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the NOCD Community

I want to get this off my chest... I'm not sure which OCD type I have. It started with fears of being gay but now I don't have as much gay thoughts (but still enormous amounts of anxiety, and no feelings for girls) but I'm doubting about recovery. I have been in treatment for two years but every time I fully decide to accept the OCD, then OCD finds a new way to doubt about this recovery tip. After OCD has latched a doubting thought about the recovery tip, it doesn't work any more and the more I try to use the tool (e.g. Notice the thoughts and return to present moment, meditation, mindfulness) the stronger the OCD gets. I try to remain positive but OCD pulls me into negativity. I feel like every thought I have is illogical and even the sentences I wrote here in the post feel like not real. I get so many questions in my head (that I know are OCD questions) but the more I try to resist answering them, the stronger they get. Basically like I want to recover but the more I want to come out of OCD the stronger it gets. I'm so confused and don't know what to do... I tried to confront the anxiety and I started liking the feeling but then OCD told me you hate the anxiety and it overtook me .. so so illogical and I'm really sick of it. 6 months of this back and forth between OCD and recovery and it's tiring me... Being so inadequate all the time and exhausted.. it seems like it's impossible to overcome the OCD when you just have no energy and you have the feeling as if you can't distinguish yourself from the thoughts. What to do when you are so overtaken by OCD and every decision you make, is actually OCD telling things in my head? Like my deciding part of my brain would be broken...

I am at a point in my life where I sincerely have all the proof that I will never be able to fall in love with a man in my life, just because of hocd

Anyone on SSRI Anti Depressants Hi all, Tried sertraline for my OCD as prescribed by my doctor. Passed out and ended up being taken to hospital. Home now and still experiencing some side effects. Anyone experienced this before and what meds were you switched to. Any advice? Thanks, Callum

I recently changed my nieces diaper and gave her a bath and I didn’t think much of it. I checked her lower area to make sure she didn’t have a rash and to clean her of course. In my mind I wasn’t thinking of anything bad and I was being a good aunt making sure she was clean and changing her so she was comfortable and ready to go play. Later that day I started to have intrusive thoughts. I started to think I am a terrible person for changing her since I am not her mother and more and more intrusive thoughts started to come. I was so scared to look at my own niece. How can I become a mother in the future if I had these thoughts. I know it’s my ocd and I know I am not these thoughts but it hurts and it scares me. I want to some day have kids but I wonder if it’s possible with POCD.

I only fairly recently was diagnosed with ocd but before then assumed I had it (I have only been diagnosed with dysthymia). I’ve been dealing with ocd for over 10 years undiagnosed and it’s really been a struggle at some points to keep my head above water. when I mentioned the possibility of having ocd the first time I went to a psychiatrist. He told me that I didn’t have it and not to worry. This only made me feel worse. Recently being diagnosed as having ocd has lifted a weight off my shoulders and I really want to work hard on getting it under control. I just wanted to know if anyone experienced something similar and how you dealt with it and if there’s any advice you could give me.

Does anybody feel like cancel culture is preventing them from healing ?? I feel like it’s the only thing in my way at this point. I feel like nobody allows anyone to make mistakes or heal anymore .

Anyone else with harm thoughts struggle with filling out “thoughts of harming others” questions on intake forms? I just filled one out for my new therapist (OCD specialist) and even though I know she’s a specialist I answered no and explained that I have obsessions about harm but don’t actually want to do these things :/ because I’m always afraid that answering yes to those means that I’m dangerous

Yo I can’t even enjoy looking at women without me over analyzing if they look like men or not I’m trying my regular patterns that calm me down but this has been a bad week so far

When I was a kid I was told by my abusive 3rd grade teacher that I would always be the one to fall behind. My OCD took hold of that and now as soon as I realize im prospering regarding anything in my life I have to destroy it. Self sabotaging myself because I'm meant to be behind everyone else. This probably doesn't make much sense but the perfectionist part of my OCD says that is the box I belong in and I'm not allowed to leave it. How do I get out of this defeatist attitude and my brain malfunctioning saying that I'm meant to fail? People have told me that it's not true and in reality I know it doesn't make sense, but it's so deeply engrained in me that I struggle getting away from it. I feel like it's hindering me making any improvement with hocd and rocd.

