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the NOCD Community

I’m curious about everyone’s relationship with alcohol. For me alcohol makes my ocd very bad.

I’m so scared. Tonight my boyfriend is going to a party with my friends. I’m so scared he will like my friend and will impress her or something or will like her more than me. Because before we dated he said she was pretty. We met on a dating platform so that’s where I know him from. We’re together now for 5 months and he is going to meet my friend tonight for the first time. My other friends has he already met. But I’m also jealous of her sometimes because a lot of guys think she’s pretty and look at her when we’re going out. So I’m scared he will think she’s pretty or like her or something. I’m so sad about it and scared. Can anybody help me ?

Hi All, How do people in this community deal with having no one to talk to when needing to cope with depression or anxiety? I’ve tried talking to my family and friends, but they’re all sick and tired of me and my OCD. Every time I try to bring up my concerns, they just shut me down with “Stop the OCD!”, “Go away!”, or just ignore me completely. I know this support group exists for this, but realistically, I can’t come here every time I have something I want to talk about. I’m not sure what else to try, I’ve lost all my friends and now losing family members. I’ve even tried warning them “what I’m about to say is triggering” but that just makes it worse.

I’m spiraling from touching a wall I had touched when I went home from outside and used the public bathroom from December.I don’t remember cleaning it. I just touched it an hour ago and my anxiety’s been up and down. Anyone knows any methods to relax or anything? I’m starting ERP and I want to get better so badly.

Hello, I’m new here. I don’t have a formal diagnosis, just sharing my experiences with my obsessive thoughts. The only compulsion I really have is note taking. I feel the need to hoard most of my thoughts and write extensive to do lists, even scolding myself in notes like “be better!” or “STOP being the way you are.” When driving or unavailable to write things down, I have to repeat the thoughts in my head so I won’t forget until I can “save” them. Does anyone else have any experience with this fear of forgetting/not living the perfect life? My notes also revolve around anything someone might causally mention, taking turmeric for example. Will I ever incorporate that into my routine? No, but I write it down just in case because otherwise I’m convinced I won‘t live a healthy, fulfilling life. This all started when I lost a relative and also my house. I wonder if those losses made me subconsciously afraid to lose more? I don’t know. On the bright side, my current medication has been helping my depression. I am able to function and get out of bed, for the most part. But when I am in class or work, I have such crippling self doubt. I don’t feel like I am capable of anything. I don’t trust myself with any tasks. It really gets me down, my thoughts just spiral and I can’t see myself being able to hold down a job that involves working with people…that leads to more note taking of how I can improve. I get such anxiety if I don’t know every little thing there is to know, necessary or not. I get so caught up in it that I can’t even do the bare minimum I DO know without messing up. Even my class notes are full of irrelevant notes from my obsessive thoughts that appear during a lesson, and a girl that sits near me laughs because of how crazy my notebook looks.

As in, how long was your ocd being quite and not loud and you felt like you reverted to your normal ways?

Anyone have any relatable situations with checking things such as the stove, the sink, the doors and locks before bed? I need relief. I understand it pertains to safety and the urge to want to keep myself and my family see but I’m also at the point where I am not sleeping and I am physically hurting myself by closing the door so hard with my hand over and over again to make sure that when I’m in bed with my hand or arm throbbing, it’s because I know I checked.. anyone else?

my partner in arguments feels like when i confront him about him being mean or rude , he gets defensive and when i distance myself or get mad then he apologizes. and some of his apologies somehow include me. and don’t get me wrong we have a lot of good times and moments. and i love him deeply. but is this a sign we shouldn’t be together? he is 23 years old and he has trouble with accountability and he victimizes himself. and i am so tired i love him a lot and i don’t want to throw away 2 years. plus he has been so patient and caring with my ROCD. but sometimes he apologizes genuinely but i feel like what if he’s doing that because he doesn’t want to lose me? does it ever get better , i don’t want to let go of him. i want to fix us. do we have hope? he said he wants to and will fix himself. but what if thats an empty statement to get me off his back? it makes me feel like he’s evil sometimes but i know he can also be really caring and kind. he also is an emotional person. if one bad thing happens it ruins most of his day and he takes everything to heart. and when we argue he’s so defensive it seems like we are talking to each other and having 2 different convos. he completely misses my point at times and it seems like he isn’t even listening and he seems irritated. but he wouldn’t even have to hear this again if he listens. how do i know he isn’t just an evil person. i just think about all the bad things and my mind is blocking the good memories. so i literally just see him as an evil person in this moment. and its making me feel uneasy. if you read this whole novel thanks

I have mood apps that I track my feelings and activities and relationships in. I have done it for a year and 2 months. I feel like it’s making me obsess over my feelings and stressful relationship even more. My family says delete them if it’s doing more harm than good. I just exported the data after a long day but I can’t get myself to delete them. Is this ocd? Should I? I’m scared if I do I won’t be paying attention to how I feel and then my relationship will be crappy forever and then I’ll never break up if it stays the same or gets worse then I’ll die unhappy in the very end. I’m so anxious

