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the NOCD Community

feel free to ask any questions about anything ocd thats stuck on your mind. I’ve been through a lot so i’m sure i will be able to ease your mind in someway, even if its very specific!

I had the thought of checking how I reacted to my obsession/fear. I didn’t even want to put that thought/image in my mind but it felt like it was really close to coming into my mind. I felt afraid- I didn’t want to know how I’d react to that image if I put it in my head on purpose. I had this morbid curiosity, that I just had to know but I couldn’t- I feel panicky, scared and I am genitals monitoring so badly rn that I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. Im shivering and crying, I doubt this even- I doubt this is my “real” reaction that I’m hamming it up just for myself to “pretend” I’m upset when ocd says I am not and I “want” this. This feels so real right now, I feel like if I let these thoughts in that a switch will go off and I’ll become a p. If I am one I will be completely and utterly destroyed and I’ll have to unalive myself immediately and as quickly as possible cause I can’t CANT live like this. No no no. I’ve got a family, I’ve got a life- I’m so afraid all of it will go away.

I really need help. I'm feeling extremely panicked and refusing to go into a loop, so I'm asking for immediate help. TMI, but I was master***** earlier and had an intrusive thought about a child. I pushed it out of my head, and kept going. I would stop, tell myself I'm ok and I do not like that thought, and then keep going. I felt like if I didn't keep going while trying to get rid of that thought, it meant I was letting the thought win and kind of "believe" it was true about my moral and about whether or not I'm a ped0. I felt immediately guilty after and now feel extremely stressed because I'm convincing myself I masterb**** to those thoughts. I feel disgusting. Now I'm ruminating and thinking "what if I did like those thoughts" and now am turning it into a false memory situation. I really need desperate help. Normally I succeed in ignoring the OCD and intrusive thoughts and I normally am ok after, but I tried to do an ERP type situation and still climax even after having those thoughts. I feel so so disgusting now though. Please help.

Okay so basically I'm 18 (almost 19) and my dad had been sick since I was 14. Like REALLY sick. He was practically bedridden for most of 4 years. It was a really rare and terrible disease and we very much did not have the financial means to take care of him. In November he suddenly passed in the night and I woke up around 8am to see my brother giving him cpr but it was simply too late. The police opened an investigation thinking there could have been false play but after the otopsy came back it was clearly because of his illness. Ever sense I keep having these thoughts of "what if I did it and don't remember" but mostly my thoughts are "you heard something that night and didn't check on him." And I remember when I was falling asleep that night I thought "it would be easier if he just died. No you don'tactually believe thag" so it feels like I some how willed it into the universe or something. Oh top of that for the longest time my (very spiritual) family has always told me that I was special and I knew things/could do things that are unexplainable. For a while before he passed I was buying into a lot of the spiritual stuff and I swore I felt this "fatherly presence" following me around. I thought it was like some old god watching out for me and kept looking for "signs." But I also kept ignoring it thinking I would reach out later when I had the time because I was a senior in high school while this was going on and was very busy. So sometimes I even thing my father dying was like a punishment or ignoring some God. I don't really know, at this point I don't even want to be into all of that stuff anymore but I don't know how to stop when my whole family is into it, especially if some thing is mad at me. I don't really know, I feel very trapped in some unexplainable way by all of this.

I’m going through what is hopefully just a really bad hypochondria episode where I’ve convinced myself I have schizophrenia. It’s been about 8 months and I’ve been through a range of crazy symptoms but the most prevalent symptom is getting crazy delusional thoughts like “what if my wife is a demon and trying to get to me” “what if nobody is real and these are all monsters/demons out to get me” etc etc. the thoughts are absolutely terrifying and they make me look at people differently, and i have to question myself whether I truly believe the thoughts or not, they feel so real, when they come on I almost catch myself genuinely feeling paranoid that they are 100% real and having a panic attack, but then the tiny bit of me that’s still rational brings me back to reality. And from then on I have to question myself all day “do I really believe this?” “Well you technically can’t disprove those things” “if it’s not real, then why does it FEEL real?” “This really is schizophrenia” “ what if it’s not schizophrenia but ACTUALLY real?” “who do I go to for help?” “What if I can’t trust anyone” etc, it’s literally hell. I can never give a satisfying “No, I don’t believe this” to these thoughts. I can go days and weeks and be able to confidently shrug them off and tell how ridiculous they are only for them to come back with a vengeance the next day. I could really use some reassurance even though I know it’s bad. I have never been like this before until I started obsessing over schizophrenia. I’ve been like this for 8 months now.

with my OCD I go through these phases where I believe I experience derealization and depersonalization and they are extremely triggering and terrifying to me I experience all the symptoms from foggy brain to feeling like there's glass dividing me and the world and everything feeling far away. But I also think what if it isn't derealization because no one will ever know how I'm feeling? What if something is wrong in my head? What if I have a brain tumor? And it's and endless cycle along with actually acknowledging that I have OCD.

