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From health OCD TO HARM OCD For a year I was running to the ER for ANYTHING and now I feel like i kinda want to die 🤣 Like WHERE IS ME?

I really love my mom. She is the best mom in the world. She loves us alot and takes care of us. But my younger sister is so mean. She always create problems for my parents. She always accuse my mom infront of my dad for something and want to ruin their relationship. Not only this, my mom is just ill now bcz she always do something bad to her. I cannot see my mom suffering like that. I hope my sister face karma. She is a hidden snake. She has ruined the peace and happiness of our home

I constantly worry that no one likes me. Did grow up as the scapegoat but my parent passed away 7 yrs ago and now I have been in therapy as well as my mom but my other two siblings refuse therapy. So there has been some healing between me and my mom which I’m happy about! But I’ve also been scapegoated in friend groups mainly bc there will be one jealous friend and then they try to get everyone to go against me. Anyway I have met a few friends here and there that have really impacted my life in a positive way. However, I can’t help but ruminate on how “everyone doesn’t like me” and then I go down a rabbit hole of searching on tik tok, google and Reddit trying to find some magical answer as to what is “wrong with me” and why I have issues with people even some family and yet there is no answer except that people just project their negative feelings onto me, and many other people have experienced that as well. But yet I still keep feeling like there’s something innately wrong with me. Even my therapists validates my experience and has taught me boundaries and explains how I’m not the problem yet I still loop with this thought. I also think this is linked to another ocd thought because I always tell myself I need to hurry up and prove to myself that my siblings can get healthy and I can fix the family dynamic issues and then find a perfect group of friends so I will be “happy” and then I won’t supposedly suffer and want to d*e. By the way I am not suicidal so thats why it’s kind of like an irrational thought. I did have suicidal OCD though but would never do that. So idk? What is this?

I need some support from anyone who’s willing to offer it, please. My ocd, particularly scrupulosity, has been making my life a living hell. I can’t ignore my suspicions and compulsions and they rule my life. I’m debating whether or not the God I rely on even exists, and quite frankly I’ve been thinking about suicide. I don’t know how to tell my loved ones. I was in a position where I had to talk someone down from suicide at a young age and it crushed me afterwards. I know suicide is wrong, and I’m scared to think about it, but I don’t know how I can live. I just need someone to know.

anyone else have this? It’s like every sound I hear when I’m home alone i worry it’s in my head. I often feel like i see something out if the corner of my eye moving and it isn’t keep in mind my peripheral vision is messed up from astigmatism so it’s most likely that.

Me and my online boyfriend have been broken up for a week because our mental health wasn't going great and we need to focus on our health first. After countless of stress and overthinking of many doubts and waiting for him, I am having many many many unwanted thoughts of a past ex and I have many worries all at once. self harming (hitting my head) is usually what I do to punish or correct my mind for even thinking such thing like ex from 9th grade. But I feel like after hitting my head so much, it made it more worse? TikTok and other social stuff is not helping me rn after seeing "soul ties" of ex's, relationships or mercury retrograde and it worsens. It makes me anxiety more worse. I don't know what to do and I'm more terrified than ever. All I wanted to do is wait for my online bf and believe in the good possibilities and hopes between us especially hope that we would reconcile when we are ready. As you know I really love this online boy and would never cheat or hurt him. Idc if we are apart I will wait for him and still be there for him yk. But my thoughts are so messed up and it's bringing like a feeling or werid emotion :( like a rushy feeling of unwanted excitement I suppose. I'm literally stuck. I'm stuck with these thoughts and I don't know what to do.

Every time I look at a child now I have these feelings and groinials and thoughts that I just can’t tell if they’re real or not bc it feels like it’s real it feels like I’m denying I’m attracted to them or something when I just notice that they are cute and have like attractive faces/feautures? And sometimes it feels like I notice them like an adult :/ but sometimes like if it’s like a vid or something sometimes I think it’s someone older but then I see longer and I’m like oof it’s not 🫠 like ughhh I just hate this idk what to do and I don’t want to be become an abuser I’m scared like I’ll be like my abuser and i don’t feel anxious like before bc I had these thoughts come up since 2020

