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Does anyone have magical thinking ocd specifically wishing?

My mind keeps telling me “something is wrong with you. the weird feeling you are feeling or the weird tingling you are feeling or there is a weird mark on your body. Those are actually a severe symptom and by ignoring it you could die!” Or especially the constant, “go to the emergency room because this impending doom you are feeling, yeah that’s because your gonna die shortly” It doesn’t help whenever people say “well if something was wrong your body would tell you” because my mind keeps telling me that what I’m feeling is proof something is wrong and I need to get it checked out. That I actually am severely sick and that I need to get it checked out as soon as possible, that if I get one more test than I’ll be okay because it will prove nothing is wrong. How do I tell my mind that it’s just anxiety whenever my mind keeps telling me “well if you keep saying that you could be ignoring something more serious.” Or “the doctors are just brushing you off..something is wrong with you” It’s hard to live with my thoughts whenever they are constantly coming up with ways to challenge me and challenge logic. New reasons on why I need to get this checked out because “I’m just being ignored” or “no one is listening to me so I’ll just end up dying” My symptoms range from weak and shaking legs and body to dizzy and unbalanced and dissociated. Recently I’ve been getting this tingling feeling inside my head and on the back of my neck. And my temples have pressure on them. My body keeps coming up with new symptoms I need to worry about, whenever most of them are probably caused by severe and constant anxiety. So severe I can’t even leave the house because I constantly worry about whether this is severe and something will happen if I leave the house. I need immediate ways to start fixing this because it’s especially horrible whenever my period comes around and my anxiety/depression is already higher than usual. I’ve even started considering taking medication (Zoloft, 25mg) which is another trigger for me, I worry about the symptoms I might get from taking it. That’s how you know it’s gotten pretty bad whenever I’ve come to taking something that I’ve been actively avoiding. What are your thoughts? Do I take the medication? What are ways I can deal with my symptoms that seem so severe in the moment but pass by once I’m not anxious? What are ways my thoughts can ease and I stop taking every symptom as something serious, because at the end of the day my anxiety is most likely the reason I have these horrible symptoms. I’ve always been extremely healthy and everytime I go to the doctors they express how healthy I am with all the tests I’ve had.

Im sure some of you can relate to this.. Mornings are especially difficult for me because I have a hard time preparing my food in a timely manner. I have to wash the coffee pot before each brew, make sure my utensils are clean, my food completely cooked. Sometimes something goes wrong in my routine and I have to start over. It gets frustrating when this morning routine makes me late for class. It feels terrible when OCD reaches for other parts of my life besides food. When it stays in its "realm" I feel better about it. ---I'm thinking about being honest with some of my professors about what's really going on. Any tips? Any advice for people like me who have a hard time with mornings?

I tried to make breakfast and I thought I knew what I was doing but I had trouble turning on and off the stove but I turned it off but now I'm worried about a gas leak and I'll be responsible for a lot of damage and I just can't shake the anxiety. I'm constantly checking for smells coming from the stove and I don't hear any clicking but I'm still scared they this thing could explode any minute. It makes me never want to cook ever again

18+! When I was child I was VERY hyper-sexual I’m not sure when it started. All I remember I was being very sexual with other kids at the time, I think I thought it was normal and nobody was stopping me either at the time so I had no idea I was in the wrong. I think I had to be 13 or 14 where it hit me out of nowhere that I was wrong. The floodgate of anxiety was horrible I had so much guilt it was eating me up. I had to stay home, I quit going to family gatherings, quit hanging out with new friends I’ve made, I cried a lot. Til this day I think about it everyday and the amount of guilt on my chest. If I could go back and change it all I would. I wish I could have a better understanding of me and why I was doing it. It’s the guilt and anxiety I deal with every single day. I never meant to hurt anyone.

