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I’m about to live by myself for the first time ever and I’m very nervous!! Being alone really triggers thoughts and rumination. Anyone have tips?

Now I'm thinking that I may have acted on a thought or did some kind of exposure when it came to having my elbow come in contact with someone's behind. This isn't something I take pleasure in and it's not something I enjoyed or want to do it again. I remember getting thoughts that went back and forth about what if this happened and what if it didn't and do it or don't do it but then I didn't move my elbow and it happened. Maybe I didn't want it to happen? I don't know. I read on a forum that someone could have intrusive thoughts about someone bumping into them, the person lets them do it, but then OCD will make them think it was their fault or their bad for letting it happen but they did it as an exposure. I'm not even sure anymore

Is this why people say talk therapy isn’t helpful for people with ocd?? I haven’t been able to get the help I actually need so I’m self diagnosed but I go to talk therapy I’m just obviously unable to talk about my intrusive thoughts because they involve being a p***. My intrusive thoughts haven’t flared up and I’ve actually been feeling good for about two weeks but my therapist knows I’m dealing with intrusive thoughts but I don’t want to open up about them. The only thing I tell him is I’m scared of being a bad person who does awful things and he said something in between the lines of “what if only you think it’s bad but it really isn’t” and that sort of triggered me because he doesn’t get it my thoughts are awful but it’s difficult to even talk about it when I could possibly be reported if he didn’t understand.

I just found out I have OCD last February. I'm ashamed to say I had a really stereotypical idea of what OCD is and was very surprised to be diagnosed with it. I keep trying to learn more about OCD but every time I sit down to read something, watch a video, listen to a podcast etc... I can't stop myself from pausing just to fall into a thought spiral for hours, analyzing my brain and thought patterns and my whole childhood and past relationships and just everything. Ughhhhhhhhh. Any resources or tips for combating this, if this even made any sense lol, I have been very stuck on my brain today yikes (p.s. do you like my pfp? she's my dog, daisy. I love her very much)

1. Do u guys do things like preparing clothes completely - from underwear to earings before going somewhere? 2. Do u do things like controlling your receipt at home in way that you control whether products stated on the receipt are the ones you have at home, you reassure yourself mentally that you used loyalty card if u had one for the particular store, if u pay cash u reassure yourself you have given the correct amount of money and was given the correct amount pf money back/ if u pay by card you reassure yourself that the price on the receipt is the one that was sent to you in the notifications panel on your mobile? 3. After parking the car - mentally reassuring yourself that you’ ve parked the car correctly, there s enough space from each siede for another car, the windows are closed, car is locked?

I get exhausted dealing with gross thoughts. I don’t want them, they can interrupt me in prayer or at inconvenient times. I know they’re nonsense and try to block them out with an image. I find myself saying a quick prayer for forgiveness. If I don’t do it I will get restless. I often obsess if a coworker approves of me or not. I used to triple check things A LOT. Also asking reassuring questions has become less frequent, but I have to fight it in my mind. I feel as if my brain has Tourette’s. Often my biggest relief is just becoming aggressively careless “screw it!” Lol

Curious to know what e your OCD “spiral” is like? Mine is catastrophizing about one thing, then trying to think my way out of that thing, to only get anxious about every conclusion I draw, then getting confused and not knowing what to believe.

Hello, I am on my 6th day of ERP and with self-harm OCD I noticed my OCD is trying to pull all the stops to pull me back into the void. The central theme is suicide and self-harm and it's even making me doubt that ERP isn't the way out and suicide is and if I am the one who is having ideation aside from OCD. These thoughts are so strong and causing me much distress—any advice?

We have made it to the month mark and can safely say I’ve been doing a lot better. The mindset has shifted, however i had probably one of the biggest triggers (i feel like) ever for anyone dealing with so-ocd. NOT to get into the in depth context but basically my moms friend who is openly gay shared his entire life basically with me and told me about all the thing he did when he was a child all the way up to now. And he certainly did not hold back 😂 it was graphic, intense. Etc. I’m not in a complete free fall like i feel i usually would be BUT can certainly use words of encouragement 🫣 because i def have been ruminating on the convo, comparing things etc. thanks! Hope all is well with everyone here at NOCD

