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first post on here in a bit so SORRY THIS IS LONG but basically about over a month ago i went out with my friends. everything was going great and we were having fun. it got to the point where we wanted a second round of drinks. my friend asked me if i could get his and he wanted a Narragansett. already i was like huh? i had no idea what that was but he pointed to the menu and showed me where it was. i repeated it over and over in my head so that when i get to the bar i can say it right. anyways i get up and go to order and i notice there’s a drink menu on the bar and im thinking to myself great i can just point to it and if i butcher it i can just say its one of the lagers. i go to check the menu and its not the same menu that we had on the table bc the drink wasn’t on it. now im freaking out and trying to remember what the drink was. anyways i order my drinks first — tecate and tequila shot — then im like can i get one more and then i say, “can i get a nagarrsett” (nay-ger-sett) immediately the bartender leans in and is like what? and kinda just stares at me (mind you he’s black) and then i kinda go umm is that not what it is? and then i immediately realize what that may have sounded like. now im scrambling to find an explanation and say it’s one of your lagers and he’s still like i have no idea what you’re talking about and then i try and grab the menu again and look through it and still can’t find it. my heart is literally racing, my face is so hot and the silence was so awkward. finally i see another menu out down the bar and rush to grab that and i point to it and try to pronounce it correctly (nay-rang-an-set) and then he kinda goes ohhhh and either lets out a sigh or a chuckle i don’t know i was so mortified. and then he goes on to tell me, “its actually pronounced narragansett” and i immediately put my hand to my head and say, “oh my god im so sorry” and im still so stuck on what just happened that i dont know if he said its ok or what not. he gives me my drinks and tells me my total and i literally just give him all the money in my hand and some more and tell him to keep it and run back to my table. now for the past month ive been convincing myself im a horrible person who deep down wanted to say a bad word and now i feel like a tainted person and that i can’t go back to the person i was before. my friends try to reassure me and being like, “ok first of all you didn’t say it” or “yeah it was awkward for a sec but like he probs forgot about it.” now im just reeling bc what normal person would say it like that and im going every single event in my life that proves im a horrible person. i feel like im waiting to be exposed for this and that all my values that i hold dear mean nothing bc of this. at this point i just don’t know what to do. i’m anxious all the time, im losing sleep, rarely eating, and most of all feel like i betrayed my friends and family and that they’re all distancing themselves from me bc of this. i feel like i need to be punished for what i did and that i can’t redeem myself or be trusted.

Ok...so I need help navigating a relationship I have. I met this guy in trade school bc he kept following me around to talk to me and so we became friends and we kept in contact after leaving the school. He occasionally visits for a few hours maybe a few times a year and most of our interactions are over text. That's essentially all the necessary background. 2 problems 1. This person once had feelings for me, which I did not return because I just didn't feel the same way. He jokingly called me cruel because of it and one of my loved ones even joked that I was racist for rejecting him. Now I can't stop thinking about those things, even though I'm 80% sure they weren't serious. I know I'm not cruel for not having caught feelings for him, and I was extremely careful to let him down as gently as possible and as soon as possible so as not to give false hope. I also know that his race was not the reason I didn't catch feelings. Regardless, these comments still stick in my head. 2. This person is draining to me unintentionally. Our senses of humor kind of clash and our conversations are stiff and awkward because we have little in common and can rarely find things to talk together about that aren't sad or about our relationships with people who treated us poorly. It doesn't feel natural even after years of talking. He doesn't seem to understand me half the time but will pretend to and I've noticed I avoid starting conversations with him when we're not in person, so neither of us are perfect to one another. Major views of ours are also conflicting as well, as in, I am not exactly accepted around this person as a non-binary person, and this person defends those who want my rights taken from me. This is political, and I don't like to break relationships over politics, but it ads this undercurrent of tension. This person is also often taking risks and getting into accidents, so even more stress there in worrying about his safety. Every time we talk, I feel a pit of anxiety in my stomach and I worry I'll hear of another accident. I have trouble understanding him and he has trouble understanding me as well. We both struggle to communicate with frequent misunderstandings and I'm unsure why. It stresses me out when I struggle to read his meanings and tone and because of that, I particularly misunderstand him a lot, especially over text. His levels of sarcasm and irony are often too advanced for me to interpret and so I don't know when he's joking vs when he's serious vs when he's upset. Because I have so much trouble telling his emotions and he's not the type of person you really open up to about stuff like that, it's hard to navigate so I get very stressed and anxious never knowing if my responses are socially appropriate to the mood of the conversation. This is really frustrating, because from what it seems, he's a great person and there is no reason why we shouldn't be friends. He's different from me and interesting and tells great stories that make for thoughtful conversations to follow, yet I often wish he would never contact me because of the stress, and that he would not like to visit me or leave sooner, and that makes me feel really evil and a terrible friend. Right now I feel like I'm talking behind his back too. It feels bad. And now my OCD wants to tell me that not only am I a bad friend and person for this, but also racist, because a friend put that idea in my head after I rejected his romantic advance. Idk how to feel about this and what to do moving forward. Why does being friends with him stress me out so much? I only ever felt this way with one other person, but that was in highschool, and because the person was extremely high energy and extroverted while I'm very much not. This guy is not as extremely extroverted. Just a risk-taker who likes to poke fun a lot and confuse people for giggles. Idk. I want to stay friends because he's done nothing wrong, and he's a good guy, but it's draining and overwhelming.

