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Anyone here have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? I am trying to find info online about OCD being comorbid with BPD, but not much is out there. Any input would be really helpful!
What does acceptance mean/ feel like? Because to me it just scares me and makes me feel like I’m giving into my OCD thoughts.
When dealing with ocd, it always feels like you’re tying to be acceptable to someone. And if you don’t meet that person’s standards (on cleanliness, morality, etc.) you’re a disappointment. It’s like that person controls your every thought, feeling, and action. This person is your ocd. But, we shouldn’t be making our ocd happy. Ocd is never going to be happy no matter what you do. Even if you do feed it a compulsion, it will only want more and more. Don’t satisfy your ocd. Just live with its whining without feeding it or fighting it. If you practice this enough, you will start to see it get smaller and smaller. You will get better. No matter what you’re going through.
every time i try to read a book i can't concentrate because of my thoughts
18+ content So I was watching adult content until a random thought of my friend came out (guy). I'm a hundred percent straight and I know these thoughts are nonsense but boy why did it happen? Ever since my friend came out my brain started telling me what if I'm gay? The last time i met him there was this awkward tension. I didn't know how to look at him and my mind was all over the place. Are you getting a groinal response? I accepted the thoughts and said yeah I'm totally gay and I started punching him as I always did. The thoughts went away but like I said before, an image of him came when I was watching adult content....
If u keep checking ur memorys to see if ur thoughts are right or not,or if you keep questioning to people things to make sure that ur thoughts are not sure and u keep searching online if u are this thing or not can it actually be ocd?
I feel like Im incapable of love because everytime I am getting intimate with this guy I like I get ptsd triggers and am dissasociated and all of the medications i tried never helped and only make me more anxious and depressed. I do ERP but I dont think im getting better. It is hard to find hope because I dont know if I will ever be able to love
Recovery from schizophrenia/psychosis OCD. I am able to live with this uncertainty after knowing these facts. If your parents or siblings have schizophrenia, the chances of you getting it is still less than 10%. And it also helped me after understanding the misunderstood stigma around it. About 20% of them recover even without medications as they age. And about 60% of them reach remission through medication and treatment. Even though it might be debilitating but recovery is very possible. People who have psychosis, 33% of them never have it again at all. The rest who do with treatment and therapy it is highly recoverable. When having a Psychosis episode, most last only till few days and in rare cases few weeks to few months. You can still lead a normal life thanks to current treatment and medications that were not available in last century hence that is when the stigma took root. Who knows what the future holds, we might even find a cure or even higher effective treatments. So don't worry about thinking you might lose your sanity or something. The fact that you can question if you're losing your sanity is more than enough to prove that you are not.
I'm very confused about something Let's say you have harm OCD thoughts to punch yourself. Is it a compulsion if you mentally review what would happen if you punched yourself, you feel like you might accidentally act on the urge so you try to make sure it won't be dangerous?
i genuinely miss feeling the anxiety over these thoughts now that i don’t it feels like it’s true and that i don’t care, like i can’t fight it anymore
Guys I'm really freaking out Okay, so earlier this year when I was 18, I was scrolling through old messages from people I talked to in high school, just to reminisce. When I went through the messages, I then eventually moved on to old messages from my crush. While scrolling, I saw an old photo from my crush, she had sent me a photo of herself in her underwear. I was 15 at the time and she was 17. I would occasionally go back to it and "m" word to it when I was younger, but I haven't looked at it in a while. But I don't remember if I "m" worded to it when I was 18, I do remember deleting the photo off of the messages though because I felt it was best and I didn't want the photo in my messages. The age of consent in my state is 16, and everyone is telling me that even if I did "m" word to it when I was 18, it's not that bad, but I still feel like it's cp, I'm really really scared, anyone have any advice or opinion?
