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I’m confused when people say accept your thoughts why would I accept the thoughts that are making me feel disgust and filth what if I start accepting them and then the thoughts actually become true?
I feel so upset right now. Can anyone relate? I keep having this delusional-type thoughts that my mom is out to hurt me. We live together and at night when I’m trying to sleep I get the thought that she is going to come in my bedroom and hurt me. My mom is so kind and loving, she’s my best friend. I know OCD attacks what we love, but I can’t let this go. I try to just reply with a “maybe, maybe not,” but then it comes back full force and says “you’re in denial, they’re brainwashing you to think that way, etc.” and it freaks me out and makes me feel so down. Like it says “your life is in danger, don’t dismiss this!” I keep thinking I’m in psychosis. Like if someone asks me if I truly believe these things, I want to automatically rely “I don’t know.” Because the doubt and realness of the thoughts/feelings deal soo real like I’m convinced of these things. I just feel so lost and confused. It makes me feel sick. I confess all of these things to my mom, which I know is just me seeking reassurance. I try to say to myself if I truly believed she was out to hurt me, I probably wouldn’t even be sharing this with her. But then again my mind always has a rebuttal to bring me back into rumination. I want this to be easier. I want my life back. I have been dealing with ocd for years now and this flare up has been the worst yet. Please, I know I’m seeking reassurance, but can anyone relate to any of this?
I have just been feeling weird the past few days. That’s all I know how to describe what I’m feeling. Have also felt anxiety, doubt, uncertainty, and confusion in regards to my OCD. I have posted on here a few times before about all of this, but a quick recap - I have harm thoughts towards my mom. I have had these thoughts before back when my ocd was diagnosed at 15, but had a bad flare up this year (I’m 32) and now they’re back. These thoughts have been going on for awhile, but they have “evolved” as well - thinking my mom abused me and I just don’t remember and thinking she might harm me and my life may be in danger. I know deep down both of these things are not true, but sometimes they feel real and it freaks me out. My mom is so kind and loving, she’s my best friend, but my mind twists her to be this horrible person. So I wonder if I really believe this or not, and sometimes it just feels so real that I do believe it and then I get anxiety. Sometimes it gets so bad that I feel like I don’t want to be around her or I feel “scared” around her which I know is probably not actual fear but anxious feelings, so again feeling these things makes me think I believe in them and that these are actual delusions. It hurts to feel this way. For example, I may have a harm thought about her and it will “feel” like I want to act on it. Like the urge type feeling. I tell myself no and just try to let it go, but then my mind will say “she’s going to hurt you if you don’t hurt her” type thoughts and that makes me feel anxious and depressed. Like my mind is trying to present reasons why I should act on my harm thoughts. And sometimes it just feels so real that I’m going to do it. Then I get scared if what I’m experiencing is actually a delusion and not OCD. Like do I really believe my mom is out to hurt me? Like I will act on them cause I think I will be protecting myself?And then sometimes I feel like I don’t even care and just yeah…I constantly just feel on edge and feels like I can’t trust anything. Like I’m going to act cause I’m confused what’s real or just feel tired of having the thoughts. Basically my mind tries to “rationalize” me having these thoughts and that acting on these thoughts would be “reasonable,” because I would be protecting myself from danger…if that makes sense? Does anyone have any advice or can relate? I know I’m asking for reassurance, but I feel alone sometimes with how bizarre my OCD is and I just want to know if more people have thought these same thoughts or felt this way and overcame it. Thank you.
On Sunday, I went to church service and the sermon was about the difference between the natural and supernatural and how God is supernatural. This triggered my obsessions in mental reviewing if I depend on God enough and if my perspective is influenced too much by the natural instead of the supernatural. My pastor explained how from the worlds perspective they rely on knowledge and intellect. For instance, doctor's may say your are at risk of developing a specific condition from all of these factors. He was saying that doctors do not have all the answers and that we shouldn't be reliant on medication to treat illness. He said that it doesn't mean to avoid medication to treat illness, but to not rely on it. He explained how the world is too reliant on procedures to treat illness. I personally believe in God's healing, but I think he gifted doctor's and others in the medical field to treat disease. God has enabled medicine to improve and progress purposefully. He also talked about how God speaks to us through dreams and how we need to heed warnings from him in this medium of communication. This sermon through me to rumination and made me go into tangents. I feel like I am not spiritually minded enough and fear that my dreams mean something deeper. I fear God's punishment and like he is displeased with me. I feel like an awful person. Does anyone have support for me?