Rant! Mwuahahahaha :3 Recently I’ve been folding under the pressure of the reassurance cycle in my relationship. I’ve been doing good the past couple of months just accepting uncertainty and not performing compulsions. But around last week, yesterday and today, I sought out reassurance from my bf, despite knowing better. Does anyone know why myself and possibly others will fold under this pressure to seek reassurance even when the better solution (erp) is in the back of our minds? My behavior pattern when im triggered will look something like : -upset -angry -regretful after getting reassurance -sorry I was angry A while ago my bf expressed to me that being angry from my intrusive thoughts affects him. That I shouldn’t be angry first, sorry later. And I agree as it’s unhealthy and hostile. I wouldn’t have to be sorry if I didn’t get angry and become reactive. After he said that to me I caught on and stopped becoming reactive and leaned into my erp. It was smooth sailing from there. Until last week, yesterday, and today…. 2 days ago i became burnt out mentally trying to remember what my erp skills are and what terminology I should be remembering. My biggest fear is forgetting how to do erp or falling back into my old habits and being stuck permanently. I feel like such a terrible person for being reactive over my intrusive thoughts towards my bf. He’s expressed to me that how it unfolds upsets him yet I folded under the pressure anyway. And it’s a choice too. In my mind I know the better route is the accepting uncertainty path but i choose to act out and seek reassurance from it. I don’t know why I choose to hurt him but in the moment it feels like he hurts me so I have to reciprocate it. Im reacting off an impression or hypothetical not a fact. Im being a terrible person towards him over something that isn’t even true. And I think I still fold and seek reassurance from him because he’s given it to me before and stayed with me despite being reactive and angry. I haven’t fully understood that he doesn’t have to do anything and can leave our relationship at any moment. To which I wouldn’t blame him. But it sucks that I choose to be mad at him because I assume he won’t leave, he’ll give me reassurance, and I can keep that cycle going. I really want this relationship with him to work. Anyway, that being said, I think the reason why we dip our feet into the reassurance cycle is because we’re familiar with it and have an idea of what the outcome can be but if we accept uncertainty that means we have to trust that the outcome from it is good. Trust being such an uncertain thing. Also, seeking reassurance for so long has probably made it a habitual problem for people like me that it makes the natural association of it being “good” because we see the reassurance we get from it as positive outcome from this bad behavior but we don’t see it as bad because we get what we want out of it anyway so it’s like yay I feel gratified (even if it lasts momentarily). So that’s why we trust it more than accepting uncertainty. Lmao im reading this back and what a rant, im not even sure I worded things the way I wanted to come across but im not gonna make it “just right” and ruminate over my sentences so I’ll leave it here teehee. I’ve started my ocd recovery journey around February 2025 so I’d say im doing pretty good for myself but holy shit I just realized how fast im learning and applying my knowledge to my life. I didn’t realize how short of a time span has gone by to try and unlearn about 10+ years of ocd habits. Have a wonderful evening dolls, this community is so special to me 🪽

I haven't been able to afford my anxiety meds for the past week and am definitely noticing it. Tbh I have abandonment issues and catastrophic fears about the people I love getting hurt and my husband told me he's planning an 8 day trip 2.5 months away from now for himself and it's not the trip itself I care about but I worry about him driving 9 hours away with fears about car accidents, irrational fears about things that could happen while he's gone and how idk if I can handle having anxiety for 9 hours straight not knowing if he is okay or not also our dog has major separation anxiety when he's away and I started asking realistic questions like would you mind moving the trip out to March so you can afford it better and I also asked him all the irrational questions like what if there's a tornado and you die etc. I can tell I agitated him but I feel like a bad person because all my husband wants to do is see his friend from his old job I know I could handle it better even if it's just slightly better if he went a couple months later not 2.5 months away l, but now he won't go at all because we are moving in March and the only time he would be able to go until summer is January. Does anyone else have arguments with their spouse like this?

