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How can we forgive ourselves for some really bad past decisions that affected a lot of the things ?

Hi guys. I'm asking for help on different ways of approaching groinal responses. Whenever I have intrusive thoughts, like really bad ones, I can feel my heartbeat "down there". I used to always associate it with arousal so now I just feel like I like thinking about the intrusive thoughts I've had about POCD and other stuff. It makes me take a shower everytime to "clean" myself but I need help because it's exhausting. Does a heartbeat down there always mean arousal? Do I make it happen because I just think "don't happen" a thousand times in my head?

Hi has anyone tried this medication before for OCD? I’ve been on it for just over two weeks and I feel like it’s made my POCD worse. I’m on 150mg btw.

I have been on this app and on treatment for almost a year now, and I am recovering, but I have recently started experiencing false memories- I feel like it’s my OCD trying to interfere more now that I am unbothered by my symptoms. Recently I have been having moments where I wonder if I had said something terrible to someone or if I committed an act, it feels so real but it’s never as vivid as a real memory. It’s like trying to remember a dream. It is okay, I know I wouldn’t have done any of those things.

I am so tired of waking up in the morning and being hit immediately by my OCD and anxiety. Literally, before I can THINK about anything it’s like something hits me in the face and all the thoughts and worries come crashing in my head and within about 3 seconds my body reacts and I get instantly fidgety, I feel nauseous and I feel panic setting in as if something horrible is about to happen. The first thing out my mouth is, Father, help me!🙏🏽 it’s all I can say because I’m so overwhelmed with waking up that way😢. I really don’t know how to help myself. I can’t remember the last time I’ve awaken and felt at peace or could just breathe and I mean years, decades even. I would love some tips on how to help myself with this.

What do you do? When you want to leave it all because you’re afraid you’ll hurt people

When i was about 19-20 i had this 16 year old acquaintance who i met through a friend. They were like a little sibling to me. Theyd ask me for advice since i was older, i’d help them etc! Was never sexual or anything and i had strict boundries about our relationship that nobody ever crossed. I started not doing amazing mental health wise and i noticed this person seemed to have a crush on me. I knew his dad and i wanted him to ask his dad something for me completely unrelated, it had to do with ROTC. I asked him because i knew he’d do it since he had a “crush on me”. Did i groom him? Or just manipulate him? Help:( i was groomed myself id never do that

I went to therapy a year ago for 8 months with my suicidal ocd, and i stopped going because many reasons and i feel guilt cause i might have been really angry and waywarded, even if i accept it that i was like that its okay it doesnt help cause then i jump into "that means what she told me was real". So what she told me was that i have suicidal thoughts but i also have ocd, and this just made me crazy and this is one of the reason i left therapy. I was so depressed when she told me this cause i thought i am actually suicidal. Since a year this comes back everytime, that she was right, im maybe suicidal i was just so wayward and anxious that i didnt wanted to face the pain. It happened too many times now i even thinking about going to another therapist to ask what to do with this cause it makes me feel guilt and panic. Saying maybe maybe not doesnt helps cause i think "but if she was right this doesnt helps cause i keep avoiding the real problem and i not face with it". It is so hard to face it and say she was right tho... it makes me feel so bad to think that i actually have suicidal tendecy... I keep having these thoughts even after doing recovery work so i question if its really ocd...

A couple days ago I was angry and had a really bad thought about someone and remember feeling like I liked it for those couple of seconds (I wasn't going to act on) and didn't think much about it afterwards like I completely forgot about it at the moment when I was upset. After I cooled down I felt like a psycho and feel so gross and wish I never had thought about it. I've been having anxiety bc I'm scared this means I'm some monster who's in denial. Ive been waking up with knots in my stomach. Im scared that this isn't OCD anymore. Is it still ocd?

Anyone have a real event / false memory but because you were drunk it feels even more scary? Mine has real details , false details and I don’t know what’s real.

For the longest time, I struggled with feeling like everyone hates me, even my own friends. It’s exhausting. I pay attention to every shift in someone’s tone of voice and body language, and I will overcompensate or compulsively apologize to people for no reason. It creates a lot of frustration and even resentment because I try so hard to be perfect for everyone that I end up disappointing myself when I realize certain people just don’t like me, even though I’ve done nothing to them. It wasn’t until this afternoon when I was crying to my manager about my coworkers coming together to talk about me in a bad light, even though I’ve done absolutely nothing to them personally. I never thought for a second that this may have been my OCD at play. I wasn’t aware of it until today, and I never thought my OCD would be connected to this obsession.

