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Feel like SOOCD has already beat me and that I just can’t accept it

So I realized recently that I’m really addicted to toxicity. My current bf is literally perfect and I feel awful because I’m craving instability and missing my single life when I would get loads of attention all the time. I feel like a part of me is missing because I’m missing the highs and lows of chasing a feeling and nothing else fills that void and I’m afraid I’ll resent my bf subconsciously if this continues. I love my boyfriend and this is the longest relationship I’ve been in but I feel like I’m fighting so many demons trying to keep this relationship. The relationship feels boring to me in comparison but I don’t wanna lose my boyfriend I’m really struggling and even tho I have ROCD I feel like this is something else. Please help.

I’m struggling so bad with derealization & im so scared im in psychosis or schizophrenic. I’ve been really sick with a head cold and all my symptoms are just making everything worse and making me more scared. 🥺

I am a happily married 26 year old. I love my husband and our two year old child. I have struggled with intrusive thoughts in the past. Pure “O” OCD and also POCD. A couple months ago I got triggered by something that made me think of an ex boyfriend from 2016. and it made me think what if I have feelings for him or what if I want to talk to him, etc and it's spiraled from there. Now I feel like I have to be with him or talk to him for the anxiety and thoughts to go away. And then yesterday I thought about him again and I was like well if I was with him would it be that bad? And it didn't make me anxious and now I'm anxious because it didn't make me anxious. Which has to mean I want to be with him? I don't want to be with him tho but what if that’s the case? And what if my ocd isn’t real. I feel like I’m drowning in my thoughts and I have created a situation that feels so intense and real

Does anyone else repeat things like phrases in their head to reassure themselves about things like relationships and sexuality. I say things everyday and now I’m convinced it’s just straight up denial and that I’m refusing to accept the truth. Feel like my whole life has been a lie now.

I think I have hocd. I’m currently in a relationship with the opposite sex and it’s making it a lot harder. I have non stop thoughts about “maybe I’m in denial”, checking to see my responses/reactions to lesbian things, it ruminates in my head all day long. The obsessions and compulsions are so bad right now I feel distraught. Not only about fearing that I actually am gay, but I’m terrified to ruin the person I’m with and relationship I have now. Just a few weeks ago we were talking about marriage, but now I feel like I’m wasting his time because what if I am gay? I watch things with lesbians and don’t feel attraction to it, I try to have a conversation in my head about coming out to others and it doesn’t even feel right. I just feel lost, I don’t want to lose what I have at all and I just want these thoughts to go away because they’re ruining me.

Hey everyone, I’m still pretty new to OCD and was wondering if anyone has any strategies that help reduce OCD symptoms that are not compulsive.

Why am I feeling like I’m losing attraction for woman and gaining for men?

If someone told me what I’m about to say when I was in the depths of my OCD, I probably would’ve punched them in the face. However, it is an important part of recovery. Stop looking for an answer. Like seriously, don’t half ass it. The subtype I recently had was SO OCD that stemmed from ROCD. I didn’t even realize this, but during my recovery, I was secretly waiting for the moment I could confidently say “Yes I am straight” with no voice of doubt. That’s not the point of recovery, and it was what was actually hindering my progress. You have to fully accept you may indeed be whatever you fear. Having SO OCD is no guarantee you are not the sexuality you fear (it’s unlikely, but possible). Seeking certainty is the exact opposite of what OCD recovery is about. You have to 1) identify your fears, 2) throw any expectations for recovery away, and 3) do ERP properly. All you know is you have OCD (yes, even despite the the voice saying you don’t) and you have to deal with that. I said this in another post, but I’ll say it again: OCD is not a once and done sort of deal, it can come up later in the future (same subtype or diff), and it’s the unfortunate reality of our lives, but oh well🤷‍♀️we can’t wallow in anxiety and self pity forever

