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the NOCD Community

Am i not authentically straight if i choose to identify based on how i want to live my life and how i want to be attracted vs if i have attractions that fall into the category

What does depersonalization feel like? I’m not sure if that’s what I’m experiencing.

My pocd it's getting really bad again and I don't know what to do ... I am so scared .. I will go to therapy but Idk if I could talk about my intrusive thoughts...I am scared . Any advice?

90 a week like who can afford that It's also funny too because people with OCD shouldn't be getting in regular therapy but at this point I'm not sure I really have a choice. I'm struggling pretty bad. I have a lot going on and I really need to talk to a therapist. I love this app so much I feel like it's been so beneficial to me. I wish surprises were a little bit more friendly .

I came downstairs and I saw a picture of God and I thought I need to go and pray by just nodding my head in the general direction twice and putting whatever I was carrying on the table to show I don't want to choose materialstic things like my phone in was carrying. But I was so exhausted from spending 20 minutes praying upstairs so I just told myself 'promise on your dad's life to not put whatever your carrying down' so I didn't but then as I left I thought 'do this for 30 minutes' so I couldn't put my phone down for 30 minutes because I had accidentally promised too but I did it by accident and now I feel bad because wasn't it a promise on my dad's life? And then I sat down and I felt the urge to go and apologise to God for putting my phone down but then I quickly promised 'to not get up for 30 minutes' but then I FORGOT AGAIN and I feel so bad I don't know what to do. I was just exhausted because I had a really important exam and I need to start revising again for the next one. I don't even know if this is OCD or sounds like it.

Does anyone else struggle with OCD in general but it’s the POCD that bothers them the most and what they can’t accept and move on from? I’m really struggling and I’m a new mum and just so fearful of going into a really dark place.

i dont know if this falls under perfectionism ocd or not but i obsess over the way i look its used to be horrible i was diagnosed with ocd 3 years ago and i was hospitalized for anorexia nervosa a year ago and thats when it all started i was a big guy and i wanted to lose weight because i never felt comfortable in my body. when i started losing weight i was healthy and eating balanced meals, i wanted faster results though so i started eating less and less and thats when i retained the mindset of “i have to be perfect” i started to do lots of skin care, gua sha, and ice rolling. although this is normal it wasnt for me, i was obsessed with being perfect all i wanted to be and do was to be perfect i wanted to be an object of obsession. i think this sense of dread of wanting to be perfect came from neglect from my family my whole life, i touch my face all day feeling for any crease or fold and when i do i apply heavy ammounts of moisturizer this also happens to effect my face because the moisturizer is causing me to break out but i cant stop, i am obsessed with the thought of when i get wrinkles or smile lines i will be ugly and nobody will want me i use moisturizer as a thought distressing thing i guess? it helps me feel like i am not aging because my face is well moisturized. When i noticed these bumps on my face i was looking in the mirror up close with a light shining directly above me i knew that this would accentuate everything on my face but i still somehow convinced myself this is how everyone sees me. im tired of applying moisturizer and ruining my skin because i think ill get wrinkles, i cant laugh, smile, chew big things, mouth breath, and drink from straws. i force myself to a straight face when something makes me laugh because that causes wrinkles, i know that this is some sort of ocd because i noticed a pattern of my ocd feeding off of things, as an example i used to struggle alot with soocd (sexual orientation ocd) which caused me to have a fear of being attracted to men which then turned into my looks by telling myself “i could never even date anyone anyways im too (comment about my apperence)” then after i lost all my weight i started becoming obsessed with my face and the way it looked constently nagging or making fun of myself and doing impulsive things like hitting my nose to make me feel better, now it turned into a fusion of how i look and how im aging, i constantly non stop compare myself to the most herrendous things that arent even human and i have to ask the people around me if i look like them. ive always been told i wae attractive or could be a model and i was very good looking by family friends and random people but i never beleive them i always would tell myself they are lying ot they are just making fun of me. apologizing for getting off topic but a conclusion of what im dealing with is i feel like i am aging so much and i constantly apply moisturizer to my face, touch my face, and ask people if im getting wrinkles. i cant tell if this is ocd or just insecurity but i lose sleep over this with constant wonder if i am good enough.