How do you handle it if there’s actually a chance you did something wrong? I have bad real event/false memory, though I don’t know how many are actually false memories. Anyway, when I was 19, I had a flirty relationship with someone who was 17. We kinda did this on and off for a while and we used to text a lot. I know at a few different points, we had a sexual relationship and it often came out through text, but I can’t remember when we did certain things. I don’t know if I broke the law or something and because this is such a serious matter, I feel like I’m dying inside. I don’t know what to do, there’s no proof of it because it was a few years ago now and even if there was I don’t think I’d go back and look which makes me feel like I’m a terrible person. What if I did something awful? Can someone give me some advice? I’ve been doing really well the past few days but then this came up and knocked me off my feet. It feels like there’s a real possibility I did something and I’m so terrified.

Hi all. Kinda freaking out here. It’s the girl with the dog here again. It’s 5:30 in the morning here and I am legit in a freak out. This is going to be long so please bear with me. My intrusive thoughts about my dog have gotten so bad even with ERP, I can barely function. I am constantly seeing in my mind her being chopped into pieces. Over and over again. And it’s like I suddenly become aware of different body parts that I’m seeing in this images, so if I am around her, I become aware that she has them, and it makes me feel like I’m so freaked out I’ll do something to her because I’m freaked out by them. It’s usually her neck, or her internal parts, etc. I get near her, get reminded, and all these images start coming and it feels like I’m being pulled/will do these things. All day every day. Not to mention the fact, that I consciously think of the thoughts and sometimes still feel like I’d do them. It feels like I’m actually considering doing these horrific things. And I have different feelings that go with them - physical sensations, urges, etc. It puts her in every horrible violent situation and makes me feel like I’d actually do these things to her (i.e - see her being pulled apart - I get a weird feeling in my chest with these thoughts that feels like I’d actually kind of black out and do them or be okay with it; almost like a sense of dropping calm thought my body?!). I ate meat today and it made me think of someone doing that to her - and made me feel like I would - and would be okay with it. Sometimes I get these waves of this feeling that it would be no big deal or I wouldn’t care. Frankly, I’m freaking out. I feel like I will actually end up acting on these thoughts. The longer this goes on the more I feel like that. I also feel like I don’t care about her anymore and that scares the living shit out of me because then I feel like I don’t value her and that it wouldn’t bother me to act on them. I have loved this dog for 8 freaking years. What the hell is wrong with me?!!! I feel like my thoughts about her are SO much more violent and the rest of it is just so off - I then start scouring the internet for stories of people with harm ocd, and instead found a story of a guy who went into psychosis and killed his pet. Which of course makes me feel like with everything I’m seeing and already feeling…let’s just say it didn’t help. Am I a lost cause??! Is my dog unsafe with me? I feel like she is. I don’t sleep anymore because of these thoughts so I’m literally up all night watching tv because I’m so scared and convinced that I will do these things. I don’t understand what happened.

Hi all. Kinda freaking out here. It’s the girl with the dog here again. It’s 5:30 in the morning here and I am legit in a freak out. This is going to be long so please bear with me. My intrusive thoughts about my dog have gotten so bad even with ERP, I can barely function. I am constantly seeing in my mind her being chopped into pieces. Over and over again. And it’s like I suddenly become aware of different body parts that I’m seeing in this images, so if I am around her, I become aware that she has them, and it makes me feel like I’m so freaked out I’ll do something to her because I’m freaked out by them. It’s usually her neck, or her internal parts, etc. I get near her, get reminded, and all these images start coming and it feels like I’m being pulled/will do these things. Not to mention the fact, that I consciously think of the thoughts and sometimes still feel like I’d do them. It feels like I’m actually considering doing these horrific things. And I have different feelings that go with them - physical sensations, urges, etc. It puts her in every horrible violent situation and makes me feel like I’d actually do these things to her (i.e - see her being pulled apart - I get a weird feeling in my chest with these thoughts that feels like I’d actually kind of black out and do them or be okay with it; almost like a sense of dropping calm thought my body?!). I ate meat today and it made me think of someone doing that to her - and made me feel like I would - and would be okay with it. Frankly, I’m freaking out. I feel like I will actually end up acting on these thoughts. The longer this goes on the more I feel like that. I also feel like I don’t care about her anymore and that scares the living shit out of me because then I feel like I don’t value her and that it wouldn’t bother me to act on them. I have loved this dog for 8 freaking years. What the hell is wrong with me?!!! I feel like my thoughts about her are SO much more violent and the rest of it is just so off - I then start scouring the internet for stories of people with harm ocd, and instead found a story of a guy who went into psychosis and killed his pet. Which of course makes me feel like with everything I’m seeing and already feeling…let’s just say it didn’t help. Am I a lost cause??! Is my dog unsafe with me? I feel like she is. I don’t sleep anymore because of these thoughts so I’m literally up all night watching tv because I’m so scared and convinced that I will do these things. I don’t understand what happened.