Why do same OCD thoughts I get still trigger anxiety or panic attacks no matter how many times I’ve had them and they never come true? Why do they still trigger panic/ fear even tho I know they never happen? For example I’ve had the thought “what if you harm someone” or “what if you lose control” they cause so much anxiety but they never happen? And every time they pop in my head again they still trigger me? Any advice

how do u guys deal with it i feel like throwing up and crying from guilt. i don’t wanna get into what memories i’m thinking of, but they have to do with sexuality as a child. i can’t stop thinking that i had bad intentions and hurt someone because i was a few years older. i was doing fine and this came out of nowhere. i keep thinking what if it’s not ocd and i’m just using ocd as an excuse for my rightfully had guilt. i literally feel paralyzed and debilitatingly shameful. i don’t know what to do. i talked to my friends about it and they kept telling me experiences like that are normal, but i feel like an unreliable narrator or something. i just wanna cry and cry.

My 9 year old son has been obsessing over the possibility of having cancer one day. He has broken out in rashes from the stress and upset his thoughts and worries have been causing him. He reassurance seeks by telling me he is scared and that he doesn’t want to have cancer. In turn, I tell him he doesn’t need to worry about that. And I steer him in another direction to try and get his mind focusing on something else instead. Nothing has helped him so far. And he feels like he will never feel happy or better again. It’s so heart breaking watch him suffer with this and not know how to help him correctly.

everytime I see a kid or anything about a kid is mentioned then boom here come groinal responses that feel like genuine arousal and a whole bunch of thoughts telling me im a p. I genuine feel like I am one. I feel like this isn’t ocd. My anxiety has gone down tremendously so it seems as if im only ASHAMED of this. Which p’s can be also. I just want peace. I don’t want to be a p. Even my brain is like “just do it so u can have the label permanently “ like no I don’t want to do that but this all feels so real:( I hate the groinal responses they won’t go away

-just get through this next hour (or break it down even smaller, “next 5 minutes”) breaking down your day into bite size time increments makes getting through a tough day feel more doable and I think, helps to prolong or entirely prevent you from a compulsive behavior you’re considering doing -View getting through a tough moment as entering “challenge mode” you are the first person in a video game, a badass hero in a movie, you can handle the anxiety and discomfort and pain like a champ!!! Your city is counting on you! -preferably with the help of a therapist to guide you…Lean in a little then disengage. Whatever it is you’re afraid of, set a timer for 5 min to dive into that fear and take it as far as you can in your mind, imagine the worst case scenarios if your fear comes true, then after the timers up, disengage with the obsession while still welcoming the unpleasant feelings and lingering what if’s, but ultimately moving on with your day. (If you have somatic OCD, focus on that sensation hard for 5 minutes) -if you’re having a sh*t day, focus on how you can make the day better for others. Be mindful of this potentially becoming a compulsion…a way for you to try and completely escape your unwanted thoughts and feelings…rather, continue to welcome them while doing things to make others feel good. -remember that everyone’s got struggles and you’re not alone❤️ go live your life, unconditionally. You’ll feel how you feel, it’ll go however it’ll go. You can handle anything.

I have been addicted to porn for many years and as a consequence of this I have become increasingly desensitised and have looked into sites that are slightly off the beaten track (all of a google search just to clarify, I haven’t been searching the dark web or anything). I do however have two recurring fears; the first is that I may have watched or downloaded cp without realising it and the second is that I may end up doing that in the future. Does anyone else with POCD or a porn addiction experience this?

Another thing I’ve realised and wondered if this is true for others, do you start to see aspects of your theme everywhere in things when you didn’t before?

