Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Can you just decide to stap all your compulsions?

Cw: almost homeless, POCD confessions, brief mentions of childhood trauma (outsider's perspective?), brief r*ach and b*dbug infestation mention as well as a lack of food and money 🌸 I finally told my closest friends (mostly online except for the other two) about the ocd i suffer the most from. I was mostly worried of being thrown out by a certain friend and their partner, as they're my current roommates who had taken me and my partner in, (who is now my ex, but we're doing great as friends) seeing as we would've been homeless if they hadn't. I grew up a sheltered kid and left when I was 20 (will be 22 later in the year) with my ex. They on the other hand, were spit out headfirst into adulthood young, so our mental ages are pretty spaced apart, meaning I don't really know much about the real world and am always having to ask him for help on knowledge-based things. So, back on topic... I opened up to my closest online friends I've known for years about my pocd. One of my very closest ones responded in an understanding way; they said they still loved me and go through it similarly, just not as often. The others I believe hadn't seen it yet, so I'm awaiting their reply,, I'm glad I'm not alone- I mean, ofc I know people here suffer the same thing, but it's calming to know that someone close to me that I know personally feels the same way. My ex, close friend, and now roomate have let me know they briefly suffer the same agonizing thoughts I do from time to time, though mine have been more frequent growing up. My trauma, a brief explanation: I (9y?) was in the same bed my dad was in when he did things to my mom in a nonconsensual way, he didn't care when he found out I was there, from what I can remember... I believe I may have false memories with him as well. I dont believe he was predatory, my thoughts are mixed on this. That, and I also heard couple of years later when I must've been around 12, that my friend's younger little sister (6y) was possibly doing things to my own even younger little sister. I was upset at her and resented her, still to this day (before moving out ofc) I rarely spoke to her when I visited my friend, minimized contact. I really can't get over it, even though ik she was just a child herself and didn't know any better... --- I'm not going into detail over it, but I started to wean myself off of fictional digital content years ago (like reading stories where I was the minor in a s,xual scenario) I've relapsed since then; the most recent one being a month ago (last placed we stayed at was with a friend of my ex's- there was almost little to no food for us, we often went days where we'd only have 1 small meal, and in the place before that, moved in w his friend who had a huge roach and bedbug infestation). Im going to try not to leave anything out, as its currently 1am and im rlly tired lol,,- My roomate friend gave me advice; both their partner and my ex have said they don't believe I could be capable of harming (I know I won't either, still the anxiety has a gorilla grip hold over my thoughts /lh) and that they still love and care for me. They've offered suggestions to help as well as some tasks/homework i need to do , like install an app called the 'trevor project?' and not go towards that content of any kind- to find a distraction as well as speak to a therapist. Im so glad they have my back,, I think this is all for now, thank you

Can zoloft make you feel restless after 2 days?

Crippling loneliness rn.

I don't know what to believe sometimes I suspect even my closest people of betrayal and Im not sure if they gaslight/manipulate me because they know I have ocd and they know that I have outbursts. And I don't know whats true if Its right that I'm mad at them or if I'm being too much. The result Is the same I lash out. I'm so confused and then I try to overcorrect by saying how sorry I am and that is all my fault and then I'm getting mad again because they never feel guilty when they say/do sth to me but I always feel guilty. Wtf is that ...

Random blah-blah: I have GAD, and I think I have OCD too. I don't say that suffer from ocd since I'm not diagnosed. My ex-therapist suggested me to look up for bipolar disorder. The problem is, after half an year, I still don't think I am bipolar. Did my research inside my brain, as well as on the internet. The thing is, I am obssesing over my mental health. OCD was the last disorder that I checked, since I thought it's impossible for me to have it. I am anxious about this one. I am scared. I want to know if I have ocd, and since yesterday, that s all I am doing. Looking up on the internet to find an answer. I am scared if I book a call, the therapist will say: but you have GAD, not OCD. And this will be so bad because I... I honestly can t imagine why it would be so bad. Just that I ve lived in a lie for 2 days. I think my ocd is most obvious in my relationship with my bf. And I feel so bad because he keeps saying that everything he does - is never enough. It s complicated. I just want him to never doubt himself, his actions and our love.

