a driven person, loyal, mature I imagine a successful future with him. Please help me I’m so scared to be in denial and to not actually love him because when we started dating it was kinda right time right place because I wasn’t attracted to him but he was nice with me and I wanted to have a boyfriend and I hoped I’d fall in love with time. I don’t want to start all over again with someone else and when we went through breaks I often compared others to him (e.g.: he dresses better, he is more interesting…etc (my bf that is)). I want to stop doubting and just love him and we cant continue together for years with doubts all the time … help

i constantly think bc of the way my stomach feels i may be getting cancer or pregnant (not that i’ve done things to make that happen) i just overthink it and convince myself i did and i go crazy sometimes i feel like i have no one to talk to bc no one understands the way my head works.

Worried that I’m gonna speak negativity into existence after seeing a video on tiktok saying that you speak things into existence. Dude I hate this so much. I hate this so much.

Ordering Repeating Extreme overthinking Hours and hours doing my those OCD rituals Cannot read or write because of this Taking time while switching on fan/light etc.... Self harming No one understands about my OCD It's been 2 years Random crying and feeling helpless and lost most of the time Re doing and re writing and re reading Checking doors Arranging doormats sometimes takes like 20-25 minutes to arrange doormats Random and worst compulsions Example: Touch the door 4 times or else my loved one will die Then it becomes 4x4 16 Random imaginations of numbers Nothing becomes perfect Wasting all my time to study (I'm in 10TH GRADE)doing all these. Very slow while writing notes in class because of rewriting and my bench mates notices it sometimes and makes fun of it. Even my bestfriend doesn't understands me and laughs at it but she tries to support me but they are not understanding what I am going through. Compulsion while I go to bed when I am extremely tired and then I waste the next minutes or maybe hours doing those without sleeping even if I am tired or class the next day. Seeing all these my parents yell at me and makes fun of laugh at me call me mad or crazy.Mu siblings and my cousins laugh at me and says "Stop doing these.Why are you acting" "JUST STOP THESE". I ALWAYS DO RITUALS WITH THE ANXIETY THAT SOMETHING HAPPENS TO MY PARENTS.And I love soo much that I can't even explain but my parents don't understand why I am doing these and one day my father pleaded and cried saying that "Please stop this.Dont be crazy.You are making me sad and tense.These are just your thoughts". One day while going to a function(we were running late) and my family was in a hurry that time I was ordering the footwears which was kept outside my house it tooke me 8 or more minutes and my father yelled at me and He destroyed all of the arrangement with his leg and all my hardwork was ruined and watching this my sibling started laughing hardly and I broke down into tears and yelled back at him and said that I'm not coming without arranging these. COUNTING ALWAYS. Retyping things, My teachers noticed this during computer lab and yelled at me.

Hey, I’ve never dated before and I’m in my 20’s now and I’ve considered starting to use a dating app to start just talking to people but I’m scared. Scared of getting obsessive over the conversations, the people or if it’s the right decision to use it or not ? Any advice ? Thank you

I need help someone plz help I keep getting thoughts and physical urges about girls and I feel that I’m getting aroused. I don’t know what to do I don’t want to be with a girl I keep getting images about my sister arms and I xojld care her veins and I know that I like men with veiny arms but I keep getting a reliant that I like My sister with it I don’t what to do I don’t have anyone to talk to u I feel like I am alone. In Islam I don’t know if it’s true or not but god says to the fetus 77 times if u want to come to this world and god shows his or her life to it till his death. I wonder what did I see in this world that I agreed to come here I don’t want to live anymore I’ve had enough no one understand I want to go back to normal I don’t want to be with a girl I’ve never imagined my life with a girl I’m having 5 tablets a day of medication and I’m becoming worse I can’t focus I can’t remember certain things

My parents think I’m a burden they I’m over reacting I have nothing I don’t want t to live anymore do u think suiside is the best option I don’t know why god is punishing me I can’t take it I don’t want to live anymore in this tourtire life

I’m a college student and I’m experiencing extreme burnout. I have so many assignments and exams piling up, but I just can’t get myself to start any of them. I am an extreme perfectionist and I have very high anxiety and this makes starting tasks related to school very difficult. I ended up wasting my entire spring break thinking about all the assignments I have to do. It is the last day of break and I have done nothing yet!!!! I’m so stressed out, I don’t know what to do. Why can I never start things when I want to. I always have to think about a task for an excessive amount of time before actually starting it.