I've read about a few people who have staring/looking ocd, I think I have it aswell. because I stare/look at people, or sometimes even look at their private areas. I'm not even thinking anything sexual while doing that, I just do it, I don't know why. also on social media: ever since that zoom function is on FB and Insta I zoom in on pictures sometimes. months ago I accidentally??? like without thinking zoomed in a little and looked at a little girls chest, for not even a second, or maybe a second. and I was like 'no ew why did I do that??' like I said before I didn't think anything sexual or anything like that, I just had to look and I feel so insanely bad and disgusting. I read about a few people that have sortof the same thing, with looking at peoples private ares, people of any age, or apparently even animals. how did you overcome the guilt of this? and is this looking really a compulsion? my mind keeps trying to tell me I'm awful but I would never ever hurt a child! :((

I’m still a teenager so I live with my parents but thankfully I have my own bathroom. It’s my safe space because that’s where I spend most of my time cleaning myself and keeping up with my hygiene which is very important to me. Especially my shower because it’s also where I go when I have a panic/anxiety attack and it calms me down. Recently my dog had an accident all over the upstairs carpet (she’s okay, just had a brief stomach bug). My brother was the one who ended up cleaning the mess and he took all of the gross poop water and dumped it down my shower drain. He could have dumped it in the toilet or outside but just chose not to i guess? I was super disturbed upon hearing this and I know it’s super dramatic but I feel like I need to replace everything in my bathroom now. I already have a new shower curtain on the way but I’m fighting the urge to replace everything else (soap, bath mats, bottles, etc) I feel like everything in it is dirty and no amount of cleaning can fix it. Please give me tips on how to deal with this.

I don’t know if I can’t tolerate this anymore. I always have a sinking pit in my stomach, a constant sense of dread that I’m gay. I present almost EVERY symptom of SO OCD, but my ocd keeps crawling back to the idea that I enjoy and find pleasure in graphic and gay thoughts. This makes me doubt my OCD, so I’m not getting treatment bc I’m scared my therapist will just say I’m suppressing feelings. Sometimes when I have a thought, for example, kissing a girl, I feel like a voice in my head is telling me I like it, and that I want to do it in real life. What’s strange is I feel like this SO OCD is like a chocolate covered strawberry. Let me explain, I feel like my true desires (being with a man) is the strawberry, the core. I feel like these thoughts are not my true self, but the chocolate coating on the outside of the strawberry. I imagine coming out and instead of exciting feelings that I get to date women, I feel dread and a pit in my stomach, like it’s not me thinking this. I’m losing my mind.

Sometimes, from afar, I see someone and think they’re a man I might be attracted to, but then when I get closer or watch more, I realize they’re actually a woman. This happened with a content creator whose videos I watched for a while. At first, I thought she was a guy and felt a slight attraction, but I was confused about her gender. I never figured out she was a woman until years after I stopped watching her. Because I wasn’t sure if she was a man or a woman, I decided not to act on the attraction I felt. Each time, the confusion made me hold back and step away. Something just felt off. Eventually, I stopped watching her for some reason but I don’t know if I figured out at that time if that was a man or a woman. Also, I have no memory of fantasizing about that person at that time. I hope I did not and I hope the reason why I can’t remember is because it never happened. I mean I know initially the confusion made me stop and say no and not get deeper into that mild attraction. But I dont remember what happened afterwards… like I think I tried to figure out whether that is a man ir a woman but I think just liked her as a person, but not romantically/sexually. Like I have no memory of fantasizing about that. Because I dont exactly remember what happened afterwards, I am scared I was still crushing on that person😭I remember watching a few of her videos and thinking she is such a sweet person and this is lowkey funny. But I don’t think I was crushing afterwards that confusion arouse, nor I was fantasizing about her. But my mind gives me this tiny memory and I am afraid it is true when now when I am writing this I realize it may not be. Idk how to trust myself. But once I aw her a few months ago, this all came back and I got so scared I was into her. I’ve realized my “attraction” was actually to the perception of a guy, and the anxiety started when I discovered she was a woman. That confusion led to “what if” thoughts, but my inner knowing is clear: I am not attracted to women. And honestly, when I was thinking about this today, I kind of know I was not into her, even tho I do not remember much. Memory is so blurry. I hate it. I hate the what ifs. I am scared this means something. Does it mean anything? Does it mean I was attracted to her? Did anyone go through something similar?

