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Help- please reply I never post but I’ve had one of the worst triggers today. I suffer from POCD and have done so for years (15 years+) - varying degrees but especially bad in the last 2 years. I started therapy with NOCD a few months ago. My issue is I worry about micro-actions that aren’t easy for anyone to spot - for example I might be standing and then a c runs or walks past me and I have thoughts and urges and commands to move towards them- then I see or feel my body move slightly in the direction of what my mind has said or for a second it moves until I move it back and it makes me feel like my life is over because what I’m worried about has happened. Today I pushed the button for the lift and out of nowhere a c came past me and I got the thought to bend over towards them but I did slightly bend over and then froze in fear but I think the “freezing” happened after they passed me and Im worried by bending over slightly that they did touch me when they passed me - I felt certain in that moment and the anxiety and the doom and despair is too much to handle. It’s only later once the anxiety starts to settle that I can think “maybe this doesn’t matter” or “maybe nothing happened” as in the moment I feel a huge amount of distress and certainty. Then the distress, certainty, anxiety in those moment(s) are also evidence that it did happen. Does anyone relate to this? I feel so alone and so helpless and never seem to see these types of worries so if this sounds like you too please let me know.

Parents who struggle with pocd and/or harm-comment on this post. I’m feeling really isolated lately 😞

Nice meme! *Warning* Negative vent incoming! I'm very confused with my ERP at times. We get unwanted thoughts that our therapists say aren't real, yet we need to agree with them as if they're real to build up tolerance to the anxiety, since OCD is chronic and therefore these unwanted thoughts never end. So I agree with the thoughts, my anxiety spikes, and I resist the compulsions as the anxiety taunts me like a schoolyard bully, then lingers, and eventually diminishes. So I now feel somewhat relieved and accomplished, focus back on my daily tasks, and BOOM - another unwanted thought pops in. The cycle starts all over. Around and around and around it goes, when it stops, I'll never know. It's very discouraging and obviously I'm doing something wrong, just not sure exactly what. When my obsessions pull me into an uncomfortable trance, does agreeing with it mean staying in that trance until it fades, or do I resist it? Is resistance a form of reassurance which is counterproductive for therapy? When the bad thoughts strike like an arrow in my gut and my heart aches as my eyes fill with tears, am I supposed to agree with this pain and uncertainty until it passes, or am I supposed to focus on my day like non-OCD people do and dismiss the sadness? Am I supposed to allow real emotion that comes from a fake thought? My therapist's main teachings focus on surrendering to OCD, and strict devotion to daily homework. I'm committed to both, yet it feels like I'm treading water. Maybe a part of me doesn't want to accept the fact that it's a chronic condition. Part of me is resentful because the unwanted thoughts aren't finite. They will never run out. So every time I seem to gain a step towards recovery, a bad thought pops my balloon and my hopes deflate. I guess there's a delusional side of my personality that keeps hoping the part of my brain that causes this torture will lose all power and vanish. It's like my own brain is a stranger that I can't control. A separate entity, if you will. Joker to my Batman. Newman to my Seinfeld. Lex Luther to my Superman. Nothing about this disorder or it's treatment makes any sense. In order to get better, you have to give up and let the bad guy win. I thought I was doing that, but recovery implies the disease is gone. Not so for us. It's always there. Lurking and waiting to strike. And the more frustrated I get, the stronger it gets. So what am I doing wrong? On one hand, I'm supposed to seek out the anxiety until it doesn't bother me anymore, but on the other hand, we must keep in mind the thoughts aren't real so we shouldn't give in to their power? It's like when you know you're having a bad dream but it still feels real. We have to learn to control some thoughts while allowing others. Sometimes I can't tell which is real and which is OCD. I'm so mentality drained, I can't think anymore. Hope this didn't bum you guys out, but I'm definitely lost at sea.

