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Over the years I have said some terribly messed up stuff to my SO and I cannot forgive myself. It is part of me. I am so disgusted with myself and sick over it. I have ruined my marriage because of my OCD. I haste myself.

this isnt ocd related but i just wanna come on here to vent. i live at home with a very traditional, catholic, hispanic family and a while back my boyfriend and i were talking about spending the night at a local resort for valentines day, which knowing my family they would strongly disapprove of making a decision like this. However, I’m turning 22 in a few months and for about 3 years now i’ve been paying my own bills aside from rent. I work a full-time job, go to school and therapy and other than when me and my boyfriend go on dates i typically just stay at home. So after deciding with my therapist that the best course of action is to sit down with my parents and talk about it with them. I dreaded the idea because my parents and i often have non-constructive confrontational arguments when it comes to certain values that conflict with each other. In this case, mine is about being able to exercise my independence as an adult and their value is about not spending the night with someone you’re not married to. and when i finally had that conversation about my plans and what that means to both of us a few days before my trip, things actually went really well. we both were able to get our point across and they weren’t automatically denying me permission, refusing to hear me out, raising their voices, etc. and it concluded with things ending calmly with both of us on the same page about the fact that they dont have control over the decisions i make on my own as an individual adult and that they’ve done their part as parents in raising me to always have what i need and making sure i am a good person with moral values. Or at least that how i interpreted the conversation. Fast forward to the night before I’m supposed to go on my trip, I come home from work to let them know that i plan on opening at my job the next morning and intended on coming home to clean my room and pack my things before heading out to my trip. They had completely forgotten about it and then told me that i didn’t have permission to stay the night. this ensued a giant argument where they refused to let me go and i told them they didn’t have authority over me like that anymore. the conversation shifted everywhere from how “its their house their rules” and “i’m my own person”, to me expressing how conflicting its been to grow up in one culture within my household while navigating a completely different one being a first generation american, and how they feel forced to change themselves for me so that i could do whatever i want and that they should be happy for me even if they don’t agree with it, to how they feel disrespected that im not willing to follow their rules and ignore their authority. it came down to me not wanting to compromise staying the night instead of spending the day and coming home. i was furious and disappointed. but that day i decided to stick to my original plan, still trying to keep my parents updated while i was gone. and i admit it was equal parts stubbornness and feeling like i needed to set a boundary in regards to being controlled and no longer being a kid. after having gone and having a wonderful time, im home now with everyone at home giving me the cold shoulder. sure enough both of my siblings who no longer live at home found out, and have hinted at it over text. both my parents are ignoring me. which is fine, i knew and accept that this isn’t going to sit right with them, and im not sure for how long either. but regardless im sad because i know that i hurt them, and i thought that if i could sit down and talk to them like a grown up would that we could somehow come to a mutual understanding. the last thing i want is to regret a very special moment i spent with my loved one that he very generously and earnestly planned and funded for us to enjoy. and i wanted to make it clear that it was never my intention to hurt them just because i wanted to be able to do something like this for myself. it sucks that i cant have something like staying overnight at a resort with a loved one as an adult without also hurting my parents who i love. they have every right to feel the way they do and react how they want but it still hurts very much. regardless of how this situation went someone was going to end up feeling shitty, i already planned to react the same way they are. now that i think about it i still wouldve had just as much fun if i didnt stay the night, and theres no one to blame but myself. i think this post was a huge attempt to convince myself and whatever audience this may have that i did nothing wrong. now all i can think about is beating myself up 😞 not seeking for reassurance, just expressing that i feel all kinds of things, like guilt but also gratefulness and disappointment. and how i feel alone, because i dont want tell my boyfriend and make him worry or feel bad, or my siblings because they also think im selfish and impulsive. besides, i dont see my therapist for another week. i know the best thing would be to offer myself some self compassion right now, im just having a hard time mustering the courage to do so when i feel like i dont deserve it right now.