It's like sometimes (only sometimes bc im mostly obsessing), I dont care how I feel in that moment. Like Iam numb to anything. There is not happiness or sadness. Like I dont care what happens to me, dont care about my friends, family, life. When I know deep down thats not how I really feel. In reality, I love my life and family so much. I just cant feel it at the moment. My poor husband and kids. I have to keep telling myself that is my OCD and that Iam a good person that does actually care about everything... Its so sad

Tomorrow is my birthday. My best friend and I are going to be front row for my 2nd favorite band of all time. I've been planning and hyping this up since October. I'm very excited, as I never do anything for my birthday besides having off of work. I've never gone out for my birthday before in adulthood because of covid and also lack of friends. This will be the first time. My best friend (who has their own best friend) and I have been extremely close for 6 years now, and have gone to a lot of concerts together. They started a new anxiety med last week and it is making them have an extremely bad episode of depression and anxiety right now, and they told me they don't know if they should go to the show tomorrow. They said they feel they can't drive in their current condition. I said I am willing to pick them up (even though I would rather not because they live an hour away), but I'm gonna be honest... I don't want them to come along. I don't want to go alone, either. I don't have anyone else at all who I can go with, and I can't tell my friend that I'd rather them not come if they're going to radiate horrible energy the entire night. I've been so excited for this for five months, and I've been doing fairly well lately overall- working a lot on art, feeling like me, and trying to recognize my bad thoughts better-- but now I'm just super worried. I feel like a terrible friend, like I'm being extremely selfish and hypocritical. I'm worried I'll make them feel worse. When I have an episode, I wouldn't want anyone to turn me away simply because of that fact. I always want as much support and comfort as humanly possible and am terrified of people being upset with me. When I'm feeling happy and fine, however, I don't want other people coming to me with their struggles. I don't know how to handle my own, let alone someone else's. This tends to come off as me being mean and insensitive. I deal with enough, and though I always try and help others, most of the time I just really don't want to. I'd rather not be reminded of what I struggle with myself. I'm afraid it'll rub off on me somehow because I don't like being reminded of my worst. I'm such a f^cking hypocrite and I don't know how to not be this way. My thoughts keep racing, telling me tomorrow's going to suck now, telling me how lonely I am because I only have one friend, telling me that this situation is going to trigger an episode of my own as well, that it's now suddenly so uncertain. I did give this friend an 'out'- telling them that if they are too afraid to tell me no, that I am giving them permission to bail with no hard feelings out of their best interest. This made me feel both so selfish and so selfless at the same time, because on one hand, I don't want to be around that bad potentially triggering energy, and on the other hand, I was giving up the only person I wanted or COULD to go to this concert with. I said that their decision won't ruin my birthday regardless, and that I can't be the one to tell them what to do. They said they ARE afraid of ruining my birthday but still want to go. We're talking right now and I admitted that I'm afraid of making them feel worse. I've never seen this person like this either, and it makes me scared of seeing them like this, and scared of how I'm going to handle this. I took a sedative as a precaution, because I felt this feeling would fester into something worse, and it cleared my mind up just the right amount for me to realize "hey, it's not my responsibility to make them feel better. It's my responsibility to enjoy my birthday!" Regardless, I AM going to this show and I AM going to have a good time. I just feel like I'm being a horrible, insensitive, selfish friend. This is the closest friend I've ever had and though others are telling me I have every right to be upset, I still feel like a piece of sh^t. I just hope I can get hyped up without going over the edge tomorrow. When I get too excited, I have a panic attack.

Does being on my period or having upcoming menstrual symptoms worsen my OCD symptoms? Is it because of the added pain, or the added chemicals in my body? Anyone else experience this?

I have a big fear of dying and death. Is there anyone out there that isn’t afraid of this? If so, can you please give me your perspective on it?