I've been diagnoised with General anxiety disorder. I also have OCD. And my my neurologist that gives me medicine says i have mild depression. My life is pretty hard and i struggle for doing normal things. Even getting up takes a lot of energy. Everyday i try so hard to keep living my life and go through anxiety most of the times. But today my mom said you are lazy and it made me really upset. It's so hard to feel people around you don't understand your condition and expect you to just stop being like this and reprimand you and preaching about why you shouldn't be anxious and..... I feel like my parents see me as a failure 😔

What should you do if you find a suicide note in your teens’ room. She has severe OCD, anxiety, and depression. I check her sketchbook occasionally to make sure she is ok. She would never tell me otherwise and she goes to school and comes home to her room and shares very little. If she found out I touched her sketchbook she would absolutely lose it because I contaminated it. So…..how do I approach this without letting on that I touched her things. Apparently kids at school are telling her to “kys” which I just found out means kill yourself. Should I contact the school? I really don’t know what to do!!!!

Yesterday I felt really happy and a lot like myself but still couldn’t feel in love with my boyfriend and still thought he wasn’t attractive enough. It was like I was seeing him through clear eyes with no anxiety which in turn made me feel anxious. Everything feels a lot more real… I’m not ruminating as much and I’m not getting as many strong intrusive thoughts. It feels more like my head is heavy constantly and I feel down because I’ve accepted it was all true and I was just lying to myself. I can’t enjoy my time with him anymore like I could at the beginning of the relationship, even though I experienced anxiety then too. So it feels like the infatuation and the excitement of a new relationship has worn off and I’m sat feeling no love or attraction. It’s so confusing because last Sunday I felt the love and attraction, now I feel nothing at all.

I started on Remeron yesterday. Earlier today I was hopeful that it would help, but right now I just think that nothing would ever be enough to make me sustainably happy, not that I expect anything to change in the first two days. My gf found my knife the other night and I told her she could keep it so I didn’t cut myself, and well, I kinda want to rn. I feel like as long as the vivid mental movies of her sexual past play in my brain, I can’t be happy. She’s a real trooper for putting up with me, but I feel like I’m kind of a hopeless case.

Does anyone get shortness of breath or feel like they can’t breathe deeply enough feel anxiety? And then it makes it even harder to breathe?

Okay, I just read an article that came up on an OCD page that I follow on Facebook. Please don’t read if you’re easily triggered like I was. I knew I shouldn’t have read it but my curiosity got the better of me. This woman writing the article had sexual orientation thoughts and was questioning for a decade before deciding that she was actually lgbt. She said she desperately wanted to be straight, she had all the intrusive thoughts and terrible stuff that comes with ocd, and then got better when she decided it was okay to identify as part of the lgbt community. I’m not sure what she was thinking writing that knowing that other people had those thoughts who might not be gay, or am I just constantly questioning because I’m not fully straight and that’s why these thoughts keep coming back? Am I just having internalised homophobia? Is it really my ocd making me think and feel this stuff or is it just me? It’s very stressful for me as I’m now wondering if after all this time I should just give up and accept it.

I just listened to the most recent ocd stories podcast and what the actual heckinbob. Towards the end Dr burns explains how most of his ocd patients have a underlying problem in their present life that is causing them to suffer from ocd. For example hating your job or not speaking your true feelings. But of course ocd wiggled their big butt on in and sat on my shoulder and said “what if your underlying problem is your relationship, you need to break up” “your lying to your self” What are your guys thoughts on this? I’m rather triggered by this episode and how Dr burns was rather vague on how to try and find your supposed underlying issue.

