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the NOCD Community

https://www.instagram.com/peacewithocd/guide/ocd-subtypes/17932176964835168/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

Ever since I started 5th grade I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping. At one point I could sleep up to 15 hours at once because it was like my mind trapped me there and my whole body and thought process was frozen outside of the real world. At another point in time I was obsessed with getting exactly 8 hours. Now, I cannot sleep at night no matter how tired I am. It’s as if sleeping when it’s dark outside makes my intrusive thoughts worse. But as soon as the sun starts to rise, I pass out and stay asleep forever and just like before, I get stuck in my sleep. My dreams become awful, endless nightmares (I’ve had these since I was 4 or 5 but they’ve somehow gotten worse). Like I have no idea what I’m going to do once the nights get longer during fall and winter and I have to go to classes during the day. Part of it may be medication or my other medical condition but a lot of it seems like it’s a part of my OCD or another mental illness. Has anyone else had a sleep problem like this?

I do not want to intrude or make anyone feel inferior but i would like to add that this app is exactly what is feeding into your ocd cycle. It is not helping and it might lead to a relapse. I have a family member with HOCD it is debilitating to both her and me because of the cycle. This app feeds into that cycle. If you don’t agree with me, that’s okay but that’s my take on this. I would like for yourselves to ask yourselves how many times do you visit this app? Do you delete it then redownload it then delete it again? How many times has this app made you feel like your ocd was not ocd and was reality? How many times has this app tried to convince that you are not in control of your thoughts? You are in control. This is an issue from within which deals with self confidence and trust. Trust yourselves in that youre not your thoughts and you have control over them. If you want to be someone, be that person, don’t let your thoughts decide for you. Work on your self confidence. You are not your ocd. Sorry if this seems too upfront, I tried being as nice as possible and I do know that this is debilitating for the person with ocd. I really do hope you get better but please don’t give up and try your best to get rid of your absolutist and pessimistic thinking. I know some people on here won’t agree with me but this is from my experience.

Harm ocd is the worst possible thing I’ve ever experienced. It’s legit about my girlfriend and family whom I love so much. This all came about after a crime case and it latched onto it and I can’t seem to let go. Anyone have any tips on helping with harm ocd?

I feel like I then did so much reassurance seeking on the internet and on here for the past month that I don’t even care to look anymore i see a lot of good stuff but the small amount of bad stuff my brain an heart goes with some reason I feel helpless is like I feel normal but i feel confused and odd for some reason like I’m not in control of my thought and feelings and sensories for some reason does anyone else feel like this or felt like this in the past and does it get better?have an meds and therapy took these problems away?

I always get scared that my boyfriend is not moral enough or something for me. We agree on most things about moral/social issues but sometimes he thinks somethings aren’t as big of a deal as I do. It scares me because what if he is wong and people think he is a bad person. I know he is a good person and he treats everyone well but I think I’m afraid of finding out he is not. Or like what if other people believe he should be more involved with an issue. I hate this cause it takes up so much of my time thinking.

When closing your eyes do you start to notice imaginary convos or stories that relate to movies, things you’ve seen, or situations you’ve been in? I’m told this is a form of thought suppression but what do you do to refocus when trying to sleep because you realize these are made up stories etc ? So I pray? Count till I knock out?

Hi. I have OCD for like 4 years now and this week is the worst week of my life. I am ashamed to talk about this and I feel so much guilt but I need help. Sexual intrusive thoughts, to me, are not new. I had them before about family members, and yeah, sometimes it was bad and made me believe I am attracted to my male family members, but in time, I had them down. Recently, for a week, I got Zocd. I am an animal lover and these intrusive thoughts tortured me to the point I wanted to die. I keep having sexual intrusive images and thoughts about my cats and it bothers me so much. I also get urges and they feel so real and it scares me to the point that I'm starting to cry. Sometimes I am afraid that I might actually be a zoophile that doesn't want to accept it, but I love my cats and every other animal and I would never do those things to them. I just want ro go back to normal and play with my cats without tbose disturbing images and thoughts. Please help me! I'm so tired.

Question have any straight males who have hocd and have done some questionable things in childhood does it help the ocd make it more convincing and especially if you watch porn of the same sex (one time only)does that really make you gay or is it still the hocd I have a porn addiction along with hocd I’ve always watched women and today I watched a porn video with a women who looks like a man a lil but I been knew she confirmed herself but I decided to watch it and ejaculate to it anyway I’ve always liked women but the hocd since Ive had it has made it more and more convincing that I might like both even though I’ve never really opened up about this time I tried sex with the same sex when I was around 6 7 or 8 I’ve always regretted and never liked that I did that I also feel like it’s made me even more religious even though I’ve always believed in god I think I have most types of ocd I saw a trick on where people said don’t fight the thoughts and it works but it also makes the intrusive feelings feel real to the point where I went from having the strength and courage inside to say it’s the ocd now it’s like I feel beat up in the inside like I lose my courage anybody else felt like this and does it get better?

