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Reasons why HOCD doesn’t make sense: -having my first crush on a boy in kindergarten (his name was Jon and he was tan with dark hair and I loved him) wait actually before kindergarten I had a boyfriend in pre-3 I loved him lol I forgot -first grade through seventh grade having a massive crush on the same boy because there were only 6 boys in my private school class and evidently he was the cutest I was recasted when he moved schools in the 8th grade -started dating the “it” boy on my swim team in 8th grade(he even tried to leave me for this other girl..I hated her) -saw sixteen candles for the first time! Jake Ryan oooolala -broke up with my 8th grade boyfriend because I was going into high school and we lived very far away from one another and evidently I saw all the boys that were going to my high school needless to say I was in love...the leg hair...the arm pit hair...the smell of their sweat after practice...thinking about it now that’s kinda gross but the mature boys who had leg hair and armpit hair and a bit of a five o clock shadow always struck my attention because I thought they might be more mature and obviously were more hot! -having a crush on this boy named Cameron who was the HOTTEST person to ever exist god! We would go to football games and I would always try to stand right next to him...he was exceptionally flirty and ALL of the girls liked him obviously so getting his attention was hard at times but you know I strived for it anyway! -having my first episode of HOCD due to lack of attention and confidence my freshman year -HAVING NO HOCD the next three years of high school -having a thing with a boy named jack sophomore year and being heart broken when he ends things -I swore I fell in love with a boy named carson the beginning of my junior year...ahh the ray band the brown hair the old Jeep his style I loved him I swear...he ended things with me I was heart broken for an extremely long time! -having a thing with a boy named Jackson end of my junior year but having him end things with my for another girl (I hated her) -falling in love with a boy named Hayden going into my senior year...losing my virginity to a boy named Hayden my senior year...getting ROCD over a boy named hayden my senior year..crying because I didn’t know it was ocd...watching 50 shades freed wishing my boyfriend was Christian grey -getting over ROCD -graduating high school while still dating my boyfriend -breaking up with my boyfriend because we go different colleges -meeting the hottest boy named will in Cabo...omg -having sex with your exes bff because he’s too hot to resist (wow I’m so sorry) -talking to a boy named cole who was the coolest and the hottest person alive...no one else mattered...getting sad when he would leave you on read and when he posted a snap story with another girl! -GOING TO COLLEGE BABY!!! Meeting a kid named Zak who had already slept with the entire cheerleading squad but being completely unaware cause you had gotten to college five minutes before you met him and was unaware that “talking” to him would get me shunned from having any female friends on campus because he was a “player”...continuing to sleep with him after that because he was hot...so hot -meeting Andrew, I was unaware of the affect he would have on my life when I first met him...he was my neighbor in the dorms he’s in the army he’s 6’2 and has tattoos I love him I love him I love him, he’s at air assault school right now and I’m at home... -the end part of May I felt the Demon of HOCD creeping back into my life...prior to this I was obsessed with working out eating right, looking hot you know? I had to look good for the military ball! Well that was over so my mind was like well now what do we have to obsess on and the little bitch raised her hand and said “obsess about me you haven’t for awhile” so obviously I go to the gym unaware of what’s brewing in my mind and I see this very thin tan tall girl who I strived to look like and my mind says “you’re a lesbian” meanwhile I’m like “fuck are you kidding me this again oh my god” I then go back to my dorm room proceed to have a panic attack and there it was “HOCD” clear as day to anyone who wasn’t in my brain...I didn’t understand how this could happen I didn’t notice girls I loved my boyfriend and that one really y’all toned guy in the gym was so hot and the boy that was on stage from the football team that had a beard was so cute and I loved beards and the football team ooo La la...it doesn’t make any sense! How could i a girl who was notorious for loving boys and never even considering girls as sexual beings could come down with HOCD again? I don’t know ocd is super weird and even now when I think Im getting over it there’s still this impending doubt in my mind that I’m lying to myself like there’s some hidden Zoe just in the depths..it makes me doubt the things that make me happiest.. it feels so real... This is what I know: -I know I want a husband and children...I know I want to grow old with a man and laugh with a man and buy a house with a man. I know that. -I however do not know why OCD has to constantly torment me -I doubt I even have OCD all the time but every now and again the ocd cycle will break and I will be like “what the hell was I so worried about...you a lesbian...not a chance” and then my mind begins to obsess again and then I begin to think it’s real I find myself thinking “it’s not OCD this time, it’s the real deal” like what does that even mean? I miss the excitement of a boy following me on Instagram, I miss being able to scroll through Instagram without wondering if I am attracted to this or that girl..I miss getting sad when a boy would leave me on read...I miss the excitement of a boy asking to hang out for the first time..I miss the nervousness of the first kiss..I miss the anticipation of the next one. I miss my desire for men. I miss looking at my boyfriend and pinching myself because he’s MINE. I miss getting ready to go out with my friends that are girls and texting the boys were talking to at the time and helping each other pick out outfits to hopefully impress the guys. I miss talking to my mom about my boyfriend like he’s the best thing that ever happened to me (he is). I miss going out in public and not even looking at girls and if I did, I wouldn’t think anything of it! I miss piece of mind knowing that I am attracted to men! I miss the pure joy of snap chatting a boy and him sending his face back even if there’s no conversation happening! I miss myself most of all. She was pretty cool. She was fucking awesome man, but she’s not here. I miss her. God fucking damn it I miss her.