How do you not give into the compulsion? My OCD tells me if I don’t do the compulsion something bad is going to happen. I know the simple answer is just don’t give in but in that moment of anxiety I just wanna give in to the compulsion
Im getting some horrible violent sexual intrusive thoughts and i cant get them out of my head. It feels like everytime i see an attractive person now my mind immediately goes to r*pe and its infuriating. This is the complete opposite of me, idk why im getting these thoughts smh
Does anyone know how much therapy here costs without insurance? I can't seem to find any prices
I convinced myself I downloaded dating apps while dating my bf . I had bumble BFF (which my bf allowed me to do) to find friends . And then I downloaded a meet me app to watch a youtubers I think. But some people use that for dating/making money on live. I’m super paranoid and anxious I did something wrong .
How do I tell if I’m in denial or if I may have rocd? It’s been getting really hard lately I’ve been getting a lot of thoughts about my girlfriend, but then I have little moments where all the thoughts and feelings just stop and I know I love her. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. If I didn’t really love her I wouldn’t want to keep going right? And I’m not scared to break up with her, I just don’t want to be without her I love her. I don’t get it.
Something that has really helped me with my OCD. Arousal doesn’t determine your sexuality. It’s who you want to be with, holding their hand, being close with, seeing a future with. Just because something “arouses” you doesn’t mean that’s fact of what you want. Our brains respond to sexually relevant content. It doesn’t care about our values or what we want. OCD just takes this and takes the thoughts as facts. We were never taught that thoughts don’t mean anything or that arousal may not align. I hope this helps and have a beautiful Sunday 💛
I keep seeing ppl on here saying that their mind is telling them that they want to be with the same gender but they know they don’t want to. For me it’s like I truly deeply want to and since I’m not feeling anything for men for a LONG time (sometimes I even feel disgusted towards them) I feel like its a fact that Im lesbian. When I was younger I had male celebrity crushes and a few crushes on boys at my school, but they never lasted long and I never had “desire” towards them. With that being said, I feel like I have always been lesbian and this hocd is actually me discovering myself as a gay girl. :(
Maybe you guys can help me out a bit - I think ive been experiencing SO OCD the past few years in and off but I'm also not sure. I have a lot of lesbian dreams, i really like romances between woman in movies, books etc. They turn me on a bit and sometimes i feel like i resonate with the characters (this might be because I'm a bit more of a "tomboy" and resonate more with more masculine depictions of women in media). I'm not afraid of being bi or being a lesbian - i was afraid of being a lesbian with the implication that i wouldn't really love my boyfriend :/ and the whole, what if I'm unknowingly repressing part of myself and would be happier with a woman? Being bisexual wouldn't be a threat to my relationship as much though, and I know I'm attracted to men. In the past i get caught up in checking attraction for woman a lot abd imagining what it would be like. Sometimes the attraction i feel, which might be false attraction, disappears completely abx ither times it feels real and i might like it. The reason i think its OCD is because I feel a urgent need to know for sure with certainty whether i am Bi or not - even if if doesn't bother me to be bi. Thoughts?
Does any one else struggle with self harm urges? To be clear, I don’t want to hurt myself, I am upset by these thoughts, but feel as though I need to act on them. Could anyone who has be able to give me an example of how they have utilized ERP to challenge the urges? Thank you :)
I’m having a bad morning so far. I can’t stop thinking about those who have had SO OCD and then realised later that they are in fact gay. That’s my biggest fear. I don’t want to live a lie and be miserable. I want to be with my boyfriend, happy and free of this fear. I don’t know what to do. I feel hopeless. Im scared this all started and spiralled out from initial denial.
Does anyone doubt that they even have OCD at times? I feel this way when I have low symptoms or the intrusive thoughts aren’t as loud. I start to doubt everything and even when I’m feeling calm I feel uneasy. Like what if I’m crazy and I’m pretending to have OCD. 🤦🏻♀️ ( and even on the calm days I still have anxiousness as to why I’m not reacting to my intrusive thoughts). Just yesterday I was feeling awful and now I’m feeling calmer ??