Ocd making me believe that i am gonna turn against god,and put thoughts inside my head to look up more about evolution sp that it proves that there is no god! And i don’t want this i have alays god he always showed me love and oeace and it was all great before my ocd came i had this battle like 6 months ago but it went all away but now it returned again as if my mind wants me to lose my faith and o feel miserable because my mind isn’t ready for a faith battle! Is this normal

I am not seeking reassurance I just am just looking to vent with people who understand. My homework has been to look into late blooming lesbians and their experiences and I feel like I relate so much. I’ve never had a boyfriend and have had this theme on and off but panic inducing since around 14 (now 27) and SWEAR I had crushes on guys but what if that’s comphet? I never got a boyfriend cause I feared it would confirm I’m a lesbian if I started dating one and didn’t like him. It feels like I relate so much to these late in life lesbians post but isn’t that the point? Or else is would be reassurance? How do I accept the uncertainty when it looks like I’m CERTAINLY a lesbian and if I am, why can’t I accept that? Again I’m not seeking reassurance because I know it will get me nowhere but good god this disorder is annoying (if this is my OCD cause or maybe I’m using OCD as an excuse to not come out as gay?)

Hi, I was in NOCD about august 2020 after having a complete episode. I had judt starting babysitting and I honestly had nothing going on bc of the pandemic so it was the only thing I had to do. I started tele therapy about teauma drom my father and my big fear of turning into a narcissist like him (should have been a clue Lol) I get groinL responses for alot of things and one of the kids triggered it bytouching me And one night after playing with my bf virtually on minecraft, it was 2 am I couldnt stop thinking about ir, thus the intrusice thoughts came in. Started vommitting, stomach flopped crying and panicking in my room. I went straight for the internet ans BOOM, POCD popped. Next day my mom had gone to work and I called her to come home bc I was having a meltdown. I started tellingnher everything, told my bf about it, had a meltdown again, called my therapist. She wasnt familiar wirh ocd and tried reassuring me. I started telling everyone, i started being TMI of things that sexually interested me in order to see if thar what led me into being a pedophile. I told my friend that I didn't want to be near them bc of this and told her ALL THE IMAGES i was picturing. I got on meds, but I wasnt feeling better (it was only 2 weeks) and freaked out again around my nieces cause I couldnt help but notice when they ran around in their underwear. That's when I found NOCD. Whoever was the service specialist that answered was not judgemental at ALL. They sent me links to different profiles of theraoist availble. I honestly wasnt sure how ERP was supposed to work. I kept asking for reassurance on reddit and here. My NOCD therapist was extremely compassionate. The kind of lady that seemed like she'd make you baked goods and give you a warm blanket. But as SOON as it was time to do ERP, oh she was straight up make me do insane excercises. Making me write scenarios of what I was doing to kids, read them out loud read them in my head IN FRONT of the kids. IN DETAIL. But all those excercises work. And what happened? BOOM relationship OCD. Started spiraling a bit, she caught me in the act of reassurance. Had to do it AGAIN. It took a YEAR but i got it through my head the tools I need to handle OCD and especially so with an episode. I keep the journal of all rhe pocd thoughts and scenarios visible in my room just to continuously trigger the anxiety slightly to keep me on my toes. Recently I had a zoophilic episode. But it only seriously lasted a week because I went STRAIGHT into ERP mode Im still uncomfy when the thought pop up but it didnt stop me from petting my cats. ERP is the biggest way to work with your OCD. But you have to first accept that you arent trying "get rid of OCD" but trying to have a relationship with it. I cant speak for non pure ocd, but ERP makes pulling your teeth out with a pair of pliers sound like a day at disneyland. But it works. You can have the tools. You can get through it.

