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the NOCD Community

Please tell me some Prozac success stories I’m starting it tomorrow! Feeling hopeful because I was doing ok on Zoloft and have been much worse since I’ve been off so we’re trying a new med.

Who of you are Christians and have had to learn to live with OCD as a Christian? It’s one heck of a ride!!! How does it affect you?

Hello, I do not have OCD but my boyfriend does. We’re both in our early 20s, we have been together for almost a year. I’m making this post seeking advice , thank you for taking the time to read. He’s always had issues obsessing over my past and asking me questions and things of that nature. I talk to him about it and answer when he wants to ask me stuff, but the problem is i don’t want to talk about these things because it’s really traumatic for me. He tends to obsess over my past romantic history which brings up bad feelings for me (SA, DV trauma etc) I want to help him but it’s VERY hard to stay patient when it’s triggering me. Every time he asks me about these things i either end up having a panic attack or getting so upset with him which ends up making him feel worse because he can’t control his obsessions and it’s a really hard cycle for both of us. I don’t understand much about OCD and it confuses me how one minute everything is fine and the next he is upset. and he hasn’t been diagnosed yet but is working on getting into therapy. He has his own trauma which i think is where this all stems from. But in the meantime I want to find better ways to help but also keep my own mental health in check. I’m willing to do whatever I can to help him with his issues. It’s also really isolating because it’s a difficult situation and i’m having difficulty finding anyone who relates and can help. Thank you for reading this. 🥺 And anyone who has advice would get greatly appreciated.

I’ve been dealing with what I believe to be harm ocd for a while and it goes away for long periods of time and comes back worse and I can’t stop thinking about doing awful things to people and I visualize it and think about consequences and stuff and it scares me because I want it to stop, but idk how to get violent thoughts about hurting people to stop I haven’t been diagnosed but I’m just scared for me and others, someone please help, I just want to go back to a clear mind

Two months have passed since I started therapy. It has been helpful in reducing symptoms and I began to work on the things I like, but there are still some things which irritate me. I am feeling depressed and I find it rather difficult to think rationally. I spend a lot of my time inside my head with thoughts regarding my future and I am overwhelmed with dread that I am going to fail school in my last year, although my grades tell another story and I still managed to study for myself to get a better understanding of some matter beyond the things that have been taught in my class. I have the feeling of not possessing control over the most trivial aspects of my life. I stutter a lot more and I find it difficult to explain or come up with ideas. My performance of tasks is much more slowly and I have become quite forgetful. When I try to think logically, it feels as is if I have brain fog. The worst part is that now I have a lot more thoughts besides my main theme surrounding my sexual orientation. Thoughts that sound like "I am the smartest man alive", "I am better than anyone else", "I am smarter than Albert Einstein himself", "I possess knowledge of everything" and the worst one "I am god". With these thoughts burdening my mind, I have not quite felt like myself in a long time, approximately 4 months and 23 days. I encourage myself to advance through life by telling myself that everything will pass, but it feels like a lie. It feels like my mind cannot be mended anymore and this started when I truly believed that my main theme became reality. I fought for a whole year against HOCD, only to find myself at square one with the fear feeling ever so real. I hate it so passionately, because although these thoughts tormented me, I became accustomed to them and I managed to be a rational person who finished at the top of their class. But with the new theme of my fear of being bisexual, not only did I feel powerless against my thoughts and feelings, but my mental resistance towards them also sank. Now, when a aforementioned thought appear, it feels like I do not want to create resistance anymore or to put up a fight against them. It seems as if I do not want to do anything, not even ERP. This apathy drags me down. Everything appears so dark, devoid of potential. I try to escape from this mental prison, but I cannot. Everything I do and try to do feels like it is doomed to fail and will not improve my situation. I try to adhere to the my training given by my therapist, but even then I am not sure if it will help me. I do not even know if I have OCD or not anymore. After triggering myself with my new theme, I cannot discern my thoughts from intrusive thoughts anymore. I lack any clarity on this matter for a very long time, although sometimes I get some glimpses of truth. Thank you for reading this lengthy post and I apologize for any grammatical mistakes or word repetitions. Is this a comorbidity between depression and OCD or just another tactic of OCD unknown to me that surprisingly well in keeping me occupied with this never-ending agony?

