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Anything for it to never ever come back

I’ve always been the type of person who would say yes to basically everything anyone asked because I know how it feels to be told no. I think this from a very young age is starting to effect me now since I literally don’t have any boundaries with anyone. Especially with my mom. It’s like I have mental boundaries and I get angry at her for crossing them but I’m reality I haven’t actually tried to speak to her about it and just keep it bottled up. So I guess I can say I have invisible boundaries, and feel like I’m not being nice if I tell someone about those boundaries.

Hi everyone, I’ve been on fluvoxamine for two years now and it’s kept me episode free for a pretty long time. However I’ve been isolated a lot more lately and have been spiraling pretty bad. I’m up all night some nights googling/asking my partner for reassurance and giving into all my compulsions and not leaving my house. Do meds usually stop having as much of an effect over time? I have an appointment with my psychiatrist, however it’s not for a few more weeks.

I feel miserable, it’s been a little over a month since my OCD flare up & dissociation. My brain feels like a big mess, I feel good during the day only for an hour and the rest of the day is occupied by me feeling either extremely anxious or hopeless and exhausted. I’m also under stress because i have to start college soon and for that i have to give entrance exams. Also, im leaving school and my friends will probably be going to different cities and just thinking about it makes me so emotional which triggers my existential ocd. I’m also dealing with somatic ocd particularly hyperawareness of my thoughts, thinking about thinking, hyperawareness of presence of consciousness, process of cognition. It’s all so weird and i don’t even fully understand my compulsions or core fears so i don’t know how erp will even work. I’m scared of going to sleep because you have to be alone with ur thoughts & sometimes my ocd latches onto sleep itself. everyday feels so unpredictable & scary. it feels like i’m losing myself everyday. It’s never been this bad.

Hi guys, i started taking zoloft 25 mg, i took my third dose last night. i felt horrible and barely slept. i want to stop taking them so bad cause i feel like crap but would anything happen to me if i just stop taking them after 3 pills? Or maybe I should continue to take them and stick it out :( i just hate the discomfort. can someone share their experience or give some advice

I just feel like I’m gay/bi at this point. I feel completely neutered — I don’t even find males attractive anymore. I don’t get the butterflies or the excitement I used to when I would imagine myself marrying a man or even just by seeing an attractive man. Every female I see I feel anxious and fear I am attracted to them. I feel like my past relationships or crushes were all fake. I try to tell myself that I am gay or bi but I don’t feel anything, not even anxiety anymore.. I don’t even know myself anymore… this theme of ocd is impacting almost everything about myself. Like I won’t even wear GREEN because I’m convinced it’s a “lesbian color” … insane

So, this long story will have to be cut down a bit but here’s my story and my plea for some guidance… My childhood was not that great. Although I am grateful to have had a better childhood than others who are way less fortunate. My dad was an alcoholic and suicidal, my mom was toxic and vengeful. This lasted up until I would say my 10th birthday. I was also molested by a family member that to this day no one believes that it happened and would rather me keep this info to myself. I searched for attention from the wrong people. Being bullied, I decided it’s best to be the bullier. So, I started getting in trouble at school, home, with the cops. Everything. Me and my mom started to develop a resentful relationship. I met people online who were older than my age at the time, who had zero business talking to me. They manipulated me and made me feel horrible. I got caught and went ten months without a phone. This time was peaceful. I then went into my sophomore year of high school and entered a relationship I was not comfortable in. At this point, I was healing from previous trauma and was not looking for a relationship to be in. But, I did it anyway because I was afraid to be alone. This relationship was the worst relationship….and I mean the WORST relationship I was in. It was narcissistic and abusive. It broke off abruptly with no closure, no explanation, and leaving me empty and suicidal. I dated during this time and made it clear that I was not ready for a relationship yet. I decided to take a break from dating because although I do not have feelings for my ex, I was now experiencing anxiety and PTSD from what happened. I fell into a deep depression that I did not know when I will be getting out of. I met my boyfriend while continuing to heal about a month after. It was an instant connection and of course I questioned it but I didn’t think much of it. I caught feelings for him pretty quickly which is something that is rare for me. We had insanely similar personalities. It has been the best relationship I have been in. I could even go as far as to say this will be my future husband. We are also long distance and will be closing that distance soon. Something inside me though… keeps bringing up my ex. Small thoughts, small feelings, and knowing I don’t love him. Now, I sit here. I am questioning my love for my partner, asking myself what is so special about my ex that he occupies my mind but weirdly not my heart… It hurts. I just want these thoughts to stop. I have become suicidal before, I am scared to become this again. Why do I feel like I love him when I never loved him while we were together? I know my brain is tricking me, because I know I love my partner. But I am scared I still care for someone who abused me. I am scared I now love two people at the same time. I am scared that the one that I am with isn’t the one for me and this happiness means I am faking it. Is it all an illusion? Why can’t he just go away?

So, I’ve been with my man for 10.5 years. But the doubts have been around for awhile. 3 years in I obsessed over a psychic who said he wasn’t the one, even though I wanted him to be the one. She said “that’s the problem. He either is or isn’t, and deep down you know that, there is no want him to be. “ that was really hard to hear, cried a lot and called my bf who said it’s nonsense. 2 years later I started going to regular therapy as the thoughts created great anxiety and no sleep. That made it worse as it was 2 years of reassurance thinking. I’ve had it bad on and off. But had two children and things have been honestly great during both pregnancies. (Hormones maybe?! ) Now, 6 months post partum, I’m going crazy. My dreams have been consumed of “he’s not the one” “let him go, it’s not fair to him” during the day I’m finding signs in the music playing on the radio, or “let him go” videos on TikTok. And now, I’m obsessing about the future, how I he isn’t going to be in it. My thoughts consume me. I could be teaching a lesson in school (I’m a teacher) and talking to the kids, but my mind is taking its own route throwing my intrusive thoughts into my face. I get light headed and quesy from the thought of it. I feel like I’m fighting divine intervention and I’m losing greatly. I keep trying to tell myself, this is 10 years worth of compulsions. I enjoy my time with him and our family. I think of him as my best friend. I keep telling myself, love is a choice. But I feel like I’m losing. The dreams are the worst part too. I tell myself those are signs too. It doesn’t help he dreams about me cheating too. I just need help with exposures. My body tells me it’s not Rocd and not to waste money on a therapist. But the amount it consumes me I should talk to someone. Plenty of people stay in unhappy relationships all the time. If this was truly me unhappy, I don’t think I would obsess.

