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I’m so sorry. I just wanted help. I feel like I’m spiraling again 💔

If you’re constantly fearing and panicking over harm intrusive thoughts, can you get to the point where you have little to no anxiety? I’m having that right now and I have not seen a therapist not even once. It’s so weird. Right now I’m just having fear over why I’m not having the anxiety anymore. I still get some fear from the precedes of the intrusive thoughts but it’s been going down. I’m confused.

I feel so alone now more than ever and no one will help me. I can’t do this

Feeling very triggered right now. A bad compulsion/habit of mine is to snoop on my partners Instagram and look at the people (ahem….women…) he’s following. I did a deep dive into one woman and found a couple of comments he posted on her photos from just over a year ago. They were a little bit flirty, but nothing too over the top- mostly friendly, I think. However, I’m deeply, deeply triggered by this. I’ve been to her page multiple times now, hunting in case I missed any more comments or seeing how many photos he liked, etc. He doesn’t know her in real life but now I’m worried that maybe they were talking privately? I know comments are usually just comments, but what if it was something more? It also makes me panic about what other comments there could be? He follows over 600 people- I’m not about to go through everyone’s page but I feel like I have to. I have to make sure there is nothing else. I’m not sure if I should bring this up to him or just try to let it go. It was so long ago, but for me, it’s happening in current time as I’m just seeing it. If I bring it up, I’ll also have to admit I was snooping hard Half of me feels like this isn’t really a big deal- it’s just a couple of comments. And the other part of me is deeply troubled and very anxious about it. Im not sure how I truly feel. Thanks for reading

i’m so annoyed, every time i read a trans story they always say it’s something they wished and wanted since they were born i never wished or wanted that was always happy with who i was and some others say when they got a bit older and found out what transgender meant they were happy and wanted that but i’ve known what transgender was for years and i never had any meaning to it i supported it but i didn’t react i’ve never felt gender dysphoria either or hated my body most say they do as a kid i never did i’m not the most masculine man but i’m not very feminine either i’m like maybe in the middle? i’m like bi/gay as well so i feel it’s harder to have tocd when ur bi/gay this tocd all happened a month ago and it’s just been annoying me since and it’s making me think i must become a girl and change who i am and it kills me and makes me so sad like i don’t want that and just want to stay me.

Anyone here with cOCD who had their symptoms almost completely disappear after changing their environment? I'm still on my personal misdiagnosis quest and I'm wondering if it's part of OCD for those diagnosed. I was in a horrible place and moved back home, and a couple family members are currently covid+ and I just wear my mask and have zero anxiety about it.

Hi everyone this is my first time seeking help for OCD or even talking about My OCD. I have intrusive thoughts about harm which has affected every aspect of myself as well as being a mother and wife that I wanna be. My thoughts are so real and so vivid in my mind that it stomachs me even though I have no evil bones in my body and I couldn’t even hurt a fly my mind tends to tell me that I’m not to be trusted that I can hurt someone and my OCD always goes after my kids which I hate the most because it makes me stay away from them doesn’t even let me hug them or bond with them I feel my OCD has taken a lot from me as far as being a mother. Even taking them to school is a challenge or staying along with them is even a harder challenge I’ve literally been dealing with this all by myself for years and years and I feel that at this point my kids might think I’m cold or uninterested in them and possibly don’t even love them which breaks my heart because all I wanna do is be close to them and love them but my thoughts don’t let me do that I’m so gentle with my kids and I try to be there with them in every aspect that I possibly can but as soon as I leave I’m panic with anxiety and worry and there’s a lot of What Ifs in my mind which makes me stay home and miss out on all the great things that my kids are accomplishing. The shame and guilt for having the thought that’s really kills me too I’m in this crazy cycle all I want is to be an involved mom I wanna be without having to worry or stay away or keep myself in a room. I recently told my husband all my thoughts and it was the hardest thing I had to do was be vulnerable and open I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction I was gonna get I literally thought that he was gonna pack up the kids and leave me or even worse lock me up in a loony bin somewhere. But when I told him it was the exact opposite reaction he was so understanding and told me that he couldn’t believe I was going through this all alone and he hugged me and embraced me he doesn’t understand my thoughts but he knows they make me scared and he knows I’m in fear 90% of my day he also told me that I’m a great mom and to remind myself that they’re just thoughts I am more defined by my actions not what I’m thinking. I haven’t done any therapy or any counseling but I do a lot of research about OCD I keep a journal and I try to live in this moment forget about yesterday and not worry about tomorrow. My husband also has OCD which was hard for me to tell him my OCD because I didn’t want to trigger his OCD his OCD is with compulsions and rituals and mine is harm OCD with obsession thinking so let me tell you were always in some crazy cycle loop trying to help each other out. It is it easy For us. But we take it as we’re in this together The reason why I downloaded this app and wanted to join the NOCD community was because I want to bring awareness to other moms who might feel like I feel and I want to break the stigma that there’s something wrong with us I want Mom‘s to be open with their thoughts and break the stigma that we’re bad moms because of our thoughts which is so far from the truth. I had to learn how to be more compassionate with my self which is still a work in progress and finding tools that work for me which changes all the time I’m always looking for a better way for a better outlook to enjoy my day a little bit more than I did yesterday. I have bad days and I have good days when the bad days come along I remind myself that it’s just for the moment and this too shall pass . When I have flares I have to remind myself to love myself more that day take it easy and it’s OK if I have to be alone that day when I have a great day I really try to enjoy me as much as I can and hold my kids closer that day. I also informed my kids what was going on with me and my husband and there was a great video that I watched which was called unstuck it’s mostly about kids with OCD so I thought that was the best way to explain it to them so they can get a better understanding of what mommy and daddy go through on a daily basis because we know that OCD is here to stay we just gotta find better ways for the days. I’m always up open for tips and if anybody just needs to chat this is what I signed on for

