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Hi. I really need an advice. Tomorrow my bf, is going to a party, and I started to be super jealous, and in anxiety. Here some specifications. - He is not really my bf, for now, we are dating! But we talked and we decided to be EXCLUSIVE (he asked that to me). - He has very feminine aspects, he went to a school where there were 4 boys and the others where girls! He prefer to talk with girls over boys; he can connect really easily with females, but not with boys. So it is really easier to find him with an another girl talking. Now that last poin for me at first was really a problem, because I thought that he was giving only to me that "special attention"! Than I found out that it is just his personality; but I am REALLY jealous at the idea of him "creating a strong connection" with an another woman. I understand that it is his way of being, and he doesn't do it to flert with others; but I am scared that other girls misunderstand, and start to want something with him! I know that I can't ask him to start do something that doesn't make him comfortable (like hang out more only with male friend)... that would just be selfish, but I also hate the fact that out there other girls considerate him as the the guy who you can talk about everything, that is funny, that can understand you very well... the person who you want a life with! I am really scared that someone can take him away from me! (Especially because I have a chronic illness, that make penetrative sex impossible for me... he chose to stay with me anyway; he never make me felt unwanted, but I know that he would love to be able to do it...) Tomorrow he will go to a party, with some of his friends! They received a birthday invitation from two girls that find (him and his 2 male friends) cute! The place is far; he will drive so he won't drink! After some times since the invitation; he also asked me if I want to go with them (actually his friend asked me, than he asked me), but I refuse! I wouldn't have known anyone, and I also don't like very much disco! I also find out that he was the one messaging with a girl friend of the birthday girl for deciding what to gift. That surely means that they exchanged numbers... I mean she could have chose one of his single friend.. and he should have said no! But it is just for the gift I think.. I didn't ask him too much, because like I said, we are just dating with exclusivity, and also because I don't want to thight him, or to be oppressive! We both have rocd, so it is a little difficult sometimes, I want to be absolutely sure on everything, and he tenta to be an avoidant... I trust him, and he would not cheat on me. In the worst case he would left me before... I really think so, but my feelings keep me so jealous and in anxiety and I hate that! :( Another things that makes me really upset is the fact that he keeps all his door open! All the females with this special bond (he never date them or anything; but they asked him and he posticipate or say no) would be always ready to be with him, he never "shut" those opportunities! Sorry for the long message. I had to throw it out from my head... My question is, how can I deal with jealousy, especially to accept this part of him? Or at least, what could be a compromise that we can talk about?

My ocd is gaslighting me and distorting my reality so bad. I don't know what's more likely or less likely to happen. Everything just feels so likely to happen. I can't differentiate between my own judgment or if it's just my ocd talking. I can't move forward and make decisions because I don't know which ones are my real actions and which ones are just driven by my obsessions. I feel like every single action I take is a compulsion. I don't see myself anymore, I have no distinction between the real me and my ocd taking control of me. I don't know what to do or what I want to do because I've always let ocd choose what's best for me. I don't know if I still can make my own decisions, if it's always ocd doing all the decision-making for me.

I feel like God hates me to let me suffer like this…

So I haven’t posted on here in a while. Mainly because I’m not anxious but the thoughts are still pinging around in there. They definitely still feel real. But now I’m caught up on the fact that we sit in silence a lot and just play our games or watch tv. But with other people I can talk for a long time. It might be because we live together and I know it’s honestly unrealistic to expect us to be talking 24/7, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like it’s actually a problem