Right my SO-OCD is going mad. Basically there is this had flip trend going around on tiktok snd if you do it that means you are gay. The thing is I’ve done like not exactly that flip but a flip with my hand to be like “Awww stop it” to people. But now I’ve seen that trend every time I do the flip of my hand or something like that I’m really scared the person thinks I’m gay. Like I wanna point it out to my friend that I’m jot but then if I point it out she may start thinking about it and I don’t want that! Im super stressed
False memories and POCD. I was left alone with my friends baby the other day for literally a couple of minutes and I was tickling her belly and she was smiling. I had a weird urge or thought, and I felt uncomfortable until her mum was back in the room. I had the thought "nobody wouldn't know". I didn't think much about it across the rest of the day, I was aware it was in the background, but yesterday I convinced myself I had rubbed her inappropriately. I've tried it on a soft toy, I've looked at photos and asked myself if I touched her, and the answer has been no each time, but my mind keeps telling me I'm an abuser. I feel like I'm going to die. I have been crying and sobbing for hours and I can't live with it. I don't want it to be true, I'm not an abuser, I would never do that. I feel like I can't trust my memory. I just want it to stop please please help me
How do you deal with ocd making you internalize guilt that shouldn't be there? Lets say it accuses you of being/doing bad.. and now you think your this horrible person when its not even true.. how do you make the feeling go away? Its not even the anxiety that bothers me as much as the perception of self being destroyed over time. I have such low self esteem due to ocd :(
lately i have days where i feel fairly normal in my relationship, like i don’t even care or like my person and i don’t know what to do, i’m not sure if it’s a sign to let go but deep down i still don’t want to, i feel like a bad person
I just read something super interesting that helped me cope with my HOCD/POCD. In the book “Free you’re self from OCD” they explain how a person with contamination OCD may literally feel a tingling or tension where they believe they have been contaminated. Your body literally reacts to an imaginary entity. This is the same sort of thing we experience when we have a false arousal. It’s just the anxiety causing the sensation. And that made me think about all of the times I thought I had a physical sensation and false attraction, it made so much sense. You’re so afraid of having that sensation, that it happens because we’re thinking so hard about it. Very interesting
Anyone else have a really good and happy day with their bf/gf and then go.. is this fake happiness? Because my significant other is my best friend does that mean I only feel platonic towards them? Could in such deep denial of my true sexuality and/or romantic fulfillment that I think I’m happy when I’m not? I hate OCD
When you are in recovery and actively not doing compulsions of your main theme and then all of a sudden it changes themes totally. This is actually a sign of recovery, that you are starving ocd. Correct???
All OCD themes are, at the end of the day, just OCD. And no theme is worse or easier than the other, as themes are related to our values, so whatever theme we have is going to feel excruciating. I want to vent a little about ROCD, though. I think I just need to let this out. It's so heartbreaking to have OCD attack your relationships. I believe that relationships of all forms are the most important thing in the world & are what make life meaningful. So to have OCD attack my experience with romantic relationships & connections is just so fucking painful. Do you know how much I wish I could just be like my friends or other people without OCD?? They don't get major anxiety about dating or liking someone or being in a relationship. They don't have intrusive thoughts about whether they find the person they're dating attractive or not. They don't question and question and question every little thought and feeling. They probably don't have low libidos. Sometimes I feel like I'm suffering. I start to think that it shouldn't be this hard. Dating & starting a potential relationship with someone shouldn't be so hard, but it is for me because of ROCD. And I can't talk to any of my friends about this because they don't understand OCD. If I tell my friends that I'm worried about whether I truly find the guy I'm dating attractive, they'd probably say that if I have to question it so much, then I'm probably not attracted to him. This is also another reason it's so difficult having ROCD. You just can't go to other sources who don't understand OCD & intrusive thoughts. Because going to them for answers or certainty or reassurance or to help you figure things out is a compulsion! But instead of telling you that there is no answer, they might say some triggering shit like trust your intuition or if you know, you know. And another thing that makes ROCD heartbreaking is that another person is involved. I feel like it's so common for us with ROCD to constantly feel like we're hurting our partners. I feel like I'm so hot & cold. I'm probably sending mixed signals to the guy I'm dating right now because sometimes I feel sure that I like him & other times I'm questioning it. It's the insidious nature of OCD. When we get those moments where there's little to no doubt, things are amazing. We feel great & start to think, wow I finally have certainty that I like/love this person. And that's such a trap because if we treat those moments as evidence against OCD, then we're still trapped in the obsessive-compulsive cycle. We have to accept uncertainty, which is so hard. We can enjoy those moments when there is little to no doubt, intrusive thoughts, or anxiety, but we can't use those moments as proof that our OCD is wrong. ROCD is just so complicated.