Would love to pray for you. Please post your prayer requests. Either tonight or early morning I will pray and reply. Take care. God understands what you are going through!

I haven’t really had real friends in years, except for my cousin which is like my best friend. But for all of these years at school when I would be alone with my school friends, I would constantly talk, but in my head. It was like my mind was my comfort place kinda. I didn’t really talk what was on my mind so I said a lot of it in my head. I would have thoughts such as “she’s/he’s cute” even when I wouldn’t think that and would say no in my head, but I would still constantly get these thoughts. Now, I have Harm OCD so it’s very tough because I feel like I can’t control my thoughts and it feels like sometimes I force these intrusive thoughts. What if my intrusive thoughts never go away and they just act like the thoughts I had before?

Hi everyone, I have recently found out that what I thought for years was anxiety or phobias is OCD. This came about only when I was unable to function. I am now working with a therapist and using ERP. This is all really new and would love to hear any stories of hope. Especially if anyone out there fixates on anything that could affect their health - because right now delaying my compulsions is basically fighting the feeling of dying 😔 Right now I feel entirely overwhelmed. I feel like my nervous system has been on edge for weeks. I do get small windows where it seems to relax a little but I am exhausted. I am a few days in trying to track not responding to my anxiety. But it isn’t like it always disappears after some time. I spent most of yesterday feeling so anxious. It can persist for hours and hours and sometimes it feels like days. Is this normal? Has anyone had similar experiences? I am trying to bring my overall anxiety down hoping this will help - decreasing caffeine and going to do some mindfulness today. This feels so futile right now 😞 guess I need to hear that’s normal

Real Event OCD has been kicking my butt the past week. Got covid so i’ve been stuck in my room ruminating and alone. Does anyone else have real event ocd over so many different events? it’s like i have the same memories and events that bother me that my ocd will throw at me, then i have to engage in the same ruminating and rationalizing to calm myself down and be able to move on.

I need dire help i am not okay or am i ? Idk anything anymore..I am at a point where i am convinced this isn’t ocd and just my denial and because its denial i am nervous and anxious and scared to accept the fear which I don’t even treat as fear anymore. Whatever thoughts i have during the day I usually write them in my notes and then at the end of the day post them but now i don’t even care if i do that and that just tell me that all this fear could be a lie… i had a dream with this guy which turned into the guy being a girl and kissing me and it actually felt like I didn’t want him to continue to be a guy but wanted to be a girl and even on this platform there’s one person who said all these thoughts and fear and nervousness just lead her to accepting who she was later on and therapy helped her and now i think if i go for therapy its going to tell me the same like anyone who reads this is going to say you’re not straight but bi and i am at point where I won’t even think just accept it and be like oh i can explore more and just reading all that i am writing is a proof of who I actually am and not…i had a dream where my friend who is straight and hopefully i am too cause I don’t know anything anymore we were talking in my dream and then she just came over me and i woke up from the dream its like i felt this giddy kinda feeling in my dream and nervousness and i feel i would feel the same it real life too I don’t think anyone can tell me that this is me still being straight i am not even anxious anymore i am at point where i think what happens if i come out and all this makes me think i have lost…. Thinking about a guy doesn’t feel normal like i am pushing guys away and its making me thinking all the past liking towards the guys were also fake and its was never this and cause it seems easier to be bi its more believable like I don’t relate to the guy stuff crush anymore and constantly just notice the same sex and then have this constant thought of like i know i force myself to feel the anxiety and force myself to write all this because these are compulsions and they tell me its still ocd when i think with everything thats its not and even if i stop these compulsions which I actually rarely do i still have these thoughts and if just one day i act upon them feeling like a possibility then all this was a lie this life was a lie.. my mother talks about bf and i all i think is thats a lie do i even want to be with a guy what if i am not with the girl because if society family and my own thinking and these are valid questions so how are they just intrusive thoughts I don’t understand it seems like i want to be something else cause that might give me peace and being straight doesn’t feel real anymore my friends try to set me up with a guy and all i feel like no and people on here write stuff like i know i want to be with my guy but these thoughts are bad I don’t know anything anymore all the future stuff i start thinking what if a girl and these i fee like are somethings a person coming out would experience not with ocd and earlier i would never accept it but now cause i feel like i can when people with ocd never can as they panic i feel like it was never ocd?!? Pls help tell what i should do?