I just can't bear it... My intrusive thoughts were killing me a few days ago, the worst was when I was thinking about the 2 weeks, before my rabbit died, and I took care of her. She had a stroke, She couldn't walk because she didn't feel her right side. I remembered how I wanted to give the best care to her, but also remembered the times, when She didn't want something, but had to do, because of her health. I remembered, that usually I cleaned her legs, ears, and her private areas. Then came the thoughts: what if I thought to push my finger into my rabbit's butthole, when I cleaned it, because I associated it with man's butthole or something like that, and it was a sick desire. It was killing me, because these kind of things, when people harmed or desired some way an animal, disgusted me really deeply. Plus, this rabbit was literally my everything, my precious first child, I had her from age 10 to 16. So, the thoughts really disturbed me. Anyway, I tried to reassure myself: if I really thought that, at least, I didn't act on it. And than came the thought: what if this thought was really there, and I really acted on it, and I harmed and abused my rabbit, I just didn't realize it until now, or I just thought this was natural, or I didn't want to remember how bad person I am, and that I didn't really care. I literally cried for 3 days, I became sick with migraine, and the thought, that I could hurt and traumatize an ill rabbit, MY rabbit who loved and leaned on me the most in this world, was killing me. I told my Mom that I fear, what if I hurt my rabbit (I didn't told her my exact fear, just hurt, because I was scared), and She said that wasn't my nature, and that rabbit wouldn't love me until her last breath if I did something that traumatized her. And I know it isn't my nature, I love animals in a pure platonic way, but what if teenage hormones and grief fucked up my mind really badly and I did that and didn't care about anything? It didn't help that sometimes I thought that I am a good person now, and I know I deserve life despite whether it's true or not , because then I thought, what if I find this thing acceptable, while I don't. I just can't sleep for a week now, I can't concentrate on studying or anything bit also I don't know what to do. I want to believe it's a false memory, I don't know how can I live on if it's not, but I also can't let it go, because what if it's really true, and I keep living on without guilt and punishment, while it's a thing that can't be forgiven. For years I thought I did everything the right Way in that last two weeks and now I am not sure. I know most of the intrusive thoughts were made by my mind, but the thing, that I don't have proof I didn't do anything, keeps my anxiety alive, and I don't know anymore what is true, and what is not. I must live, but I don't know how after that...

Europeans know that the media is full with the possibility of a war between Russia and Ucraine, and all i can see is that people are ready to the war, it will be a war here too,they will put us to fight and kill people to save ourselfs... and my mental health isnt the best for that right now, im thinking of i will not survive that, i will get crazy or super depressed, i will get lot of ptsd which will be worse bc of my weak mental health and it will be a suffering. Got to a point where i was affraid that life will not matter to me and the amount of stress will make me to kill myself bc i will feel so hopeless... and the scary part is that i felt the hopelessnes and im scared, my mind is so anxious that it thinks about suicide, bc theres no hope in a world like this... and that just made me more anxious and hopeless that i can think like this and actually i might thinked that if that happens i kill myself bc life will not be how i imagined. Can ocd confuse you this much? Im feeling guilty again, this is not how i should think...

As far as ocd , I’ve been feelings okay . But I feel like shit still. I can’t stop thinking about my ex friend who I also like . I am so envious too . It hurts that we’re no longer friends and we haven’t spoken to each other since our fight . It’s been 3 months almost . Bht last we talked , it was more of a confrontation and that’s when things got heated and things really ended officially for both of us. I happen to be obsessive of him not ocd related ik by heart. I am genuinely into him and I can’t seem to stop comparing myself to him as well. Which is why I am jealous of his own lifestyle and overall just him as a person. He’s the beauty faced, free spirited clear minded free guy who goes out does all sorts of things like traveling, clubbing , partying, just an active person off /on social media . He’s free spirited ! I’m surprised we even bonded and stayed close contact with each other . Me on other hand , the mentally ill , insecured , gay kid who suffers from ocd while also balancing social anxiety and everyday struggles of low self esteem . But just overall being mentally or emotionally unstable . I am hoping to reach out someday and reconnect with him and make things better. Meantime , I just have to suffer with the fact that he’s doing all fun and cool things without me . I am also into him too :( but I feel insecure so much because of my self esteem . I want to glow up so bad . I worry how one day he will find someone else 😔despite of not ever being in relationship with him . Nor has he known about my feelings I have for him. This puts me in a worse emotional state . I feel fragile all aside from constant struggle of ocd . This has been issue for me last couple of days is coping wit the loss of a friend . Anyone have advice ??