I’m scared I imagined boobs wet and I’m scared I smiled and something happened down there but before writing this I checked and there’s nothing I don’t like my boobs I’m scared him I’m not I don’t wanna give him up I am more than into him I don’t like boobs wet or otherwise why did I smile and why did I act so chill like I was OK I don’t wanna be OK with anything happening over something like that I’m scared I might’ve I don’t know if I felt something I don’t want to give him up I don’t want him to go and I’m scared to make faces like I’m not just going through the motions I really do love him and I’m scared I don’t want him to go away I love his chest muscles I love that he doesn’t have tits and I’m scared and I don’t want to be why did I smile and act so chill why did I feel something however slight I don’t like boobs and I smiled I smart like I was so OK with it I don’t want to be by I’m not by I can’t be and I don’t wanna and I keep saying that just anything I’m not over him I am scared I’m scared I’m just I don’t I’m scared 🙂 I don’t want to just anything I’m not attracted to both sexes and I’m not just anything I’m scared I’m looking at him like he’s he’s not ugly I said far from his I said not he is gorgeous I don’t understand I’m scared I have I don’t want to have gotten over him and switched I’m scared there’s lots of I don’t want both why did I smile you should’ve seen the way I smiled and said I don’t like boobs in any condition and I don’t wanna be getting over him and I struggled and said so what lots that I don’t want lots of other guys I’m scared it’s so sad like I said fake it’s not because he’s amazing I don’t want web boobs why did I ask chilling smile I acted totally OK Lycos like I smiled like it is and that I’m scared wet boobs are not hot why do they smile like that I’m scared I made a face like no not I love pectorals I acted like I was like they’re overrated they’re not I literally made a face shook my head and dismiss them and I don’t like how I act at all I didn’t act all hot I don’t know you should’ve seen the way I smiled I’m scared of how I felt on the inside smiling over them I don’t like my boobs I don’t wanna be bi or gay I don’t care if no one else has a problem with it. You should’ve seen the way I am I smiled I said they just so but they’re not hot I don’t wanna be here anymore I’m scared of the face I may dismissing him shaking my head like pets are not the more I don’t like boobs I act like but they’re not hot or sexy I don’t want to change I’m scared I don’t want us to have been always way I’m not by! I’m scared it’s just a fact imagine them and I’m scared I’m in doing that even now making a face kind of rushing them side like I’m scared I’m nodding and I’m acting really happy I don’t want us to discover what really happened that’s what I am I don’t prefer boobs and yet I’m being so dismissive over pectorals I don’t even like boobs I don’t wanna be here I’m scared of the real me and I keep making a face and shaking my head and dismissing it like I make faces like my pics are not gross I love pectorals Why am I I’m scared I’m smiling like nothing really rapidly like I do I don’t like boobs why am I being so dismissive of pectorals I don’t wanna change I made a face like no like literally I’m sitting so dismissive I’m scared I don’t want to look at the naked statue what’s on my work differently and I’m making a face I’m scared I’m not over guys I don’t want to be over pectorals why am I being so dismissive I made a face acted like they were gross and said no one dismiss them with a shake my head I want pecs I don’t want the alternative

Why is my mind trying to turn me into a horrible and violent person?? This has never been me ever, i just want it to stop!!

Did anyone have these thoughts as kid? My mind is now saying well you had these thoughts as a kid and people know as a kid about their sexual orientation and now this all proof because I had these thoughts when I was younger… It triggers me so much when people say “you would know because you would have known since you were a kid” Can anyone relate? Please

Genuinely did a horrifying exposure yesterday and it was tough but I made it through it. I just hate that every show I now watch anything sexual or any nudity freaks me out and I will get the groinal even before I can fully tell what the scene is because my mind has linked the fear so deeply. And OCD is SO, I mean SO funny. Like one instant My SOOCD theme is telling me I’m bisexual and must leave my boyfriend to experiment when I legit DONT want to experiment. Later on in the evening, I’m feeling romantic towards my boyfriend and “make a move” and he was tired and turned me down (the first time ever) and my ROCD made me totally lose it then because I started freaking out that he wasn’t into me and what if our love isn’t right and on and on. This is my life. And I hate this bully of a disorder.

Hi, I'm feeling kinda lost with my false memory. I guessed that's kind of the whole deal about it hahahah. But i would really appreciate knowing some of the symptoms if anyone wanna share. I'm aware it's different for everyone but just to give me so clarity in the subject. Mine for example its connected with a real event, but there's a part of the "memory" that i don't remember, so my ocd made me ruminate for like 2 years now, about what happened in those minutes that i don't remember (obviously the major fear its harming o raping someone)

Also I’m very scared to do try the initial therapist call cause I’m scared to hear something I don’t want to hear