Does anyone else have really bad contamination OCD surrounding stds? Because I can hardly find anything about it on here.

Over half a year ago, This girl wanted me to erotically role-play a forced scene with her and to not ask the next time we chatted online I believe... (i cant remember if this happened or not) When we started doing that the next time we met, she suddenly left the chat. So Im scared on if consent wasnt given. I remember her saying that she got booted the next time I talked to her, and asking if she wanted to continue where we left off, but im not too sure and I cant recollect it... as a part of the roleplay, she would say things like "stop" and I think she roleplayed her movements but I dont remember if this was a part of the roleplay, or her genuinely telling me to stop... my friend on the explicit chat site says that since its been over 6 months, that I most likely didnt do anything to hurt her and that I should move on, but my intrusive thoughts keep saying that I violated this womans consent, when a womans consent is the most important thing to me... my harm ocd keeps saying I SA'ed the woman and intrusive thoughts of her saying this and I just throw up every time... now my harm ocd says I SA'ed another woman during an online roleplay session... saying that I started initiating roleplay without asking... this wasnt a roleplay like before, but it was a classic erotic roleplay... all i can remember is that she and I roleplayed together than she suddenly left during the middle... I genuinely cant remember if what my intrusive thoughts are telling me is true or not... and its absolutely scaring me...

Has anyone been prescribed Zoloft for ocd? Has it been helpful? Hope soon did you see results - improved mood and less anxiety.

I love my husband very much. I feel at peace when I’m with him and I like to make him happy. But ever since the soocd kicked in, I can’t stop thinking about whether im an imposter. What if I’m actually not straight and this whole time I was just going by what society told me was right - liking guys. What if when I was little I forced myself to crush on guys because my dad is homophobic? I had a sexual dream with another girl and it was like if I could control my actions and thoughts in the dream and I didn’t stop myself. That scares me so much. I just don’t want to hurt my husband in the future if I ever figure out if my true self is not who I thought I was. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s truly ocd or denial but it consumes my thoughts alllll day!

my ocd abt losing feelings for my bf is so bad its been so bad the last like 2 weeks i just have this off feeling constantly because of it i just wanna feel normal what can i do to just shake it off please help

Does anyone have any advice for intrusive thoughts and "what ifs"? How can I try to care less?

When I was a young child, I always wanted my sock on perfect an my shoes clean. My family would say I was stubborn an kinda crazy. As I got older I did certain things they way I wanted them, not to abnormal. But when I was about 14 years wow I wanted everything clean an in line an to be organized, well my stuff more. My family said I was crazy or weird. Not to mean just did not understand neither did I myself. It was not to abnormal as I went threw high school. After I was married at age 20 an had a child so I focused on her more, but still had the cleaning an organizing going on more an more. I never ask for help because I just thought I was different an just was that way for reason. My husband did not say much of it to me, maybe he though I was nuts. He did make me nervous at times saying I was always doing pitaly stuff. Never ask about it or said maybe you need help. So after my kids grew up I divorced my husband, should of divorce him a long time ago I just was afraid to leave my kids an go work. I was noticing I had ocd even more now in 2008. I never told a doctor about my problems maybe they put me in that house where people never got help. I say that, when I was in my last 40 years I went to a lady she was a pycoligist, I talk about myself more to her an she really said nothing, about my problem, she did tell me if I lost weight it be good for me. I visit with her about 4 times she was more concerned with my weight. She was a bone an kept smoking an drinking coffee. She told me to take some pills for troubles an I told her I was getting headaches, she was upset with that so I told myself this lady is not for me an I left never ask for that kind of help again. I had free health insurance mercy care , An only allow so much. I am now 62 an count everyday for everything it makes me cry, But I do not let no one see me, might say to me crazy need to be some place. I live with my daughter she 43 years an has M . S she take a pill for her M.S , She has her own big problem. Sometimes I tell her I have ocd very bad today. I just want to be home, sorry if I am this way. She say it okay mom but you need help. Recently in December or 2023 I lost my free health insurance, mercy care, because my ex-husband died in 2023 of February, I was able to receive like widower support. I had never work much at all or had an income. So now in 2024 I have no health insurance. Just now looking for affordable health insurance. Still counting everyday some days good, some days just getting threw a day. I have a cat she makes me feel better, she getting older now. Thanks

