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it feels like the fear i once knew it wasnt real now it is, it feels like i dont like him anymore and that i have changed. i am numb.

I have to visit a place tomorrow which triggers my contamination ocdand false memory ocd really bad, can anyone help me in this panic situation. Tips needed!

I have this old friend I became friends with online at like 15-16 years old and they are a bit younger than me. I’m 18 and having a younger friend just triggers the pocd I have and I kind of don’t want to be friends with him anymore unless he’s 17. I don’t know if I should talk to him about this because I don’t want to ghost him as a friend cause I been through that shit. I don’t know what to do. We been friends for a long time.

I don’t have an official OCD diagnosis, but I will be asking my doctor tomorrow if I can get referred to a psychiatrist to get an official diagnosis. The way I came to the conclusion that what I’m dealing with is OCD is because a month ago I just started having the most horrible disturbing intrusive thoughts that go against all my values and beliefs and attacking the stuff/people I care about the most. Mind you, I have never had anything like this happen in my life. I feel that I have always been someone with a peaceful mind and one of the worst intrusive thoughts I can ever remember having before this happened, was “what happens if I cut my finger right now” while I was cutting fruit. That’s pretty much it. After this whole horrible intrusive thought spiral started happening I was so scared because I have never had such awful intrusive thoughts like this that were the complete opposite of me, it just quite literally started out of NOWHERE, and that’s what was so scary and terrifying. It was like my whole life got turned upside down because of this and I’ve been mainly isolating in my room, feeling so much anxiety and dread and guilt/shame. I get four of the same thoughts and one intrusive image repeating over and over again even if I would not try to think about them, and it caused me so much distress and anxiety that I would be so anxious and cry everyday just thinking how I could ever possibly think such horrible intrusive thoughts like that. It’s caused me insomnia which I’ve never dealt with before and I went three days in a row without being able to sleep no matter how hard I tried (even while taking melatonin). Other days I struggle so much to fall asleep due to the intrusive thoughts being much more present at nighttime, and even when taking melatonin that doesn’t do anything because of my mind being so active and having so much anxiety. Is this what they call an OCD flare up? After constantly looking up all the symptoms of ocd (the more and lesser known ones alike), I noticed there were some symptoms of it that I displayed in childhood when the ocd could’ve been more dormant or mild you could say (skin picking), because once again I have never had such horrible intrusive thoughts like this out of nowhere and constantly repeating in my mind that felt like they were out of my control. I noticed that these intrusive thoughts started on the second day of my menstruation when I was in a lot of pain and was feeling very emotional/stressed. One of the things I’ve heard a lot is that during the menstruation cycle is when ocd flares can happen more often due to the increase in hormones during that time, and I wonder if that’s what happened to me? I’m also overall such a big over thinker and have been for as long as I can remember. I also have had anxiety and depression since middle school as well. Any insight would be very much appreciated 😭

TMI!! Hey everyone, I was coming on here to ask if anyone has experienced this before! Im in an amazing relationship with my boyfriend so in this post I wanted to ask this question because this is how it felt to me! I remembered earlier today I was watching this movie, etc. and there was this spicy scene in it (iykyk) and it got me feeling some sort of way. This has happened before especially if I’ve played a game or watched a show with some content like this. I felt really in the mood and started to imagine my boyfriend and I doing those things together and I sort of decided to (yanno, the m word) hopefully everyone understands because I just don’t like saying the word😭, but I found that every time I do that, that’s when my ocd is at its worst/peak. Every time my mind has tried to convince me I’ve cheated, when I self pleasure. I get in the mood if I think of my boyfriend and I doing those things I see in movies, shows etc, and that’s when I’ll do it, But literally I realized after I’ve done that at times my ocd is at its worst because my mind will attack me constantly asking “Is this cheating? Does this make me a horrible girlfriend?” If I self pleasure, I also want to add that I mentioned it to my boyfriend at one time and he told me it wasn’t at all and that everything is okay, but constantly I feel guilty for it and extremely horrible. Just wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this?