I’ve been worried because it feels like I know how it feels to smother someone through imagining it and I like the feeling of smothering someone and it’s really horrible my life has been in a wreck ever since it started feeling like ‘I like the feeling’ of smothering someone with a pillow and it’s really horrible I don’t know what to do but it feels extremely real, like I like the feeling of doing that and would do that?? I know I don’t want to do that but I’m worried if it feels like I like the feeling of doing it that I will do it and act on it. It’s so conflicting it feels so real, how can I mistake a feeling? It literally feels like I know how it feels to smother someone/squash their face with a pillow and stop them from breathing and that I like the feeling of doing that? How is that possible thag it feels like I like the feeling? I feel so down I just wanted a normal life and now I can’t stay anywhere alone because im worried I will do that, around babies/young kids and animals it feels even worse or more true that I like the feeling and it’s really horrible but feels real, or another thing that seems to trigger it off is when someone or an animal is lying down it feels even worse and I don’t know if that’s because it seems like it would be ‘easier’ to smother someone if their lying down and it really horrible a few times I went in a shop and there’s baby’s in prams and suddenly it feels like I ‘like the feeling’ of smothering and it feels like I would actually do that and like the feeling and I don’t want to be bad I don’t want to do that but feels like I would do that because I like the feeling, I don’t know what to do I feel so down and I feel extremely irritated and angry that I have to go through this I snap at everyone because I feel so down and my head makes me feel like if I was alone since it feels like I like the feeling I would actually smother someone 😞 I’m only 20 and this is what I have to deal with feel like my whole life is ruined since now I ‘like the feeling’ of doing thag 😞😞

So would you guys say this is OCD? Or just anxiety? I eat 160-200 grams or protein a day and try to get 1800-2200 calories. I can no longer use whey protein. That was around 100 grams of protein for me. So I wrote out a new meal plan. I think it’s pretty sound. But I’m so obsessive that I won’t be able to follow it. Even though the way I timed everything today it’s possible I will eat the plan. I will over the rest of the day be able to get my calories and protein in. But for the life of me I can’t stop thinking I’m going to fail and not be able to do it.

I know this is such a typical OCD thought, but I really feel mine is. Without going into too much detail feel like I basically SA'd my ex without meaning to and got away with it. I feel like I need to confess to everyone, including ny current gf, but I'm worried people will never look at me the same again. I'm trying so hard with ERP but I feel like I'm just using it to avoid confronting what I've done. I feel like I'm going to get cancelled or thrown in jail and my life is going to fall apart. I feel so guilty and sorry. I want to be a good person.

Me and my Fiancé get married in 3 months. We have been together for almost 3yrs now. I started dealing with OCD and different subtypes around Mid 2022 without knowing it was OCD. (Im not officially diagnosed btw) Because I didn't know it was OCD for a long time all i did was confess and confess to my Fiancé, mainly things about my past some from my distant past and some from my more recent past. Eventually my OCD switched themes and all of sudden now i was having intrusive thoughts. Present intrusive thoughts that's when I learned about ROCD and I immediately felt identified. Anyways i was barely learning about compulsions and how to resist them so i was still not doing good regarding my confessions and i began to now confess my intrusive thoughts. Afterwards as OCD usually does i started obsessing over the most trivial things in my past, i started dealing with Real Event/False Memory OCD I confessed about that too. All the way to present time. I have gotten better at resisting my main compulsion which is confessing, yet i still fail from time to time. What has happened now is that my Fiancé is getting affected. She is the most patient, supportive & kind woman i have ever met. She is literally an angel from heaven and has been by my side through my/our darkest times. However lately she hasn't been feeling well. Due to our economical situation we've decided to move back to my hometown after the wedding. This is difficult for her of course because she has to leave behind. Family, Friends, her job and basically what has been her whole life till now. The thing is that she tell's me that all of that would be easier if she knew she was giving it up for something that's gonna last and she feels like my constant confessing and my intrusive thoughts is just me secretly telling her that I'm not sure about being with her. Keep in mind, she knows about my ROCD, I've explained it, we've read articles together, watched videos about it together. Even then she tells me to try to look at things from her side and how its not easy for her to deal with this change in her life and feel like she has to keep us together as well. I've also felt like OCD has changed who i am. I used to be confident, positive, spontaneous, detailed and romantic. Now all my energy seems to be focused on just getting through the day with my thoughts. So I understand that she hasn't been feeling swooned lately. Specially after so much time of me being the amazing boyfriend. I guess what im trying to figure out is how to deal with all of this. How do i deal with my ROCD and support my Fiancé at the same time. How can I reassure her i love her and that I don't have any doubts about being with her depsite what i feel or think. I don't mind my OCD hurting me or torturing me. But not her, i just want her to be happy. If anyone is going through something similar or has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Life is so hard.