Here I am having a bad day with ocd . Meanwhile , my mom is giving Ton of crap for ridiculous things like ; having my hair messy, being late to work, not being able to do things on my own like drive a car and/ or transport myself to own places on my own. This is so exhausting she has no idea what I am going through and everyday is a fucking battle for me . The other day she was very upset I hadn’t cleaned up my room but that is all due to my ocd :( I can’t even do that . Not to mention, if I ever do clean my room I have to always do it in such precise way . I can’t have any interruptions and I always have to have everything done the way I feel is right . Aside from the anxiety I get from that, I’m also feeling overwhelmed with my daily ocd thoughts . Somebody help me !

I need words of encouragement to stop the loop I’m in right now of compulsions.

People woth rocd. My brain has been really hurting my heart. Like making up scenarios that my bf doesnt care or he is cheating on me to the point where it makes me feel so dull. I really want him. But im like so friggen dull after thinking about negative stuff 24/7. Now its leading me down the path of if its dull your loosing feelings i dont want that! Then my brain is like popping up of men being taller than him but in reality i could gaf.

Anyone else feel like a thought is screaming at them so hard to admit that it’s right after being triggered by a thought or image and you kind of do but then also know it’s not true in the way it was trying to mean it to be? And you were only saying it/thinking it to make it go away? And also sometimes don’t know what’s real and what’s not? I hate myself.

Found out my fiancé was lieing about masturbating. He knew it was something I didn’t want while in a relationship. He admitted it when he was really upset & started to resent me. He felt like he couldn’t tell me the truth because of conflict. I have asked him a handful of times if he has done it since he admitted it to me. He has said no. Recently he was out of town for 6 days & I keep feeling like he he is lieing when I ask him questions. I do not know how to deal with this.

I feel like my OCD is killing me. I feel paralysed by it at the moment and like nothing will ever get better. What can I do to get out of this trap. Its mainly contamination OCD that is causing the problems. I feel like I'm in a bubble that no one can enter. Isolated and just existing. Feel like there is only one way out of this....

I used to have moments of clarity before but now I just constantly feel like I’m lying about everything. Can anyone relate ? I’m also worried that since I just started out with intimacy , I don’t know what I actually like and therefore I don’t actually like my partner sexually and I’m only into him because society says I should be and I don’t know what I like..🥲

I feel so horrible someone please help! I’m playing Pokémon Diamond and I was in a battle with another girl and I had an urge to look or glance at the chests and I don’t know why but I did it anyway because I had a thought that I was triggered and because they are younger I guess I started freaking out but I had an urge to do it and I did and now I feel so incredibly horrible because it was like I purposely did it? I’m freaking out so much right now I want to cry but I’m at work and I can’t. What if I did want to look there and I did it on purpose? It literally felt that way and now I’m so scared 😭

Do I have to tell my partner my sin I’m struggling with or had struggled? For example he once asked me if I find his brother attractive and I said no but I did but it was my own problem. Do I confess this now? (For example impure thoughts or thoughts that are not okay) ?

Question about pure OCD: when I was younger, I had a lot of intrusive images of people I didn't like, like Tr*mp, Logan Paul, and others, so to cope I had to imagine the opposite person to kind of neutralize it (I had to search on google images of Bernie Sanders to feel better, I know, weird thing but I was really in politics at the time) Can that be considered a compulsion? If yes, has that ever happened to you? Right now I don't feel like that anymore, the intrusive images still trigger me and they do make me feel "impure" but they don't bother me that much anymore, I learned to ignore them as I grew.

Big fight with my husband. I'm a pretty high people pleaser, and I was worried (again) about the lack of comments on my art on Facebook. I was chatting with my husband, wondering why. He blankly said " because noone loves you". It just rung the OCD bell like crazy. I went into tears, my 4 years old daughter asked to apologize, he didn't and stayed silent for 2 hours. And now he's saying he was wrong but it was my fault. I have some self hurting thoughts right now, it's difficult to go through. What a nice way to spend Valentine's Day 🤔

I hate intrusive feelings so much. Like I'll be obsessing over something and then I "feel" something that could be proof the obsession is true... it feels so real and i feel like a horrible person. I hate ocd so so so much

Can you just decide to stap all your compulsions?