I told my therapist about my childhood, I told her about the things I didn't wanna think about but was always in the back of my mind leaving me with guilt and disgust, I finally talked about those memories of doing things as a kid that I shouldn't have been doing with other kids, even with other kids in my own family. It's always been hard for me to think about because of how disgusting it makes me feel, but I finally had the strength to talk about it I felt so relieved that I said it all out loud, and it turns out I was just an unsupervised and curious child looking for attention from other people my age For a long time this has massively affected my pocd because of how much I think about those times, at the time it felt good but it's conflicting because I was a child back then and so where the others, I thought I was a pedophile for thinking about it so hard, I wanted to apologize to all of the others, although it was all consensual, it was still easier to blame myself fully and in my head I made myself out to be some kind of predator when I wasn't at that age and I'm not one now, I just felt guilty. Guilty about exposing the others to things that I was exposed to by other kids. I think the worst thing that came out of it for me was when I was chatting with someone on Omegle and they told me to do something very inappropriate even though they knew how old I was and I did it, even though I knew I shouldn't have, and then they just left. I still struggle with pocd, I get triggered when people make jokes about me, implying that I'm a predator (me and my friends make obviously bad jokes to each other and exaggerate, they'd never actually call me or anyone that lightly, just to make things clear because I know that sounds AWFUL but it's like "oh you like this kids show? Guess you must be a pedo😵‍💫🤢" and wed say it in an obviously stupid way to let everyone know that it's a joke and it's kinda like mocking people that actually say things similar to that, I'm sorry for explaining the joke too much this probably makes it look even worse than it is 😭😭) And I get highly defensive, and then I think that everyone thinks that I'm a predator like I just did with that little rant explaining a stupid joke, even now It's still hard because I never want people to misunderstand me, I always try to clarify what I say and make sure I can't possibly be misunderstood, probably to an obsessive extent which is why there's an O in POCD lol It WILL get easier for me, and hopefully one day I won't feel like I'm on trial all the time because of my own brain, I will admit though, it was hard admitting this on a public platform, but I have to remember that people are more understanding than I give them credit for, if I saw a post like this then I'd understand, so I'm sure other people will too, and if they don't? I can always obsessively explain everything I said in detail!!

I need someone to talk to i feel like i’m the worst person in the world cause i did something terrible when i was 18, i hurt someone i love cause i was stupid and selfish and i felt scared and so sad… i don’t know if i’m a horrible person but i would never do that again

It's been 9 months that I've been ruminating on this memory. I really need some help figuring this one out... it's more so about did I do something wrong and I am losing sleep over something I did... I'm sure we all know with Pure O and "me time" (if you get my hint) there comes a lot of shame. About 9 months ago I had some "me time" in the morning before getting up to start off my day with my sister who I live with. I was fantasizing about a fictional character as I'm sure others do (it's pretty common) and after I was done I panicked because I didn't want my sister to know or even suspect that I was having some "me time" . Before I even walk out of my room to greet her I try to calm myself down both from the anxiety of her finding out and the "high" I guess you could say. I went to use the bathroom to wash my hands and to continue to try calming down. At this point, I feel like I might've started to have a silent anxiety attack but I'm not sure because I couldn't concentrate all that well on what my sister was talking to me about while making breakfast and my fear is that I was still sort of in a daze after the "me time" and between the anxiety about her even finding out what I was doing, I don't know if this whole morning was a really just an anxiety attack or if i am a pervert or if my OCD brain is trying to just ruminate on it to confuse me. Please I need some input. It's getting to the point where I am losing sleep.

Has anyone else struggled with handwashing in their OCD? I’m interested in hearing other stories about different experiences with it

SO OCD is getting bad again. Telling me that I'm attracted/like girls when I know I don't but it's bothering me:( I don't want this again

Before I write this please do not read if you struggle to talk about your feelings. :) I wish I never started this in my head, I don't want it to affect others reading this. I feel like I can't vent. I feel like I shouldn't. I feel like I don't need to. Everyone else can but I shouldn't. Writing this right now is making me feel so guilty and scared. Everytime I want to or a do something bad happens and said person probably thinks I'm weird now to top it off. I keep telling myself "what's the difference between if I say it or not?" And I realize I only have more problems when I do and I don't feel that much better. I feel like in my family I'm gonna get negative feedback. The last times I've opened up it gets used against me in an argument. I don't like talking to my friends because I don't want to make them feel bad for me or for them to think I'm an attention seeker but sometimes I start to spin out and I feel really bad because I really want help but I don't trust anyone or myself. I feel helpless. I'm tired. It sucks because at the end of the day I know that I shouldn't talk and that I'm not going to because as I write this I feel guilty for needing help. I don't know what kind of OCD this is but because of my other OCD types I over think to the point I need to take breaks during the day just to sit and try not to cry and that's so dumb of me but it's true. Then I feel like I shouldn't talk to anyone. A part of me knows I should but there's a bigger part of me that knows that I really shouldn't.