Sooo my psychiatrist either wrongly or correctly gave me a med, Lurasidone (Latuda) for schizophrenia (though there could be a chance she just didn't understand shit about ocd psychotic like symptoms and thought i had schizophrenia instead) And my family is almost begging me not to take it The pharmacist apparently gave them a really sour glare when she looked at the medication before giving it and the side effects are many, dangerous, and weird (apparently can't take grapefruit) i wanna get better butbat the same time Don't wanna get worse because of side effects, especially with the multiple and scary ones there were

I want to own up to r*pe, I feel as though I done it walking home very intoxicated been over a year and still struggling been diagnosed with depression and always had ocd as a kid but thought i got over it because Ive never had a OCD diagnosis

Hello I have been struggling with ocd since I was 19-20 years old. I am now 29. At first I thought I was mentally insane and it was the scariest time of my life. I never have opened up to anyone about this stuff. Just suffered in silence. I still haven’t shared any of this stuff to anyone in my life because I don’t want them to look at me like I’m a monster. There’s just no possible way for me to explain that without sounding absolutely insane. My ocd has come in waves over the past 9 years. It gets really good and I think it’s gone away but then when I’m having high stress in my life it returns and I feel crazy again. Lately my theme has been thinking I have schizophrenia & looking up all the signs because my ocd has made me feel so crazily insane that I question if it’s even ocd or something else. There’s someone that I work with that I found out has schizophrenia and it completely triggered me back into a nasty cycle of ocd and scared me so bad FOR NO REASON. can someone please relate? I’m also in a relationship and they know nothing about this. I tend to isolate when I feel this way. I have also went through different themes the past 9 years. When I get over one & feel okay about it, another one appears.

So this is a long story (as you're reading this i'm just about to turn 24 years old, i hope you can understand what i suffered from and please keep this confidential from this app only, it's a serious story but i really hope that i can trust you), but what happened was every since the spring of 2022, i had dealt with ocd-symptoms related to numbers. This condition is known as arithmomania, and i must say, i absolutely hate it. It is the worst thing that has ever happened in my life, everyday i've had constantly telling myself i got over it but the numbers kept getting worse. First it began with relatable cases people had such as the amount of times people touched a mirror, wall, handle, bench etc. but none of those were as bad as one thing which if anything worsened over time (which i had to post this to see if anyone can help about this). There was a time in the year of 2016 where i wrote a dumb email (which caused me to have began interrogated and i denied everything at the time) to a school that i didn't like because some guy threatened me at the time so i wrote a list of people's names, it didn't bother for years but then in august of 2022 it popped into my mind because of the list of people which i thought was "12", and since my mind didn't like that number for some strange reason, it kept bothering for various months that it interfered with my everyday life so then in late december 2022 i wrote an email (not an illegal one) and then there was something that wasn't satisfying so then i wrote another and then another and then another, then in 2023 i wrote over 50+ emails to one teacher, then the same lack of certainty happened to another teacher 50+ emails and then i told myself to just write 16 emails to a 3rd teacher in the same month of january 2023, but i accidentally forgot something so then i wrote 50+, however the next day just when i thought it was all over, it wasn't, and that's because in those 50+ emails (to the 3rd teacher) there was a specific pattern i didn't like which made it feel like "12" (the emails with "lists of people", which all included at least 13 people because i couldn't accept 12) . And because of a "insecured" feeling i dealt with with even the littlest of specifics of ocd-symptoms, i ended up writing for example 3 months in a row for a day, i wrote a few months later and then in Summer of 2023 and then lately in fall. And the purpose wasn't to annoy the teachers obviously, the purpose was get rid of the symptoms i dealt with. However, today (November 18, 2023 before 1am as i wrote this) what happened specifically is last month i wrote 9 emails but it was the span of two days so then i wanted to have written 5 emails recently this november but then because of a "short type of email" that was written in january and october this year, i wanted to write a few quickly in november but then after i wrote those i didn't realize but there was one that overlapped the earliest morning of february 1st. So the pattern i've felt hours ago is "january-february, october-november" (which is 2-2 beginning of year, 2-2 close to end of year) and those are during age 23, so then because of that and that i ended up writting 9 emails today in november, i've felt so angry at myself and my mind feels that if i write 3 emails a row (with a short email included at the least) that it'll disappear the symptoms but my mind feels that it would want to write at some point a few months in a row next year but i don't want to write to any of those teachers in a row because at close to an age of any typical grown man and i don't want to put myself in trouble. I don't want my mind to think something ridiculous such as "Oh but Dan if you write they aren't going to be in the same year as the 50+/50+/50+ sets of emails you wrote" I've come to the point where i CANNOT stand this and it seems like everytime i've tried to fix something it has just gotten worse. I saw a doctor/psychiatrist, all they did was placed me on antidepressants but they made it worse and i've had to go get alternate medicine for possible mold poisoning (that's another story) since it could've gone to my brain which my brother (who knows from experience) says it could have caused the ocd-symptoms. I apologize about this type of story, i don't mean to make anyone feel triggered but this is just how i've felt inside and i couldn't keep this in silence. I want to live a healthy happy and productive life and i should be happy that my birthday is in less than 10 hours but this has taken a toll and i regret having written more than 5 emails on november 17th. If anyone knows any advice on what to do given this stuck-felt type of situation, i would really appreciate your help.