Can your brain accidentally create images to test yourself? I’m thinking what happens with me is sometimes I get anxious I’m going to have images or feel the need to ruminate and prove that I am still disgusted with them, so I think my brain starts imagining things on purpose. Like last night was having images in the shower and felt really bad and tried to move past it but sat down looking at the tv and my brain started creating sexual images of the characters on tv. So I was ignoring it not reacting but then somehow I thought of a character way out of nowhere related to the show I was watching and had an image of her naked and she is a minor. And I feel like I created the image because it was me that thought of her in the first place. And I didn’t like or want the image, but I feel like I didn’t react as harshly as I should have, and idk if it was me testing myself. But I don’t need to test myself, I don’t think of her that way or any teenage character. But I still feel bad and I feel like I’m using ocd as an excuse. But I know I don’t want these images and know I can get past them because I literally cannot be attracted to anyone under 20. I don’t want to be, my brain cannot convince me I am, I’m just not. But I don’t know why I feel like I’m feeling too normal, went and hugged my mom & dad and talked with them before bed like normal, but I swear it’s because I know I’m not these images. I know it’s ridiculous and I can beat it. But I feel like the disgust and shame and guilt isn’t there like it should be and a normal person would pics wouldn’t be acting this way. But it’s gotten better before, I’ve had this same thing happen and I’ve gotten past it because I know my morals, but I just feel like I’m not acting right.

I had to use a pseudonym and such to join this app in the first place. If I interact with OCD content outside of here it has to be anonymous or very very minimal without any details of what I go through. I consistently deal with shame and even when talking about my OCD with friends/family I become embarrassed and ashamed, fearful of what they might think. I am like this in more cases too. I am a very private person: I use anonymous modes on almost anything, I never post my face unless the account is completely private, I never share my name online, etc. One time I scrubbed a 5+ year old account of any photos of myself or mentions of my name because I was so afraid. It’s been getting easier but that toxic shame is still triggered sometimes especially if I think someone may find out who I am. It is hard to get over especially since I’ve been treated horribly in the past.

I know that I need to accept the thoughts . Like maybe maybe not. But I can’t I just can’t accept that I might be a bad person I don’t want to be a bad person. I can’t live with my life knowing I’m a bad person and I feel like a bad person I just can’t accept the what ifs. I can’t accept everything. Living right now it not nice because I feel like a bad person 24/7 and I want to be a good person. I don’t want to be a bad person but what if I’m ? My therapist tells me to try to move on with this but omg it’s hard. How to live life knowing I’m might be a bad person? I feel horrible

17+ only please :( Pls don’t read if you’re under 17. Thank you. —— I keep having THOSE thoughts about my bf who is 15, and it feels really wrong but at the same time I’m like “it’s not wrong it’s fine cuz we’re only a year apart” but isn’t it wrong?? I feel so confused that it’s wrong or not, we don’t talk gross or anything I just have those thoughts …like on purpose? I feel like they could be intrusive, idk, it’s hard to tell, please let me know so I can do better

I have been doubting my salavtion for 18 years or 15 years does not matter I am 40. I was told I had ocd region last year and tore me apart. It does make sense I have also ptsd and bipolar. How do I know if I have repented and am saved? I feel numb to God. Never any love or change in my heart. I don’t belive good works save me. I know the Bible in my head but how do you know Jesus? I am tired and need a heart change but how does that happens with ocd? Forget about church they can’t handle me and have tried to help but given up. Been told I have been oppressed by demons pray harder trust God more ect. I feel depressed and take my anger out on my kids age 14 10 and 9 and husband. I feel alone and taking medicine does not help. I take my meds for bipolar and anxity. How can I be sure God has saved me or I want God? I am mad at God and been told it’s was sin. I think it is but why did I have to be abused as a kid and have mental health issues and now ocd junk. I don’t have the fruit of the spirit. My mind is in torment sometime and numb myself out with tv sleep drinks food pills ect. Where is Jesus ? Why can’t I have assurence? Just being real and the church is scared of me or I overwhelm people. Jesus offeres peace and rest and I don’t have that. I want my sins forgiven and be loved by God and have him as a my father. Dortine does matter saying the sinners prayer does not save me and I am lost and confused. I don’t want to go to hell. Please anyone have anything to say. I don’t have support