I don’t understand how my boyfriend can love me so much after everything I put him through. He constantly shows me how much he loves me, yet I feel like I can’t fully appreciate it. I can’t explain how badly I behave towards him when these thoughts take over, how often I lash out because of them, and how many times I’ve told him exactly what’s on my mind. He tries to use logic to help me, but it never seems to work. And now, even as I’m writing this, I feel like crying—yet at the same time, my mind tells me that I don’t care. This horrible feeling inside me won’t go away. I keep thinking, “What if I don’t like him?” That thought is always there. I wonder if I had unrealistic expectations about this relationship from the beginning, since he is my first boyfriend. What if I convinced myself I liked him just because I wanted my first relationship to be perfect? And now, I just can’t accept the truth? It scares me even more knowing that he moved to my city for me. I feel like I’m constantly upset, constantly sad. And despite everything, he’s always there for me. That makes me feel even worse because I don’t know what to do to feel okay again. Every time I talk to him, I get this strange feeling inside me, and I’m terrified that it means my thoughts are actually true. He tells me that my happiness shouldn’t depend only on him, that I should focus on more than just this relationship—because for over a year now, my mind has been stuck in an endless loop of questioning whether I love him or not. He asks me, “Who are you fighting? Why do you care so much? You’ve been asking yourself the same question for over a year—shouldn’t you know the answer by now?” And my response is always, “Because I want to be with you.” But then, when I try to answer whether I like him or not, more doubts take over. I start thinking, “Maybe I just can’t accept that I don’t love him. Maybe I just want to keep this relationship perfect.” The worst part is that he has never done anything wrong. He has always been patient, kind, and loving, yet I feel so lost. I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t understand what I feel. And I don’t understand why I can’t understand what I feel. He also tells me that ever since I started reading so much about relationships and OCD online, I have gotten worse. And he’s right. I have become much worse than I was before. The problem is that before, I thought I was at my worst, but looking back, I was still able to feel happiness at times. Now, I feel completely stuck. I don’t know if I’m crying because I hate this feeling, or because I don’t want to think this way about him. It feels like I don’t even know what’s happening to me anymore.

Sorry guys for not being on 😅 I was in the hospital because I couldn't walk. I've been diagnosed with FND (Functional Neurological Disorder). I'm sorry for any worries I have caused and not being on to help. Please have a wondrous day.

Hello, so I’m currently spiralling so so so bad and I want someone to help me and tell me what to do rn. I have dyslexia so there might be some misspelling 3 months ago I read a manga that triggered my POCD to start The manga was cute, I enjoyed it tbh, but it had pedophilic themes (idk why I continued on to read it?!) and in the end it got quite sexual. I was sick while reading it so sadly I don't have much memories. Anyways afterwards I read some comments about how this was smth only pedos like. And since then, intense POCD. Stopped eating, isolated nyself, tried to commit multiple of times and called 991 on myself too. I kept on going about and thinking if I wanted smth sexual to happen, I know I thought there would be a time jump. And thought that something sexual might have happened then. But I can't stop doubting myself or thinking "what if I liked it when it started to get sexual" and the memories of such feel so real that I can't ignore them. I've never ever enjoyed CP before, or manga with SA (honestly I don't enjoy smut much overall, but they're pretty common in romance mangas) but if it has sexual themes and the characters look like kids/are kids/a weird age gap ect. I drop it, but idk why I didn't drop this one. Then I realised that I had never been attracted to kids, and this scenario doesnt have to mean that I am a pedophile. I also have ALOT of trauma around pedophilia (CSA survivor, started making CP as a coping mechanism. It ruined my childhood and took loads of cptsd therapy to stop relapsing.) And I didn’t have a spiral for weeks, I did epr fully and thought I had finally figured out a way to ignore the intrusive thoughts. Nope lol, today I was insanely bored and decided to watch black mirror. “Shut up and dance” I knew that there was an episode that I had been warned about being triggering bht naive like I tend to be I watched it. And now I’m deeply spiralling again. I’m so tired T_T

