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has anybody been working on doing ERP therapy alone without a therapist? has it worked for you? i’m attempting to do it alone but it is soooo hard. any tips would be wonderful as well :)

Guys how on earth am I meant to accept uncertainty. I have false memories about cheating on my boyfriend and I keep having visions of feeling this way forever and having this immense guilt. I feel like it’s impossible to want to accept uncertainty. It feels like my two options are either break up with my boyfriend or live in guilt and fear for the rest of my life

I just wanted to share a bit of my story as hope for those of you still in a dark place. Back in February, I began sinking into a depression. I couldn't pinpoint why, but life didn't seem to be as enjoyable as it used to be. My interests felt, well, less interesting, and everything grew grey. The strange part is, I had everything someone could want in life: a good job, a loving girlfriend, and plenty of friends and family. I was in a far luckier position than so many others, and yet I couldn't find my footing. I decided to get back into meditating. At first it was great, as it gave me some temporary relief from my suffering. However, I quickly became obsessed with the theory and philosophy behind many of the "non-dual" traditions. Before I knew it, I was having intense panic attacks and dissociation surrounding my identity, consciousness, and overall existence. Thinking itself felt unnatural, and it seemed as if I had seen through some great illusion of selfhood that I would never be able to "unsee." Furthermore, I became obsessed with the concept of free will and if we could ever truly have it in a deterministic universe. I compulsively researched and ruminated over these issues, trying to find answers to questions which were ultimately unanswerable. In April, I was formally diagnosed with OCD. I had never heard of the disorder outside of people using it to describe those who clean a lot or keep organized spaces. In some ways it was relieving; in other ways it was terrifying. Was it really OCD? How did this happen? How can I beat it? Will ERP work for me? What if it doesn't? I was terrified I was going insane. Quite frankly, it felt like I was, and this only spiraled me more. I was desperate to fix my issues, and the more desperate I grew the worse I got. It felt like I was drowning in confusion and doubt, unable to get a single moment's reprieve from the suffering. In May, I started I-CBT therapy. It is a somewhat new but proven method for helping OCD, but it didn't end up doing much for me. After two months, I switched to NOCD, where I found my current therapist and began working with the more classic approach of ERP. Because my compulsions were mental in nature, we began by scripting my worst fears. I would write and record these scripts, listening to them on the daily in different scenarios. Sometimes in the shower, sometimes driving to work, sometimes before bed. The most important part was desensitizing myself to the anxiety these scripts brought up. I often times listened to up to 2-3 hours worth of scripts per day. It wasn't quick and it wasn't easy, but slowly over time I noticed the scripts that used to evoke the most fear in me began to lose their strength. As my original fears lowered, new ones popped up, and I had to stay on top of updating my scripts and staying one-step ahead of my OCD, so to speak. I also had to be mindful that I wasn't using my scripting as a new form of compulsion to "fix" myself. This is a very fuzzy and tough line to follow, but important to keep in mind on your own journey. The key is not to cling to any one technique or approach as a silver bullet. Understand that this process and the things that help it are not linear. Now, at the of August, I can confidently say that I stand in a position I thought entirely impossible 6 months ago. There were so many days and weeks over these months that felt downright unbearable, as if I would slip into some inescapable abyss for eternity. To be completely honest, I still fear this possibility--that all of this progress is fake and the rug will be pulled out from under me at any moment. But the difference between now and then is that I can acknowledge this fear without it consuming my every moment. I can feel the sinking it causes in my stomach and continue on with whatever I was doing or need to do, whether that be answering emails, eating lunch, or petting my cats. And I think this is the most impactful skill I have gained during this entire process: the ability to act despite overwhelming fear and doubt. Which leads me to my final and most important point... DO NOT AVOID. Keep living your life. Go to the store, keep in touch with friends, go to school or work, ESPECIALLY if it all feels fruitless and unimportant. It will always feel safer to isolate, but this is just a feeling, not the truth. Until you teach yourself / brain that it is okay to feel afraid, it will always feel safer to stay in "safe" spaces than expose yourself to a broader world. Whatever you are most scared of, move towards, and continue doing so until you gain the confidence that you can do it anytime you want. Remember, it is NOT about getting rid of the fear, but acting DESPITE it. For better or worse, the only way OUT is THROUGH. Oh and the 67% number just comes from those report thingies you fill out every so often. I hope this helps some of you. Stay strong and never give up. One moment at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.