I’m just kind of sad right now. The primary subtype of OCD that’s a struggle for me is existential OCD. I’m afraid of losing my mind, of not knowing what’s real, not being able to trust my perceptions. It makes it hard to trust people, and impossible to trust myself. I did a screening with my therapist, and because of my eclectic and (admittedly) sort of ‘out there’ spirituality combined with this OCD type, I have a fair number of experiences that align with symptoms of schizophrenia. My therapist has told me she doesn’t think I’m schizophrenic, even though she knows about all my weird stuff, and that’s reassuring. But of course I can’t help but wonder if she’s wrong. Then I spiral because my best friend is the one who introduced me to this spiritual stuff, and while she has always been very careful never to bring anything up unless I asked about it or suggested it first, it gets in my head as this whole ‘crazy being contagious’ fear. What if she’s delusional and I’m just so suggestible that I’ve fallen in with her? What if she’s malicious and she’s lying to me or manipulating me? She’s always been kind and considerate and a wonderful friend, always there when I need here and never unkind. But her circle is small and some of those close to her think she’s crazy. I don’t know. I have nobody to ask. This belief system, for lack of a better term, has generally improved my life. It makes the world feel exciting and open and yeah some things are silly and weird and I wouldn’t tell most people about them because they sound crazy, but I try to let it go most of the time and say as long as I’m safe and safe to be around, it’s all okay and I can believe whatever I want. Whatever silly or out there thing helps me live. But it’s been hard lately. Sometimes I can’t tell if I genuinely believe or if I’m just playing some game of pretend that I want to believe in. My long term memory is terrible, as I began depersonalizing and dissociating as a child and never really stopped. I don’t have DID or anything, I’m just not that grounded, so my memory is bad. I think I had at least some of my epiphanies myself, and my belief system has aligned with hers naturally. I have a friend who didn’t know either of us until very recently, and knew me for a while first, and their beliefs are also similar. There’s no code or creed or cult that fits them perfectly, it kinda pulls from everywhere. That’s reassuring. That friend is reassuring. They came to believe these things without my best friend’s influence. I like to think I did too, and that my best friend just answered some questions and soundboarded with me and posed theories and I came to my own conclusions. But I don’t trust myself, so I wonder if maybe I’m just an idiot who had all these ideas implanted into my head by her. Maybe I’m just a puppet being pulled around. And seeing that paper with those little boxes next to those symptoms and checking them off…what if I’m just catching the crazy? What if I was always precarious in my sanity and all it’s taken is at best another crazy person and at worst a manipulative person to push me into unreality? I’m so tired. And I’m so scared. And I’m so sad. If anybody else has any experiences or feelings like this with their existence or their spirituality, I want to hear. I feel like I’m alone here. I want to believe I’m not. But I don’t talk about these things, so I don’t know.
My brain feels cooked, my nerves feel fried...I feel constant anxiety about my thoughts 24/7 now. My therapist told me he doesn't believe I have Depersonalization disorder and that it's all "placebo/nocebo effect" or "confirmation bias". I wake up feeling so disconnected from everything though, or maybe I am truly just telling myself that. I have intrusive thoughts that my brain can't mentally process what my eyes are seeing so it's almost like I'm blind even though I have perfect vision. It stresses me out to the point to where I don't wanna live anymore, yet the thought of death terrifies me. I never thought at 25 I would be experiencing these things, questioning how we exist, what causes it. I was prescribed Lexapro but the first 4 days of taking it my anxiety was so absolutely horrible that I stopped taking it...now my anxiety has labeled medication as a threat and taking any causes a full blown panic attack. I don't mean to come off as super negative but like...all I feel on a daily basis it seems is fear, panic, misery, and depression. I just don't know what to do. My therapist has told me to try and say "nope" out loud to these intrusive thoughts but it doesn't do much since my brain is obsessing and racing 24/7. I'm chronically tired and I'm just over it. My mental health is taking a toll on my bf now, and I'm terrified of losing him because of it and we've been together for 5 years now. People relating to me used to bring comfort, but now it feels like nothing does. I feel alone despite others dealing with the same mental issues I am. And all of this started, all of it From a migraine that caused a panic attack on July 27th. That right there was what caused my mental health to take a nose dive...idk what to do...I always feel like I'm not long for this world...like my life story is gonna be over soon...idk why, i dont have excessive thoughts of self harm.