For me it’s quick flashes of images and racing thoughts. It’s really scary and I feel alone

Suicidal ocd got so bad again, i means i still didnt healed that and i dont know how to heal it. I say its suicidal ocd but i still feel like it might be real and i explain why. Again i got so frustrated and felt down that i got thoughts like just end it im tired. Theres no guarantee that one day i might not act on this tho and this is why im afraid. Alot of times these thoughts come up when im angry, frustrated and depressed and even that i dont want to, its not concious, it makes me cope with the feelings cause when i have these thoughts suddenly the pain goes away and thats why im afraid cause it feels like im coping the pain with the thoughts of dying. I feels so diffetent than how others discribe suicidal ocd. I actually find it that mine is similar to the people who says they experienced suicidal thoughts before. I heard someone sharing her story and said she hated how shr looked and she experienced suicidal thoughts. For me when i deal with any anger or shame or i feel like i look ugly i do have these thoughzs too popping up my mind, i dont like them but they are there, but the girl who said it didnt liked them either and i feel like alot of times when people share about their suicidal thoughts, they doesnt like them. And what is the scariest thing to me, the usual beleif is that suicidal people doesnt want to die, they just want to end the pain. So there is, they doesnt want to die, they just want to escape. And when i ask that myself, i respond like well yeah i dont want die but do i want to stop the suffering? Well yeah who doesnt... and these thoughts are really strong for me it seems like i do have some problems with that cause others doesnt seem to struggle like this with it. So should i accept that im actually have suicidal problems and accept the shame and bad feeling and work on that?

Hey yall. Some back story: I have had OCD since I was a young child. It manifests as compulsive behaviors, a LOT of intrusive thoughts, relationship ocd, harm ocd, and contamination ocd. I also have PTSD due to having been abused and neglected (I nearly died of scarlet fever as a child). On the first day of 2020, shortly after becoming a single mom, after a year of complaining of constant, heavy periods, bloating, hair loss, exhaustion, and abdominal pain, it was discovered that my uterus was bound to my bowel and kidneys- a complication from having two back to back emergency c sections. I had a complex vertical abdominal hysterectomy in the height of the pandemic and over 15 pounds of scar tissue were removed from my abdomen. After 4 years of recovery, I've been feeling the healthiest, happiest, and most attractive I've ever felt. I was in a bad car accident three weeks ago, after which they discovered a mass on my one remaining ovary. Today, I learned that the mass is 10cm (the size of a grapefruit) and that, if it doesn't shrink in 3 weeks, I will need another abdominal surgery to remove it, along with my one remaining ovary. They mentioned that part of the reason for possibly removing the mass is to rule out ovarian cancer. I am ok right now. But I know that the intrusive thoughts are about to be bad. My fears of being abandoned and or undesirable to my partner, having serious health problems that prevent me from enjoying my life, and having health problems that hurt my children have something to latch on to. Please send me advice, reassurance, kind thoughts, advice on how to remain positive, or whatever you have that may help.

People make it sound like with partner focused ROCD, the flaws you obsess about aren’t actually real or legitimate, they’re just in your head, but is it also normal to focus on flaws that do actually exist? Like recently I’ve been super obsessed over my bf’s occasionally whiny voice, whether he means it to be whiny or not. And it’s a real thing that I have physically witnessed, it’s not just in my head, and I can’t stop obsessing over it. It feels harder to try and get over when I know it’s a real thing, not just something I’m making up. I keep wanting to not feel this way but I’m worried it will never happen because the things I’m obsessing about aren’t always in my head, they’re physically being played out in front of me, and I can’t make that change. I’m scared.

Anyone on lexapro? I’m starting it today and I’m feeling really positive about it just want to see if anyone has had a positive experience as well(:

Smoking weed just makes me paranoid and it seems like my OCD becomes much worse. I feel pressured to smoke because people around me think it’s the greatest thing on the universe. I want to be able to smoke but it just messes with my head. Is this common?