It’s hard for me to get up and do anything I’m tired all the time I never wanna leave my bed I stay up late and get up late and I can’t just get up early 1 day to go somewere and then go back to this schedule so I make all appointments for really late but it’s still hard to make it to them I feel like I’m scared to get up early Im scared to go outside during the day cause there’s so many ppl so many cars I don’t like seeing the sun I don’t ever really turn on the lites in my house I have insulation things in the windows and curtains I just don’t like it being so bright I’m scared of being tired my anxiety’s worse when I’m tired things are harder to deal wit I’ve had a rough life the past few years which has given me even more fear Im on ssi and can’t afford alot of things so I feel like I have no control over my life cause I don’t have money I can’t do anything witout others help financially and leaveing things up to others and depending on others is really hard to deal wit and I no I need to face my fears and get use to doing things so I can get over the fear of doing stuff but I don’t have the energy for that rite now my life is consumed of ocd I have alot of rituals and other things wit my ocd that are extremely hard to deal wit so doing things to feel more comfortable going outside isn’t my main concern my ocd is I want to work on it and get help but I can’t even get up to go to a doctor and it’s not just a 1 visit thing it’d be monthly visits and then I’d want to see a therapist which would be weekly visits and getting medication if I miss 1 appointment I’ll be out of medication and it causes me so much anxiety constantly be afraid of not haveing medications and missing appointments I wish I could get more than a months medication I wish I could do over the phone therapy and in home therapy I feel like this would help me be comfortable and less stressed and overwhelmed until I could get some thing under control more to were I can function a little bit better I just think trying to do all this stuff at once wit all the stress it causes me I get so overwhelmed and end up messing everything up I feel like noone really understands this I no others stay in bed and stay up late and get up late but I legit can’t just go to bed early 1 day cause I have somewere to go the next day and be normal I couldn’t just go to bed early I can’t just wake up only being in bed for a few hours and be tired cause I just can’t handle it it is to hard for me it’s always been this way even when I was younger I do have insomnia issues i had problems in school and when I had my kids getting up wit them I’ve just always been able to hide that I had been in bed all day I’d eat packets of medications to get rest just something to knock me out when really I think my anxiety is the problem but they make it so hard to get anxiety medication and if you do get it it’s hard to get every month cause your treated as a drug addict I just want a doctor to help me and prescribe me medications for all of my mental illnesses and a therapist that actually cares and helps me wit my ocd I just want to be more normal and have a more normal life I want to make some extra money when I need to I no wat I need to get help and to get better but I can’t get it cause I’m just so messed up rite now and so tired I try to explain to places I can only come in late and tell them the reasons and it’s like noone understands it like I seem so normal to them but they don’t see that I was up all nite nervous bout leaveing the house nervous bout the appointment they didn’t see wat I did to get dressed wats going on in my head just a jumbled mess they just see me in the office not noing I just woke up at it’s 3 o’clock it’s so aggravating and I’ve been dealing wit this kind of stuff for so long that I’m just tired of it things should be easier for ppl.

My mom bought us dinner and I couldn’t eat it because I kept getting thoughts like “You don’t deserve to eat” and “you’re a bad person and shouldn’t eat that” so I put it in the refrigerator and now I’m having an anxiety attack in my room. I feel sick. If it’s true that the mistakes I made in my past mean I’m a monster or if I’ve done something immorally or did a “crime” or “illegal” than I’m done. I can’t live with myself if that’s true. I don’t think it’s ocd I think it’s true and I’m so scared but I don’t know…I can’t do this…💔

i was talking to my sister in the car about my current situation and i asked “do you think actual pedos have intrusive thoughts like ours and they just act on theirs?” and she responded with “no i think it’s their desire it’s what they want to do. but for you it’s different because you’re clearly in distress, you cry and panic everytime you have a thought. you think pedos think like you do? no they’re nasty.” and in a way i was like “you’re right i just struggle so bad sometimes, this convo might turn into a trigger later watch☹️” and she said it’s ok let it pass. it’s been like 30 mins and nothing has passed it’s still in my mind. i just don’t know how to release the thought:( i feel so weird for not panicking about what she said or the fact that i’m not worried in a way? im not sure i’m just so traumatized from my thoughts.