I’m new to NOCD and was only recently diagnosed with OCD. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety for many years now, but learning about how OCD works has really helped me understand how my anxiety operates, because much of it turns out is OCD. Who knew. That being said, I do experience good ol’ plain anxiety too. As I’m beginning an ERP therapy, I want to make sure I’m getting as much out of it as possible, but I have trouble differentiating between regular anxiety and OCD anxiety. If anyone has any tips/observations, let me know! Does OCD affect how your “regular” anxiety operates? Can they even be separated? I feel like even my non-compulsive, non-repetitive anxieties become obsessive in nature, and drives me to “do something” to “fix it” and completely steals my focus until I’ve done something to make myself feel better. Since the anxieties aren’t always the same, I don’t always do the exact same thing to address them, but I do feel obligated to do something, and am incapable of thinking/talking my way through some anxieties. Is that something that people with general anxiety do too, or is that a topic best understood as OCD? I’m probably just describing a Venn diagram of anxiety disorders, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around this diagnosis and understand why my brain copes with anxiety the way it does and how I can work on improving my coping skills.

Hello all, I have always found social media and news/current events to be stressful. They often make me feel a lot of existential dread and cause me to catastrophize a lot. However, I am Gen Z. I am 25 and turning 26 soon. My generation grew up with social media and it has become the only means of communication for many of us. I also live in the suburbs where almost everyone within a 5 mile radius of me is either middle aged, elderly, or under 18. I also use news regularly in my line of work at a start up. My mom keeps telling me that I should avoid news and social media altogether. For her, this is easy since all of her friends are similar in age to her and she never needed to use social media. For people like me who are socially isolated and in their mid 20’s, avoiding news and social media is impossible. Social media is a social lifeline for us in Gen Z whether we like it or not. If I avoided all social media and news, I would essentially be cutting myself off from that social lifeline, which would make me even more isolated than I already am. So how can I stay up to date on social media and news without constantly being in a state of existential dread? How can I build resilience to news and social media?

One of my dearest friends has passed away after battling cancer for the last year. In navigating my feelings of grief and love I’m also seeing a major spike in all my OCD symptoms. I’m tapping things more, I’m stuck in loops leaving work or home, I’m even noticing newer physical body responses like locking my jaw or holding my breath until thoughts pass. Am I grieving right? Am I grieving enough? Do I remember our time together right? I’m not surprised that this trauma has reignited some of my symptoms. I am in CBT therapy and talking with a therapist to organize my thoughts but as a new app user I thought I would take a moment to be vulnerable and see how my OCD community navigates when real life sh*t makes the hard days harder.

im looking into finding an ERP therapist (not through this app I'm afraid- it doesn't take my insurance) but im worried that it might only help with external stuff. one of my friends who also has OCD said that that was their experience too.

I don’t really go on dates much but I just did this weekend and I’m stressed cuz I know it’s just a date but then idk if satan sent it cuz I don’t really like him but like I almost want to just cuz and I can’t force myself to like someone but then I also have avoidant attachment so it’s just confusing and then I’m so scared of relationships it makes me feel like it’s immoral also because religious ocd or if I’m not supposed to have one anyone else feel this way

It feels like I’m almost accepting being gay. Like I’ve been trying to test if I have suppressed feelings by imagining scenarios and that are ga like coming out and stuff. It just brings me more anxiety because I don’t want to be gay. It feels like I want to be gay so I just feel like I’m accepting it so am I actually gay? I’m over thinking this so much smh.

With the adding list of horrible real POCD events, plus the fear of my worst POCD fears ever coming true growing more and more possible by the day, I cant find hope right now... I wont ever harm or delete myself, but honestly, living right now is the worst hell I can ever have. A never ending purgatory of not knowing if my worst pocd fears will ever be realized, or just having to be forever uncertain... I genuinely cant find a reason to hope... nor a reason to live...

!!TW; f*ces, panic attacks, swearing!! hey everyone, i just needed a little like..idk guidance? help? just to talk/get something out of my chest. i feel like no matter how i try to explain this, it’ll be fucking disgusting. here i go: i had an incident a while ago that involved feces in a public bathroom at my job, overthought the fuck out of it, and was convinced i had Hep A. either way, that has led me into an awful spiral of panic around fecal matter (aka shit). every time i have to shit, i will literally avoid eating to not use the bathroom. then i’ll hold it to try and prolong the process. i wipe then fold wipe and fold, and ive tried to stop folding bc i freak the fuck out that it’s on me when i touch the toilet paper. to the point to where im washing my hands through the process of me shitting. not only that, i will freak out about fecal matter being on the inside of the tissue roll. it’s just..hard. and it shouldn’t be this hard right? idk. and it’s like when i shit then get in the shower, i’ve gotten into a habit of “what if there’s shit on my rag like what if a little got in there?? do i not wash my body?? do i get out?? do i get another rag?? i’m filthy. wash yourself again.” i’ll even smell the rag to i guess..check?? this is so fucking gross. but like i won’t smell shit, it’ll smell like..nothing? or just like..idk like sweat ig? or something idfk and freak myself out bc i don’t smell like the dial soap. that’s what happened tonight and im writing this while my heart is literally beating from my chest. i just..need an outsiders point of view. like please be honest. thank you for reading it if you did