Is this ocd? I Have a thought or think something f harmful that I’ve gotten intrusive thoughts about - and get a feeling like I want/like it or it would give me relief??? Please tell me that will eventually go away and I’ll get my real feelings back??? Or have I just turned into those things? Sometimes things that make me upset it even feels like I’ll do them just so I can be upset about them.
Fear is like looking ahead at a dense fog, uncertain of what lies beyond, while grief is like staring at a shadowy reflection in a rearview mirror, tied to what has already passed. Both is a relationship in time, fear has to do with the future, while grief has to do with the past. The struggle often comes from our difficulty in coping with the unknown future and the belief that we are accountable for the past. Personally, I view my life as a storybook, where every event is predestined and predetermined before I even arrived in this world. Just as reading a book doesn't change its plot, my journey through life doesn't alter the events that were always meant to be. So, why fear the future if it's already written and unchangeable by my actions or choices? Similarly, why grieve the past when nothing could have altered its course? Instead, I choose to live (submit) in the present and savor each page as it unfolds. I hope this perspective brings you comfort as well.
been extremely distressed with a specific ocd situation/real event/thought recently. it's paired with this anxious itching feeling to confess/ask for someone's thoughts, specifically my therapist. it feels like this horrible feeling of anxiety and guilt will never go away if i don't. this has been going on for weeks and i just feel miserable. the thing is, i already went through and "completed" therapy about a year ago and honestly, i don't have any plans to return to therapy and have sessions regularly at the moment. i just feel like reaching out because of this recent low point that has really gotten to me in a long time. it would maybe be just one to two sessions im looking for. but who knows. i feel like it would be weird to reach out for just this one specific ocd event because it does feel like i'm trying to find an escape from the miserable feelings and anxiety, through a compulsion of wanting to confess/reassurance etc. like i feel like i have to ask and chat with my therapist if i want to be a good person/get better/etc etc but also i just feel rly horrible and alone keeping this to myself since i just feel this strong urge to get everything off my chest. i can't stand knowing like i'm hiding something and it just being trapped in my own head like it makes me feel awful, emotionally morally mentally. since i don't rly disclose my ocd to my family, i feel like talking to my therapist about this issue would bring me some sort of peace. at the same time however thinking about confessing ocd real event and thoughts etc scares me a lot due to judgment and i know can easily spiral into new fears for me. reaching out again is so intimidating on its own. i can feel that i'm really wanting some relief which can be compulsive right. but also isn't that kind of what therapy is for? since i feel so awful don't i need therapy to feel better? i don't know what to do, this is just so suffocating. i've been battling with this dilemma whether i give my old therapist a call or not over this. apologies this was long but i appreciate any opinions or advice.
So, there is this thing I talked about before on here that I don’t remember happening. So, there’s this thought I had that my brain had and is trying to figure out if it’s a memory or not. This thought came to me one night and said I had inappropriately touched someone crotch. No name or memory. Just the thought saying this. My brain tried to rack through WHO this could be and WHEN and HOW. It thought of a few people with no real evidence or base. One I reached out to said I was nothing but sweet to them in school. Then it stuck to one person, but all I can remember is this one bad interaction nothing more. I apologized and they said it was ok, I’m good. Now there was no real memory of this “touch” that I could really recall. I don’t know how to describe it. My mind just said I did this thing and it scared me. I have never thought of this before. It brought up this one person I had this bad interaction with but I said “No this is what happened…” but then my mind kept saying what if and questioning if I’m sure. Like if I’m trying to hid the fact that I’m bad person from myself. I asked around and other people said they don’t remember me doing anything to this person or that I was a regular sweet kid in middle school. It’s all so trippy and irritating. I remember a lot of mistakes I did! But not really this one, this “memory” is not clear nor have I ever thought of it til this thought told me I did this thing. These other memories come up surrounding this event but I don't even really remember these. I did a lot of stupid stuff as a kid but I remember it, this is fuzzy and I keep going back and forth in my mind about it.