**If you're not familiar with hocd please don't answer.** It feels like there's no straight me left. I've accepted that I'm a lesbian I don't know if that's what I was supposed to do. I'm deeply uncomfortable and unhappy. I feel that if I was meant to be gay this would feel like it was right for me. It only feels right because if I call myself anything else it feels like I'm lying to myself. The world feels like it's falling apart. I understand that there are people who are happy being gay and that is wonderful for them. I don't want this. I tried saying that I will just call myself straight because I'm only interested in persuing men, but my brain will not let me because I was turned on by a porn of a woman touching herself and its harder for me to get turned on by anything else now. I'm attracted to boys, but what if it's just aesthetically? I don't get a groinal response when I look at an attractive man so I guess that's true. I get groinal responses for women and I guess that's what true attraction is supposed to feel like. I'm masculine. I've been told I'm masculine too. Part of me feels like I want this now. I hate it, but my brain keeps saying what if I'm supposed to be this way. The idea of living in denial of my true self is just as scary to me. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like this has eaten my whole identity. I want to feel like a girl, I want to be girly, but I'm not allowed to be. I want all of this to end.

I’m sorry for repeatedly posting guys. I’m losing my head daily I know I’m annoying. I feel like I can’t function any more

I feel like I’m losing my mind. Just a genuine question, not looking for reassurance just wondering if anyone has ever experienced a similar thing. You ever get (depending on current obsessions... mine is currently psychosis) thoughts like, what if there’s somebody in the wall if you hear a sound? I know there isn’t... I just get the thoughts. It’s very strange and some times I have to laugh.

Going away today with my boyfriend for our anniversary, PLEASE someone tell me how I can calm down my ROCD thoughts and not ruin the holiday? I JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE I LOVE HIM ?

I have friends who think cancel culture is ok. I don’t really know what to think. It kinda sets off my ocd just thinking about it. They said “people who say cancel culture is bad normally did something bad” and it is setting my ocd off so bad.

Hello. I’m new here. I have a severe contamination ocd fear. I’m terrified that sperm is EVERYWHERE. Doctors offices, stores, just everywhere. I’m scared that if I touch something that may have sperm on it and then touch myself down there be it masterbation or just wiping after peeing, I will become pregnant. This fear has absolutely absorbed me. Any words of advice on how to rid of this fear? Facts? Please excuse my horrid grammar, just a panicking teen. ( id like to add that I do not have sex. I do not allow bare penises near my vagina and I do not allow freshly ejaculated sperm or freshly ejaculated pre ejaculate near my vagina. )

I am going crazy about the future, lots of intrusive thoughts came up in my head, sometimes I forget its my ocd and I start to call myself useless, worthless, piece of waste of life, a nothing, that I shouldnt be born, that this world is not for me, wishing something bad happens, wishing my death everyday. Thinking about suicide or attempting again... to sleep and never wake up again... And when its not about the future, its POCD, wich destroys my days, my emotional, my mind, everything. Please do someone else feel the same? Tell me I am not the only one like this...

Eating at night again and crying. I’m a full time student and I work and I’m poor and I can’t afford to eat healthy and I don’t have time to exercise anymore and I’m genuinely heartbroken and miss the gym so fucking much it depresses me and I lost over 30 pounds earlier this year and I’m just in such a rock bottom right now. l o l . I feel heavier. and uglier. and nasty. I hate myself right now. And I’m super lonely and probably not doing anything for Halloween cause all my friends do is party and I don’t drink because I have raging alcoholics in my family ✌?so I feel like some lonely loser

Ive had 3 good anxiety/OCD days in a row and now im really struggling. I am so tired of struggling and trying to battle my intrusive thoughts. I honestly just want to die. I feel like its easier than living with this. I remember my life before OCD. I remember being normal and i would give anything to be like that again, but i am so discouraged.

I HATE THIS SO MUCH! It would be so easy to end this. Why am I even trying to survive with this anymore. I’m so tired and sad and over it. I can’t even grasp a reason to keep trying.

any younger people on here with hocd who get nervous about it bc people say you’re too young to know your sexuality rn?