Hello I’m new to this app and hoping to become a part of a community that could be a positive part of my healing process. I have contamination OCD that has caused me enough distress to drop out of college for a while to get my life back on track. I tend to do a lot of handwashing and have to be clean to a certain standard to do things like laundry or sleeping in my own bed. I have read online and have talked with a counselor about ERP and the idea of it does not sound like it should work to me. If there are some people willing to share a bit about the ERP they went through for contamination OCD I would be very appreciative. I also wonder how long before ERP starts to be effective. Thank you in advance to anyone who responds to this message.

It’s crazy how OCD can latch onto anything we see or hear. When my episode started back in early August it was initially HarmOCD. Then i joined the OCD Reddit group and read about someone else’s experience and it triggered POCD. Now that this has been going on for months, yesterday I got curious as to how this individual was doing, if he’s gotten the help he did for his POCD. Managed to find his profile and in his post recent post history he admitted to doing inappropriate things to a child. It was downright disgusting and disturbing and scared me. OCD did the whole “well if he didn’t really have OCD then maybe you don’t either.” I know it sounds irrational but I think my mind is only making that assumption because it was initially his story that triggered my POCD from HarmOCD. So now instead of the regular intrusive thoughts I’m now fearing consistently if I really have OCD, despite me having nothing to confess because I’ve never done anything to anyone but still. Anyone else ever have a similar situation?

Do you need a formal OCD diagnosis to have specific therapy for it, either on this app or for in person/other online therapy? Can NOCD give you a diagnosis or do you need to go to a doctor?

This may sound kind of weird because people with OCD often get the title of “cleanly” and “organized.” With my OCD, I’m the complete opposite. In fact, my hoarding habit is probably one of the most detrimental things about my OCD as of right now, and I feel like not a lot of people talk about it. Does anyone else relate to hoarding?

I wish ocd didn’t exist. I would have never thought it could have got even worse. I spend my days constantly overthinking and crying my eyes out because of this. Why does this have to affect my life. I just want to be happy and I can’t anymore.

If you've been living with OCD for a long time, do you ever just habituate to the thoughts to the point where you're so used to them that they no longer make you anxious?

I'm so frustrated with how when I get so obsessive over an issue I ask my family and friends so much for reassurance that I know doesn't even help alleviate the distress. It makes me feel annoying. Any tips for reducing this behavior?

I saw a vid of a customer slap the shiii out of an employee I don’t really know the whole context but ik she wanted her money back and she was yelling at the employee and the employee said that she wasn’t with that attitude she was having, and she slapped her and then I got so pissed bc if someone slapped me like that hell I would explode, but what lead to this was that I was imagining what I would do if I was the employee, which was slap her but then it escalated so quick to where I was imagining like worse harmful stuff so all ima say is that yk blood but then I was like whoa 😳 why did I think of that?? It went too far and I also felt like satisfaction from it when I imagined it but that made me so scared after when I realized what I was thinking and I’m just so scared of my feeling and myself, but OBVIOUSLY I’m not gonna act out like god Jesus no but i just felt that way and it lead up to it so fast and I don’t think this is ocd if I’m thinking violently like this 😭😭 I think I need help bc I really feel like my mind is being slowly corrupted man :/ I wasn’t like this before I realized I was sexually abused as a kid and even emotionally bc I felt played by them and then this whole intrusive thoughts started happening for like 1-2 maybe and now this is where I am 🙂🥲🤦🏽‍♀️

I just want to say to anyone who see this to keep fighting! I know how difficult it is to live with ocd, even taking one day at a time is challenging but we can all fight our way throughout this! I’m always here if anyone wants to talk xx

I'll use the bathroom at work...wash my hands with 3 pumps of soap...shake my hands 3 times...use 3 paper towels to dry my hands. I'll open the door to leave but I'll turn around and go back in 3 or 4 more times, making sure I didn't drop anything on the floor. When I buy a snack at the vending machine, I have to walk back a few times times to make sure the machine reset so nobody can use my card after me. When I leave work, I lock then unlock the door 3 times. I'll even write on my hand all the closing duties I've done, and then check them off. But still won't trust it, so I'll do it again a few more times. When I'm at home, it's not as bad. Except for when I leave for work in the morning. Stuff like making sure my hair dryer and air fryer is unplugged...3 different times. All of this shit adds up throughout the day and it's making me miss out on other things in my life. I know it is. I need HELP. I'm also a binge eater who loves fast food. I know my bad eating habits contribute to my OCD and anxiety. I hope so. Because it would be an easy fix if it were. But i know it runs way way deeper than that. What can I do? I feel like if I don't stop counting, something bad will happen. :,(

I’m still starting to learn mine. They include… - Accidentally Doing something embarrassing or shameful in front of people you look up to (even small things) - Feeling super insecure on a day - Spontaneously get a message from someone who I like. - Waiting on someone I like to message me back. - See/hear/think of someone who is in trouble (in pain) and I get this feeling like I need to help them urgently!