I see a lot of people on here asking “do you ever feel like you’re a bad person?” I used to. Spiraled over it for years. I learned a lot. I healed a lot. Forgave myself for a lot. And now I *know* I am good at heart. I made mistakes and did my best to repair the bonds I broke because of those mistakes… I try not to beat myself up about it anymore... You know.. Because I know in my heart, every day I wake up and try to be kind and understanding of other people’s experiences and do the best I can. The more ugliness I see in the world, especially with the election just happening, the more I realize how much more empathetic and sympathetic I am than the average person... I’m always told “I’m reading into things too far”, or “I’m blowing things out of proportion, it’s not that deep”, “you have to let this go, you need to move forward”, “you need to do this you need to do that”.. “Stop dwelling and just get up and do what you need to do.” Don’t you think I’ve tried? That’s all I’ve tried to do every single day and all it does, suppressing my empathy and how much i care, is make me more numb. It makes me feel like I need an escape. To me, some people seem to lack depth and are cold. I just lost my ability to trust my best friend of … my whole life. Almost 28 years. Because she flipped on a dime against me and cut contact with me about something that had nothing to do with her?? Or me?? How is that fair? How can someone who “loves” me just do that? I can’t stop reeling about it because I know what she’s been through and why she’s so cold and blows up sometimes. But it doesn’t excuse her coldness or the blow up. I always see people as these complex beings but maybe it really isn’t that deep to them. Maybe most people just do NOT give a SHIT about other people or their needs or their feelings. Im noticing people dont feel sadness or despair or worry or guilt or shame NEARLY as much as me — except other people with ocd and other neurodivergence dx, whether formally dx or self dx. But in my daily life, my normal social circle, my friends tell me things from their childhoods that would’ve absolutely traumatized me further as a child.. and are seemingly nothing to them or others around them. I don’t get it. How do people not feel this deeply? There is so much suffering in the world. I don’t get it. I had a terrible childhood, I really did. It messed me up. But… others have had it worse and I have empathy for those people. I always have. I wish the world would stop calling me crazy and weak and lazy and just let me live in a little house with a creek nearby with my family. Let me make art and share with the neighbors. I want chickens. I wanna grow grapes. I don’t want to participate in society. I can barely handle 25 hours a week right now and I’m living with my dad at 28. I need to be working 40 hours a week just to make ends meet at the job I have. I feel like I don’t have it in me right now. My life has been one tragedy and or pack up and move per year since I was like 10. I feel like this world was built for someone else. Any other person except me. I feel like I have never fit and I never will and I won’t ever be able to handle a job long term because my mental health is so volatile. And I don’t really want to take meds to fit in either. what do you do when one of your main fears is that you can’t take care of yourself financially and your main compulsion is to call out of work any time there’s a big disruption in routine or there’s conflict? I wish I could just be myself and that he okay since I’m not bothering anyone else, and I’m not at risk for harming myself or anyone else. I wish I could get disability and just not tell anyone and work on my art business full time. I wish I could be someone else. I don’t even know where to begin to rebuild my life.

Instead of browsing reddit I thought I'd ask here...do you know what the difference is between ROCD thoughts or thoughts associated with dating the wrong person? I worry in my ability to make rational decisions with regard to relationships and partners when I have OCD. Thank you very much!!

Hi guys, this is my first post and I’m a little bit nervous writing this. I’ve been experiencing compulsive thoughts for over two years now and I don’t know what to do. I have not been diagnosed by a psychologist or anything, but from what I’ve seen and read, I do experience many of the symptoms. My intrusive thoughts started two years ago when I was dating this guy, everything was so nice, I really liked him and it was going good until one day I just had an intrusive thought about a guy I used to talk way before him, it was nothing bad, it was just his face that kept popping everywhere and everything I did with my ex. We did break up 8 months ago, it was not a really good break up but I’m definitely doing better, I know for sure I don’t miss him or anything. I have started talking to this guy, he’s really nice and sweet and we have so many things in common, I feel like I connected so well with him, until again.. I’m starting to have these thoughts but now it’s with my ex.. I just feel so bad. I know I like this guy so much and I really do want to get to know him more and have a relationship with him. We’ve kissed and it felt so good, something I haven’t really felt. But with these thoughts I’m not sure what to do, I do not miss my ex , I don’t want anything to do with him. I just don’t know what to do, I’ve been reaching out for therapy but they either do not have space or insurance doesn’t cover. Guys if any of you have ever experienced something like this please let me know. I just feel like my head is about to explode.

I am so angry with ocd. I hate that ocd even exists. I wouldn’t necessarily say I wanted to be a mom when I was younger. I grew up without my mom around. But now my sisters are both moms and I see them and I feel like I’m missing out. But having pocd and hocd has definitely made me feel like it’s completely out of the question. I even made sure my fiancé knew that I didn’t want children/ feel like I can’t have them for fear of hurting them or passing on mental health issues. I was abused growing up and one of my old therapists told me that “people who are abused can become abusers”. That is something that I am not willing to risk. And even though I feel set on that choice, my brain still tells me that I’m missing out. So I’m constantly questioning if I truly feel like I don’t want them or if ocd is convincing me I don’t. Ugh. It’s just so frustrating.