I don’t feel like me right now, I feel like a version of me that’s software updating and is stuck at 25%. I’m scared I’m a monster and I’m scared that I’m not scared of being a monster. I feel blank, numb, tv static. I have moments of joy and peace. I’ve been able to enjoy some moments of my days. But I feel like I’m in an endless cycle. Of being fine and not being fine. Being numb and feeling a wave of tons of emotions. My life is so chaotic and I feel so on edge sometimes. I feel like I don’t react the way I should to certain things. Or I get scared of smiling or laughing at situations that are not appropriate. OCD has twisted how I see myself. I hear myself in my head say mean things to people about weight or race things they have no control over and it makes me feel guilty cause I’ve never judged anyone for who they are or what their race is. I don’t want to be evil. I want to be a light that helps guide others. I want to help people to seek me out for help. And I want to live every moment of my life being a light. OCD twist this idea in my mind if me wanting to be evil. And in no way do I want to be evil. Hopefully this feeling comes to pass. I have faith that this will fade and I’ll come out even stronger than the weak punching bag I was for OCD. I just feel so blank. Empty, scared, like a liminal space that feeling where you feel 100% alone. Im just confused.

I keep seeing double numbers my main compulsion is setting a timer for 2 minutes and holding my breath until it is over. This is incredibly difficult for me, as I vape and occasionally smoke green… and I have a fear of suffocating. So it makes me feel on cloud 9 once I’ve successfully done it, but I haven’t done that for several months now. I kept telling God every time I got the urge “I will only do this if you ask me to”. Fast forward to now, somebody started I fight with me online so I went off and said some pretty nasty things when I found out they were as narcissistic as they come. I can’t stand narcissism in any way, as my father is narcissistic and I can’t stand anybody that has even a trace of it. So I went off on him pretty bad, played mind games, I basically did everything but show any sign of God. I know I messed up, but now I keep seeing double numbers on the clock, so I told God “if you want me to hold my breath, please let the next song (on the radio) be The Weeknd” and guess who was up next? It feels like the small thread I was hanging by has snapped. It feels like God wants me to hold my breath for 2 minutes straight, and as crazy as it may sound to some of you.. this feels as real as it gets for me. Please help with anything, this is killing me

Today was my first shift. I had feelings of ‘you like that girl’ ‘You don’t like them men. Because your gay’ (I’ve lost all attraction to men. Completely) It was just really hard Made friends with 2 lesbians and they invited me to pride festival and I was so triggered but played it off I’ve had the ‘realisation’ feeling about 3 times. And I didn’t feel attracted to any male there but it felt like I was to the girls and it was unsettling

Why does it look like everyone cheats on their partner? I really trust and love my boyfriend and we share the same (harsh) view on cheaters, but I’m still so afraid he’ll cheat on me. I think it is because I hear so many stories about people cheating (actually more online than irl) that I get convinced everyone does it, if it makes sense

Is there anything that you all do that’s not a compulsion or ritual that helps with your OCD and anxiety in the mornings?

This is one of the worst ocd days I’ve ever had. I’ve tried to do exposures, I’ve tried to not reassure myself, I’ve tried to be more social and go to lunch with coworkers, I’ve tried to not do any compulsions and I feel like crap. I keep wondering why I’m not getting better .

I had a thought about a week or so ago and it was “what if cheating is exciting” and “what if I want something more exciting than what I have now” and none of those thoughts are true! Ugh! I don’t want anything differently than my relationship now and I think it’s beyond exciting! I feel so guilty for even having that thought. :( anyone have any advice? I think it’s ROCD but what if it’s not?

im just convinced im an evil person because of my” ocd” and i put it in quotes because ive been diagnosed with it but it feels so real. all my themes are sexual in some way, always having groinal responses, and sometimes it feels like i enjoy these thoughts or want these things to happen. my POCD use to be really bad and now it’s not but im still convinced im some evil p***. the theme has switched from POCD to incest ocd about my mother, due to past trauma. i feel like im stuck this way forever. i can’t even enjoy sexual time by myself anymore without being plagued by these thoughts. i just want to go sleep forever. im only a teenager and i feel like my life is ruined. there are things from my past that i have done that are unusual and or disturbing due to hypersexuality, so that also makes me feel like all in all im just a weirdo. i wish this would stop.

I’ve heard people say the thoughts don’t always come as a what if but can they come in the form of “I want to” “I should..” “they should” “I’m going to” this is the most I’ve ever struggled with harm ocd because of the way the thoughts are presenting and it’s making me think I actually want to do these horrible things that I would never do or think in the past, like ever. My mind is constantly telling me I’m lying to myself and everyone and it’s just a matter of time. Please anyone who’s experienced this and what helped you. I’m so scared to say maybe or yeah ocd you’re right like I would with other intrusive thoughts because these seem so dangerous and dark. I won’t look at people license plates because I’m scared I will follow them home and hurt them 😔 I just don’t want to be this way anymore. I want my mind back.

i’ve been up for 2 and half hours just laying in bed with my eyes closed ruminating, filled with anxiety and anxiety spikes, and just constantly telling myself i’m okay, i’m fine, this is the ocd and unwanted intrusive thoughts. i’m exhausted cause i went to bed and kept waking up in my sleep with anxiety and having to tell myself i’m okay to breathe. i had a really rough day yesterday and i don’t want to have one today. i saw a post that said how do you get rid of the anxiety of anticipating the anxiety, the thoughts, the ocd. i relate to that so much. i hope if you’re reading this you have a good day as well.

Do people prefer self employment or being employed by someone else? I’m in a group for autistic people and they prefer to be their own boss, I wondered if that was the same here.