So my first experience with OCD was around 14 years old. I thought that I witnessed something while I was on a family vacation that caused me to think about glitches in reality. This pulled me down a rabbit hole of emotions for the remainder of the vacation which had me questioning my existence, if my family was even real, and if reality existed at all. This made me feel incredibly lonely because I didn’t believe anyone was truly conscious or real. Eventually the thoughts went away but I’m honestly not sure how or why they went away. Fifteen years later I am back down the same rabbit hole of existential dread where I am questioning reality and the existence of another person with consciousness (I know, I sound absolutely nuts but I can’t shake my recurring thoughts and no amount of research is going to help with such a philosophical obsession). It was triggered by a TV show I was watching the other night. I’ve never been on meds for my OCD, nor have I ever received true professional help as it just makes me feel vulnerable. My OCD had morphed into many different subtypes over the years but this existential dread is by far the worst I have felt. I just wish the thought never crossed my mind because I seriously don’t see how I can recover from it; my thoughts just loop and loop in this never ending cycle of believing no one exists, not even myself and then just wondering what the point of my existence actually is, this is just awful.

Hey everyone, I am demisexual and have been dating my first kiss/boyfriend for 6 months. I’ve felt anxious our whole relationship to some degree, but it’s difficult to tell if that’s because of ROCD or genuine incompatibilities. Sometimes I leave situations with him and I feel a bit deflated because he is a blunt tell-it-how-it-is kind of person and I am a very sensitive people pleaser. We also have significant religious differences that we are trying to work on, but he doesn’t always know how to respectfully learn and talk about my religion because of his bluntness. We have some good things going (he cares about me, wants to communicate, and we laugh together), but I genuinely wonder if I will always feel this anxiety in relationships due to ROCD or if it is because of specific incompatibilities with him. How do you tell the difference?

Fighting with ocd it’s hard and mostly when it got really hard in 2020… I have this routine at night that if I don’t do it I should not sleep and if I sleep I should do it before getting up (that means, no water, food or bathroom (that has changed) or shower). I’ve been like this since that year and it’s not easy… I had to also confront the lose of a family member… my skin it’s getting dry and pretty red that itches a lot on my face and even my fingerprints… they feel like there’s something burning and I’m scared of having now sone sort of sickness idk :,(… my eyes itch a lot too… now I can’t breath property and it’s getting like really stressful all of this situations… I really don’t feel i have a real friend… maybe a girl but we’re beginning that, I have my boyfriend but sometimes feel alone… I’m scared that my body it’s tired of having one meal since 2020 most of the days, and not showering for 3 days or 1 week, feeling I can’t eat or drink until I finish my routine… I’ve been holding and being strong a long time :,( my body it’s talking bc of it I’m really upset… Today I was laughing and my mom from nowhere looking at my room told me “aren’t you tired of living like this?!” I feel she was only talking about my messy room… but it really hurt like h… like… yeah mom, I definitely didn’t choose to live like this, I’m worried of my physical reactions of my body and I don’t like to not eat at all… with all respect to my mom, I love her but like… please don’t do this to me… why asking? Sorry… I wanted to just let it out… I’m not in a good time, I’ve really had to pass through a lot… I know ocd it’s not easy… Idk if this also might help that you’re not alone, ocd it’s not easy but not impossible to treat… we’re doing a great job… sorry for this; I needed to just let it out :,) with a community that can understand me so literally… I hope your doing great, Gos bless you

How did you master not mental reviewing and ruminating on bothersome thoughts?