lately it feels like i don’t even know if i love my person but i still want to love them, this seems so difficult
PLEASE 🙏🏻🙏🏻PLEASE READ AND ANSWER IF POSSIBLE!!! i have known myself to be a straight female who has liked guys and now has thoughts about being bi because of hocd but i still do see guys notice them and because od these thoughts or not notice girls too which makes me think i am not in denial and and actually just avoiding it i got a dream about a guy and i thought about getting it what is this now i am thinking of this is all hocd why am i getting guy dreams why am I overthinking being STRAIGHT also when thats all i am or what is this?!?!!?!! I should be happy with this but i get like thinking oh guy dream good but why like what is wrong with me this has never happened until this week and its getting worst and the strongest my hocd has tried to convince me of denial . I don’t know how to explain thats why i want a professional to just guide me. I am like okay both these thoughts are there why am i having opposite sex attraction when hocd symptoms say diminished opposite sex attraction and also thibking about same sex at the same time this clearly indicates i am in denial and why would i be okay with that what is this plssss help me out of this plss i dont understand this it’s actually so so confusing help!!!!! Hocd has made me question my actual attraction to guys whyyyyyyyy
Is it normal for Real event OCD to last 2 years + and still be as distressed about it? I feel like the feelings should have subsided by then…
I am remembering all of these thoughts from my past and I can't remember which ones are true. How do I stop ruminating??
Does anyone who experience self sabotage can explain it to me please ? 😶
I’m loosing my will. I have nothing, nothing keeping me going, no motivation to do the one thing I love, and then I go home to escape reality and they just make it worse. I don’t know what to do. I can’t bring myself to talk to anyone about it so there is no Hope. My anxiety is at its worst, I’ve suddenly the most depressed I’ve ever been, my OCD is killing me, I’m overthinking everything, I’m tired 24/7, I don’t want to eat, sleep, do work, move, go out, socialise, nothing! I’ve given up. What’s the point of trying anymore of every time I have something good it goes to shit? I have nothing good! Nothing! Everything in my life is one massive disappointment and I’m sick of it
Does anyone know when their obsessions first started?
Why can’t I shake off this feeling of annoyance of my gf. It’s like I know I love her but now it’s like I get annoyed of her and I can’t shake it off no matter the amount of erp I do or anything. I haven’t spoken to a therapist yet, but I do do research on ocd and I very method has helped me but now I’m stuck. This has been going on and off for a few years now but it feels like everything that worked to get rid of it doesn’t anymore. What should I do? I know I love my girlfriend and I can’t bring myself to let her go because it would bring me down another path of ocd wondering if I made the right choice or not. I’m slowly starting to feel insane and hopeless.
I cant take this hocd anymore. I wanna quit. It's been 4 months. Right now, I dont have anxiety like I had earlier. I dont get as many flashes as I got earlier. I no longer have these thoughts when I wake up ( my mornings used to be the worst). I just wanna sit in a corner and cry. It doesnt feel like hocd anymore. I'm just 15, I cant study. I just want to grab a blanket and cry listening to sad songs. My fears are coming true. Being gay doesnt scare me much like it did before. Someone please save me. I wanna quit life and just die peacefully so that I dont have any worries in life. Yeah, i might be sounding depressed because I am. I cant get a therapist, I dont wanna tell anyone about it. Guys I'm so sorry I'm saying this out of anger, I'm not suicidal. Idk what's going on. Can someone pls help?🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Is it bad to not “stop” intrusive thoughts straight away? Usually when I get one I can recognise it and focus my attention on something else but sometimes I don’t realise it and let it keep going and I think about how I would “do” whatever it is I’m thinking about. When this happens I feel so bad that I didn’t stop it and that I want bad things to happen. Does anyone else have this problem?