Eight months ago, I went to dinner with my boyfriend at the time, his teenage daughter, and my friend. I drank way too much to say the least. Anyway, when I woke up in the morning I was mortified and I remembered I was cut off by the waitress. I was so embarrassed that I was that drunk in front of my boyfriend’s daughter. But then my mind started to go all over. I started worrying “what if I did something inappropriate to his daughter.” I ended up staying the whole weekend and spending time with my boyfriend and his daughter. They all assured me I had done nothing wrong but I still had the feeling like I did do something. Then a few days later, I was talking to my friend and she told me I went to the bathroom with the daughter by myself while at the restaurant. This of course convinced me that I must have done something wrong and that my initial fear had to be right! Of course I was reassured again by my boyfriend and his daughter that I didn’t do anything bad. My boyfriend and I are no longer together (was amicable). I am still feeling like something bad happened. I cannot shake it. I keep thinking I did something inappropriate which is completely contrary to who I am. I am worried to be happy because I feel at any minute it will be taken away and I’ll be arrested. I can’t get over this. I try to accept uncertainty but I just can’t seem to get there.

I keep having unwanted sexual thoughts or images in my mind and its really stressing me and my compulsion is to avoid and block the tought the thing is that i am a believer i dont and if do erp i am supposed to facd my thought and let myself think abt it but my rocd male me feel that i will have sins and that i can not let myself think such things so idk what to do abt this sexual thoughts

does anyone have any tips on managing and controlling this? especially if you have said questionable things in the past or as a kid. A long 13 yr friendship of mine is ending and the ex friend really despises me.I can’t help but obsess and ruminate over what I could have possible done wrong even though they’re the one who said hateful things to me. I can’t help but wonder about all past friendships and ex friendships and whether it’s tied to me being a good/bad person. Does anyone have any advice on managing this? I try to reflect on different friendships and why it ended but still end up ruminating on my morality and self. Thank you ❤️

Does anyone else get moments of feeling like they are not normal or like they can’t connect with anyone socially? It’s a little hard to explain but I’ll be fine and suddenly the world feels so far out of reach. I hope it’s not just me. Knowing this is something that does happen to people with ocd would help me change the way i handle this. 😥

Trans OCD is so isolating and even more so as a nonbinary person. Just because I like some masculine terms/pronouns, I know that doesn't mean I'm a boy but it just triggers me into thinking I'm a trans man, and that scares me. My compulsions don't even bring me relief. I was having an alright day but the anxiety got to me. I wish I could have the answers. I know I can't, but ... yeah. It almost feels like a joke that I'm nonbinary and going through trans ocd.

I just recently got into a new relationship. While we were still getting to know each other and before we started dating, I still had different guys adding me on snapchat. I added one guy back, went to open his snap, and it was an inappropriate picture. I immediately unadded him and stopped adding anyone else back. Now that me and my current boyfriend are dating, I feel like I “cheated” even though I didn’t and did not choose to see that image. My OCD is telling me I don’t deserve to be with him and to break up with him. The guilt is weighing on me and I want it to go away. Will this get better?

Is it normal my ocd's been switching so aggressively last week Like almost every day it switches I accept a thought and learn to cope with it and a new more horrific one appears I for the first time in twelve years decided to go see a psychiatrist to treat my ocd since it first manifested Do you think this is normal?? It was usually pretty moderate, only switching around 2 themes and wasn't so aggressive since I managed to keep it quiet ir ignored it for almost all my life But it feels like just as I decided to treat it it got a lot worse Also intrusive thoughts feel much more repulsive now, like they are now more scary to me and they're triggered by almost anything This is hell

A few weeks ago I put up a post asking about what I suspect is depersonalisation after a really bad OCD episode, the main advice I got was to wear the depersonalisation and be okay and happy about it being there and it’ll go away. I tried that and it didn’t work, every time I try to act like it’s not there it just gets worse and worsens the worst part about it that I have been experiencing which is a loss of my identity, it makes me feel even more distant from my identity. I feel like I have really bad brain fog that’s preventing me from being able to process and understand those emotions I was experiencing during that bad OCD episode that made me go into what I suspect is depersonalisation. And just a quick note, I feel like what’s preventing me from going out of this whole depersonalisation is the fact that I feel like my bad OCD episode hasn’t been resolved and processed, I feel like I’m mentally still in that bad episode but physically I’m here right now. Any advice? :) thanks so much in advance.

Has anyone overcame this theme? Or been thought this theme? I have a fear of schizo and now I’m just constantly scanning to see if I hear things. It’s so bad I constantly pay attention to every single noise and can hear everything now because of this theme. I’m constantly scanning and even my inner voice/ imagination has scared me because I think “what if this is schizo” I’m so scared of everything due to this theme