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

I feel so lost. My boyfriend tries so hard to help me, but nothing seems to work. Every time he reassures me, my mind finds another doubt. He asks me, “So you’ve been questioning if you love me for almost 2 years?” and instead of feeling comforted, my mind jumps to “Maybe I just can’t accept that I don’t love him.” I keep telling him every thought that comes to my mind, hoping for relief, but it never lasts. I feel anxious, disconnected, and stuck in this endless cycle. He tells me that if I truly didn’t love him, I wouldn’t care so much about these thoughts. But still, my brain won’t stop questioning everything. I don’t understand why I feel this way. Why does it feel like I’m forcing something? Why do I feel like I can’t just know how I feel? I want to feel okay. I want to be present with him without analyzing every moment. But no matter what I do, my mind keeps telling me “What if you don’t love him?” I feel like I’m stuck between wanting clarity and being terrified of what that clarity might mean. It feels so real, and I hate it. I don’t know what to do.

Something I haven’t shared on here is that when I get anxious and my OCD is really bad, I end up spending a lot of time in the bathroom. My family isn’t supportive when it comes to mental health, and I don’t have any privacy at home. So, when I realize my butt is numb for the I don’t even know how many times today, I know I’m not doing okay. :( All my panic attacks happen in the bathroom. Even when I’m out shopping or doing something, I run to the bathroom. It’s like I have an emotional support toilet instead of a support system. I’m crying, feeling so anxious, and I can’t stop doing compulsions that I thought I had gotten past more than a month ago. My streaks are broken, and I feel broken. I want to get out of this bathroom, be normal, and be productive, but I just can’t. I can’t stop crying, and I can’t even breathe properly. I didn’t even realize what time it is, the day is nearly over and I’m still in here :(

the most debilitating ocd flare-up i’ve been having for the past few months has been about the guy i used to talk to. we weren’t dating per-se, but whatever was going on between us was very confusing and unclear, and it ended up with me being very hurt. he was basically leading me on, and couldn’t commit to me. it’s been months since we’ve stopped talking and i still can’t stop thinking about him. i don’t even care about him that much in an objective sense, but i am genuinely obsessed with him. everything i see reminds me of him, and my mind is constantly running through thoughts about him and our situation — why did it go the way it did, what did i do wrong, does he still think about me, etc. it’s honestly so humiliating and makes me feel pathetic because i know he’s probably moved on by now, and i still can’t handle the thought or sight of him. i just wish i could stop ruminating, because it’s gotten so bad that i can’t focus on school or anything else in life. it’s so constant to the point where, when i bring it up to my friends (which is very often), i’m met with concern and even frustration rather than sympathy. how can i cope with the rumination? it’s genuinely exhausting, and i can’t sleep at night because my brain is just running like a motor. i have dreams about it almost nightly as well. anything helps!

17f I was taking a bus and there was a group of children taking it too, like a kindergarten group. I tried to find a place where I thought children are not going to sit but one sat next to me anyway And the thing is that when I need to pee I become a bit physically aroused? Idk I've googled it and it's not that uncommon. Also the vibration from the bus gives me a bit of a groinal response yk since I sit on a seat which vibrates I mean I wasn't even really aroused that much it was a light sensation which was easy to ignore because I was on my phone But im scared I'm like a predator or something cause I didn't leave the bus immediately and had a groinal response when the kid was next to me I dont worry that it was the kid who was the reason of it (I mean not yet maybe I will freak out about it later) I'm just scared it's not appropriate to feel something like that while im next to a child even if he is not the reason of it But I tried to just ignore it and thought that I'm probably being dramatic After couple stops I got too anxious and got off the bus to wait to the next one which I hoped is not going to be full of kids But I'm scared that I'm a bad person and a sexual predator cause I didn't leave immediately after I had this thoughts While writing this post I got on another bus and sat at a seat but there js a child on the bus too not next to me but still not that far from me but I'm scared because of social anxiety people will look at me weirdly if I randomly change seats after I already sat but at the same time what if I'm being a pervert Like I don't even see the kid and stuff but still I'm scared am I a pervert or something Like is it predatory to be aroused near a child? Like the child is not the reason of it, u just are, and I wadnt purposely making myself aroused I just couldn't really help it But maybe I should've left the bus immediately? I mean I did but only after a couple stops because I thought that maybe is not that much of a big deal and I'm being dramatic

these days im feeling so bad, I can’t take it anymore, I have thoughts and images I don’t like that just won’t leave me, I feel so heavy, I want to bump my head into a wall until I pass out so I can have a break, I want my brain ti stop working and leave me alone, I can’t exist like this, I’m constantly thinking about this stuff and feeling disturbed, it just won’t leave, what do I do? sorry if this is written so badly but I really need to vent