Starting meds was the greatest thing I did!!! I struggle with hocd and so I’m on Fluvoxamine (It can treat obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and so the noises from hocd are there but they are back ground noise and that’s a step to recovery!! They are there but don’t bug me I brush them off!!!! I highly suggest if u struggle maybe talk to someone about medication. Safe recovery and everyone:)

I kind of feel like my ocd is just looking for something for me to panic about and I’m not letting it happen ! It’s trying to tell me that everything I see is not reality and blah blah blah I’m not doing this with it anymore . I’m not gonna let it mess up my day and My trip to Puerto Rico is in 2 weeks . I want to have fun ! I don’t want ocd to bring me down . Anyone have any advice on ignore the thoughts and not taking it serious ?

“If you focus on results, you will never change. If focus on change you will get results” Very true for ocd recovery - the presence or absence of thoughts doesn’t dictate recovery as everyone has intrusive thoughts - the change in our our perspective of the importance of the thoughts and our actions related to them indicates the degree of recovery

I want ask a question that any of you who are doing job does this ocd thoughts affecting you in your job as there would be lots of stress due to job and how you handle it

My hocd and trans ocd are gone I think but now I have religious ocd

Does anyone have OCD with sexual thoughts of animals? Or of physically hurting yourself? Like today after lighting a candle I thought hmm ? I could put this lighter right up to my eye ball. And I’ll be genuinely curious of how it would feel and then I’ll have horrible anxiety and want to vomit ? ?? I just feel like these two types of OCD are never talked about on here and I feel alone.

Hey can someone please help me out here . I’m trying very hard not to panic . I’m a little spooked out rn I can feel my anxiety rising as I’m trying to get some rest . Please help me get this off my mind

“What if I don’t have OCD at all, and I’m just in denial?” Read this: https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342 An excerpt: “Many people are under the misguided belief that all thoughts have important underlying meanings. Those who struggle with the thought, “What if I am in denial and don’t really have OCD at all?” might believe that this thought represents some underlying truth trying to break through from their unconscious. But the truth is that the vast majority of our thoughts are not intrinsically important. The human brain generates an endless stream of thoughts, including some that are deeply bizarre and unnerving. Does it mean anything that I just considered sticking a banana up my nose? Some would have you believe that this represents some inner urge, or has some secret meaning that needs to be ferreted out. We would posit that this thought, like so many of its brethren, is merely an odd byproduct of being a human being with a functioning brain. Some people with OCD worry that accepting their diagnosis is somehow a “cop out”. This is particularly noteworthy as, in order for this to be true, an individual would have to mimic an extensive set of OCD symptoms of which they were previously unaware. Similarly, many people with OCD fret, “What if ‘deep down’ I know that this is my reality and I’m refusing to accept it?” We wonder where this “deep down” place is located, and would argue that it does not exist. One either knows something or does not.”