Wouldn’t wish this shit upon my worst enemy, I went from having no anxiety in life, super outgoing dude for 27 years to a shell of himself. At my worst I had 15 themes, you cannot let it go haywire. Fight through it, it is possible to be 100 percent again. Do not bring it up in your head, do not say maybe this maybe that, it is the wrong principle. The key is non rumination. It is possible to be yourself again, it will be the hardest thing you ever do I cannot lie. But if you don’t ruminate it is possible. I got better 100 percent in a month after battling this for a year and half. Any questions I am here to help.

The only way to get better is to not ruminate, if you ask yourself maybe or maybe not that is rumination. Bringing it up anytime will continue the cycle even if you say you are your worst fear. I couldn’t get 100 percent better until I just didn’t respond to anything. When I did that it took a month to get 100 percent.

So afraid of not being anxious anymore or not being anxious enough from the beginning, when everything started. I don't want it to be truth. I want to love him and be with him. I want it to only rocd, but I'm not anxious..

Hello everyone, I really need help or advice (advice that isn't triggering please). My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half and I struggle alot with ROCD. I get scared that I don't love her anymore or I'm just in denial. Alot of the time it feels like the feelings aren't there and I I even get uncomfortable at times whenever she tries to kiss me or anything. On the other hand whenever I imagine myself getting better and the feelings coming back and having a future together it seems like it's what I want. Sometimes, it's like I have urges to break up and get scared I'm better off like that, now I don't know what to do but I do know that I want to just get better and stay with her. I just want to know if anyone here feels like this or maybe gets these urges and gets uncomfortable with there partner. Again, please no triggering comments. I would really appreciate it.

Does anyone else deal with having friends who don’t really understand the severity of ocd. Like for example I can explain something I do because of ocd and they’ll be like oh omg same. And it’s like no not the same lol.

How do you let go of the past the right way? For me it mostly includes intrusive thoughts of past events in my teen years or anything sexual in general. Is there an ERP way to get out of the cycle?

Does paying attention to the thoughts count as rumination? I used to think that I ruminated and confused myself into thinking Im gay but now I believe It was just a discovery process. Bascially the entirety of 2021 I paid undivided attention to the thoughts and practically lived inside my head 24/7. I probably did also try to figure out the thoughts but I think I was genuinely trying to decode what they meant rather than as a compulsion, not sure and I started saying "Thats it, Im bi, Its over" anytime a proof came in my head, this went on for a while, and there were really specific proofs from earlier in life. I was also in heightened states of anxiety pretty much all day throughout the year. Now im at a stage where I believe/know my attraction to women was never real through these realizations and understanding of sexuality and attraction and that im actually gay. Heres an analogy, say person A does a job for a long time, they never question it and think their way of doing it is fine but then person B comes along taps on their shoulder and says "hey, your actually doing it the incorrect way and this is how its actually done" and then it dawns on A that "Oh shit this B is right, i was doing it all wrong this whole time" A is me, my job=sexuality/wanting a gf, B is hocd who came along to tell me I was doing it wrong this whole time chasing girls thinking I was straight and making me realize i never felt real attraction. There is so much more proof, sorry for typing so goddamn much but this is where I am.

TW- covid and gems. Vaccine mentioned and workplace mentioned. . . . So my work has been pushing our in person date bc of covid. And just now they literally said most of you will get covid anyway. So I'm actually for real though high risk. So I feel like I've taken several steps back in my progress with this. Reassurance is one of my compulsions so please none of that. Just wondering what you all did to help move your ERP along with cOCD and having to be in a place with other people?