I took two tiny shots of tequila like probably would equal one to try to just go to sleep and it made me sleepy but then I imagine big round heavy boobs and nothing happened honest like nothing was going on down there nothing was going on up top but I couldn’t stop imagining it and when I imagine dick nothing happened either and I’m just gonna keep focusing on the roundedness and the way the heavy boobs hung I’ve never like them before but why can I stop focusing on the on them even if I took tequila to help me sleep! I’m scared I give up like I must this must be I don’t wanna live that life but I can’t stop thinking about the way big big heavy round boobs hang I’m just gonna do I don’t like the limp ones that sag I don’t like firm ones but why aren’t i responding to dick and now I’m scared I feel faint something like I am I don’t wanna finally respond to big boobs of all things I’m scared I keep thinking this must be my life now but I I said don’t I want dick and I said oh that is enough evidence enough like I don’t I do want dick well I’m scared I said why am I focusing on what I but I don’t want big round heavy boobs nothings going on even with some tequila in my system I can’t get turned on by boobs why am I focusing on them why aren’t I getting hot and bothered over dick I’m scared the fact that I’m focusing on the round heavy boobs means that I am but I’m not buy or gay but why focus on those whenever I had tequila and thought object I would always get really happy and now I can’t focus on it I don’t have scared it’s not some thing of beauty it’s not something I appreciate I don’t like the roundness or nipples I don’t like boobs. And I remembered when I got kind of drunk because it doesn’t take that much I don’t drink that much and looked at and I said it is it’s not OK I got drunk once and looked at shit you know what I mean and nothing happened when I was drunk I’m scared this mess I don’t want happiness I’m scared I’m not fascinated I don’t like the way boob saying why can’t I just go to sleep and not wake up

So I have this new obsession that I only find women attractive when I’m seeing them on my phone? And in reality I don’t find them attractive even tho I can think of plenty of times where I have found them attractive. And now it’s like all the times I’ve noticed a man is attractive I was just suppressing my sexuality. But it didn’t feel like there was anything to suppress. It’s clear to me now I’ve had HOCD for a while but it would just make me uncomfortable seeing an attractive man? And also now I’m worried that when I’ve watched porn that I’ve sometimes been turned on by the guy more than the girl? But regardless of all of this… I have never wanted to have a sexual relationship with a man… only women. Am I just in deep denial or?

How do you do ERP? I'm not asking generally, but rather how do you, the person reading this, do ERP? I'm at the point where I'm trying to work out how to do ERP for myself (largely self-directed as I don't see my psychologist more than once every few weeks), and I'm trying to get an idea of what it looks like on a practical level. Do you try and do ERP every day? Multiple times a day? How long do you spend on each exposure/session? Do you do ERP at the same time every day, or do you change it up? What do you do after you've done an exposure, do you do any self-care once the exposure is finished? I see things online saying that it can take upwards of an hour for distress to decrease when doing an exposure, and I'm wondering what are you allowed to do during that time? If the goal of ERP is to sit with the distress, do you literally just sit there for an hour doing nothing until the anxiety goes down? That's a long time to sit doing nothing but feel anxious, especially if the goal is to do this every day. Right now I'm struggling with implementing ERP into my routine. I currently do ERP sporadically, and not on any kind of schedule. I'm struggling to find exposures that distress me sufficiently, and when I do find something I'll still find myself feeling anxious hours later even after I thought I'd acclimatized. I'd really appreciate hearing from other people so that I can get an idea of what good ERP looks like in practice.

This post is just serving as a journal entry for me, so don’t feel the need to respond, but if you do, thank you! Today was an incredibly difficult day, I have into compulsions again, I hate when I do, my brain convinces me that it’ll help me but it leaves me feeling like absolute garbage. Today was a bad day, even though my mom didn’t go to work today, which usually makes me happy because them I’m not home alone all day. She was taking care of my step dad, he had really bad heart burn last night and apparently couldn’t breathe, I think it’s called GERD, but he seems better today, but most of her attention was focused on making sure he was okay. I hate how selfish I feel, even though he actually needed help and watched today, I was still wanting to talk with my mom and have her attention. I hate OCD, I used to be able to just hangout in my room all day and not have to constantly be around my mom. But my anxiety has been flaring so much. POCD, Real Event, and False Memory are a horrible combination. I’m still terrified of what I saw weeks ago earlier in November. It’s left me mortified and scarred. No amount of reassurance has been able to help me, not from the suicide hotline, not from my mom, and not from my friends. I feel horrible and don’t know how I’m going to make until the end of the month. I just need to wait until January 1st before my insurance can cover any therapy sessions, so I have to wait. I’m looking into making a session with a general therapist just so I have someone to talk to this month. My past decisions, from when I was younger are haunting me, and again, reassurance has stopped working. I’m at a point where I feel like I’m ready to give up. But I could never put more pain into my moms heart. I wish I had someone in real life to talk to about OCD, someone who actually has it themselves and understands the pain that comes with it. I feel so alone, but I also really feel as if I don’t deserve help. I still want to isolate from the world, or banish myself from society as a whole. And as much as I know how cheesy or ridiculous that sounds, it’s the only thing that seems to make sense to me. I’m tired of compulsions, they don’t reduce my anxiety at all, maybe they did before, but now it just seems like these compulsions are self destructive and it’s my brain wanting to punish or destroy me. I’ve lost all motivation to do anything, I can’t even do chores without feeling incredibly torn down and defeated, I just sit around all day ruminating, or scrolling mindlessly through social media to just distract myself, I do nothing productive. This semester is almost over, so at least that weight will be lifted a little bit. I’m just done. Hopefully tomorrow’s journal entry is a little bit more brighter or hopeful, but I doubt it. I suppose these journal entries mainly serve just to let my thoughts out, and maybe read back on them someday to remember or for whatever reason I’ll need them. I’m gonna go take out my trash bins and then get into bed, everyone is asleep right now and it’s barely about to be 10 here. I feel like such scum and waste of time.