Currently getting the "why do you want to be straight? Why arw you attracted by that person? Why don't you want to be gay? Why don't you want to be with that person? Why are you like this? Why don't you just accept this?" thoughts and I don't feel anxious. My mind is telling that I could actually do and like these things but I don't want to. I get moments where I know this is madness but then it hits me all of the sudden. I got so frustrated I said" okay let's see if I'm gay/pan/bi" and I got anxious and my mind was like why don't you go there and I don't know but I just don't want to. This is so distressing, never want to have anything to do with someone of the same sex

Can’t tell if I’m experiencing ROCD or if I’m genuinely unhappy in my relationship, can anyone offer some guidance to help me figure it out? Or is that against the rules?? I’m not looking to be told what to do or to justify my emotions, simply just trying to figure out what I’m feeling

This is going to be a little embarrassing but anyone else struggle with taking care of themselves when the ocd is hitting ? And the depression is just to much to bear ? Like I haven’t shaved as much as I used to . I honestly take showers like once a day . It’s really hard to get out of bed sometimes . Any tips on pushing myself to do things again ? I haven’t washed my hair in like 3 weeks ?

Why reassurance is bad it’s make me feel safe and not crazy and not alone why is it bad

I need help! Yesterday I had a horrible and disgusting HOCD attack... I have a ritual of testing myself for erections...( One of many rituals) And this ritual was worse... I swore never to do it again to check my self... I placed myself in a horrible horrible situation... Even acted like what I fear to check if I'm really what I fear... I didn't like it at all... I still believe I'm not that... I'm not gay... And I never want to be... Hell, I'll never be gay... But my HOCD is now killing me... I can't take it anymore... I cried bitterly like a wuss... It's been 4 years... I feel like shooting myself in the head to end these thoughts... I've no one to talk to... If I tell my family they'll think I'm mentally sick(which I probably am) even worse they might as well fear, what I fear... I have a niece who looks up to me with pride... And I'm turning out to be a huge disappointment... Please help me. Please. Any help will be appreciated.

It's not about hocd but can someone help me with my sexuality. Okay so i was in an all girls school and an all girls college. I rarely got the chance to interact with boys except for my coaching classes. It's like in the past i had dozens of girl crushes and a very few guy crushes but if i ever had to imagine myself being intimate with,it was mostly boys. It's like i clearly remember that i fantasized about boys but i don't actually remember if i ever fantasized about girls. My mind is telling me i had. I had a very few guy friends so whenever we had a meet over i always wanted the guy's attention and not those girls. I don't know what kind of crushes or attraction i had for those girls but i always considered myself straight because even if i had a few guy crushes like 2-3 it was only them i mostly fantasized about. Also i have never been interested in lesbian related stuffs. I have watched kdramas and have mostly got male celebrity crushes. My mind has constantly been telling me i am a lesbian cause i mean i did not have hocd when i had those girl crushes but if today i imagine myself getting intimate with a girl to check if it affects me i get anxious.