Hello everyone, apologies for the wall of text that follows. A few years ago I saw a sexual dream that had to do with another person of the same gender. This got me really stressed into thinking that for me to see that it means that I am either bisexual or gay. I am a straight male so I never had thoughts like these or even a dream for that matter. Prior to that I found myself when viewing sexual content to be aroused by trans women. I think this was the beginning of the spiral of these thoughts. I would constantly question my sexuality thinking that for me to be aroused by trans women because of the genitalia I am gay or bi. I was constantly seeking reassurance that this is not the case, at nights I couldn't sleep because the stress was so severe. I would constantly look up forums and whatnot to see if people had this issue as well, constantly questioning their sexuality. It got to bad to the point where I would look at men and see if there is any groin response. Thinking that for me to just look at a person of the same gender meant that I want to look at them, that I am attracted to them. I found out that HOCD exists and I found myself that it was what I was going through. I don't like self-diagnosing or jumping to conclusions since I am no professional on this field but after finding out about Pure OCD it made sense and I found it relatable, I managed to get through HOCD after a long time alone by not doing compulsions and accepting things that would make scared, if I even am through it 100%. Now, a few years after I found myself questioning my relationship, stressing over if I truly love my partner, feeling sick that I am lying to her face that my emotions are false. Questioning my attraction towards her to the point where I try to avoid anything sexual because I am stressed, scared that I will not be sexually aroused, even thinking about it makes me stressed. Am I truly attracted to her? I care about her so much but it feels as if I am lying. When things get a bit calmer in my head it feels as if I am just using OCD as an excuse, that I have nothing and I am just lying to make myself feel better. This happened last year and I managed to beat the love part I think but I still struggle with thoughts of attraction, could I be lying to her and I am not really attracted? But why? I closed an appointment with a psychologist in real life and I am stressed that I might get misdiagnosed which would mean that if I do not have OCD all I was fearing would be true. Lying to myself, doubting, repetitively seeking reassurance from different sources etc. Thank you all for reading, I could add a few more things but it is a really long text already and I would really appreciate it if this would be read. Did anyone have a similar experience like this? Am I just denying these things?

I get hyperawareness OCD about thinking. Thinking about thinking, and it starts to feel weird. The process of cognition and then in turn myself and existence starts to feel weird/strange and unknown. You know how sometimes you yourself make up a scary image in your brain but then it’s hard to go away? just like “if i tell you to not think of a man standing in front of you” you’ll be thinking of a man standing in front of you. That but with thoughts & the voice in your brain. For example, you can always scream “aaaaa” in your brain without ever stopping. So you try not to think of the screaming and you’re technically thinking about it. For me it’s like, i tell the voice in my brain which is essentially, me to not say “red” then it starts to repeat red red red red red in my brain. When i redirect my attention, it starts to say “i won’t let you” “i’m ur conscious”. And mind you, these are not auditory hallucinations, im imagining them, technically. I thought these could be hallucinations or that somebody else was in my brain and this drove me to thinking i have schizophrenia to the point i was checking symptoms over and over again. Till I heard someone say, auditory hallucinations feel like someone playing a tape recorder and that’s not what it feels like at all. I don’t “hear” voices, i imagine them and it’s scary because once my attention goes there, it’s like a nonstop loop of saying things i don’t wanna say, like “i dare u switch the light off” when i don’t wanna do it?? I recognise it’s me, and i don’t switch the light off because i don’t want to. I’m so scared of just having a brain. There’s no escaping from your own brain. Just the presence of it feels scary. It’s like i can think things i don’t wanna think at all and that’s what i do? it’s so scary. Can someone confirm this is ocd?