I have been struggling a lot with scrupulosity lately - what if I offended God, what if I sinned and didn’t repent, what if I turned against God - these fears become so scary that I feel like I have to pray for forgiveness. As I am trying to grow in my faith, I read about repentance and that it is necessary to be forgiven and to live according to God’s will. However, I know that this can also be a ritual that I should be avoiding. It is so hard to distinguish. I attempted an exposure where I willingly let myself think my worst fear, a fear of turning from God. I said it in my head and I will not write it here because it is too fearful. But then immediately I was overcome with guilt and fear - how could I let myself think that thought for exposure, at least before they were unwanted intrusive thoughts, what if God didn’t realize I was doing an exposure because I didn’t plan it out, what if he thought I turned against Him, what if I committed the unpardonable sin. Of course, I could not resist the urge to ritualize, and I have since said many prayers for forgiveness. I think I have become okay with the fact that scary thought that are not us are going to pass through our minds, but for exposure therapy, I still feel I am sinning if I intentionally let myself think those thoughts and then do not repent. I know I should trust that God is all knowing and that he realizes I am doing exposure and I do not need to remind him. However, I am way too scared to do it again. I am okay to practice exposure for the other fearful thoughts I’ve been having, but I am very resistant to expose myself to thoughts against God, because I feel like just letting myself have the thoughts alone is a sin. Anyone struggling with this?

I saw on Reddit someone said, “no one talks about guys more than a girl in denial” and it really upset me. I’ve always enjoyed having crushes on guys and talking about them with my friends. How can I come down from this spiral and feeling of panic?

Sorrry for the the very long post. I just think i write this post because i really need some opinions on it and find some people who feel the same. I ( 21 f) have been struggling with my sexuality for 4 years now and i do not know it anymore. Throughout highschool i dated 2 boys and especially after the last relatiobship i was very very sad when it ended. I did think i could be bi in high school but as i was happy in my relationship i did not gave it more thought. Around 4 years ago i started to question again and in this questioning i was scared that i had feelings for my best friend , because i think she is very pretty and i love her so so much. This made me panick a lot as i did not want our friendship to change , i checked a lot if i had feelings for her and this made me panick and feel distressed. I cried a lot these years. First i just questioned if i was bi but after sometime i started to question if i waz even interested in boys anymore. I did started a new relationship last year but broke it off because i could not do it anymore as i doubted everything and it was very bad for him. I did feel a certain releave which makes me doubt even more if i even like boys. While i was in this relationship i also had a period ( and in a period after this relarionship) that i had pocd which has been back for a month this december. Still my questioning about my sexuality remains, i did have sex with guys this year and did also kiss girls ( as i think i might be bi) and liked kissing these girls. I just really dont know if i like guys. While i have sex with them i do enjoy it at the moment itself but when i am alone later i start to question it or can feel disgusted ( which makes me really sad) and i am scared that that means i am a lesbian. My body does react very much , like i get very wet( sorry for too much info) when i have sex with boys but i sometimes start thibking do i want this with a girl , or feel weird when kissing them. With girls i do like kissing but mh body does not react kn the same way. I have also felt a tension with guys which i think is sexual tension and only fzlt it slightly with girls. I thibk i also had a type of feelings for boys and when my best friend got a boyfriend i think i was happy for her. I do not know why i keep ruminating over this so much and it takes so much energy, i 1m so done. Also i would not understand why i would have internalised homophobia. I have a very lgbtq friendgroup and my parents and family know about everything and dont care who i date. I know labels do not need but i feel so bad that i always doubt if i even like boys. I also read thz lesbian masterdoc which confused me more as i sometimes feel like i can relate to it a lot. I just feel so bad where my feelings and relatiobships in the past just a lie and am i really a lesbian? Do i just want to sleep with boys to prove something? I have so many questions. I also do a lot am i gay tests online. I just feel like i should give up and maybe just stop going out with boys. Ps i do went to a therapist but i never been officialy tested for ocd

With the mundane days in a relationship. The days where he maybe annoys me a little by repeating a joke too much or shows me stuff in the sense of humor I don’t resonate with. I’m trying to make peace with the differences I’m not crazy about in our relationship.