Sometimes i feel like im using ocd as an excuse. What if i dont really have it and im just freaking myself out? Does anyone feel this way

Does anyone else experience this lingering fear and anxiety because they think they’re capable of hurting someone? It’s killing me. I feel like I’m such a danger. I feel like I’m a predator. I feel like this awful person and I can’t shake it. I want to carry on with my day but I can’t. I don’t feel like I deserve it. I feel like I’ve done awful things. I can’t stop crying.

Has anyone been assigned ERP homework that felt genuinely detrimental to your life? I've had a rough patch with my girlfriend and we are finally rebuilding things. My therapist has assigned me homework where I do not message her at all unless she messages me first, or initiate dates or contact unless she does. It feels like playing games. It feels like punishing her for something. I feel like it will undo all of the work we have done to repair. I don't want ERP to ruin my relationship and I feel so gross about it. Does anyone relate?

I very recently found out it was OCD all along that was keeping me hiding from the world and I am only just now realizing what my compulsions are. It’s been very difficult to separate in my brain what my feelings are/reasonable action to take vs what my compulsions are because all of my feelings are so intense. My entire life I’ve been told “it’s not that deep” and “you’re so dramatic just get over it already” and “it’s not that bad”. My own mother has called me weak and lazy for what apparently was this disorder slowly driving me insane. I am so tired. I thought I was autistic for years. I’m not. So now… this suddenly isn’t “I am who I am and I am valid” it’s now “this disorder is ruining my entire life and I’m so tired of fighting my own brain I wish I could just accept this reality and that I have a disorder and live how I need to to feel calm.” Am i supposed to be mean to this inner ocd voice? It wants me to stay home from work and hide my big feelings so I’m not a burden. It’s how I stayed safe growing up- avoidance of situations was the only way out of my mom’s explosive anger. now these survival mode coping skills are keeping me from providing food for myself. My executive dysfunction is so bad I’m barely eating and I’m TRYING to, but I’m not getting enough protein so I can feel myself starving. I am so tired friends. Please tell me: how do I move forward? Can I please just rest first before I have to fight more? I’m trying to add more relaxing activities to my daily life so my work shifts aren’t so daunting. But I can feel my depression coming back with winter coming. I don’t want to spiral again.

So I don’t think I ever had a groinal response until now. Like i hyper focused on the groinal and I don’t understand what I’m feeling. Like I don’t even know if it groinal because every time I hyper focus on this it’s feel like I’m doing it on purpose? I don’t understand. Like I’m focusing on it and then I feel like I do it on purpose. I’m afraid it going to be for life now? What? Yesterday I was better and this today? It’s feel like when I’m focusing on that I’m doing it on purpose. Now I’m trying to block the thought away cause I don’t know if it’s Groinal or not so I don’t want to think about it while I’m having a Groinal or purposely doing a Groinal? I really don’t understand it like I really don’t . It’s feel real. Now I don’t even want to go outside cause what if I see a kid and it will happen cause I’m afraid I’m doing it on purpose

Hey, i would appreciate any small little advice on this post… so idk if this is rocd or not but i feel like i am not showing interest in my boyfriends things and life anymore its like i dont care only and i am okay if he cuts the call soon or actually am even like okay if i dont call him? And will pickup if he calls cause thats like habit or whatever and i feel like i am feeling that so strongly and it cant be ocd cause on video call i feel it like i am not interested in his stuff but i want him to be in mine like just some selfish person and feel like not even want to talk or make excuses to stop talking or whatever and feel relieved when we do and like dont know what to talk about and thats all i can think and it actually true cause i feel it and sometimes my actions of cutting the call are proof of it and i am not anxious but i feel it and do it normally so it cant be ocd right has to be real and that means i am delaying something or not accepting the truth regarding it? He talks about the future sometimes and idk if i even feel like that and yes i dont means its not so, i avoid sometimes even lovey dovey talks and specifically if i am okay with not talking and he is not my priority and i am feeling it and cant deny that and feeling doesn’t budge and am okay with watching my show rather than talking and actually doing it means its true and its coming cause not enough feeling for him or priorities means thats not ocd and this is my habit of writing so i write it or express cause thats my first reaction feel normal and not anxious without doing it as well meaning even writing this is not imp and thinking that and that i am lying to him so its not ocd right? Pls help me…