I am struggling big time. I absolutely hate this. Why can’t I just sit here and be happy and content? No. Instead I’m spiraling. And it feels so real and so terrifying. It’s to the point now where I don’t even know who I am. And the worst thought came in as I was doing ERP. it was like “what if you really want to hurt your boyfriend but you’re just too scared to do it and that’s why you’re anxious and it isn’t OCD?” And it’s making me spiral even further. I feel like this is never going to go away. I hate it.
my ocd theme is about god being real or not and last night i went and looked for the mistakes in bible and found some. now the next day i woke up and i feel super anxious like my body is about to stop working please someone talk to me, if you a bit of time
My pocd is so bad, even hearing a child talk in another room makes me wonder if I could be attracted to it's voice. I constantly remind myself that I've only ever liked crushing on people who are my age or older than me but it doesn't help since it's a compulsion. I'm just so tired of the groinals making me feel like I like these thoughts. My ocd turns everything into something sexual and I just feel hypersexual. My ocd is with me every minute of the day. I try to read, I try to work put, I want to make some food, none of it works. I'm constantly on the edge and I feel so bunt out yet I accomplish absolutely nothing. I want to read a book on universalism, I can't concentrate because I am scared I could harm someone I love. I can't sleep in my own bed cause my sister lives on the same floor as me and I need to stand up a dozen times to check if she's on the floor, standing there. My tired brain convinces me I just stood up and harmed her. I go to bed at 10pm and Fall asleep maybe at 2. I'll move out soon and I try to make it work but I'm not sure I can do this anymore
Has anyone else ever had this happen or am I a bad case? I have severe, severe harm ocd. My loved one that it attacks is like a child to me. She’s mattered so much to me and the way I felt for so long about her was just pure, unalterable love. Then my harm ocd hit. I always knew it was egodystonic, because it was her and I wanted nothing more than for her to be alive. But after four months of checking and non stop thoughts, it feels like I don’t look at them the same way and resent them and actually do want to act on the thoughts. I fight this all day and it feels like if I wanted to relax I’d just give in and do it. Or like I have to get away from them because they give me so much anxiety I feel physically sick. Something that I get is feeling sick that they have organs. I know, I know…it makes no sense. But it freaks me out and now I can’t be with them without my heart pounding, feeling like I want to hurt them, and feeling nauseous. It feels like I would have a lot less anxiety to be away from them, but at the same time it makes me so sad. It’s not a point I ever could have seen myself being with them and the thought of waking up every day and living life without them makes my heart hurt. But at the same time I feel like I love them less or resent them for this. Is this normal or should I just…give them up, basically?? This is killing me. I honestly just want to die to get away from it because this loved one is my best friend on the entire planet.
This might be a little bit silly, but bare with me— I’m watching My Little Pony, and I did it so that I can expose myself to my triggers, and try my best not to do compulsions. And I did well, but I also would fail without noticing… doesn’t matter What this post is about, is that my brain will keep on calling spike “h0t” ,, it will make me feel like he is, usually I would ignore this and not really care, or be a little bit spooked, but not care. But This time …I’m actually genuinely freaked out. Because I’m worried if I agreed with it. Because I got the thought and feeling, and then another feeling that made me feel like I agreed with it, I don’t know if I purposely felt this or my brain purposely felt this, I don’t know anymore, I really wasn’t paying attention enough to know which one was which.. and I’m scared that I did something wrong… all I know is that the feeling of feeling that I am attracted to him is really strong like that, like convincing strong, so I could’ve got another feeling that was convincing like that, yes. But I’m just worried that I agreed with it. I could’ve agreed with it, but not realize what it really was. All I know is I wouldn’t genuinely agree to something like that. All I can remember, is it giving me the thought and feeling, then heard my head go “yeah I agree with us” also got the feeling that I agree with it. And I can’t even test to know this either. Because I honestly can’t always tell my voices apart. But when I tested it, it doesn’t sound like me. But still, I still believe but if it was me. I don’t know. I really don’t know. I just wish