I want to rip out my uterus. Only my hormones can make my OCD and ability to manage it go back to square one. I am spiraling *so* hard. I cannot breathe. My PMDD is going crazy. I’m having a panic attack again. I feel so scared. The POCD is going absolutely insane right now. It feels undeniably real, and my mind keeps drifting to those awful thoughts and what feels like exploring them?? but I can’t for the life of me stop some of these compulsions right now. I was trying to watch something to get my mind off of this but ended up getting triggered twice, so my anxiety is a 10 and I can’t seem to calm down. This panic attack is tuned all the way up.

I have been broken so many times that i dont even know. Every person i was with cheated on me and just been the worst to me which got to one point that i wanted to kill myself but now i have a boyfriend that i have been for one year and a half but he has been acting weird. I check his phone and look for things i dont find nothing. He goes to the park with his cousin that is a baddddd influence on him like really bad and he hasnt been being good with me and i just dont understand what im doing wrong. I tell him stop hanging out with that cousin and that i would hang out with him everyday and we could go out. But right now he is acting weird and is with his cousin and he is ignoring me and now i have no one to talk to until he stops being with his cousin and that is very very bad that he is ignoring me just because he is with him… i cant anymore i dont know what to do. I am a jealous gf and he is a jealous bf and we are both protective and everything but i feel like everything is going wrong… help please someone…

i dont say i love you to my bf, only when i say good night out of habit, he pointed it put multiple times. i feel sad bc i cant say it amd i want to say it but i feel bad bc i always think that i dont like him. im so sad. im scared i dont love him and he uses logic in me that sometimes dosent work and then i still think i dont like him and i never did.

So today I've been having issues with walking (my legs shake and my right leg is at an odd angle), and my brain goes "Stop faking this. You're being dramatic." So I decided to try it. Told myself that I was going to truly stop "faking it" and take a step. Same thing happened with the shaking, so then I started freaking out. Now I make jokes and yes, I am going on the stairs as a compulsion to the "stop faking" thoughts. I almost fell a couple times, but I'm not very good at not engaging in them. TwT There is no medical reason that has been found yet, so that's where this stems from.

so this all started not too long ago, for literally no reason at all. but one day i got a random intrusive thought about harming others and it freaked me out bad. since then i’ve been non stop focusing on it and im genuinely scared that i am, or gonna end up like those sick people that have documentaries about them. i’ve never had these types of thoughts before and after me and my mom looked a lot of stuff up we think i have OCD cuz a lot of the stuff it was saying was accurate to me. to anyone in here, does this sound like OCD to you? i’ve always been a nice loving person and these thoughts freak me out so bad and make me feel like i’m a bad gross person. it got to the point i don’t even like looking at myself anymore. i just wanna go back to normal man. another thing to add, when i would explain this to my mom even though i was telling the full truth on how crappy this made me feel it felt like i was lying almost? but i know i wasn’t deep down. i’m just scared that what if i act on something or get in my head too much you know?

I know there are a lo of different subtypes but I'm really curious as to which one has affected you the most, please comment down below and feel free to also share where and hoe you believe it has affected your life, I believe it's great for self reflection and just to let it off our chests. For me it's been Inc*st OCD! That shit has been the hardest subtype for me. Not only has it affected my relationship with my siblings by convincing me that I like them (which never used to happen at all before developing a strong case of IOCD) and making me feel weird and ashamed. It has also affected how I see families😭 for example I'll be watching a series or something and there would be siblings in the show and my mind would directly fly to incest and not only for shows but irl as well...I can't imagine going out to see my friends and their families or my own extended family in general because wtf!! I just feel like in my case all the other subtypes are nothing compared to this bad boy, but I know it's not the same for everyone so which one has affected you the most and how? (This is not to bring down the severity of the other subtypes istg, it's just for conversations sake)