Big TW! Just trying to vent I made a huge mistake a few nights ago I m*sterb*ted to a 17 year old character (I’m 23). I feel disgusted with myself and sick. People online have told me I’m a p*do so now I truly believe it. I’ve gone backwards I skipped dinner bcs I feel I don’t deserve to eat I feel too sick. My ocd is also enjoying playing scenarios where I’m hurt, locked up or d*ad because I deserve it. It’s the consequences of my own actions and I feel sick with myself.

Hey everyone hope everyone is having a good day, just on here to see if anyone can give me some tips and tricks on how to do effective ERP, I am ready to take my life back from this mental illness, and just wondering if someone can give me some tips Hope everyone is thriving today!!

It's really hard when it seems there is nobody in your life you can really confide in.

So Back like 4 years ago when all this began I used to have horrible thoughts and be overwhelmed by the things I was thinking and I am not gonna explain since you all pretty much know what I’m talking about lol but I used to think I was crazy! I would stay up all night because of fear of harming somebody without my consent or my like self control and I would worry worry worry, it got so bad to a point I stopped eating because I was just so scared (still kind of like this but I got wayyyy better!) and I just started looking up like coping mechanisms and like researching what the fuck was wrong with me. Was I a bad person, was I crazy, what is wrong with me, those were thoughts that would be in my head yk so I found something called harm Ocd and I read it and related to it so much. I remember that day vividly and felt such a huge relief Like finally I’m not crazy and somebody actually gets it! So then I started watching YouTube videos TikTok’s and all of that helped temporarily and then I would get back into my cycle and honestly I guess looking up and reading about ocd helped temporarily because it made me feel not crazy but really I had nobody to talk too and when I did talk nobody would understand, honestly I wanna go to a therapist and actually find out but my insurance can’t cover it and I’m just left being self diagnosed. Everyone around me says “you don’t have ocd you can’t self diagnose yourself!” or people who have common ocd would say “I have ocd so what your going through girlie that’s not ocd your just overthinking it” but at this point even without a diagnosis I know I have it. Everything I go through just adds up to it, like I actually relate so much to every person on this app and finding this app was part of my reassurance of knowing I’m not crazy. Anyway that’s all pleaseeeee somebody respond lol

My obsession i feel like is really rational. And people were telling me they're fifty a d they still soend time with their siblings AND PARENTS but im 17 and my dad is already 59 and my mom is about to turn 56. I really dont have much time left with them compared to others. By the time my brain fully develops at 25, thehre gonna be so close to 70 years old. I feel horrible. I would rather die first I cant take it. I need them. I love them. ai cant take it. Why am I not young anymore, why do they have to be so old and why do I have to be so old. Once My friend made me think about turning 28, I got really anxious and soon realise my parents age would be at that time. Now im even more anxious and tbe compulsions I had before that would momentarily make me feel relieved about the idea of growing old just seem like they wont even pacify me for a second. I know my mind is thinking through a childish lense, and maybe I wont be so scared when I really do turn 28, but i cant stop thinking about this and I cant stop thinking about my age. Everything has just amplified in intensity and Im having a panic attack. And like I said I feel my fear is absolutely rational, which makes me even more scared. I dont want to be old I cant do it I just cant. Im running out of time I cant take it I cant take it I cant.. I just want my parents and my brother I dont want to lose it all. It feels like every day i lose something. I dont want to live any longer I hate this I hate it so much. I cant take it please help me. Its all I can think about Im going to throw up help me please help me please. Like this wasnt the only thing unnerving about growing older, but it just feels insanely worse. I cant replace them. Honestly im so jealous of younger me whose obsessions were hinged on being shot in certain locations. And when younger me's obsession with age was a lot more tied to size. But now I keep thinking about numebrs and Im really getting okder and its petrifying. I feel like im validating the fears and I dont know how to take it. My mom is 56 and she gets to see her mom at 75. If i make it to 56, my mom would have to also make it to 94. I wish they never had me I wish they killled me I wish they let me die before them. I wish theyd let me love them longer. Time just feels threateningly fast and slow at the same time. Im so scared. Im so scared. All my cousins are like 30 still getting to see their 50-60 year old parents. Why not me. But i really dont want to be 30 either. And I was watching soviet animations today in class and apparently dostoevsky said you become immoral at 40. I dont want to become immoral. I was raised in a catholic church and went to catholic school until I was 11. I thought dying young meant I died pure, but it seems that im not the only one who realised that. But im running out of time to die good. I dont want to be bad. I dont want to force my parents to live until they become worse. I feel like a monster. I feel like im making them older. Its like im punishing them. im just a scared little girl, but i feel like im bringing pain unto others...

