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Nocd please help me, im 16 and i feel like i lost all my emotions i used to be an empathetic loving girl but now i dont even feel like i love my favorite perosn, is my heart still there. Please help im lost and i dont know what to do

God it's genuinely the worst thing ever. Even tho it's bad to do this I can easily dispute racist tendencies and takes, so I do that in my mind. It's like having Pierce Hawthorne from Community in my brain where I can easily go "Shut up Pierce" The issue tho for some reason. I begin to get mini panic attacks noticing people of color now. It originally was because ofc I was scared of being racist and it was trying to trick me into being afraid of them. But now something's changed. While obviously I can tell myself ik I'm not racist and not do racist things, The thoughts and feelings keep trying to tell me the most racist things. Another thing when I first learned I had it was that my compulsion was watching and making sure I like posts of POC. Obviously there's nothing inherently wrong ig with doing this but it does eventually border the line of tokenism for the soul ig, and that's not how people want to be represented. For some reason it feels like I'm doing it simply to feel better about myself, which maybe isn't inherently bad now that I think about it. I genuinely always wanna make sure people be heard. But now, I can't tell when I have a preference or not. Like whenever I want to click on a video with a POC, I'm asking myself, am I doing this as a compulsion, or because I genuinely would like this content. I tried to stop doing compulsions to maybe make some exposures but I can't tell anymore. Obviously my apologies to minority communities my brain won't shut up and it's twisting my heart and I wanna get better but it keeps getting worse.

Just a heads up this is a little NSFW So I’ve had POCD for a hot minute, since I was 18. When I was 15-17 I can’t remember the age could have been 14 I don’t know. I went on Wattpad and would look for like smutty pictures. I remember I kept going back to this one book because it had a lot of chapters and images. It had a lot of dipper from gravity falls and even one with him and that triangle dude. I feel gross because I kept going back. I do know I didn’t like that it was that character I just liked the fact the images were sexual in nature but as I type this I don’t even know if I liked them but kept looking out of curiosity? I think I’m replaying the memory too much. I don’t wanna ask for reassurance because I know it’ll only add temporary relief but I needed to get this off my chest because I feel like a terrible person. I’ve also seen the Simpsons like all characters that was disturbing. Basically it’s under rule 34 (if it exists there’s p0rn of it) but I was a horny teen/kid on the unregulated internet and I sometimes wish I never had a phone when I was younger. Anyway I feel like a terrible person and just wanna know if I’m a creep or not…

I didn’t think I’d be back on here. Once I felt my ROCD diminish I have felt great. But realized that it has slowly crept back now but in regard too my healing from my past relationship. Ive gotten a new therapist to help with healing and trauma but currently have been constantly ruminating and been super overwhelmed and at times panicking the entire week over the fear of hurting my current partner. I got triggered by seeing my ex on social media and with talking about my healing with my new therapist. I became to question everything about him and my new relationship. New ruminating “what ifs” and “does this mean” questions and.. I feel like I’m getting stuck. Not to mention… I have dug deep into looking up stuff online which makes things worse. I just want to know if anyone has had this happen especially with working with a therapist that isn’t specialized in OCD. It’s hard but I just wanted to try to heal more of my wounds.. but now Im questioning everything she is saying and suggesting.. all I care about is my partner. I definitely have wounds that need healing but trying to heal that and my triggered ruminating are definitely battling it out right now.

Help please. Recently me OCD has been attacking every sexually weird thing I did as a teenager. I was a hormonal teenager with no sexual outlets and I was curious and so I did things a few times and watched things that were wrong. No one was hurt but it was just weird stuff. I’m also a pretty sexual person and dealt with porn addiction, so it’s no surprise I got into some weird shit here and there (nothing illegal or violent). It never bothered me because I never felt that it defined me, and I only did it for lack of a better outlet (girlfriend). But now it eats me alive and makes me feel as if the stuff I did 3-5 years ago defines who I am. I just want to get better but I don’t know how:/

I’m under a lot of stress right now between getting sick , getting my period , moving to a new apartment , and going on vacation next week. I feel like it’s made me distant and my partner focused OCD has gotten so much worse along with ROCD and SOOCD. I feel like I’ve been so hypercritical of my boyfriend and feeling nothing towards him and that stresses me out because last week when I was clear and my OCD had calmed down I felt so lovey dovey towards him. Now I just feel like a menace so I’m wondering if this happens to anyone else?

I do read the bible and i try to become a good person for God but i cant decide if my thoughts and feelings are genuine things or they are ocd thoughts and feelings. I often feel as a bad person cause how i behave, and i cant decide if thats a sin, or its just ocd playing with me. I feel guilt many times and anger but then i wonder is this really something that i should follow, or i shouldnt cause its ocd. And for me this duality gives me more suffering, not that i believe im a bad person, more like i cant decide what is real and what is a fake obsession... it ruins my life and my belief. Thinking about these things(is this though real, is this feeling real am i this behaviour, am i this am i that?) made me question who i am, i lost my identity, my sense of self

Can ocd trick you to the point where you can’t see reality? I’ve always seen myself as a pretty aware person but lately with my false memory I don’t know what’s real or false…I have real details, real objects, which feels like real evidence piled against me, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I suppose I’m just confused.

