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the NOCD Community

First time here. My fiancé had a pretty severe emotional breakdown this summer that he is still recovering from and it has caused what I think is major ROCD for me. The thing about asking for reassurance is so real, I constantly need to know that he is okay and if he is, I still feel like crap. If he is having a bad day I am a compete wreck and my intrusive thoughts tell me that I should leave him, that I can't handle his baggage and that he is toxic to me even though we have a wonderful and loving relationship. It's nice to know I can come here to vent

also im in the process of looking for self help books. i found two that have amazing reviews and there’s hundreds of reviews and everyone said it helped tremendously, but i’m worried that it won’t help me because it’s not specifically for HOCD, it’s just a book about mindfulness and cbt and erp, and i’m worried it either won’t help me because it’s not directed at hocd, or its going to make me “realize” i’ve been gay or bi this whole time. and that’s so scary to me so i’m scared but then there’s the other part of me that says no this is just hocd and the book will help me because it is a subtype of ocd.

I haven’t posted on here in a few days. Since last Friday I’ve just felt really weird and I’d read other people’s posts and just feel like I don’t relate anymore and it’s not OCD. I’ve needed to cry for 10 days but I just haven’t been able to feel anything. Today I’m feeling horrible though. I’m sick of everything, I’m sick of looking at women to test. I’m sick of clenching my fist when I walk past a woman incase I get the urge to inappropriately touch them (weird sorry). Either that or walking an extra few yards further away just incase. I’m feeling so low that I’ve started to harm myself. I know it’s so so so stupid. I don’t even know why I’m doing it. I just feel so bad. Sorry for this - I know someone might tell me to try therapy. I just needed to talk.

I have had issues with my eye. I had conjunctivitis then something the optician diagnoses as a chalazion (a blocked gland I need to put hot compresses on to help drain it). I went there in a panic convinced it was std related even though i have never had one. She said it was definitely not std related but my ocd still says “yeah but what if she’s wrong??? and you infect yourself and your partner? He will leave you” Today’ my eye is itching again and a bit gooey. I’m convinced it’s chlamydia or gonorrhoea again. I made another appointment to see her Wednesday for the 5th time. Do you think this is ocd? I can’t tell

A lot of times I will get OCD attacks before something I’m looking forward to. For example, if the family is going out to a restaurant, or a good movie is coming on, anything to look forward to really. Just prior to it obsessive thoughts come up. It is like they are trying to sabotage me enjoying myself. I read somewhere that the brain can’t tell the difference when an emotion is felt and may label it with worrisome thoughts. Also, I imagine it is the amygdala’s way of not letting you relax. Maybe a leap back to early times when you were at your most vulnerable when you were enjoying something such as eating, intimacy, etc. Has or does anyone experience this?

I was watching tik toks and I saw Heathers “Martha Dumptruck in the flesh, here comes the cootie squad” that one. Anyway I decided to read up on what it’s about. It’s really violent, a lot of killing and suicide stuff and one part of it talked about blowing up the school. It was terrible. Then my harm ocd started up again “what if you did any of that.” “You want to.” “You’ll find a way to do it.” I said no I won’t, I’m not that kind of person. I’m scared what if I want to. I doubt I’ll want to kill some one or blow stuff up because that’s terrible to do, but it feels so real I don’t even trust my self, I regret reading up on it. I should’ve just enjoyed the tik tok and moved on with my life

Has anyone with HOCD started dating again. Like I don’t want to be cooped up in here forever but at the same time, due to the nature of these thoughts, I feel kinda....guilty?

so i was getting better from hocd, but i guess my best friend relapsed it. i was almost with no thoughts, but then the name of my best friend popped out in my mind and stayed there like for some hours and now i’m afraid i like him ( when hocd was worse, this was one of my thoughts), is it still hocd right ?

So because of these hocd thoughts feeling so real and me feeling like there is enough proof of me being bi I just said that I was. Any thought that comes in I agree and agree. The problem is then I think about being with girls and finding them hot or sexy and it doesn't feel right but all the sensations and "attraction" feel real I'm literally so confused. I know I don't want to be with girls but the doubt feels unmanageable so I just agree with it but I don't feel happy I more just feel numb. Like it gives me anxiety even thinking of finding girls sexy or hot and makes me feel a little nausea but then my brain is like you're not nauseous at all you don't have any anxiety this is you and who you've always been. Ughhhhhh.

Hi everyone I’ve struggled with OCD for 22 years, and I’m hoping to start doing some really tough ERP with the app. My revolves around superstitious OCD and thoughts popping in basically if I think something whilst touching an object or doing something i feel it makes it more likely to happen, I have depression due to the OCD. But I hope I can start to recover because I’ve had enough of this illness.