Hey guys, I’ve been going through a really bad bout of Real Event, surrounding porn I used to watch as a kid and other gross stuff I’ve done, worst of which was when I was 12-14, I’m 19 now, and I’ve confessed everything to my family and best friend, they’ve all told me to let it go and to forgive myself. I was really anxious, but I’m happy they know it all now. I was talking to my mom more of my anxieties when all of a sudden, nothing felt real, I just talked to my mom and told her that I don’t feel real, and that it’s like I have amnesia, I don’t remember much of my past now, I’m also have false memory of watching things like cp, when I absolutely know I haven’t, my past feels so blurred. Even everything I did earlier today, I can’t remember to much, I feel really, really odd. It’s like I went blank. Has this happened to anyone? My life doesn’t feel real. I feel calm but on the edge at the same time, I felt like I wanted to pass out, but not anymore, I’m still just really confused. Please help.
Everyone on here sounds so anxious! And I was like that, but just not as much anymore. Sometimes it’s as if I like the thoughts and then I get the anxiety. Sometimes I get angry that I like them and sometimes I just give up. I don’t know anymore
I have horrible insomnia as a result of PTSD, my ocd, depression, etc. I’ve developed a new obsession that if I sleep anywhere with someone else that I’m vulnerable to being killed in my sleep. Maybe I’m watching too many movies or being in a narcissistic abusive relationship caused me this aftermath. I have a bf who I love and in the beginning I went 3 days with no sleep and had to go to the ER to get Ativan to finally sleep all because I was visiting him and staying in his apartment. Now I am on wellbutrin, lexapro, and Ativan as needed, but I don’t want to use a benzo everytime I stay with my bf. I’ve never had this obsession before and have no idea how to shake this.
I've been considering being placed on medication for my OCD and anxiety. How has medication worked for everyone else? I've been trying to work through this without medication, but am starting to thinking maybe it would help me. I'm nervous to actually start it and the process of it.
If you get triggered by something, anything, the most important thing is to stay calm. Don’t get super freaked out, don’t try to correct it. Just relax, walk away if you have to, and remember that it’s only temporary. You’ll eventually see that it was never worth worrying about in the first place, so why even start? It’s important to practice letting your brain know that there’s no actual danger and, in turn, the only thing that is dangerous is giving into your compulsions. The more you do this, the easier it will be to turn off your danger sensor.
I have stopped doing compulsions for 3 weeks now and it WORKS. I thought there was no way ever out of my head, but now I’m convinced there is! The thoughts are still there the whole time but they just don’t bother me that much anymore. I know I still have a long way to go, but for the first time in 2 years I feel a relief. Thank you for everything you do here at Nocd!
The single worst part about my ocd( if it even is that) is 90% of my thoughts/feelings and internal monolgues happen in english but english isnt my first language, it makes things extremely complicated when I try to make sense of my thoughts with limted vocabulary, most of the time I cant even put it into words what im feeling unless someone else who has also been exact through the same thing has typed it somwhere, Ill read it and go " oh thats what exactly what I was trying to say". I despise being biilingual feel like I have 2 brains, 2 personalities, half my worries would be over if only I could explain to someone whats going through my head. This situation is so hopeless.
Serious thought!!!!!!If someone without ocd kisses the same sex they won’t feel anything and thats proof to them but if our thoughts make us do something like that and we might like it that just defies hocd and proves denial. This thought just popped up into my head while watching a show and i had to instantly note it down. Why is this thoughts not causing me anxiety what is happening what am I supposed to think or do???
I feel like this is no longer OCD. When the ROCD followed by the HOCD started I was so certain of what was me and what we OCD. Now I keep finding guys attractive and it makes me anxious. I’ve been trying acceptance but yea it makes me less anxious but it also makes it all seem very real. I feel really uncomfortable in my relationship. I’ve gone from a few days ago being really intimate with my girlfriend to now getting anxious even at the thought of sex with her? It’s worse when I wake up as well. I feel like I’m just ‘in the closet’ now whereas a week ago I knew this was just OCD and it allowed me to enjoy my relationship. Now it doesn’t feel the same
It’s been 2 years since I’ve thrown up because of a panic attack. I’ve really been proud of myself, but tonight I woke up at like 2:00 in the morning and felt sick and tried talking myself down but it didn’t work and I threw up. I have so many emotions rn. Mainly disappointment in myself. Frustration with the thoughts going through my brain, the usual: “what if this never goes away, what if you can never have a healthy relationship with your boyfriend, what if you’re actually gay, what if this isn’t OCD, what if you have a panic attack at this wedding this weekend and get sick and have to go to the hospital”
Have any of you ever felt the urge to confess your thoughts to someone, even though you would get in huge trouble? This has been bothering me for a few days, and I’m wondering if anyone has any exercises that their therapist has given them to help with this kind of urge. It’s been so hard to deal with. And yes, I have brought this up to my therapist and have been doing a couple of exercises.