Many years ago, I use to masturbate to female porn but I knew it was something I wouldn’t do in real life. I imagined women doing stuff to me but not me to them. I couldn’t orgasm with my boyfriend. Now, I can orgasm through regular sex w my husband and I don’t masturbate anymore but I just remembered I use to do that. I read that 90 of straight women do stuff like that but now I’m terrified that my theme is real. Because I remembered that. I don’t masturbate anymore because my values have changed and thought why do I need to do it if my husband takes care of me. My theme started with fear of being a lesbian and then switched to fear of being bi and now back to lesbian. I’m so scared.

Why do these OCD thoughts keep coming back even though you don’t want them too?? How come when they come back they get the best of you most of the time??

Do you ever watch crime shows and then can’t enjoy them anymore because you suddenly think “that seems like something I would/want to do” and then you can’t watch it anymore? I love criminal minds but it triggers me so bad.

So I’ve been thinking of taboos and why they’re wrong, and the only one I can’t completely get behind is incest. I still find it rly disgusting and have absolutely no desire to partake in it, but hypothetically, if all parties were consenting adults, and there wasn’t a power imbalance (such as with a parent and their kid, even if the kids an adult, or with siblings or cousins with a significant age gap where one would have looked after the other), I don’t think it’d be morally wrong per se, or at least rn I can’t think of a reason for it to be. But this is kind of freaking me out, I want there to be a reason for it to be wrong, but I can’t think of one. I’ve searched all over the internet, and they’ve all kind of come to the same conclusion, if they’re consenting adults without a power imbalance than it’s not morally wrong, even if it’s gross. But that can’t be it right? Like there has to be a reason? And I feel bad writing this cus I don’t know if it’s ocd or not and I don’t want to look like I support incest, I find it gross and I still don’t think it’s right or good, I’m just not sure if it’s necessarily morally wrong in every case. Help I’m sort of freaking out again.

i feel like i dont deserve love i am a monster and i just don't deserve to be loved but i dont even know if the things that are making me believe that are real but i am just so sad so sad i just wish i could be normal

TW - Suicidal thoughts Well, I called the 988 number for the Suicide and Crisis line last night. I went to the car to do it because I know that my mom would overreact if she knew I was thinking like that. She has overreacted about that kind of stuff before. But it turns out she saw me in the car and knows I was talking to someone on the phone, she doesn't know who and she was asking me about it just now. The car was the most private place -- the walls in our house are paper thin. Maybe I'll just have to only text them (if possible) and/or sit in the back of the car with the tinted windows and with the porch light off. I guess I'm just venting here. But it is pretty stressful.

I think my past tells me I've always been wrong and just kinda didn't experiment to know because I never wanted to be gay. The groinal responses I get to real life people are more common and more than the feeling I get for the opposite sex though I do enjoy the opposite sex responses when they do happen. they may not be as strong so I should give up any fantasies that it'll ever lead to a real relationship.

I noticed ocd is about having intrusive thoughts. But does OCD come in any other way? If so can y’all give me examples?