Welcome to
the NOCD Community

As in, how long was your ocd being quite and not loud and you felt like you reverted to your normal ways?

Anyone have any relatable situations with checking things such as the stove, the sink, the doors and locks before bed? I need relief. I understand it pertains to safety and the urge to want to keep myself and my family see but I’m also at the point where I am not sleeping and I am physically hurting myself by closing the door so hard with my hand over and over again to make sure that when I’m in bed with my hand or arm throbbing, it’s because I know I checked.. anyone else?

my partner in arguments feels like when i confront him about him being mean or rude , he gets defensive and when i distance myself or get mad then he apologizes. and some of his apologies somehow include me. and don’t get me wrong we have a lot of good times and moments. and i love him deeply. but is this a sign we shouldn’t be together? he is 23 years old and he has trouble with accountability and he victimizes himself. and i am so tired i love him a lot and i don’t want to throw away 2 years. plus he has been so patient and caring with my ROCD. but sometimes he apologizes genuinely but i feel like what if he’s doing that because he doesn’t want to lose me? does it ever get better , i don’t want to let go of him. i want to fix us. do we have hope? he said he wants to and will fix himself. but what if thats an empty statement to get me off his back? it makes me feel like he’s evil sometimes but i know he can also be really caring and kind. he also is an emotional person. if one bad thing happens it ruins most of his day and he takes everything to heart. and when we argue he’s so defensive it seems like we are talking to each other and having 2 different convos. he completely misses my point at times and it seems like he isn’t even listening and he seems irritated. but he wouldn’t even have to hear this again if he listens. how do i know he isn’t just an evil person. i just think about all the bad things and my mind is blocking the good memories. so i literally just see him as an evil person in this moment. and its making me feel uneasy. if you read this whole novel thanks

I have mood apps that I track my feelings and activities and relationships in. I have done it for a year and 2 months. I feel like it’s making me obsess over my feelings and stressful relationship even more. My family says delete them if it’s doing more harm than good. I just exported the data after a long day but I can’t get myself to delete them. Is this ocd? Should I? I’m scared if I do I won’t be paying attention to how I feel and then my relationship will be crappy forever and then I’ll never break up if it stays the same or gets worse then I’ll die unhappy in the very end. I’m so anxious

I don’t feel like me right now, I feel like a version of me that’s software updating and is stuck at 25%. I’m scared I’m a monster and I’m scared that I’m not scared of being a monster. I feel blank, numb, tv static. I have moments of joy and peace. I’ve been able to enjoy some moments of my days. But I feel like I’m in an endless cycle. Of being fine and not being fine. Being numb and feeling a wave of tons of emotions. My life is so chaotic and I feel so on edge sometimes. I feel like I don’t react the way I should to certain things. Or I get scared of smiling or laughing at situations that are not appropriate. OCD has twisted how I see myself. I hear myself in my head say mean things to people about weight or race things they have no control over and it makes me feel guilty cause I’ve never judged anyone for who they are or what their race is. I don’t want to be evil. I want to be a light that helps guide others. I want to help people to seek me out for help. And I want to live every moment of my life being a light. OCD twist this idea in my mind if me wanting to be evil. And in no way do I want to be evil. Hopefully this feeling comes to pass. I have faith that this will fade and I’ll come out even stronger than the weak punching bag I was for OCD. I just feel so blank. Empty, scared, like a liminal space that feeling where you feel 100% alone. Im just confused.

I keep seeing double numbers my main compulsion is setting a timer for 2 minutes and holding my breath until it is over. This is incredibly difficult for me, as I vape and occasionally smoke green… and I have a fear of suffocating. So it makes me feel on cloud 9 once I’ve successfully done it, but I haven’t done that for several months now. I kept telling God every time I got the urge “I will only do this if you ask me to”. Fast forward to now, somebody started I fight with me online so I went off and said some pretty nasty things when I found out they were as narcissistic as they come. I can’t stand narcissism in any way, as my father is narcissistic and I can’t stand anybody that has even a trace of it. So I went off on him pretty bad, played mind games, I basically did everything but show any sign of God. I know I messed up, but now I keep seeing double numbers on the clock, so I told God “if you want me to hold my breath, please let the next song (on the radio) be The Weeknd” and guess who was up next? It feels like the small thread I was hanging by has snapped. It feels like God wants me to hold my breath for 2 minutes straight, and as crazy as it may sound to some of you.. this feels as real as it gets for me. Please help with anything, this is killing me

Today was my first shift. I had feelings of ‘you like that girl’ ‘You don’t like them men. Because your gay’ (I’ve lost all attraction to men. Completely) It was just really hard Made friends with 2 lesbians and they invited me to pride festival and I was so triggered but played it off I’ve had the ‘realisation’ feeling about 3 times. And I didn’t feel attracted to any male there but it felt like I was to the girls and it was unsettling

Why does it look like everyone cheats on their partner? I really trust and love my boyfriend and we share the same (harsh) view on cheaters, but I’m still so afraid he’ll cheat on me. I think it is because I hear so many stories about people cheating (actually more online than irl) that I get convinced everyone does it, if it makes sense

Is there anything that you all do that’s not a compulsion or ritual that helps with your OCD and anxiety in the mornings?

This is one of the worst ocd days I’ve ever had. I’ve tried to do exposures, I’ve tried to not reassure myself, I’ve tried to be more social and go to lunch with coworkers, I’ve tried to not do any compulsions and I feel like crap. I keep wondering why I’m not getting better .

