Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Tw: HOCD (sorta) I'm watching The Miseducation of Cameron Post (a film about gay conversion therapy) and it's reminding me of a lot of struggles I had with my sexuality growing up. I have only dated women but I would worry I was actually straight deep down. I see a lot of people here HOCD so it's interesting to think about the reverse to some degree! Wish I'd known about OCD back then.

I have a fear of herpes its basically either scared of getting it or scared that i maybe already got it from someone so i get scared to even go outside in the sun because im scared to have the virus in me and getting a cold sore from being outside i hate this because this fear came out of nowhere like 4 years ago and since then im scared to share a drink im scare of eating in certain places because of the utensils im scared to go to the dentist

There are times where my ocd just stops acting up, but then I remember like you are such a horrible person for having those thoughts and the cycle begins again, I start crying and sweating and over all just having an anxiety attack...I hate this

Can OCD make you go crazy or can it just mock symptoms of losing your mind? Weird question I know. I have just been struggling really bad lately and wondering if it’s something more then OCD.

Hocd is pure hell. Everytime I try to “accept” my thoughts it feels like I’m truly gay. I’m not homophobic at all but being gay just doesn’t feel right to me. But my mind is saying that being gay is truly what I want. This is torture.

A few weeks ago I wasn’t having these thoughts but now I can’t stop thinking of my wife with other men and it’s gotten me to start thinking she’s cheating on me or talking to someone else. I’ve started snooping to see if I could find anything and comparing details of our relationship now to inconsistencies a long time ago. Our sex life has diminished and she says it’s her because theres some medical issues we both have. But I have a fear that I’m gonna leave because of the lack of affection and intimacy but can’t because I love her and I imagine that some other guy would bring the freak back out in her that I miss and that I need to fix it somehow but can’t or never will. I keep playing mental movies of her with exes having wild sex and her just with other men in general or her cheating on me. I dunno if it’s rocd but I’m pretty sure it is because I just now realized after she told me I think you have ocd. I pace I obsess about purchases certain drs. Light bulbs keep going off in my head like oh I guess I really do have it. even in past relationships I would always feel a need to know as much about my partners past. Any help is needed I can’t find a therapist right now. Been trying. I don’t know how to apply erp to this. How do I expose my self to it. Thanks in advance. I look forward to this app.

POCD TW: HELP Haven’t been on this app in a bit because I’ve been doing pretty well! But I had a pretty bad day. I work with children. And my ocd has been targeting one child mostly. (I hope it’s ocd) Today, while hanging out with her she was joking around with me and she was trying to steal a baseball bat out of my hand. She put it between her legs. I started to lose grip of it, so I switched my hand to get a better grip and I pulled it and took it from her, and it moved upward and she instantly said “ouch that hurt” and I think I accidentally hit her in an in appropriate area. I feel really bad. And I’m afraid that she’ll tell her parents I did it or something. My OCD is telling me I did it on purpose but I know I didn’t. Ugh. I was doing SO well before this. But it feels like I’ve moved 10 steps back.

I can’t deal with my groinal responses... they feel to real. I got a semi, maybe even full erection to same sex pornography. It must mean something I’m very depressed

Anything triggers my hocd. It’s unreal.

Sometimes I want to get married to a man that has experienced OCD too, because we would understand each other, and we wouldn't judge each other based on this monster. Then I remember that if both of us have OCD, the probability that our child will have it too is of 50%. That's just way too risky and selfish, I don't want them to suffer like I do. This is a very sad illness, no one deserves to go through this.

Do you guys ever look back on old obsessions and think “oh gosh that was nothing compared to the one I’m going through now?” I do this all the time. Things that use to freak me out really bad are way less intense then they are now. Idk if that’s just how OCD is or if it’s just because mine has gotten worse. Hoping I push through this?

Does anyone with HOCD ever feel like they are going to lose control ?

OCD / Guilt / Porn and Confession Not sure if this really falls under the umbrella of OCD or not. I have a bad habit of confessing things to my wife when I feel as if I’ve done something wrong. I used to confess to her if I thought I’d looked at another woman or if I had inadvertently flirted with someone else. In hindsight, in many of those cases, I don’t think I had done anything wrong, but at the time it seemed like I did. Or, I would confess if I had sexual thoughts about another woman. Stuff like that. I’m often obsessed with the feeling like I’ve been unfaithful. I love my wife. Would never cheat. She has been urging me to stop confessing and mostly I’ve been doing better, but I recently did something I feel quite guilty about. While out of town, I slipped up and watched porn a few times while we were apart. I feel particularly bad because the last time this happened was during a time when my wife was mourning the loss of our family pet, which she had had for many years. We weren’t in the same city when I slipped up and looked at the stuff, but I feel as if I stabbed her in the back during an emotionally rough time for her, even though I feel that I was otherwise completely emotionally supportive of her and was checking in on her constantly and giving her my support. I know I screwed up. I don’t generally watch porn anymore. I used to (a lot) but stopped when we started dating like 3 years ago. In that time, I’ve looked at it maybe three times. When I last confessed this, she said that she doesn’t care if I watch it and that I should stop confessing. I hear her and I believe her. I’ve also made up my mind to stop watching porn because it makes me feel bad. Maybe it’s fine for some people but it makes me feel bad. Part of me says that I should just move on, not confess that I slipped up a couple of times recently and just move on, but another part me says to confess it. That I’ve done something really wrong, especially when she was herself going through a rough time. Any advice would be much appreciated. OCD has clouded my judgement about when to confess.