It’s almost impossible to get appropriate care/help for OCD here in Slovakia. I have very strong perfectionism and order&symmetry OCD. It consumes most of the time of my day. I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate it.😣 Doctors are so badly educated about this disabling disease. It’s a miracle to find a doctor who does not understand OCD as one generally disease but categorizes it into its subtypes. Each time I visit a new doctor - they tell me someting like this, so you are very strict about your hygiene and need to have everything perfectly arranged/ordered? This is their whole conception of what OCD is, talking about my problems with them seems useless, waste of time, cause they seem like they’ve read about it on one page at med school 20years ago and this is where their knowlege of OCD starts and ends I am so desperate. I don’t want to live like this. I take 200mg of Sertraline. It does help a lot, but does not solve everything. The way my mind works, the way I reassure myself and control everything consumes most of my time when I am awake. It’s horrible. Provided I didn’t speak English, I would be completely screwed. Cause the only help I actually get is by reading about OCD in English and by using this app.

I’m not sure if the trigger warning is needed, but this definitely triggered my Pocd and I don’t want anyone else to have the day I’ve had. Today I told my therapist that I have Pocd. I made the mistake of waiting till the end of our session out of fear, and because it was a phone call she had to go. She reacted shocked, kind of strange and then I hung up. I basically wrote an informative essay for her because I didn’t want to journal about my actual intrusive thoughts, or about what I think about. I thought if I wrote about how it is common and other people also have this type of ocd she would understand a bit better. Instead, I was met with “I’m concerned about this” “have you ever acted on these thoughts, or come close to acting with these thoughts” and “you may need to see someone else who specializes in this.” So, I’m left with the feeling that I’m a monster, because if she thinks I could act on this I must be. I’ve lived not telling anyone about it for years, and I’ve struggled finding a therapist I like, and finally when I find someone who I really trust and think I can talk to about this, she leaves me feeling terrible. I’m so tired of living with Pocd. I’m so tired of having the worst intrusive thoughts and having to do compulsions every single day. Im tired of feeling like if I tell anyone why I need help I’m going to go to jail. I just wish that this was easier.

Is it normal to feel like a liar or that you are in denial, even though you have confessed and gotten reassurance? I know that I have shared everything to therapists and family and friends but it still feels like I’m hiding something or living a double life. Is this normal?

I sometimes repost things on my insta story to spread awarness about different issues like racism, homophobia ect. I today went idk why through my history archive to see what i have posted before. One repost has made me really anxious now. It was a repost from two years ago about the racism some football players from England faced after a match. The front page was saying that and under that was shown a hate comment saying the hard r n slur. I now am having so much anxiety about this. I know that my intentions were to spread awarness about the incident and nothing more, but now i feel terrible that the post contained the slur. It almost feels like i said it. I don’t know if this is actually wrong of me as a white person or if this is my ocd. I would really appreciate if someone could help!!!

I’m scared of the truth, I’m scared of what I’ve done intoxicated one night, I feel I’ve messed my life up and ruined it, my head is telling me I’ve done something awful to a female (worst case scenario) it’s telling me I done it and I’m capable of it I’m so scared, Please help me

I’m a college student and I’ve had a healthy and stable relationship with my bf of almost two years, but about 3 months ago symptoms of ROCD started flaring for the first time. I was scared and extremely distressed. I told my mom all my doubts about my relationship. I had to pull myself together after a few weeks because college was starting back up. Since I’ve been at college my mom has only really made things worse for me even tho I explained to her that I thought I had ROCD (now I’ve been officially diagnosed) but my mom seems to not be on board or not understand no matter how much I try to explain things to her. She pokes and triggers my OCD every time we speak about it and I’m not sure if it’s intentional or even how to handle things moving forward. Any reason why she might not be supporting me? I’ve tried sending her videos on ROCD and other things to help her understand.