Hey everyone. Don’t really know what’s going on here. Basically my wife and I have been together for a few years now. We’ve know each other a really long time, almost 13 years. At any rate, it all started up when she texted me one night. That’s when the conversation and idea that we would like finally get together and hang out (at the time hadn’t seen each other in almost a decade). I was in single mode really hard at that time and was talking to a few different girls. Now here’s where the guilt, anxiety, and OCD come into play. I never felt like I’d done anything wrong. I have distinct memories of continuing to text girls; and my memory has always been that it was some time between when me and my wife first texted and when she came over. When she came over I remember that I was no longer texting or talking to anyone anymore, but I can’t remember if I stopped texting other girls before she came over, or if I stopped when she did indeed come over for the first time. My OCD has always come up and I’ve felt wracked with guilt and anxiety that I was texting other girls while I texted her. I know that she and I weren’t even dating yet, but that thought still gives me extreme pits in my stomach and anxiety. I can’t remember an actual time where I was texting my wife and other girls at the same time, but it’s the unknown that gives me such bad anxiety. Any advice?

I have a fear of my therapist not responding to my question before I go to sleep. I have harm and false memory ocd. My fear is over taking brain meds or supplements, being in a state of confusion, and acting on my harm fear or religious scrupulosity fear (basically something that prevents me from being saved). Yesterday I messaged my therapist about a new wave of thoughts I was getting. If-then thoughts. Example) if you stand next to this smoker you will act on your fear. Therapist told me to ignore those thoughts but didn’t answer my question of: if I get a thought that says if you send that text you will act on your fear then do I send the text anyway? I know the therapist would say yes and send my texts anyway, but the fact that I did not get a response makes me feel like something has happened because I had a “if the therapist doesn’t respond then you will do your fears”. I feel like it’s different when you are intentionally doing what ocd tells you not to do vs. not being able to get a response from the therapist and not really having a choice to choose to do the opposite of what ocd says to do. I feel like this could mean that something has happened and that I am ruined. I feel so hopeless. I am not sure what to do but I feel like giving up.

Should I change my therapist? TLDR; Therapist keeps ignoring my issues and has triggered a serious obsession twice without prep or anything. Advice would be great. I've been seeing her for around 4 months, and not only have we made absolutely zero progress, I feel like she keeps ignoring the problems I bring up regarding my absolute need to be hypervigilant with my thoughts to make sure no "wrong" thought enters my mind, my obsession with my memory that makes me unable to read or study and multiple other issues I've faced for years that are debilitating. Twice now, she has brought up the possibility that I might not have OCD after previously agreeing that I do have it. Every time this has happend I spiral into self-doubt, guilt and shame for having potentially deluded myself and others that I'm sick and a lot of old, painful themes keep coming back because I start to doubt their validity too. Not to mention the actual loss of reality sometimes.. I feel betrayed and angry at her for hurling a massive trigger like that at me twice, while knowing how much this hurts me and what consequences it brings. Had she told me and prepared me that she'd like to work on my fixation on being certain that I have OCD I would have gladly worked with her. But it always came out of nowhere and I don't know anymore who I should believe now. It takes so much work to convince myself that I do have OCD and trust this feeling I have deep in my bones that it is really OCD. I feel like I've lost a lot of trust in her and I'm not sure how to proceed. I had to call an emergency service today, because I had been crying and panicking for hours and felt like I desperately needed help from someone that believed me. I need therapy desperately to get my life back on track, but I'm not sure if I wouldn't be better off on my own. I will attempt to have a serious talk with her next session, because I'm not ready to give up yet. Has anyone had similar experiences with therapists? Does anyone have any advice on how I should proceed?

How do those of you with ROCD manage the feelings of guilt etc when you don't fight your doubts? For example, I often have this nagging thought that I don't "really" love/like my partner, even though all evidence is to the contrary; I know that the best thing to do is to avoid engaging with these thoughts, but then I just feel so awful for having them, especially as my partner is so considerate, caring, and everything I could want and need. I also worry that allowing these thoughts to stay in my mind without disproving them will mean that I will start really believing them, and I really can't stand that idea. How do I continue to not engage with these thoughts when they feel so awful, and like they will have horrible consequences???