Hey guys, please read this, it is very long but maybe it will help you and give you hope cause I know there are people who need it! :) So the last maybe 10 days it seems like my OCD is finally gone. All I did was, everytime an OCD thought/idea/story popped into my head, treating it as a LIE, cause that's what OCD is - a liar. At first it was extremely scary cause everything OCD says seems so real and so convincing and I had a feeling like I'm ignoring a serious life threatening problem, but I knew it was the right way so I endured the anxiety and with time OCD turned from screaming voice into a whisper 'till it almost completely faded away. Now, few days ago I had an unexpected exposure, and I'm not gonna lie, it scared me and I did feel OCD attack again, but it lasted for maybe one hour. Again, it was because I said to it: "I recongize you OCD, and I choose to disregard you and what you're saying to me and I accept I don't know what future will bring but neither do you! So I refuse to listen to your false alarms and your fake exaggerated stories!" It's all about disregarding it. You hear it, but you literally refuse to react to it. It is a choice. You can stop it anytime just by recognizing it and separating OCD thought from yourself. It's saying to yourself: "Ok, so that is now stupid OCD talking...well, talk whatever you want OCD, I'm not buying it, you're annoying. Bye." I did that even when it was so, so, so convincing. I was saying that to the OCD with tears in my eyes, hands shaking, and heart beating out of fear, but with time it really started to work! You need to understand that the more you react with fear to shitty lies your OCD it trying to convince you, the more of the intrusive thoughts your mind will send to you cause your brain thinks you're in danger and is trying to protect you. When you stop reacting to OCD's shit with emotions your brain will stop thinking those thoughts are dangerous and eventually it will stop sending them to you...but slowly, with time so be patient. Fear is what is fueling OCD. Once you cut our the fear, once you stop treating what OCD is telling to you seriously it will stop. When I hear OCD I literally do the eye roll ? like..."Not you again...you're really stupid and annoying. Fuck off." And I continue to do whatever I was doing. My brain then saw that my reaction to an OCD though was like "eh, whatever" and it started to send me less and less of that thought. What is also very important to know is that people with OCD think in black and white. If something isn't 100% perfect than it is 100% bad, when in reality 99% situations in life are in gray area. What would you think about a mother that steals a medicine/drug for her sick child? You're not a monster if you did a mistake, that is what makes you human, and in most cases mistakes that people with OCD did are not so bad at all, it's OCD that is blowing them out of proportions and the black and white thinking is what is making them see the mistake as something so terrible they don't deserve to be loved and to feel happy which is also FALSE. You deserve love anyway. Cutting out the physical compulsion is not always enough cause a lot of people still ruminate which is in most cases a reason why so many people have trouble with recovery. Sometimes you analyze and ruminate and you're not even aware of how much you're doing it, so it is a good idea to pay a bit more attention to it. The reason why you have OCD is because people who develop OCD are beautiful, gentle, sensitive and caring souls, so scared they would hurt someone when in reality that is the last thing they would do because they are so kind. Eventually when you start to recover you will stop believing OCD and start to believe yourself cause you will know who you are. You will know what your beliefs are, you will know what you would do and what you wouldn't do, you will stop doubting yourself in any way. OCDs voice will be silent and yours will be loud. You will hear yourself just as you heard yourself before OCD made you doubt everything about you as a person. I feel a lot better now. I gained weight that I lost because of stress that OCD caused me, I can concentrate when I study, I started to drink coffee again. My life is back just because I started to disregard OCD. It's not that I don't get OCD thoughts anymore, I do definitely, but I refuse to take them seriously and that is what saved me. Also the theme isn't that important cause every OCD theme has a fear in its root, and the fear is what you need to stop giving to that monster. Recovery is possible, you just have to be very, very, very, very, very persistant and patient. Never, ever give up no matter what emotions it sends you, no matter how extremely convincing it is (liars can be very convinving too, don't forget that), no matter if it gives you physical responses, DON'T GIVE UP, DISREGARD IT IN SMALL STEPS BUT CONTINUE TO DO IT EVERY DAY AND WITH TIME YOU WILL WIN! ❤