Cw: almost homeless, POCD confessions, brief mentions of childhood trauma (outsider's perspective?), brief r*ach and b*dbug infestation mention as well as a lack of food and money 🌸 I finally told my closest friends (mostly online except for the other two) about the ocd i suffer the most from. I was mostly worried of being thrown out by a certain friend and their partner, as they're my current roommates who had taken me and my partner in, (who is now my ex, but we're doing great as friends) seeing as we would've been homeless if they hadn't. I grew up a sheltered kid and left when I was 20 (will be 22 later in the year) with my ex. They on the other hand, were spit out headfirst into adulthood young, so our mental ages are pretty spaced apart, meaning I don't really know much about the real world and am always having to ask him for help on knowledge-based things. So, back on topic... I opened up to my closest online friends I've known for years about my pocd. One of my very closest ones responded in an understanding way; they said they still loved me and go through it similarly, just not as often. The others I believe hadn't seen it yet, so I'm awaiting their reply,, I'm glad I'm not alone- I mean, ofc I know people here suffer the same thing, but it's calming to know that someone close to me that I know personally feels the same way. My ex, close friend, and now roomate have let me know they briefly suffer the same agonizing thoughts I do from time to time, though mine have been more frequent growing up. My trauma, a brief explanation: I (9y?) was in the same bed my dad was in when he did things to my mom in a nonconsensual way, he didn't care when he found out I was there, from what I can remember... I believe I may have false memories with him as well. I dont believe he was predatory, my thoughts are mixed on this. That, and I also heard couple of years later when I must've been around 12, that my friend's younger little sister (6y) was possibly doing things to my own even younger little sister. I was upset at her and resented her, still to this day (before moving out ofc) I rarely spoke to her when I visited my friend, minimized contact. I really can't get over it, even though ik she was just a child herself and didn't know any better... --- I'm not going into detail over it, but I started to wean myself off of fictional digital content years ago (like reading stories where I was the minor in a s,xual scenario) I've relapsed since then; the most recent one being a month ago (last placed we stayed at was with a friend of my ex's- there was almost little to no food for us, we often went days where we'd only have 1 small meal, and in the place before that, moved in w his friend who had a huge roach and bedbug infestation). Im going to try not to leave anything out, as its currently 1am and im rlly tired lol,,- My roomate friend gave me advice; both their partner and my ex have said they don't believe I could be capable of harming (I know I won't either, still the anxiety has a gorilla grip hold over my thoughts /lh) and that they still love and care for me. They've offered suggestions to help as well as some tasks/homework i need to do , like install an app called the 'trevor project?' and not go towards that content of any kind- to find a distraction as well as speak to a therapist. Im so glad they have my back,, I think this is all for now, thank you

Can zoloft make you feel restless after 2 days?

Crippling loneliness rn.

I don't know what to believe sometimes I suspect even my closest people of betrayal and Im not sure if they gaslight/manipulate me because they know I have ocd and they know that I have outbursts. And I don't know whats true if Its right that I'm mad at them or if I'm being too much. The result Is the same I lash out. I'm so confused and then I try to overcorrect by saying how sorry I am and that is all my fault and then I'm getting mad again because they never feel guilty when they say/do sth to me but I always feel guilty. Wtf is that ...

Random blah-blah: I have GAD, and I think I have OCD too. I don't say that suffer from ocd since I'm not diagnosed. My ex-therapist suggested me to look up for bipolar disorder. The problem is, after half an year, I still don't think I am bipolar. Did my research inside my brain, as well as on the internet. The thing is, I am obssesing over my mental health. OCD was the last disorder that I checked, since I thought it's impossible for me to have it. I am anxious about this one. I am scared. I want to know if I have ocd, and since yesterday, that s all I am doing. Looking up on the internet to find an answer. I am scared if I book a call, the therapist will say: but you have GAD, not OCD. And this will be so bad because I... I honestly can t imagine why it would be so bad. Just that I ve lived in a lie for 2 days. I think my ocd is most obvious in my relationship with my bf. And I feel so bad because he keeps saying that everything he does - is never enough. It s complicated. I just want him to never doubt himself, his actions and our love.