Hello, I’ve recently moved to a new school and have been attending my new school for a month now. But recently, I have felt like I need to talk to more people in my classes since I just moved there. Sure, I have some friends already but my mind and thoughts keep telling me since I don’t have a ton of friends in my English class, that I need to talk to more people in there but I have social anxiety. Same with my Math class, my mind keeps telling me that since I have recently moved to a new school, I need a fresh start but I feel like I have already ruined that fresh start at a new school because I haven’t really been that outgoing or myself towards people in my classes and that’s what I was wanting when moving schools. I wanted a fresh start but now since I haven’t really pushed myself out of my comfort zone and talked to people in some of my classes, I feel like I’ve ruined my fresh start at a new school. Especially since I have been there for a month now, I feel like it is too late to be a new person and be myself and be outgoing there. I wanna talk to the peers around me and in my classes but I have social anxiety. I wanna just be my funny self like I am at home but idk how to do that at school or in public places. What do I do?

I am a grad student in an online STEM program, and my career depends on my analytical skills, which mask my OCD. It has become debilitating (7 hours revising an email reply) and negatively impacts my social life (response inhibitions and shame) and my academic performance (excessive amounts of time spent on every task, resulting in easily found errors like unfinished sentences; cognitive impairments). Like, I have 7 planners and can't start a to-do list because it triggers my OC. My university is insufficient in my situation. Figuring out how to accomodate as a virtual student with neurodiversity/debilitating mental illness has been ridiculously exhausting. Despite communicating with every professor, the student accessibility services, and my department director, I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle alone. Everyone places such value in diversity, inclusion, and equity, but fail to actually have resources that support mental health conditions. Almost everyone I have contacted have no experience with OCD or how it works. Yes extended time of my due dates would be great, if it actually alleviated my anxiety and paralysis instead of extending masked compulsions. Asking chatGPT and trying to afford Grammarly premium is so far the only useful shit I've resorted to. I can't even mention AI because of how stigmatized it is from lack of information/tech literacy about it being a tool and not e-Satan.

What are your experiences with meds? Would you recommend them? Are some of the OCD meds meds that are usually prescribed for depressed patients too? If so, do they have any side effects or negative effects overall? Like make you tired or make you stop feeling things like I've heard some people say Would you say meds need to be taken only if the situation is very bad and super out of control?

DROP SOME COPING MECHANISMS FOR ME TO TRY :3!!

I constantly worry that no one likes me. Did grow up as the scapegoat but my parent passed away 7 yrs ago and now I have been in therapy as well as my mom but my other two siblings refuse therapy. So there has been some healing between me and my mom which I’m happy about! But I’ve also been scapegoated in friend groups mainly bc there will be one jealous friend and then they try to get everyone to go against me. Anyway I have met a few friends here and there that have really impacted my life in a positive way. However, I can’t help but ruminate on how “everyone doesn’t like me” and then I go down a rabbit hole of searching on tik tok, google and Reddit trying to find some magical answer as to what is “wrong with me” and why I have issues with people even some family and yet there is no answer except that people just project their negative feelings onto me, and many other people have experienced that as well. But yet I still keep feeling like there’s something innately wrong with me. Even my therapists validates my experience and has taught me boundaries and explains how I’m not the problem yet I still loop with this thought. I also think this is linked to another ocd thought because I always tell myself I need to hurry up and prove to myself that my siblings can get healthy and I can fix the family dynamic issues and then find a perfect group of friends so I will be “happy” and then I won’t supposedly suffer and want to d*e. By the way I am not suicidal so thats why it’s kind of like an irrational thought. I did have suicidal OCD though but would never do that. So idk? What is this?