Just wondering if anyone else experiences the same things as me. I’m currently on lexapro, wellbutrin and recently seroquel for my OCD. The past 2 weeks I would go all day without even having 1 intrusive thought, I genuinely would forget that I was struggling with them which felt amazing. Now, I’m getting my period in a few days and my anxiety is going back up/thoughts are coming back. Does anyone else experience an influx in symptoms around their period? :( Just sucks because I was feeling so good and now I feel stuck again. Even though I said this same exact thing last month when I got my period lol and felt better the next week ?? It’s just so weird

Someone on here told me about this and I had some questions on the overall idea. Has anyone heard of Michael Greenberg? If so, there are some things he talks about that I’m a little confused on. He says that using mindfulness or “bad distraction” isn’t the way to go but I honestly don’t know what to do instead. I tend to try and refocus myself to what I’m doing when I get thoughts but he states that it’s basically distracting yourself from your thoughts by doing other things so I’m not sure how to be in the present moment if that counts as bad distractions. I also have a hard time checking to see if what gave me anxiety before will give me anxiety now and it sort of comes automatically so any advice on how to manage that would help a great deal! Anyway, I hope you all are doing well and we got this!!!!!

I keep getting so confused. I keep thinking of every awkward characteristic of my partner, every little thing he does that makes me cringe or feel awkward. And I keep wondering if I’m just convincing myself I have ROCD to avoid the pain of leaving. And I also keep thinking that if I didn’t have ROCD I would have no problem leaving over these things, like what if the uncertainty of ROCD is the only thing keeping me in the relationship, and if I wasn’t constantly anxious and worried I would have clarity and I’d truly leave. But I just want this to work out. I’m so tired or constantly being turned off by every little thing I obsess over.

I constantly have thoughts about my wife's features. In a negative way that leaves me with anxiety and guilt. Then the thoughts change from divorce to finding other people attractive... but I don't want to leave my wife I love her.. I feel so stuck in the web I can't get out of I obsesse about these thoughts all the time... she's a terrific person we been married for 13 years any advice?

So about 2 weeks ago I started having blasphemous intrusive thoughts about God & Jesus! I’ve had them before but they’re hard to brush off because you feel awful and disgusted for even having them. They were “rejecting thoughts” I finally was able to just let them float on by and not pay attention to them. My main theme is doubting God & Jesus but I’ve noticed it’ll switch on me. Sometimes my mind will doubt if it’s OCD! So currently 2 days ago I’ve been getting the blasphemous thoughts again but when I said “I love you Jesus” I heard instead of Jesus it was Satan! I panicked and sometimes when I say I love Jesus and God I hear “I love you S____” it freaks me out!!! I love God & Jesus so much! Those thoughts cause so much anxiety!!! I would never say that thought and I wish it would go away or remove all those thoughts! I Like ughh those awful intrusive thoughts hurts so much! Some times if feels like I think them or say them purposely in my mind! But I try to remind myself I don’t want them! They cause so much anxiety and distress for a reason! It’s just so annoying when it’s constantly changing and throwing other “themes” I try to tell myself this is still in the same category! I had a certain blasphemous thought weeks ago and now it’s a “new” one and I think it’s still a thought it’s just different and maybe that’s how it’s trying to trip me up! But then usually a bunch of them start coming like beating me down! Maybe it’s the themes switching up on me again but ughh it’s really hard! Makes it feel like it’s me but I don’t want these thoughts at all!!! Everytime I say I love Jesus & God those thoughts come and just randomly! I feel like it’s “me” but I’m reminding myself it’s OCD! The more I react the more they come! They make me feel like God is mad at me or He doesn’t love me which I know isn’t true at all! I know He loves me so much!! It’s just so sad that my mind thinks that! Sometimes I feel like He is mad or will leave me but I know that’s not true!! Any advice please 😭

What do you do when you don’t even wanna stand beside your partner anymore because of height:( I am getting married and can’t sleep and function in work. What do I do:( it has been everyday. I have tried erp over and over and sitting with the thought.

I have HARM-OCD , POCD , FM-OCD and I can’t discuss my form of ocd with anyone but my partner , it’s just such a lonely isolating disorder. I find my friends discuss their mental health a lot such as anxiety , depression, eating disorders etc but ocd can’t be discussed. How could I ever turn to my friends and tell them I have false memories of harming people , animals even children? How could I ever tell them I worry everyday I’m an abuser and should be sitting in a prison cell… exactly I couldn’t. It’s a lonely isolating life.