I had a thought about a week or so ago and it was “what if cheating is exciting” and “what if I want something more exciting than what I have now” and none of those thoughts are true! Ugh! I don’t want anything differently than my relationship now and I think it’s beyond exciting! I feel so guilty for even having that thought. :( anyone have any advice? I think it’s ROCD but what if it’s not?

im just convinced im an evil person because of my” ocd” and i put it in quotes because ive been diagnosed with it but it feels so real. all my themes are sexual in some way, always having groinal responses, and sometimes it feels like i enjoy these thoughts or want these things to happen. my POCD use to be really bad and now it’s not but im still convinced im some evil p***. the theme has switched from POCD to incest ocd about my mother, due to past trauma. i feel like im stuck this way forever. i can’t even enjoy sexual time by myself anymore without being plagued by these thoughts. i just want to go sleep forever. im only a teenager and i feel like my life is ruined. there are things from my past that i have done that are unusual and or disturbing due to hypersexuality, so that also makes me feel like all in all im just a weirdo. i wish this would stop.

I’ve heard people say the thoughts don’t always come as a what if but can they come in the form of “I want to” “I should..” “they should” “I’m going to” this is the most I’ve ever struggled with harm ocd because of the way the thoughts are presenting and it’s making me think I actually want to do these horrible things that I would never do or think in the past, like ever. My mind is constantly telling me I’m lying to myself and everyone and it’s just a matter of time. Please anyone who’s experienced this and what helped you. I’m so scared to say maybe or yeah ocd you’re right like I would with other intrusive thoughts because these seem so dangerous and dark. I won’t look at people license plates because I’m scared I will follow them home and hurt them 😔 I just don’t want to be this way anymore. I want my mind back.

i’ve been up for 2 and half hours just laying in bed with my eyes closed ruminating, filled with anxiety and anxiety spikes, and just constantly telling myself i’m okay, i’m fine, this is the ocd and unwanted intrusive thoughts. i’m exhausted cause i went to bed and kept waking up in my sleep with anxiety and having to tell myself i’m okay to breathe. i had a really rough day yesterday and i don’t want to have one today. i saw a post that said how do you get rid of the anxiety of anticipating the anxiety, the thoughts, the ocd. i relate to that so much. i hope if you’re reading this you have a good day as well.

Do people prefer self employment or being employed by someone else? I’m in a group for autistic people and they prefer to be their own boss, I wondered if that was the same here.

Is anyone else scared to have children because of their ocd? Because I used to want to have kids before my ocd hit me like a freight train.

I did something bad in December, something I’m trying hard to forget and love last. Something I took responsibility for. Yet people are treating me like I was the only one involved. I was completely water during the entire thing, The guy who was involved, he had a gf and was also driving so how drunk he was we have no idea, yet we still ended up having sex. I took full responsibility, I was drunk I shouldn’t have done it, but he was not as wasted as me so he should’ve said no. He should’ve right?! I messaged the girl, told the guy to tell her as well, I tried to sort it out. But everyone has blamed me entirely. He is getting away with it Scott free. Still with his gf, nobody blames him, all my friends have blamed me. Anyway, I met his best mate that night and we hit it off so well. We’re still talking to this day and he makes me feel so good about myself. We wanna meet again and everything but we live far away from one another. Anyway, I messaged my best mate with a concern, she was a tiny bit blunt about what I was actually concerned about and then started talking about how the whole situation is dangerous (me sleeping with his mate while drunk. I also I wasn’t speaking to him at this point I’d only met him but her point has made me feel like I couldn’t speak to him anymore) and that I should be careful. I’m now sat here like do I need to tell him? That’s kinda his best friends decision no? I don’t have any reason to tell him about a mistake I made in the past. I wasn’t dedicated to him, I was in a seriously bad place, it was a mistake I’d take back in a heartbeat. If that’s something his friend wants to do then fine, but why me? I’ve done everything and this guy I slept with sat there and watched me do it all. This group of girls, I’ve known them for years, but during this entire thing I was fully to blame for everything. Didn’t matter how drunk I was, the situation was treated like I was sober. Even the fact that my friend left me in town alone with this group of lads, was my fault. Drunk alone in town. I was then blamed for letting her go home alone, when I didn’t. Anyway, my point is, I’m feeling so incredibly guilty and all I wanna do is enjoy my time with this guy I really like and forget that what happened ever happened. Just like the guy has done. He’s still with his gf, he’s still enjoying life, yet I’m here feeling like I can’t speak to the guy I’m currently speaking to anymore even though he brings me nothing but joy. Do I have to tell him? It’s not something I feel is relevant. A part of my life I pushed aside has been brought up and now life is getting hard for me once again. I wouldn’t do it again, I don’t wanna bring up my past with him. That’s a part of me I wanna push aside. But people are making me feel like I can’t. am I allowed? Am I the bad guy? Am I the one that doesn’t deserve to be happy? In my head the answers to some are yes. I’m scared you’ll all agree. Idk what to do I just wanna enjoy my time with him and if further down the line it’s brought up explain the situation. I feel horrible my days are hard. Idk what to do

Does anyone fear spreading things to others by using the bathroom? Do you keep needing to wash over and over?

I literally just almost had a full panic attack at the fact that I can think … like I sat there while I was thinking something in my head. and I have ocd where I like to feel even in my body usually and I felt like I couldn’t feel my head or control it .. it just scared me so much.

I have a massive fear of flying. I have a long flight coming up in a month and I’m already panicking about it. Any tips from people who get like this too? I feel like with OCD it’s an added level of anxiety that just makes it so hard