It's been a week since I started to see blood everytime I go to the bathroom. I told my mom, she says it's nothing and I'm exaggerating because I'm hypochondriac. I called my doctor he told me to do a specific visit because it's not normal at all, but I have no money and my mom doesn't want to help me. I'm scared it's a tumor.

I see a lot of people with obsessions over being gay, but not so much about being bisexual. My obsessions have switched to the fear of being bisexual and it feels so real at times 😭 I don’t want to be anything but straight

Can anyone either private message me about this. I really need advice and I feel so defeated

I been feeling so weird. Feel like I can’t move on in life. Can’t even think of how it will be if I got married and have kids. I feel so sad.

I’d like to have a conversation with others who struggle with SOOCD. Not for reassurance. Not for rumination. Just to share and hear each others stories. It feels better to get stuff off your chest. So I ask, how did this start for you?

Backstory- I’ve gotten over HOCD once but now it’s back … I haven’t told my parents that it returned Anyway, I was with my sister and my mom and my sister brought up how her friend was just diagnosed with OCD. Then my sister proceeded to say how I should talk to her about it. Then my mom asks what I have to do with OCD and I told her that my fear of being gay came back. She asked me “well are you?” Which was triggering… later on in the day, my dad asked me if I was lesbian or bisexual… I just want to cry now… them asking these questions out loud makes it feel real and now I feel like they think I’m gay… telling them I’m not gay makes me feel like I’m lying and I feel so sad about this

In most cases where I do experience false memory ocd, 9 times out of 10 I am eventually able to let go of whatever false memory was bothering me. It’s almost like I get so tired of obsessing so much over one thing that I just stop caring after a while. But the cycle repeats because there’s always some new thought that comes up in my head; another thing to obsess over until you can’t anymore. But, yesterday I was out with family. Really beautiful day and I enjoyed myself. But around the end of the day, specifically as we were driving back home, a reoccurring false memory came back into my head. Only difference was I started to obsess over the idea that I have lost the ability to differentiate reality and false memories. Before yesterday, any mental compulsions that I would do in attempts to make myself feel better would eventually work and I would get over it, but the idea that I’ve developed the inability to recognize what is real and what is just in my head has made it even more difficult for me to let go of these false memories. There’s still that part of me that knows deep down that I haven’t done these things, but clearly that isn’t enough because I am almost 100% convinced that I have done the things that come up into my head. It’s the fear the I’m acting on them unconsciously. I’m feeling stuck. I don’t like coming out of my room because I can’t focus on anything other than the thoughts that come up in my head. So socializing with family is becoming more and more difficult. I barely hear a word anyone says due to the constant brain fog OCD causes me. I am definitely in need of some help. But, on the bright side, I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist this month.

Does anyone else really struggle lately with contamination ocd? I struggle so much with the hand washing and I literally fear having to take a shower because I know that I get stuck in the compulsions of washing and rewashing. It feels like im running marathon every time I have to shower, it drains me for the rest of the day. It’s the worst part of my day. Im on medication and I’m working with my therapist, but something that is supposed to be relaxing has just become such a nightmare. Can anyone else relate?

anyone ever been confident on what ur doing? and when someone questions it or when ur ocd questions it u feel like u did something bad? for example, during sexual time i stopped bc i was feeling super insecure, my ocd, and my overthinking was bad, i just couldn’t focus. it was wasn’t for any bad reason tho, nothing about cheating or about other people. i have rocd thoughts abt past people during sex but i move past really fast and am able to focus but when im by myself it’s harder to ignore. but anyways my bf asked “did u stop for any bad reason” and i said no, but ever since he asked ive been wondering if i did it for a bad reason:( it feels so real it’s like telling the truth and someone be like are u sure ur not lying and then it triggers ur ocd!!!

Feeling very stuck atm. It’s like I’ve learnt how to get over the thoughts about hocd and all the other ones. But I don’t know why but the whole topic about ocd is just always on my mind, and the outcomes of it that are going to happen.( how I’ll have this forever) (and how it’s going to make my life so much harder) And I keep getting really depressed about how my life used to be before this problem. And it’s making me really depressed, I went out with friends last night and it was still just always on my mind. Do you know what I could do? As it’s not really like a topic of ocd, I’ve never heard of anyone have it before.

So I recently learned from my psychiatrist that I could be suffering from OCD (irrational thoughts) and general anxiety. I guess what my concern or question would be is if anyone else deals with irrational thoughts and do they change from day to day. And if it changes on situations. Any advice would be helpful, I feel like I'm losing my mind most days and I haven't always been this way. I am a first responder and have been for about 11 years, this was never and issue before. Just very new to all of this. Thank you all for any input.

Hi Everyone, Really having a difficult day, my OCD has flared up due to concerns about my career and also tension with my partner. My partner asked me if I had a timeline for getting off my antidepressant. I have tried for years and have made it to managing at a low dose on Zoloft. I just feel like I can't give them a timeline because I don't want to get off my meds as there isn't another option I haven't tried when it comes to managing my OCD. Really appreciate and words of wisdom.