Good evening my amazing fellow OCDieties. Wanted to reach out and ask a few questions and if ppl would like to share their experiences that be great but if not and just want to read and see others’ that’s just fine too. 1) when you find peace during our OCD what does it feel like to you? Does it make you want to do anything? 2) even non-OCD ppl experience loneliness and depression and destructive rage. Do you feel more isolated you think than them? Do you feel like no one understand you? If so do you think it’s because of your OCD or you as an individual. 3) what’s your aspirations in this world? What amps you up (even if it’s fleeting) about life? What motivates you to overcome OCD? My responses 1) it feels like pure bliss. Honestly experiencing OCD at such a young age and getting this peace just showered over my body and I literally do not have a care in the world. Everything is perfect because this peace is absolutely amazing and I will never take it for granted. It makes me just enjoy EVERYTHING. I have limitless energy and it just makes me want to be in the world expressing me 2) I have felt lonely for along time. Not that I’ve ever been one but definitely lonely. Always black sheepin’. I don’t believe it’s because of my OCD however it definitely hasn’t helped. I do believe some of my thought patterns and ruminating has been a gift of great power but one I was never in control of. Not along have I searched for knowledge and reassurance because of my OCD it has made me learn so much of the world. Personally I always loved learning so my OCD for me is like an extension of myself in a less controlled beneficial form. It has greatly amplified my compassion, understanding, and kindness towards others and idk who’s I be without that. The whole “what if this happened or what if they think this or that or did that even happen” was all glimpses for me of how big my world is and how much I wanted to step up and understand it and be a part of it. 3) I want to impact ppl. Not necessarily world wide or even country or state. I just want to be a difference for ppl. I want to be a hero. I want to be able to bring something to this world for others. Because without anyone else in this world even if I have never had any issues I would remain lonely. I didn’t build my apartment, my car, I didn’t give birth to my family, friends, make the amazing food that I love until I had for the first time. All these things were done by those who came before and those are here now. I just want to give back. Being there for someone even if it’s a random conversation with a stranger. Just being some light amps me up for how many ppl were and are a light for me. I’m Motivated to be a healthy stronger version of myself so I can give back more and not be halted and get in the way of myself anymore. So I can be there/here in this world and give the world me. Thanks for reading

I don't know how to explain this but for some time now I've noticed that people don't like to spend time with me, apparently I make them uncomfortable and I bore them. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong. I try to do what others like even if I don't like it, but they still don't like me. Unlike my brother who has fun with everyone and everyone loves to be with him. I don't know what to do I haven't had any friends for years, no one to talk to, that's why I talk to myself all the time and I don't know what else to do!? I've been alone for so long that when I talk to myself it already feels natural, I even answer myself as if I were talking to someone. Before it seemed normal to me but some relatives listened to me and asked me if I was okay since apparently it is not normal for them!! but I do not know what to do!! It's hard to find a friend but the truth is that I don't care anymore, I even find people irritable, to the point of hating every moment I spend with them!!

Hello everyone it’s my birthday and I can’t stop ruminating, haha, I’m not sure why I feel sad if everything is going I guess pretty well. I keep ruminating and overthinking about this one person and stuff, we cleared things about how we feel and it made me and them feel happy but my brain keeps telling me I’m not good enough for them and that things won’t go well or something, I really hate having these thoughts because I know I should be alright but it’s all making me sad.

Hi NOCD community, I hope your brains are feeling as safe and stable as they can be today <3 I’m seeking some validation, or where validation isn’t due, clarity. I met up with an ex last week not to rekindle any sort of relationship with her, but to talk over some things she did that really hurt me that I never got to express. Being distanced from the situation, I forgot that her behaviors could still pose a potential threat to me now. At one point she hit me in the face with a bag full of stuff I was carrying for her, joking, “do you ever just..” followed by the movement. It hurt my face and I just looked at her plainly and said “no, I never just do that.” She said “ah, okay, it happens to me all of the time.” Only she is what happened, the behavior did not happen to her. It was not accidental and she was not gentle. Normally, I would brush this off as a careless mistake but it is things like this that were the exact reason I wanted to meet up with her again. During our relationship, I would convey to her that physical things she did would hurt me and she would become very upset with me, making me feel like I was accusing her of something simply because I was expressing that I was uncomfortable. I felt unsafe to let her know when things she did caused me pain and so I let this happen to me for a while, being young and inexperienced. That night, whatever I came into it hoping to say I only said half of. Looking in her eyes, I still felt afraid of the reactions I remembered receiving after communicating to her in the past. It felt like a step backwards, and now I feel less strong than I did before. I’ve been isolating and my ocd has become so much worse, as my mind is trying to find one thousand ways to avoid that this hurt and this night was difficult. What’s harder is I feel like I can’t talk about it with most of the people close to me, because they pleaded me not to see her. I didn’t listen out of hopes that she’d be different now, that somehow I’d receive closure. I was wrong. Please, any advice or suggestions on how to heal from these experiences? It feels good just to know I am being listened to. Thank you for this space to share our feelings openly and freely.