Im really stressed right now because im worried my boyfriend is too boring for me and not deep enough. He’s not great at communication, doesn’t have many interests and it feels like we run out of things to talk about. We also do spend everyday together with the rare day off. His family is from Poland and they don’t talk much during dinners I’ve had with them and seem a bit boring as well. I’m wondering if this is something he could change or if im just overreacting or if it’s an incompatibility. I do love him and he’s really kind and sweet but I need him to know how he’s feeling but he always says he doesn’t know or that he isn’t thinking about anything. im so scared and i don’t want to break up but I don’t want to be bored and lonely in a relationship forever.

I am desperate I’m at the end, I’m stuck with what I believe is real but everyone around me says not, I feel I done something awful to a female walking home drunk, I’m pretty sure my thoughts that night was my life’s changing forever tomorrow, but since this night my life has been crap, I’m depressed and nothings came of it however it’s killing me, if I did something bad I’d own up to it but I’m constantly searching and checking FB posts etc. I’ve been tempted to go to the police station and explain it all, I just feel awful, any suggestions plz? (This has been longer than 1 year)

I have this irrational fear that my mom is going to ☠️(i can’t type the word because i’ll trigger myself but i hope you get what i’m trying to say) and i won’t know because i live far away from her and it literally keeps me up at night and i’ve cried so much about it. A lil context my mom is like my best friend I love her so freaking much and that’s where this fear stems from because i simply wouldn’t be able to live if she did pass away. This fear will trigger my compulsions so i literally need to check in with her almost every day and make sure im telling here to be safe and just being annoyingly over cautious with everything she does bcuz it’s like ahh!! don’t ☠️ mom!!! If i love someone a lot the thought of them dying becomes actually debilitating and feels like it’s already happened in a way even when their perfectly safe and healthy. Just death all around I obsess over, even those who I have actually lost i obsess over the fact that their watching me at every minute of everyday and i cant do anything that i wouldn’t do in front of them? if that makes sense? Is this a type of OCD?

Today I found out I have the biggest OCD disorder Existencial crisis ( OCD) the biggest Depersonalization I easily become triggered , I don’t know how to interact , don’t know who I am no more , my peace can easily be taken away but Ik what brings it back Being surrounded by those that makes me at peace Taking the bus School a little bit Being distracted Nice weather and being able to sit or be in a cool place with a nice weather . Relaxing videos of people leaving a slow village cottage life I think this is because that’s the life I used to have and the only happy memories I remember where I was poor but yet genuinely happy I think that life style again would be the cure to all my problems and I don’t think I’ll have anything to worry because people be like If you live like that you’ll be happy to miss what you can have with money but right now I have money and I feel like is one of my biggest problems and stress while seeing this videos this people are surrounded by laugh and genuine people . I probably just need a vacation home . Ik that I’m kind but I feel mean as I be so mad at when I’m home or by myself and that affects my alone time to study and get tasks dones or to manifest good thoughts to then manifests good things in my life I have the biggest self insecurity I have the biggest fear towards being myself which I also share it with people phobia ( words had hurt me and I am on ny healing process but I think is so much that I just can’t sometimes haha so the only thing that seems to bring peace when too overwhelmed and mad is sleep but I hate the idea of putting myself to sleep sometimes thought when I do I feel like a baby the silky blankets and nice temperature on the sheets making my body refreshed when I can feel like that I feel like in my best. I love watching animal videos and videos of people doing things it’s the little moments where we’re hopeless that make us slow down and appreciate our surroundings law of placebo effect states that we always see from our perspective and never slow to see all around us when we do this turns into either regret cause we appreciated too late or into a beautiful lesson I feel sometimes we missed out a lot and our people phobia was because people didn’t think we cared enough for them but that’s because we never could find the enough words to appreciate them to tell them the beauty we saw in spending time with them In specific days and moments where it might seem normal to the normal human naked eye but to one it can mean so much To that one person thank you for choosing me to be part of your days

Does anyone else get so tied up about ‘proving’ whether something did or didn’t happen? And they feel like they can only be happy if they prove OCD wrong? Been going to extremes recently to look for evidence if I did something and after finding nothing, feel very low.