Ocd has been my companion for way over 30 years. It has taken away and destroyed everything that meant anything to me. I lost my family because of it, friendships, work, social life,... I've been quite nervous these days. Why? OCD. It is my birthday today. I haven't celebrated it with any other person than my husband for over 31 years. There's nobody who cares or remembers to wish me well. It is sad, but I am used to it. I have bojcoted friendships, because OCD wouldn't let me have visitors. I can visit anyone, but noone me. I am also not able to accept presents except from my husband. I can accept them, but can't bring them in my home. Thanks to ocd again. OCD, OCD, OCD. It's always about OCD, never about me. So today, I have kindly congratulated happy birthday to my ocd as well and begged it to give me just this 1 day off. How sad must one's life be if your only wish is to be ocd free for just 1 day?! So far so good. I hope my ocd wants a day off from me also. I will let you know if talking and begging helped. I just want a nice, quiet day with my husband and our 3 cats. My youngest cat also has birthday today, 7th. At least she is ocd free. I sincerely hope, all of you are having a lovely day. Always in my thoughts. 🤗😘😊

I’m in a weird state right now and I don’t even know what to think anymore. I just realized that 2021 and some of 2022 were two of the worst years in my life and I hate that. I was told a big family secret (learned that my sister was raped by our uncle when she was a kid) and also learned that my boyfriends little sister was raped by her uncle (happened multiple times and she was a kid as well). I think learning these things happened have messed me up and I feel like I’m ignoring it because it’s so hard to deal with. When I first learned about what had happened to my sister I was in a state of shock, confusion, hurt(learned about how my mom handled the situation), and feeling so many things. I couldn’t believe that we were living with my sisters rapist for so many years and that I had once thought of him as a father figure when I was younger since I didn’t have a dad present growing up. I couldn’t believe that I had hugged my sisters rapist and even now that he lives not even a block away from me. It was just something so earth shattering that I wasn’t able to process healthily at all because I’m the only sibling of 4 besides my sister that know about what had happened. There are periods in my life where my OCD gets really bad and I become super obsessive over doing or thinking different things even without meaning to. Though some of my recent obsessions have stemmed from the trauma that I learned about from those two people that I care about. There was time when I was so scared of other members of my family getting raped as well then that fear turned me being afraid of being raped than it turned into a fear of what if I do something so terrible like that to someone. My OCD will sometimes really put me in a state of fear that lasts days, weeks, and even for months. In these last two years I have developed more OCD subtypes and it just makes me so miserable sometimes to where I’d rather just give up and not be here because I feel like I don’t belong here. I know there’s good times in these last two years as well and I’ve had my break throughs when it comes to OCD but there are some days where I just can’t forget all that’s happened. I don’t know if someone will read this but I just had to get it off my chest also sorry if it doesn’t make sense

Hi guys! I’ve been trying to figure out how to respond to intrusive thoughts & rumination. I know some things you can say are “so what” or “hmm okay” “maybe”, ect. But what are some other good ones? I’m kind of struggling to understand what it means to fully not engage with a thought. If I have an intrusive thought- I struggle to tell the difference between thought stopping & not letting myself engage. Any tips/ clarification would be much appreciated!

I went to a gay club for exposure with my lesbian and gay friends, I was so triggered but I'm trying to accept it. It was a mix of clubs yesterday so there were straight guys too but I had no attraction towards them, while I don't know what I felt towards masculine women. There was also a stripper pretty much naked, I didn't feel sexual attraction but she has a really beautiful body.

Is it bad that I make light of my intrusive thoughts and somewhat joke about them? I posted on my close friends story, which only has about 10 people on it, and I talked about how I fear that I might become a serial killer, in a somewhat jokingly way. Like it was a cute personality quirk. I went on to kind of explain that i see why serial killers are the way they are and make some comparisons with my own mental health issues, kinda stating that i can see how these people’s actions are a result of how sick they are. I clarified that it’s extreme, and not at all the same mental health issue as me, but I’m not sure that came across. I just was pointing out that i could understand. I had a friend actually feel frustrated by the way that I expressed it. She doesn’t have ocd, but she was offended that I was comparing my mental health issues with the mental health of a serial killer. I’m now spiraling because I think I have such a piece missing that I can’t think before I post things like this. I was mainly trying to point out how strange and irrational my thoughts were. But I truly don’t feel normal. And now I feel like I’ve been insensitive to the whole ocd community or anyone who struggles with mental health. I worry that I’ve implied that people with mental health issues do bad things. That wasn’t my intention. But I’m genuinely worried about my attitude towards intrusive thoughts. Like I feel like I’m not taking this issue seriously. And I worry that I do that in a lot of areas in my life. Like I say random things without thinking of the implications. WHY AM I THIS WAY