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

So I ruminate about morals and constantly try to "level up" my moral code by humouring and basically conversing/ figuring out my intrusive thoughts. If other. People's morals or genuinely innocent mistakes don't align with mine I get very triggered. Evil is the indifference of good men, according to my ocd. If they do something wrong I point it out as I feel like they're not aware and try to help them see the error in their ways so they can improve themselves like I feel like I do when I ruminate. If they don't agree I get angry very fast because I feel like they compromise me as a person. I have known there was something slightly different about me and tried self diagnosing most of my life but nothing really fit until I figured out I had ocd. There's a musician called NF that my friend introduced me to that actually helped as he raps about OCD. I am now getting therapy for Ocd and I'm determined to not only hit remission but to cure it. I don't care for the stats. There have been good days and bad and it's all progress. Identifying triggers isn't so bad but identifying my compulsions has proved challenging. The friend I have that helped me figure out I had ocd, I used. I get self centred with my own ruminations and make conversations about me to try figure myself out. I've done this over and over and pushed people away. This woman, I fell on love with and was probably in love with for a while before I told her but couldn't figure it out or acknowledge it because my brain had trained itself to avoid fear and anxiety over the course of 27 years. I was compartmentalizing and not realising. I had snapped at this woman, someone who wanted to help me out, one too many times. She is now not talking to me and may never again. I can compartmentalize my love her and avoid dealing with heart break pretty much on command but I'm choosing not to as I've discovered its a form of avoidance and I'm using it as exposure therapy. I want to know if she'll be in my life but haven't messaged her once. I need to learn to live with anxiety and uncertainty and trying to change my relationship with fear. This woman saved my life and she doesn't even know it. I found out I had ocd because of her, I wanted therapy so I didn't lose my friendship with her like I had with others before. My fear of losing her and the way my brains been trained to deal with fears made it hard for me to realise I loved her. I felt as if I would ruin the relationship because I knew I wasn't quite right. I actually lost her because I was scared and projecting my fears. I'm going to get better for me but because of her. This was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm going to beat ocd and I don't think it's the fight I thought it was. You don't fight the intrusive thoughts, you allow them in like anything else and make light of them. The compulsions need to identified and stopped. Hold off until you can't anymore, until you're going to have a panic attack, then hold off longer. Don't reassure yourself, encourage yourself, tell yourself, bring it on, is that all you got? " I experimented with exposure therapy and a phobia I had for years just to test it out as that's fear based too. It subsided on 4 minutes. Erp works. You can practice it with anything. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, scared or fills you with anxiety on a day to day basis, don't walk away from it. Don't seek comfort, seek discomfort. Don't look for your metaphorical comfort blanket. You'll be surprised and yes there is a learning curve with this but you'll figure it out. My friend gave me the key to get out of the cage I put myself in when I was 6. The cage I've slowly turned into a Palace over the years, my comfort zone. And as I've been renovating it, it's been pulled further and further into my own personal hell. I've stepped out of my caged Palace for the first time, not even knowing I was in one, or in hell. Now my journey begins and I will get myself out of this, I will get myself better. Screw the stats and keep moving. Every time I feel like relapsing, she pops into my head and push through it. I relapse occasionally but they are becoming less frequent the more I'm educated on my condition. I'll be free one day. Just keep moving because no one got anywhere by standing still.

I simultaneously want so much reassurance and to fully avoid talking about our relationship entirely. Does anyone ever experience this? Also, my ruminating is so bad if anyone has tips on how to catch and respond to ruminating please share!

I’m so exhausted. I feel like everything I do now is a sin and I can’t enjoy myself because of my overthinking. Its either overthinking a song or a movie, I feel like I’m restless. In the Bible I know it says that if you can’t do something without faith and you doubt, you should refrain from doing it. But I doubt every SINGLE thing I do so i feel trapped. A week ago I was completely fine with horror movies and my conscience let me watch them with no problem( not excessively Gore ones). Then I saw someone on tiktok saying that Christian’s shouldn’t watch horror movies of any kind. Even though I don’t believe that and I feel like we have our own convictions, now all of a sudden I’m over thinking and feeling uneasy about EVERYTHING because of what one person said. Please let me know if any of you been through something similar and how did you get through with it :(

What would you do if your trying to quit a bad habit. And you want to be able to quit on a good thought and not have any intrusive thoughts when you put it down for the last time. But that never happens. So your stuck trying to quit forever because the intrusive thoughts are always there. So if you quit on a bad thought. Then every time you see the thing you quit it reminds you of that bad thought the rest of your life. How do you quit?