this wasn’t so hard. Why do I always always believe that I would say something being disgusting, when I would never do that on purpose, maybe on accident, but not on purpose. Freak out about these things. I just wish that my brain didn’t use the excuse “ well you can enjoy something in the moment but then regret it after” if I didn’t know this was a thing then I would’ve been so much happier. Because I could say “ well what matters is that I don’t agree with it. “ and then move on. But I can’t because I know this is a thing. It keeps getting so bad, I don’t know if when OCD gets bad, ruminating takes longer, checking takes longer? Does this happen whenever OCD gets bad? Because this happens with me right now. It takes about an hour to get certainty now. I don’t want to do in this moment. I don’t know if I’m getting better or worse. I can’t tell. What can I do in this situation? I know people will say sit with it. But If I do that, I spiral. I can’t eat. can’t draw, can’t play games, can’t sleep, I can’t do anything. Because my brain will be like “oh you don’t deserve that because you’re a ped//phile for thinking that way about spike.” ,, that’s why I try to find out. So that if I know this is OCD. I can do better and not do this again. Rather than not knowing and feel like a monster and not being able to eat ever again. I want to ruminate on this, but I already know that it’s gonna take me like two hours to get the answer. I see no point. I’d rather just post this and then hear what people have to say.
Hey guys! If you’re battling OCD, you’re not alone—and I want to share something that’s been life-changing for me on this journey. I started ERP therapy for the first time ever in January 2024. After 10 years of having OCD and only ever attending ‘talk therapy’, signing up with NOCD was the best decision I have ever made! I know how tough OCD can be. Even as someone who has challenged everything OCD throws at me for a good 6 months, it can still sometimes feel overwhelming and strong. Just yesterday, I found myself avoiding going to the toilet for no apparent reason—this is what OCD does! It throws random thoughts and doubts at you, and I said to OCD, “I am not falling for your tricks.” So, I went ahead, went to the toilet, and then 30 minutes later, OCD started getting extremely loud. The ‘what-ifs’ started pouring in: • “What if someone was in the toilet with you and you hurt them?” • “What if you’re lying to yourself and didn’t actually go to the toilet?” OCD can make you doubt the simplest things! Even after facing my biggest fears this year and stopping my compulsions, I felt the urge last night to ask for reassurance and go over the memory in my mind. But then it hit me: this is OCD! It just wants us to doubt ourselves and cause mayhem until we give in and do compulsions to feed it. But I said NO! I’ve been through this so many times before, and I will get through it again. OCD WILL NOT WIN! No matter how scary, anxious, or guilty it made me feel, I kept reminding myself: there is nothing more important than my OCD RECOVERY! I told OCD: “Honestly OCD, this was a very nice try! Fair play to you! But I am still not falling for your tricks 😎💪 better luck next time, eh!🙏🏽” I also realised that by avoiding going to the toilet, I was fueling OCD and making it more powerful. Avoidance only made those doubts and scary thoughts even more intense afterward. This experience was a reminder that compulsions, including avoidance, only make OCD feel stronger. They teach your brain that there’s something to fear, even though there is truly NOTHING to be afraid of. What I’ve learned through ERP: • Your thoughts are just thoughts—they don’t define you. • Compulsions make OCD stronger. Don’t feed the beast! • Aim for progress, not perfection. You can handle anything OCD throws at you! The key is to acknowledge the thoughts without interacting with them. It’s easier said than done, but with practice, it becomes more natural. Remember, everyone has unwanted intrusive thoughts. For those of us with OCD, we just tend to give them way too much meaning. They ARE MEANINGLESS! We’re all in this together, and even though OCD tries to isolate us, sharing and supporting one another is what keeps us strong. If you’ve got your own tips or a story to share, I’d love to hear them! Let’s support each other on this journey! You’ve got this 🙏🏽❤️💪
I think back to my childhood when things were better and where I didn't have any problems. Everything is too overwhelming and things just aren't good. But this breaks me because I think back to my kid self and how he could have never imagined things would be this bad or that I would be consumed by something as horrible as porn I just don't feel like I can do this anymore. I just don't feel like I believe I can get through this and it's bothering me so much that it's overwhelming.
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