Hey guys so I need some advice or help from fellow Christians. I always get so anxious and scared I’m doing something that doesn’t please God and this has severely impacted my day to day life and relationships. I can always feel his “stare” and feel like I have to act correctly, I can feel him “looking” at my thoughts and it has led me to not knowing what I am even thinking or how I feel because I always think I am faking. Also trying to not declare anything has led me to be paranoid of stuff I’m saying. Also I feel like I have to monitor EVERYTHING I do. And I “feel” if something is righteous or not for me to do it. I need help please.

I need a miracle bc i’m sick of this. I hope and pray this is SOOCD and that I actually have OCD. I was doing sm better a couple months ago. I felt hope after years of depression and numbness. As soon as I feel something other than negative emotions or nothing at all, OCD immediately tries to fuck it up. Why won’t this leave me alone? If those past memories/proof mean something I pray it means i’m at least just bi bc bi women don’t HAVE to be with women. I just keep on ruminating and analyzing, analyzing my past relationship (i had soocd before and during it so odd is latching onto everything ocd made me go through while being with him), replaying and analyzing memories of childhood exploration/ regular memories (like checking if i had attraction to male characters in movies i liked and worrying bc I can’t remember if i did or not), creating false ones?, checking, i’m constantly triggered by EVERYTHING, and I’m worried even more now bc I don’t have that many thoughts as before. Then I try to analyze if I had a lot of thoughts in the past when the theme started bc if I didn’t then maybe this isn’t even OCD. This all started bc I thought a masculine presenting woman in a kpop group was attractive 5 fucking years ago bc she looked like a male kpop idol. I rmbr I was so uncomfortable when I realized she was a woman. I even remember thinking “does this mean i’m bi? let me pretend to fangirl over her like I do with guys just to check.” It didn’t feel right but it was stuck in my mind and wouldn’t leave. Looking back, this theme was building up earlier but i wasn’t phased bc my attraction to men wasn’t gone. Sadly i’ve been numb for years now and i’m still dealing with this years later. Now that I’m having a flare up, every time i see a masc lesbian now I feel like i HAVE TO BE attracted and it can’t just be false attraction. Also i fucking hate how when I’m feeling terrible everything that triggers me just pops up on my screen. I feel so numb towards everything. I feel numb towards my boyfriend and my relationship (I was so excited for my relationship and my attraction for him felt so real, wanted, and genuine) but when he does something that hurts my feelings somehow i can feel that and nothing else? I hate this I hate this I HATE THIS.

I was talking with a friend and things got more personal than they usually do. I talked to her about my mental health not being good and I told her that I was suffering from OCD. I also told her about my concerns for medication and worrying about family finding out if it ever came to that. Then we switched the subject and talked about a lot of different things. At one point we talked about romance movies and I feel like there was emotional attachment even though I don't think there was, just feelings flying about. I have a crush on another woman but I honestly don't think we'll date because I'm just not ready for a relationship because I have so many things I need to work on in my life. This isn't the first time this has happened when talking to her and I don't intend on these feelings meaning anything but this time it feels like I did because I got an intrusive thought about it that stuck. I feel like this is emotional cheating and I'm not even dating anyone and I'm already straight up just fucking up how things are supposed to go and I feel idiotic. I know this isn't cheating because we were never dating but I just feel so stupid for this happening. On one hand I know it's OCD but on the other I just feel awful. I know it's a crush but I haven't gotten those feelings like that with my crush, only with her, even though I didn't think we'd initially date. I even get thoughts saying "What if I do like her?" When I don't think it's like that.

So I used to do this because it would be a compulsion cause I would try to prevent any arousal feeling down there if I ever had any types of intrusive thoughts, but now since it’s such a habit, I even do it sometimes when I am feeling arousal towards appropriate things, but that’s just cause it’s just out of habit and then earlier today I had an intrusive thought and I was already feeling aroused And then I kept thinking remembering in the moment like I think I wasn’t clenching and response to intrusive thoughts I was just doing it maybe because it was a compulsion like I was probably doing a compulsion but now I keep doubting myself and then now I keep thinking oh my gosh, but what if I did country in response to intrusive thoughts that I’m actually a pedo :(