Can ocd make you feel 100% it’s the truth and then make you feel good about it?
Hocd TW I just dont see a point in seeing an ocd therapist when Im in denial now also the reason why Ive been feeling depressed for several weeks. Feels like im prefferring men over women. Wtffff I need help but I dont know what to do. Lgbt peoppe also feel depressed right bc they dont accept all this and oce they do they get better. Smh
Idk how to word this, but how do you think of or interact with your partner without triggering obsessions? I feel like my anxiety is getting to a point where I’m just triggered by even the thought of him and it makes it difficult. Idk how to stop the cycle once it gets to this point and just wondered if it made sense to anybody else?
Keep feeling like I’ve lost feeling or attraction for my gf and will never get it back. I’ve always believed that feelings of love are an ebb and flow, that they might leave, but they also come back, but my brain’s like “what if they don’t?” Also weird things like being more grossed out by saliva (not just hers) than I have been for a while. I also feel like I just want to be alone for a couple days. Is that a compulsion or do I actually just need space?
I don’t know if it’s the relationship or the ocd. How can I tell? He’s hanging out with a girl a lot, I told him to tell me. Well he tells me but afterwards when I find out my self by watching the girls story. I’ve always said trust is important. My ocd is making me OBSESS. I don’t know what’s real or not. Please help! (I can’t go to therapy)
I got engaged to my man this year, we’ve been together going on 5 years. He is amazing and we have this healthy, wonderful relationship. My OCD is sucking all my joy 😞 - I constantly have thoughts of “what if you’re wrong and he’s not the one? What if you guys get divorced someday? Is he the one? Does this anxiety mean he’s not?” Constant ocd and urges to seek reassurance and it’s miserable. I need hope that this will get better, I’m so afraid I’ll ruin what I have with my ocd.
Oh god! These feelings are so strong. Even when they settle they’re still there. It feels like I want it and I don’t even have the energy to say I don’t anymore. I don’t want them to be true but it seems as if they must be, it seems impossible for me to go back to being happy where I was.
i was actually feeling good tonight and then i realized i wasn’t anxious and that made me anxious. such a vicious cycle. does anyone else have this problem??
I had a TBI in 2010 at 13. Iv started eating eaver day at lunch to feel right despite the fact i lost my swallow and other functionsin my injury. This ritual almost always makes me feel good but almost always make me feel bad after. i’ve been struggling for years with this trying to figure out whether it’s OCD or PTSD or just coping. But now that I feel all these negative feelings I’m hedging my bets on OCD. i’ve had OCD therapy about different stuff but this can never be touched somehow. I know I should try to resist this compulsion but resisting it brings me extreme pain emotionally and it’s extremely draining, it even makes me want to hurt myself. i’m thinking I need to go back to my OCD therapist but it’s such a unique situation. And I’m uniquely extremely stuck. this is my only issue but it seems like the biggest one it hurts others around me. I dont want to be hear living like this. i’ve stopped doing what I love, i’ve become so small and secluded and intreverted. it also doesn’t help that my parents don’t understand. Instead of ther confusion I feel hatred in there exhaust to deal with me and it hurts!
What community can I join? I want to build healthy friendships and just have someone to talk to tbh.
How long should you do ERP? I have the best luck it seems with writing short stories about my husband and my worst fears (marrying him being a mistake, never knowing for sure if he’s “the one”, never feeling better and being miserable my entire life.” Sometimes I read it just a couple times and my anxiety is very high and after just a couple times through, I feel “normal.” Is this a sign to move on to something different or should I keep exposing myself to it? Also, I tend to get anxiety when I realize the story isn’t scaring me anymore. How can I do exposures to tackle that giant?