if you see this and you have any positive stories dealing with rocd please could you respond to this, i’m feeling so completely hopeless and confused

Anyone else hit themselves in the head sometimes? Like just punch yourself in the head?

Please help me, I’m so overwhelmed. I’m so scared man, I don’t know if I have OCD but I keep having these irrational fears that small things will change my appearance or stunt my growth as I’m going through puberty. Every time I hear a noise I try to make it myself as I fear it somehow changed my face or my height. Last week I played a stupid little game with my friends resulting in me falling and getting a concussion. Now I’m so overwhelmed with regret and sadness as I beg and wish to go back and relive that day in order to prevent it. I feel so mad and angry at myself as I knew doing something like this would trigger me and I still did it. I feel so overwhelmed with regret as I feel as if this concussion has significantly altered what height I will be and my facial appearance and also my intelligence. I can’t move on and every time I think back to it I breakdown into tears. I don’t know what to do, I couldn’t enjoy my thanksgiving break with my family and with school starting back up I feel so overwhelmed with regret and I keep thinking about ways I could’ve prevented this from happening and I want to go back so badly. Please help me, I’m so overwhelmed. I keep feeling this concussion changed my facial appearance, altered my height growth, and somehow changed my entire life path somehow. I feel so sad and disconnected right now. (I’m 15), I’m so scared I won’t grow taller and that this injury changed my entire life. Please help me, I’m so scared, I feel like my life has ended. Now I feel like I failed my parents, I feel so sad as if I’m a failure to them, I try so hard to make them proud but I always fail. I just want them to be happy, and this concussions makes me feel like that will never happen. I just keep having irrational thoughts and fears that everything I do will stunt my growth, make me uglier, or have me lose intelligence. And this concussion has tenfolded it, please help.

TW*** Im seriously in denial, the thoughts, urges and feelings are ridiculously strong and obsessive. Before I would get in ocd cycles, get out and see things clearly but these last eight months especially the last two since I quit my job have been too extreme for my body to handle. I havent gotten out of my bed once since waking up today and I think I really want to act on these thoughts and will end up acting on them which means its not hocd, and I know it and like ill be ok with it too once I act on them which means it something more than hocd. I cant put my phone down, I have to keep watching something or scrolling or this depression and anxiety will eat my brain. I want to reach out for help everyday but what the fuck is the point when I think ive realized im trans and gay and its my truth for real and want to act on them but im just suppressing it? Please dont tell me gay or not youll be ok, that just gives me total despair and ßuicidal feelings. Pls help

yesterday I had my second session with my NOCD therapist. she’s great, but I just had such a hard time talking about what my real event OCD centers around. I could barely even get out vague descriptions because I am so afraid that my fears about being terrible will be confirmed and that I truly am irredeemable. I’m sure everybody who deals with this theme feels this way, but I really think mine is so bad and immoral…I couldn’t even say it. I know I need to at least be honest about it initially because otherwise how can I get help & move on? but do I deserve to move on? ugh I just feel so stuck. I know confessing is a compulsion but actually talking about it for the first time paralyzes me with fear. I can’t believe I froze up like that…but I also just can’t bear to think of what would happen if I did tell the truth. What if it really is as terrible as I think it is?

My therapist of only 3 sessions told me I need help wise where. She said I’m “to difficult” wow. Very disappointing and hurt my feelings