anyone else have this? It’s like every sound I hear when I’m home alone i worry it’s in my head. I often feel like i see something out if the corner of my eye moving and it isn’t keep in mind my peripheral vision is messed up from astigmatism so it’s most likely that.

this is an event that im not at all clear on, it took place 7 years ago when i was 12 (i am now 18). i was holding my baby cousin on the couch and using snapchat filters to entertain them per the usual. i used to love doing that, i was always the baby in the family so i was excited to have a baby cousin of my own. and then i think i looked down and noticed my hand was over their diaper area and they also had on a diaper & pants ofc), and i think i scratched it and rubbed over the entire front of it (ew)🤢 i think because of the area and curiosity, this is what i've tried to remember. and now my head is saying that i liked it and was turned on idk truly, it happened years ago it's all a blur. i don't know why i would do it. but i know i would never hurt them, i mean i've been obsessed with them since before they were even born! but i don't have any clear memory of what happened, but i do think it was something like that. I think i was too young to think much of it or see the full spectrum of things because they had a diaper on. but i still feel terrible, this is an old obsession because i almost offed myself 2 years ago because of the same dilemma. the whole thing disgusts me. I've talked to my sister about it, she's a therapist/ social worker. i broke completely down and was crying so hard i could hardly breathe. she told me to calm down, & that i was probably curious and i was young. but i still feel like i sa'ed them, even though i didn't actually touch their privates and definitely had no intentions of it either.

I’ve been diagnosed with ocd. I first started off with harm ocd.when I got over it, it started switching into new themes. Every week I’d have to deal with a new thought/fear. And now i feel like im stuck again! Im not sure what type of ocd im going through right now. But im scared of hallucinating. Im scared of hearing things that aren’t there. So that caused me to be hyper aware of every sound I hear. And I now focus on white noises so much ( like AC, fridge, water pipes, the tv when it’s far away etc.) and I start to question my sister: can you hear that ? Because I’m super scared the I’m hallucinating. But usually she’ll answer with yes she can hear it. But I’ve been struggling with something else too. I sleep with the AC on and I’ve been doing for years. But during the past month that caused me so much stress and anxiety. Because I feel like whenever the AC is on I hear other things (not people talk or words or specific things) just unclear sounds. And I’m not sure if that’s in my head or it’s actually there but because the AC sound loud I can’t recognize the other sounds im hearing. And I get so anxious when I try to sleep because everything is so quiet and it’s just me and the AC on. So I feel like everything is loud. And I don’t know if the unclear sounds are in my head or real. And yesterday when I tried to sleep a police car went by and the siren of it was loud too. I focused on the sound. And questioned if it’s real or not. Then I started hearing the siren non stop for 3 minutes probably. Even though I’m sure the police car went by. So I was scared and terrified that I was hallucinating. And now I’m just scared that what if I’m not hyper aware ocd. What if I’m schizophrenic. What if I’m going crazy. I’m so scared. And I’m worrying that this will happen again if I go to sleep tonight. Someone help me please and give me advice!

