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the NOCD Community

Hello guys, I’m new here. I’ve been suffering mainly with Pure O since I was around 11 (that’s the first instance I think) but over the years have had numerous trips to the doctors to be told I have anxiety/depression. To be fair I didn’t really open up about my intrusive thoughts as I felt embarrassed and put up with it for so long. I don’t doubt I probably suffer with some kind of depression due to the OCD as it’s SO draining. But after going to a couple therapists we think I have depersonalisation/derealization disorder. However, I feel this is caused by OCD as I feel fine in the mornings but I then check in to see how I’m feeling and then that’s it, last all day and has done for what feels like years now. I have a terrible memory and feel drained all day long, no confidence. Does anyone have any advice on how to tackle this/how I can properly do ERP to help? Thanks so much in advance.

Freaking out a little bit! So I’m currently on a history trip learning more about WW1 and we’ve touched in the topic that men were just killed with machine guns really rapidly. And I thought ‘huh, that might be kind of satisfying’. But it’s sent me spiralling a bit. Does that mean I could kill? It’s like I’m video games where you just shoot for the ‘fun’ of it. I’m so scared.

I have just recently been diagnosed with contamination ocd but have been dealing with it for a while. Does anyone have any tips on how to maybe control some of the obsessive thoughts?

Does anyone feel that when they are progressing in recovery they are hit with an old OCD theme out of no where ? I got pretty passed my HOCD a year ago and then yesterday after I’ve been getting better with my other form of ocd of having perfect clothes and hair and it’s bothering me less then I got hit with a heavy wave of HOCD luckily with the right tools I laughed it off after an hour but it was strange to me.

Yeah...I definitely have new obsession. Ever since my boyfriend mentioned genital herpes I can't stop being afraid I may have it even though he's the only person I ever had sex with and we're together for 10 years. The fact that he wouldn't believe me that I didn't cheat on him and would leave me immidately is what is fueling this obsession. I don't know what to do... ?

I’m at work and I see all these happy couples come in and it makes me so sad and triggers the same thoughts about my girlfriend who I’m on a break with apparently “until school starts back up” she said she needed space and I’m not texting or calling her first but seeing all these people make me really want to.

I just felt something sink in my stomach when i was looking at girls and it just all of a sudden dropped. I tried it earlier and i didn't feel a drop in my stomach when i was looking at girls and thinking about them anything i dont want to be gay im not gay i know im not i just know it.

Anyone else have real event OCD? I always worry that someone will find out something stupid I did as a kid and share it around. I also analyse the whole event over and over. It sucks because sometimes my real event OCD goes away but it switches to false memory OCD instead.

Ahhhhhh rocd is killing me!!!! I just wanna feel love for my husband again!!!

I always have to check that everything is perfect and in order. I am afraid that my things will be ruined. When I am out I have to check clothes, shoes, bags, when I get home I do the same thing. Then I check the cabinets, the drawers, I have to check if something is missing and ask for help because it all seems to me messed up. Does anyone do this?

How to deal with parents while having severe OCD? I love them a lot but they threaten to kick me out if I disturb their sleep with panic attacks and I can't really control those except for doing compulsions which makes my anxiety worse long term. Which they also aren't happy about. I'm really anxious about this all as my home is my most safe place so to speak, I really don't wanna get kicked out and if anyone has advice I'd love to hear it. (Also meds don't really work much for me unfortunately)

My hocd has been really bad this past month. It feels as if everyday is a battle against my mind. I'm so sick of it. I just wanna live my life without worrying about the next thought that I'm gonna have. I was having sex with my girlfriend and it was great till the thoughts came up. It kept bringing me out of the moment that I was trying to enjoy. This really sucks. I'm afraid to make love to my own girlfriend because of these stupid thoughts. It's so hard to carry on.