How do u get diagnosed with ocd? Do u like get diagnoed as a baby as something like autism,adhd or do u have to talk about it to get diagnosed?

I feel like I'm getting bored of my gf but I do t wanna feel his way. I wanna be with her forever. Everyone are so happy with their partners. I'm 16 and it's been 3months since we are together. The honeymoon phase has ended I guess. My mind is telling me to breakup with her, not because I've started liking another girl. There is no reason to it. It's just telling me to breakup cuz I'm bored. Please help me, I'm too young for all of this 😔😔

I get so angry and dissapointed when my partner doesnt do what he says hes gonna do or it takes him longer to do it. Like even for basic random stuff. Im annoyed at myself how much im being effected by it emotionally. When things dont go exactly as planned i get so overwhelmed i cant even handle it and just get so frustrated

After months of no harm ocd, something happened that triggered my anxiety and everything came back, i have unwanted thoughts about suicide. And im googling again about whats the difference between s real suicidal feeling and suicidal ocd... bc these thoughts arent make me just anxious... i start to feel depressed about them... i fight with them too much. Still cant decide and want to know what is this, real or just ocd suicide thoughts...

I cannot express the anger I have when people ignorantly say that they’re “so ocd” and think of ocd as a quirk. My ocd got so bad at one point it was basically considered a disability because I could not do anything. People make these mental illnesses, also including like ADHD, as a quirk thinking that it is just a funny thing. It makes me really upset:(

I hate being around people I don’t know. It’s makes me feel like I have no control of my thoughts or actions. I’ve finally started trying to become an at home freelance writer. I’m hoping it picks up and possibly I can work somewhere I am comfortable. Just thought I would share.

Everything I'm going through is punishment for how I treated that girl.

i have an incest fear with my uncle and it’s been on and off. then today i just said to myself ‘okay, maybe you did find that thing he did attractive, but that’s okay and it’s not the end of the world. you guys aren’t even that close and it’s not like he’s one of your brothers’. i felt better after that but i’m scared it’s because i’ve accepted something i was repressing.

I just want to drink sodas full of caffeine so I can get my anxiety up. I know that sounds weird but when I would get my anxiety with my harm intrusive thoughts, it made me relieved that I feared the thoughts badly and that I didn’t like them. I don’t want to worsen my depersonalization though.

How should I tell my significant other that I've been suffering from ROCD as of late without making them doubt themselves or our relationship? my most common thoughts have been of me just cheating on her or that I dont find her attractive or thoughts along those lines and they hurt to think about it makes me feel guilty to think these things

I need confort words/advice. My friend likes a guy and she constantly talks about him and im going crazy. Like literally i cant anymore she mentions him everytime we talk and she doesnt like the fact that she likes him. And i dont want to be mean to her. Its just that i dont understand why she talks about him so much. And also i wish that my life was as simple as her sometimes because having ocd is a fucking nightmare and a constant battle against my own mind. And i wish my biggest problem was liking a guy. But i really love my friend so thats why im venting here and im just feeling annoyed rn because i feel like her life is so much better than mine, she has a lot of friends and a super nice family. And im really envious and jealous. Ik its bad but i cant help it. And now they're together as a couple and i gonna keep having to hear stuff about this dude. I just feel like I have so much anger inside of me and im so angry all the time. Like i wish I could just scream