I can’t seem to get a break, every day it’s something new the dumbest things ever but they feel so big to me. I’m so tired of doing this I can’t do it any longer I just cried because how much I hate my. I’m tired of living at the sink having major anxiety for almost no reason and if I try to fight it I just get more anxiety like well I touched my phone now I gotta wash my phone, it’s on my sheets, my clothes. I take super long showers i guess what I’m here for is help how can I help this what can I do to ease the anxiety like idk when I should or shouldn’t wash my hands anymore like my dog peed in the bathroom and got it on her paws then splash and got it in my mouth my clothes she walked around the house with paws full of pee I’m tired of cleaning everything and myself all the time can someone give me some advice

I’m actually going crazy

What I have noticed is that when I try to use positive thinking and challenge my thoughts I feel better but then I end up avoiding intense bad thoughts. Those thoughts bubble up and then I cannot calm down unless I use ERP. Then I feel sad because thats all I can think about. How can I balance this?

Hi everyone. I’m alana and I’m 21 years old. I have been in a relationship with a great guy for almost 3 years now. My past with relationships were very crappy and I have a bad past with men period because of my dad not being a father figure for me. In this relationship I am constantly overthinking and doubting everything. Now right now my mind is calm. But when it’s not it’s like a whole thing of destruction going on up there that no one can stop. I see a counselor, I am on medicine for severe depression and anxiety and am on a mood stabilizer as well. I was never diagnosed with OCD though but I know it lingers somewhere. My doubts are always towards my boyfriend. But my depression knocks me down with the thoughts and I don’t even get out of bed. I literally talked to a psychic and she said I have nothing to worry about and so did my counselor. Any advice on how to handle it all?

So my HOCD has been pretty rough the last couple weeks. Have others that suffer from this type of OCD ever see an attractive person of the same sex and look internally for “feelings” of attraction? I’m beyond the “groinal response phase” now, and now its look for feelings of attraction. My mind is going back and forth between “this is a real feeling you are denying” or “this is just OCD creating false feelings”. Would love to hear if others have experienced it and if so, how they’ve coped with it.

Has anyone got any tips on how to stop feeling depersonalized?? And to just ground yourself a bit within

I’m really scared I have / I’m experiencing psychosis. The symptoms link heavily with my solipsism related thoughts. But then I think ‘no, psychosis is just made up and fake, like everything else’ which distresses me too. I don’t even know if you guys are real. Please help!

Why women who look like men (especially with short hair)/androgynous and tomboy women trigger my HOCD so much?? ? I always get so anxious and nervous about them and my HOCD labels it automatically as attraction even I don‘t feel comfortable with it. The last time, I really felt so uncomfortable around such women ? it’s not their fault, my HOCD is just hell

Am i reassuring myself ? When i get intrusive thoughts about tocd (trans ocd) im always like - you dont want to appear as a man outside so youre not trans.

I've been in an on and off (mostly on) relationship for a little over 4 years. During this time my ocd and anxiety have been pretty consistent until the last year-ish. During the last year it's slowly gotten better and I have made great strides. I'm doing better than ever with minor flare ups, but nothing compared to before when ocd and anxiety ruled my mind. I was in counseling for a while last year (my counselor had to drop his clients for another job, I'll probably be back in counseling eventually but im not in a rush because I'm doing a lot better than when I started therapy) and that helped. Research about ocd has helped me. Most of all a strong will to get better has helped me most. One thing that I struggle with is that my girlfriend is my main trigger now. I don't have rocd and I don't obsess on her. Her carelessness (in reference to how careful I am in daily life), her kind of lack of common sense, her over emotional tendencies (I know females are naturally more emotional), the fact that she's so mean on her period that there's really no excuse, she treats me like a crush she's known for 2 weeks instead of her boyfriend of years, and she has a bit of a temper although she never crosses the line into abuse. All these things give me anxiety and bring back my intrusive thoughts. When she's gone they go back to a manageable place. When she's around or about to come around it is like a time bomb of ocd and anxiety. Most women I've dated (pretty much all casual except the woman I'm with now) have brought similar feelings out in me. I like living my daily life alone. I'm not sure if it's my girlfriend or just the fact that I'm in a relationship with another person regardless of who that person is triggers my ocd and anxiety. I'm a high twenties male dating a female that's my age. Sometimes I feel like I have no right to want to be treated differently since my ocd and anxiety are not easy to deal with, so dealing with other people's issues is just a fair trade? Idk. I'd really appreciate some input on my situation. Please feel free to comment your true thoughts. I'm not a sensitive person so realism is best for me.