Some of you who have hocd (or SOOCD), at some time, felt like you were non binary or seeing it like something really possible but also... no(?) Like the idea pop out of your head becaude Whatever, and just started the same game as with hocd... When I thought I was surpassing hocd and now... Ah, I feel an outsider of myself.

So sick of feeling like I'm on the verge of losing my mind.. I wish I could just go ahead and turn psycho and get locked up so that at least one effing thought could be true...

Hello everyone. I was recently recommended this app by my therapist who I just started seeing for “HOCD”. I wanted to share my story and symptoms in the hopes that someone is going through the same thing and needs to hear it or can offer support. The onset for me was very recent, a month ago to be exact. I wasn’t in the best psychological state, I had a job offer for another company presented to me that I had the inclination to take but had a lot of anxiety and trepidation about. I spent days upon days worrying if I should take it or should I stay. Finally when I took it I was still in a funk and very indecisive and even regretful. One day thereafter I was watching a Video of an openly homosexual man doing a ABC news interview. To this day I’m not sure what caused it, but something about it caused me a lot of anxiety and I started thinking for some reason that I was gay. Now as a background, I live with my gf and we have been together 2 years. Our sex life the last couple months has been dormant to put it best and I had felt a detraction to wanting to make love. I found myself watching a lot of porn to get off which isn’t abnormal for me, it’s pretty regular. Once the symptoms kicked in I started panicking trying to force all the thoughts out of my head. That just amplified them and made it extreme. I couldn’t eat I couldn’t sleep I couldn’t work I couldn’t function. I googled everything under the sun and when I found out about OCD I instantly felt relieved. But then it came back, and I started to question myself even more. I go through the same mental loops over and over and over, constantly reassuring myself. Now, reading other people’s stories or even coming out stories they are so different From mine. Many people refer to past experiences or having thoughts of being with a guy sexually. I have never had those thoughts ever. I have been with a lot of women romantically and sexually and have never thought about another man, have never had the desire to be with a man in any way. This has caused me to rethink everything about myself and even times convinced me that I was living a lie. Fast forward to the day, I’m not sure what is going on or how to summarize all of this. I use to love watching sports listening to podcasts going to the gym and I do none of it anymore. I barely can keep my focus on the day to day especially when I try to work. It feels like my life is just trying to transform overnight and that it will never stop. I’ve reassured myself over and over and it’s like I can’t get out my own way. When I’m feeling good I’ll watch porn or fantasize about having sex with a woman and I’ll get hard. And still that’s not enough. It’s like I don’t even believe my reality anymore and my mind is trying to force me to be gay. I get headaches all the time especially in the morning. It’s like the first thought that pops in my head, “you’re gay”. I’ve been around many men in my life, even in my athletic days in college I mean you got half naked dudes in the locker room including myself-never in life have I ever had an intrusive thought or been attracted to any man. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not even sure how to classify this-I don’t know if it’s generalized anxiety, overthinking, depression or HOCD. Any suggestions , insight, or recommendation would help. I’d like to have a clear head and be myself and enjoy my life. I’m a good dude and I have nothing against anyone of any subscription-including homosexuals. I’ve been around guys or girls who are whether in the workplace or seeing on social media and it’s all love. I am 26 years old. Thanks.

I need a weird bit of advice. I think i’m ocd but my mom is extremely opposed to therapy (for Ocd, anxiety, or depression) after i went to a couple sessions last year. She’s trying her best to help me with some of the compulsions, but i’ve been scared to tell her about the intrusive thoughts (harm ocd and when i was younger a lot of religious). What should i do? she’s convinced that maybe i’m having some anxiety problems bc my sisters severely autistic but it’s more than that.

Having a really bad panic attack. I feel that this is too real to be hocd. It’s like my mind is almost convincing me that I am gay and that I truly want this. Why does this happen? I have always loved and adored women since a young age? This feels extremely real. My heart is pounding and making me want to vomit. This is horrible.

So I just left my therapists office and she said you could indeed be gay and still have HOCD! I’m very confused and upset. Anyone have insight?

when we’re little, we’re told of stories that begin with ‘once upon a time’ and end with ‘happily ever after’ but our lives aren’t written out for us, like this. we don’t live in fairytales. however, the original stories of the disney princesses felt less like a fairytale and more like life. whenever i read them, i felt uncertain. how will this story end? why did things have to be this way? i don’t want this to happen! nevertheless, i still loved those stories. just because we won’t know if ugly things will happen to us, doesn’t mean there wasn’t any beauty in our lives at all. i may be confused, i may wander endlessly and still feel lost. my fate may be cursed with bad luck and fortune. of course i’m afraid. but even so, if i keep wishing for something that’ll never come true, if i keep planting flowers that’ll never bloom, if i never wake up from dreaming, i’ll never truly live. i’ll never hurt, i’ll never heal, i’ll never grow up! and when i’m so out of breath searching for a false comfort, my vision will be too blurry for me to see everything i’m so thankful for. i’ll forget how to love. so, i don’t care if i’m not a princess in a perfect fairytale! i’ll love with all my heart, even if it means to suffer.