Still got loss of attraction. Kind of bored now, but still scared at the same time ? Maybe uts because im desperate to become attracted again. Not sure. Anyone relate? X

Hello Im looking for some support/maybe people who have had similar experiences, but anyway, leading up to this fear/new set of symptoms, I was having panic attacks daily over another health anxiety theme, I feltlike I was going to have anaphylaxis from anything that late (despite me not having any confirmed food allergies), it got so bad that I would sometimes eat my lunch in the parking lot of the emergency room. Then I started developing agoraphobia, I started getting lightheaded in public and a general sense or being unwell even unrelated to food fears. Then suddenly I became easily overstimulated /getting sensory overload and when I looked up my symptoms and I saw that this can be one of the first symptoms of schizophrenia prodrome. It's been ALL downhill from there. I now feel spaced out (dp/dr) 24/7. I feel like l'm afraid of everything sometimes, I'm almost too afraid to watch tv because I'm afraid I will believe their talking to me or something. I'm constantly monitoring my own thoughts/listening out for voices. I feel like I'm not thinking the same anymore, I feel different, I feel like my thinking is slower, I feel like I'm constantly focusing on trivia nonsensica shit rather than the task at hand.sometimes I get extreme racing thoughts, yet at the same time sometimes I feel mentally slow. Im having really bad disorganized thoughts all the time, I have random phrases, words, songs that don’t make sense pop into my head all the time now, almost like the kind of random thoughts you get just before you fall asleep. I'm over analyzing every single thing. Any background noise that I immediately do not know the origin of triggers me until I know what it is and can confirm I'm not hallucinating. I just don't feel like myself at all, I feel a giant cloud in my head and feel heavy headed. I'm sometimes completely unable to think concentrate. Sounds stupid but I feel like I can't even play video games normally anymore, ill catch myself just running around aimlessly doing stupid shit, focusing on trivial nonsensical shit like I've never played a game before, I get distracted by random details now in a game l've played forever. Point is I feel like I'm not thinking normal anymore. I'm having EXTREMELY severe panic attacks multiple times a day now revolving around thoughts like "this is the lead up and im going to lose my mind", have to live in a psych ward, lose my wife, never be myself ever again, not be able to function anymore. I can barely leave the house at all, I feel almost afraid to be around people while I feel like this, I ALMOST can't even go to work anymore, but I HAVE TO because I get my health/mental health insurance through my employer, it's the only way I can see a therapist and psychiatrist and if I lost my job my insurance would be gone. Everytime I have a panic attack now I think "this is it!! I'm about to have the psychotic break!" Hoping this is just a result of extreme stress/just another health anxiety OCD theme. I was prescribed .25 daily klonopin to get me out of this episode but it doesn't really work, it takes away the panic but the brain fog/slow thinking/nonsensical thinking and inability to think clearly feeling still remains, and the worrying/obsessing about it still. Really need some support/kindness. I've been in tears over this. Extremely stressful and debilitating.

Hello everyone, I'm new here and have severe contamination ocd that has been happening the past four years since I was 20. I'm 24 now and it seems to be getting worse. I don't want to be around kids because I know they're germy little gremlins and carry the main thing I fear that caused my ocd to worsen. I shower whenever anything above my chest has been touched (neck, face, hair). I wash my clothes after one wear because they feel contaminated after the use. I refuse to let people touch my bed or clean clothes. If I hear that anyone in my family is sick I freak out intensely and have to stay away from them. I also shower if I've been in public and people were coughing near me. If I don't feel like showering and that my above triggers aren't contaminated I just wash my arms up to the elbow and go to sleep because I sleep in short sleeve shirts and my arms touch everything all day. I refuse to touch my face, neck or hair after touching my phone or anything else. I bring a travel blanket with me but have to wash it after every use. I use my shoe to open doors and press the cross walk button. If I can't use my shoe I use my pinkie and immediately handsanitize sometimes twice just to have my hands feel clean. I have to use a utensil to eat when in a restaurant and would ask to change it if I see it touch anything. I work at a place that requires me to use a phone so I have to shower and wash my ear. I hold my breath when walking past people. I can't sit back in the car or on the couch because it'll contaminate my neck and hair. I also have to do a double wash with my hands to feel clean. I used to do it for 20 seconds but I do the hand wash for 20 the 1st time then 30 for the second. I can't wear purses with straps that touch my shoulders, same with back packs. And I use so much soap and lotion that don't help keep my hands moisturized. And if I get triggered by anything I sit there in a quiet rage and ramble in my head because I know saying anything out loud will have me look crazy. There are times though that I get angry and close to tears when it feels like I've been contaminated and when my family makes fun of me for things I feel I have no control over especially the intrusive thoughts, emotions, anger, fear, and tiredness I feel on a daily basis. I'm scared of doing exposure therapy because I know they'll have me touch something contaminated and have me touch my face and not wash it how does that help it'll just make me angry.