How do you guys deal with the urge to confess to your partner? I have Real Event OCD around porn. Recently ive been talking to this guy, we're not officially dating or anything but we're getting to know each other and stuff. and even though I gave porn up half a year ago and long realize my mistakes, i still feel like if he knew my events he'd think im disgusting and horrible. (basically i grew up exposed to furry porn as a kid and that included art of feral animals n weird shit. Never anything real. I literally didn't realize how gross that was until last year and I stopped completely. It wasnt hard to give up. Now it completely grosses me out. I'm not attracted to animals or anything it was just what I had access to/was used to and I hate myself everyday for being so naive and thinking that was normal even in adulthood.) I have the urge to confess and I know that's a compulsion but it also feels awful feeling like I'm harboring a horrible secret. Or like he doesn't know the 'real me'. How do you guys deal with the guilt and feeling like a secret horrible person for not telling?

I have a really fear of my boyfriend cheating on me and it is my most common theme. I think he’s cheating on me when he does anything, for example he would go downstairs to get his drink and bring his phone, because he hasn’t been on his phone whilst he was upstairs with me i automatically thought he was cheating on me by messaging any other girl secretly. I do badly want to ask him about it but i know it’ll make me worse. But what if what i thought was actually true? It feels so real and true.

I’ve been obsessing for quite a while that I’m already dead? I woke up one morning thinking I was not real and things weren’t real after a panic attack the night before and my mind is telling me I died that night and now I’m dreaming what my life could have been, am I alive am I dead? I’m so scared and obsessed with these thoughts always wanting reassurance

I was having a good day until I suddenly remember some past memories that makes me feel really guilty and terrified if I am a bad person. I have unfortunately been exposed to adult content at such a young age, around 8 years of age, when scrolling through TV channels. I did had parental supervision, but I was a sneaky kid and very curious as well, so when they go to a different room or to the store for a little, I watch the adult content on mute. This has affected me so much because it made me done actions that I really regret and I am so afraid to think that I am a bad person. Being exposed to such inappropriate content at such a young age has affected my emotional and mental growth. I don’t blame my parents because I purposefully sneaked to watch these types of videos, but I wish I never have come across it.

Everything feels like a trigger lately. I’m so overwhelmed by my ROCD, and I’ve been having a panic attack at work for over an hour, and I’m dissociated. Im worried about being able to drive home safely, and I’m worried about not being able to comfortably be in any social situation without it triggering a panic attack. This is the worst my OCD has been in 7 years, and I’m doing so poorly in therapy that I’m just feeling discouraged about ever recovering. I don’t want to eat. I have my wedding dress fitting this weekend and I’m not where I want to be weight wise, and my anxiety makes me lose my appetite, and then I feel proud of myself for not eating lunch. Im so tired and overwhelmed.

I’m genuinely having such a bad panic attack i feel like i’m gonna burst out crying. I hate suffering like this so much i used to be so happy & carefree. i feel so upset right now it’s unreal. So for context, i suffer with severe pocd to the point i don’t leave my house much anymore bc i’m scared of getting triggered and i don’t spend time with my younger family members because of it. today my aunt asked me to go to the shops with her and at first i said yes but when i found out my 4 year old cousin was also going to be there i said no and kept making excuses. but then after i felt guilty as i was letting my aunt down so i said yes. and i even said to myself i can’t let ocd be in the way of living my life and this could be a good exposure. i was feeling super anxious to go and i really didn’t want to but i ended up going. i was super aware and stayed away from my younger cousin, even held her hand in a way where it wasn’t near me and i kept moving away from her bc i didn’t want to be near her as horrible as that sounds. anyway. this is the part that’s making me feel so so horrible. i was in the queue to pay and my cousin tapped me near my area to get my attention and i think i kind of stepped back but when i stepped back i think her hand sort of grazed my area. and i genuinely don’t know why i stepped back, i didn’t have bad intentions (even though ocd is questioning this) but i don’t know if i was just in flight or fight mode and did it or if i jusr did it? if that makes sense? i haven’t eaten, i feel like vomiting and i keep shaking. last thing i ever want to do is hurt anyone, especially kids. i overthink and am hyper aware of absolutely everything i do. i just don’t know why that happened. why me? i feel so heartbroken it’s unreal. id be grateful to anyone who can give advice/support. i feel like the worst person alive right now.

When i get an ocd thought, not usually a "what if im..." its more like statements, or "if i go there or do that i will not enjoy it cause of ocd", or any scary or disturbing thought, so its not like what if, and for me the conpulsion is to get rid of the thought, so for that i use disregarding. And before i disregard, i notice the ocd thought and get anxious, almost like a panic state and i say "i need to stop thinking about this cause its bad" then i choose to disregard but because i do with fear, the thought and feeling just grows and i use disregard as an escape. People say when you ignore ocd it starts to grow but i dont think like this, this feels the same when i worry. I know that i use disregarding as avoidance and idk how to use it correctly, i cant just ignore it and dont care about it... if it would be that easy i wouldve been recovered now... also as i said i dont think i do disregarding right...