Do we choose what we're attracted by? Or it is simply something subconscious that we can't control? Because I have no problem getting attracted if I notice the curves of a girl my age, but I get extremely uncomfortable and anxious when I notice those same inappropriate parts on a young girl. Instagram reels trigger me often. I obsess over the fact that I've noticed those parts in the first place because a normal person wouldn't even notice them at all, and I wonder if these are the signs of being a p***. I feel the need to check the inappropriate parts to check if I'm attracted or not, and to see if I can stop seeing it as triggering but as something that is just there without being unwantedly se&ualized by pocd. (I also feel more gross because I'm staring at those parts, even though for a compulsive matter and not for malicious intent). I'd feel like ending my life if these things were all just subconscious instincts of my brain making me one of those monsters, like you can't change that and I'm just lying to myself. I'd feel more at ease if everybody notice those things the same and just chooses to not be attracted according their morals, the fact that physical attraction could be a choice and not an instinct would make me feel better. There is freedom of action, but is there freedom of feeling and being? Or is that already predetermined? If I see a girl my age who's my liking I have no issue feeling attracted se&ually. If I'm born with the genes of a monsters it wouldn't matter what I do, I'd constantly be in denial of my sick twisted nature, right? Obviously I'd end my life before even dreaming of doing those horrible things that happen in my mind in the form of intrusive thoughts and image, as costant daily torture. Maybe there are people born bad but that overcome their nature and live a life of good deeds, but I can't tolerate it. If I'm born as a **** I have to die. I'm clinging of the fact that this is just POCD, just an ocd theme like the others that've come before. One thing that reassures me is that I've memories and proof of lots of different ocd themes throughout my early life till now. I'm diagnosed with OCD, but I don't trust it completely because my psychiatrist was a bit of a weirdo and his answers to my questions more triggering. I don't feel attracted on young girls, I avoid them, I only have interest on girls my age, but I'm so afraid that sometimes I could be because what I feel when I get triggered is so confusing and fuzzy, I feel like throwing up and I squint my eyes and contort my face (even more these are not enough to prove the fact that I'm disgusted because I think I could be just faking it, lying to myself), and maybe in that mixture of distressing sensations there is an element of denial of the horrible truth. There have been a lot of triggering moments when I genuinely thought to myself that I was attracted and that made me feel desperate, wanting to cry.

Do we choose what we're attracted by? Or it is simply something subconscious that we can't control? Because I have no problem getting attracted if I notice the curves of a girl my age, but I get extremely uncomfortable and anxious when I notice those same inappropriate parts on a young girl. Instagram reels trigger me often. I obsess over the fact that I've noticed those parts in the first place because a normal person wouldn't even notice them at all, and I wonder if these are the signs of being a p***. I feel the need to check the inappropriate parts to check if I'm attracted or not, and to see if I can stop seeing it as triggering but as something that is just there without being unwantedly se&ualized by pocd. (I also feel more gross because I'm staring at those parts, even though for a compulsive matter and not for malicious intent). I'd feel like ending my life if these things were all just subconscious instincts of my brain making me one of those monsters, like you can't change that and I'm just lying to myself. I'd feel more at ease if everybody notice those things the same and just chooses to not be attracted according their morals, the fact that physical attraction could be a choice and not an instinct would make me feel better. There is freedom of action, but is there freedom of feeling and being? Or is that already predetermined? If I see a girl my age who's my liking I have no issue feeling attracted se&ually. If I'm born with the genes of a monsters it wouldn't matter what I do, I'd constantly be in denial of my sick twisted nature, right? Obviously I'd end my life before even dreaming of doing those horrible things that happen in my mind in the form of intrusive thoughts and image, as costant daily torture. Maybe there are people born bad but that overcome their nature and live a life of good deeds, but I can't tolerate it. If I'm born as a **** I have to die. I'm clinging of the fact that this is just POCD, just an ocd theme like the others that've come before. One thing that reassures me is that I've memories and proof of lots of different ocd themes throughout my early life till now. I'm diagnosed with OCD, but I don't trust it completely because my psychiatrist was a bit of a weirdo and his answers to my questions more triggering. I don't feel attracted on young girls, I avoid them, I only have interest on girls my age, but I'm so afraid that sometimes I could be because what I feel when I get triggered is so confusing and fuzzy, I feel like throwing up and I squint my eyes and contort my face (even more these are not enough to prove the fact that I'm disgusted because I think I could be just faking it, lying to myself), and maybe in that mixture of distressing sensations there is an element of denial of the horrible truth. There have been a lot of triggering moments when I genuinely thought to myself that I was attracted and that made me feel desperate, wanting to cry.

Does anyone have any book recommendations for ocd? Is there any helpful specific ocd books out there or just any that help with ocd or helped you? Please share 💕 Someone on here has told me a book that helped so it gave me the idea to post this to get people to share more recommendations I love reading different types of books as it is like fiction as it helps me escape my thoughts sometimes and I’ve read self help books that have helped in the past so any ideas I would be grateful for 💕