After finding out my boyfriend is married for the past 12 years and has 2 kids, I haven’t been eating or sleeping. My entire world just crumbled down. He was a pathological liar who professed deep love to me and wanted to marry me. Over time he became emotionally abusive and psychologically manipulated me where I was obedient to him and was isolated (we were expats in Dubai and when I lost my job I moved to his company accomodation in the outskirts where it is conservative and isolated). I had a mental breakdown which he reacted to with more abuse and sent me home to America temporarily, promising the space will fix our issues and he Skyped me up until a few weeks ago professing his love and doing sexy Skype calls. Randomly he lashed out and said he needs space and he resents me for the past fights. One day I made a new Facebook account to see if he lied about having a Facebook and he lied. He denied it all even when I found his wife’s Facebook. He said she was just s friend. When he realized I got him he then said he doesn’t love me anymore and has someone else. I was manipulated so much I thought he was lying to push me away. Then I found pics of his kids and showed him. He blocked me. After everything I don’t even get an explanation. I messaged his wife and she is divorcing him. After all that social isolation and psychological manipulation I’m back home still looking for work and broke and I think I’ve lost my mind.

I can’t believe how much my OCD affects my life .. it’s just crazy how everyday is such an intense battle , every single thing I do is always repeated 95% of the time . I always think that I’m just going out of my mind because I can’t remember most of my childhood / all of it. I can only remember bits of my teenage years . Most of it is just trauma and it seems hard to shake off and just forget .. The feeling of not being alive , like why do I feel like this ??! Why do I keep questioning if the things I can remember actually have happened or if I’m just making it all up ? Of course I’m not , but there’s always something niggling at the back of my mind telling me that , hm maybe I am ? I just wish there was an answer to all of my questions and my head wasn’t just always saying “ maybe you’ve got a brain problem .. maybe your dying and you just don’t know “. It’s so weird speaking about it , because all of the time I’m looking for constant reassurance of my partner , family .. my little friends .. Ocd has took so much of my life from me , every days harder and harder . I can barely eat different foods , I can’t eat or drink anything I’ve not already had before . I have “safe” and “unsafe” foods .. I can’t drink milk unless it’s been bought and used straight away , otherwise it’ll be binned . I can’t eat bread unless it’s just been bought fresh and then I have to bin it the moment I’ve used it because I’m terrified I’m going to get poisoned as I’m allergic to penicillin and always in fear that it’s gone off when I’ve just bought it . I waste so many drinks because I’m scared that people have “ poisoned “ it. If I leave a pack of sweets at the side of my chair I think somebody’s tampered with it . I can’t take medication because the same reason . I HATE hospitals , gps , doctors .. I hate having to count things over and over again , I hate my rituals and my behaviours . I hate my bath routine because it’s either so time consuming or so intense . I just hate it all so much and I’m so angry with myself that I’ve let it get this terrible .. and then my ocd is like hm well maybe you are dying and maybe u are really sick and I’m like sat there praying it’ll all just go away .. maybe I’m just being pathetic .. but I just want to live and feel like I’m living rather than feel like I’m not here and I’m in a bubble with nobody else really around me .. I’m so scared that one day I’ll “ wake up “ out of the unrealistic feeling and everything will be different and it’s so scary

I don't know what to do. I am in my my first and only real relationship. We have been together for 1 year and 6 months. Before we started dating I told him that trust was a big thing for me because of my OCD and I just doubt and over analyze everything. Turns out, he has been lying to me about everything including his sexual history ( a lot of my ocd has to do with sex and the germs/"bad" that's associated with it). So story short I trusted him, I felt comfortable with him, and we had plans to get engaged. I have given him so many second chances. I keep telling him that I just want the truth. I may be upset when I hear it but it's better to find out from him than from him accidentally slipping up or me finding it on his phone. He has cried and looked me straight in the eye and said that there is nothing else he is hiding but there always is! He lies to others and he swears he doesn't mean it maliciously. He has past trauma as well. Abusive parents and was sexually abused by his sister. He also has ADHD and depression. I know that these things don't make what he's doing right but I also know from personal experience that mental illness and abusive parents can really mess with your mind. He also has a porn addiction which I was unaware of. We're trying to work through things but it's hard knowing that everything he says (even if it's heartfelt) could be a lie. I'm sad/anxious all the time. We have been through so much and I really want to make this work. Sorry... Just need to vent...

Does anyone ever have ocd having to do with religion, like Christianity?