Fear of revenge porn against me has triggered an OCD checking urge to check porn sites or google with different key words of my name and description (for example I’m Turkish so I would put keywords like Turkish slut or something). I received no threat from my narcissist ex, but he did tell me that he could’ve sent mail to my parents but he’s not an evil person and for my sake he wouldn’t. He’s a lawyer so I told him he knows that’s illegal and he said yes and then tried to downplay what he said saying it’s just my parents. I shut him up when I said my dad wouldn’t be mad at me he would be mad and go find him instead. He wrote a mean email once after I bashed him to mutual friends telling me to stay away because I shouldn’t awake the monster inside of him. He didn’t state specifics in the email but of course he knows it triggers my ocd. I keep reading about how narcissists have no feelings and lie, and are known to post revenge porn so that’s what makes me doubt. I haven’t been checking online but I just have the urge. He doesn’t have anything with my face I don’t think but he had fetishes with me masturbating and when we were long distance he wanted me to strip and masturbate for him on Skype. I never heard him take a screenshot but who knows. He’s completely blocked now. My mom doesn’t think he would do anything and just tells me to ignore but I hate myself for trusting him. When I was under his spell I was oblivious to all. When I found his double life and lies I started wondering what else is he capable of. Overall I’m just trying to recover from horrible narcissistic abuse and move on with my life. If he ever contacts me again I’m afraid if I’m mean or piss him off he will retaliate and I don’t wanna be afraid to stand up for myself. He’s a parasite.

Let me go

Tw for people who have HOCD. I recently accepted the fact that I really am bisexual and that's okay. ? I love my husband and nothing will change that. I used to think it was HOCD but after the thought of being attracted to women stopped scaring me, the fears went away but the attraction didn't. So it's no longer a cause for distress and is just a part of me that I've accepted and made peace with. ? However, the one downside of this is, because one of my OCD themes ended up being true, I now have thoughts like "What if they're ALL true? What if every other OCD theme including your POCD is true??" Anyone else in a similar situation?

Im not gay right??? Ive done erp before and it was going well but something big happened and now im wondering when i did erp i was afraid and didn't feel a attraction to girls (i have hocd)

Can’t stop thinking about killing people and death and what life means . I feel like I’m not as scared of the thoughts as I should be . I’m getting anxious about it however at the same I’m not as afraid idk why . My mind keeps telling me that I like it and I should try it to find out and that death is not a bad thing and killing isn’t that bad . Idk but it’s making me more depressed than anxious. I honestly can’t find a reason to live anymore I leave for vacation tomorrow and I’m still the same . I’m excited but I feel like my brain will ruin everything... if god is real why don’t o deserve happiness? What did I do that was so wrong?

After being drained by an emotional vampire (narcissistic ex) and now home and jobless with my parents and a grandmother who drains all of us emotionally as well with her cries for attention and negative yelling all day, I’m completely drained. I’m hoping the market improves and I find work soon but I find myself unmotivated and barely leaving my bed. I’m eating and watching Netflix. Everything is just too much. I didn’t even shower for 2 days this week during the time I was trying to get closure from the narcissist and not getting any obviously. Finally discarded him for good. My friends are here and there but no one I can consistently talk to. I’ve been abroad so it’s kind of like out of sight out of mind. I have plans this weekend with an old friend but even that I’m exhausted for. Not sure how to get my energy back. Years of work in therapy on my self esteem and sanity and it’s all gone now after one guy and now made worse by my grandmother.

Please help a struggling person This is going to be long and i apologize. Since about 11 I’ve been treated for bipolar disorder and no antipsychotics ever had any effect on me. All made me feel lucid or zombie like. Recently a psychiatrist diagnosed me with ocd and adhd and told me that the two illnesses together can present as bipolar disorder and that’s probably why i was misdiagnosed the majority of my life. I’ve come at a cross roads in my life. I desperately need help but only see my psychiatrist once a month which doesn’t really help. I’m not really a therapy person either. Can someone please help me out and tell me if I’m crazy or if they’ve had similar experiences?? My freshman year i had a 4.0 and was excited at the thought of becoming a med student in the future. Now that it’s summer I’m spiraling. I’m so angry all the time. I won’t let anyone see me or talk to anyone. Im so afraid I’m not good enough and my thoughts consume me. Im constantly worried about the future and have vivid day dreaming episodes of where I’ll end up and how I’m going to fail. I won’t go out and have gained weight and now i constant obsess about my weight and won’t let anyone see me because of what i look like. My thoughts are in patterns and repeat and repeat and won’t go away. I can’t even function anymore. All i do is lay in my bed and think. It’s like a bad movie that won’t turn off. I also won’t allow myself to experience any sort of love connection because I’m terrified of confirming or denying my sexuality. My brain is constant and i feel like there’s nothing that i can do to ever turn it off and feel normal. My intrusive thoughts and starting to become my only thoughts. This panic state has been my state for about 3 weeks now. Can someone give some advice?

Any registered nurses on here?! Any tips for dealing with contamination ocd related to the job?! :)