Hello everyone , I am almost three months postpartum and I believe I have Postpartum OCD and struggled with repetitive intrusive thoughts . I had it with my first baby and have been able to manage my symptoms ever since with psychotherapy. I was on medication for about 1.5 months and felt better until I found out I was pregnant once again and stopped medication. Id say I’ve worked hard on not letting my mind spiral out of control again without meds and do feel that reframing my thoughts have helped me this far. My goal is to completely heal and I feel that my current Therpist cannot get me to that point. I noticed that Sleep deprivation was more of the reason why my postpartum mood disorder came about. I looked for a therapist for a long time that specialized in postpartum mood disorders and gave in to the one I was referred to by postpartum international. I still feel that I need more answers and possibly other suggestions rather than reframing my thoughts, self care and asking for help when I’m overwhelmed with my 2 babies under the age of 2. I’m hoping that NOCD can help me fully heal one day therefore decided to give it a try. Thanks for listening everyone. Hope that I am able to relate to this community and have some support and to also provide support.
I think abt how beautiful and amazing our relationship was before these thoughts and images came along. It makes me feel empty and depressed and alone. When we see each other I hold him and cry every time because I feel like what I’m going through is gonna take him from me.
TW--- I feel different from most hocd sufferers, like Im standing on one bridge and looking at everyone on another. Genuinely think Im gay and looking at the proof ocd or my brain gave it makes sense to me I thought It was just self esteem issues but It was me being gay all along. For some reason it became an obsession and I think I wouldve realized it even If I had never got ocd. I think ocd and me discovering this unfortunately paralleled with each other which would explain the anxiety all these months. I literally feel like my whole identity is shifting, I also have a good idea as to why It became an obsession of mine perhaps because I was never going to be able to accept it or admit I was in denial? This also explains what I thought was a painful self discovery was just me being stubborn and not accepting it due to internalized homophobia, heteronormativity and a little bit of not wanting to be judged by others. Now Im worried that Ill never be able to accept that Im gay and continue to suffer. And all this explains why Ive been badly depressed lately This is messed up, why wouldnt my brain just tell me Im gay when I was really young wtf.
I keep washing my hands again and again and again. I touch things and don't stop until it's perfect. I am confused about my sexuality. I rethink things that I have done and sometimes I have to force myself to stop thinking that something bad will happen to those I love. I tell myself to be positive but at the end of the day I'm still not able to fight it. I tell myself tomorrow I will be different. It will all stop. Next day there I am repeating things and the worst feeling is when it's pulling me towards it even though I'm trying hard to fight back. It's never enough until it's perfect.
How to deal with rocd in a new relationship? I keep feeling like I don't really like him and stuff. Every hobby he mentions that's a little nerdy or not really my thing I think that I must not like him at all and should just end it. It's making me so nervous and feel like I don't want to be with him and then instead of spending time with him, I'm obsessing over if I even like him and its making things unenjoyable for me. Any tips. Any advice. Please. This is my first relationship (at 20) so i haven't ever dealt with this before and I don't even know what is normal in a relationship since Ive never had one before. Please help.
Why is my thought not bothering me anymore? Is it because I believe it or what?
Every time I get intrusive thoughts these days I just accept them as true without even thinking about it. What does that mean? My ocd is real? I just realized this a while ago but I didn’t even notice this whole week I had been doing that.
Why do we feel urges to act on a thought? Where exactly does it come from and how to make it less frequent?
You ever get a gronial response and keep relooking to make sure it’s not really there or it goes away? I seem to do that a lot. See a picture of a kid, feel butterflies in my stomach or the slightest sensation down below then keep checking myself while seeing what triggered me and pretty much every time there’s no movement downstairs or it’s close to undetectable but I still end up panicking. And I feel like if I don’t go back and make sure it goes away that somehow it confirms my fear that I’m a p***. I use to be pretty good at resisting the need to check but lately my anxiety has been getting the best of me.