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the NOCD Community

I’ve made many mistakes in my life and I find it really hard to forgive myself. The anxiety & shame has felt debilitating and I’ve been struggling to eat food. I feel like I deserve this. I want to practice self-compassion but I’m afraid I’ll fall into the habit of reassuring my trigger and continuing the OCD cycle. Are affirmations like: “I will be okay” or “I will make it through this” fine?

My rocd is spiraling so bad i feel like I’m terrible and can’t recover 😓 idk wuts real anymore yet ik i never wanna leave my man😓whats wrong w me

I have pure ocd i think , i always gotta make sure i do certain things like tap things , light switches on n off , shut things few times and re open them till it feels right . Walk in a room go back out and back in out in in till my mind is right Its exhausting

Does anyone else feel that the feeling of anxiety that they associate with OCD is different from normal anxiety? For me, it’s like a distinct sense of dread and fear that starts in my stomach and makes me feel so dissociated from reality and trapped. I don’t know how else to explain it other than it’s very intense and distinct for me. Because of OCD I associate this feeling with feeling dangerous (like I will go crazy or hurt others). Occasionally (usually in moments of high anxiety due to personal relationships having difficulties), I get this feeling unrelated to OCD and it makes me completely spiral. I have intrusive thoughts, but I also just drown in the emotions of the feeling. I completely panic and break down and feel hopeless and powerless. It is so painful and it feels impossible to bear and like there is nothing I or anyone else can do to make this feeling go away and all I want to do is get it out. I will obsess over it and therefore always feel it which makes me horrible and completely relapse. I never know how to let it go even though I know there is nothing in particular “wrong”. It just makes me feel like me/the world is wrong, but in a vague way that just feels insurmountable and terrifying. Even once I start to feel the feeling less intensely I sometimes just remain trapped in thoughts and fears that don’t allow me to let it go. My girlfriend and I recently have had some tough conversations and I have been experience this anxious feeling recently as a result and I don’t know how to cope with it. It feels so overwhelming and insurmountable. When I feel like this I feel so hopeless. And it also makes me feel like I’m going “crazy” because there’s nothing I can do to make it better and I just want to get it to go OUT if that makes sense. Sorry for this ramble, but I’d really like to know if anyone has ever felt this way because I never hear people talk about an “OCD feeling” and I never feel like therapists understand. Of course, advice is welcome as well (please)!!!

Helppp😭 what do I do? I'm going to hell for blasphemy. I can't get it to stop and that's the sin that is unforgivable. How do I beg the holy spirit, I have prayed many times? Please can he have Mercy on me? I didn't do it intentionally. I don't want to do it or or go to hell. I can't even go to sleep rn because I'm scaredd... please am I alone😭😭 please someone say something 😭🙏🏼 I'm a believing Christian and can't believe I'm doing this...I have failed...I keep on saying derogatory stuff about HIM, please helpppp

One of my relatives recently gifted me one of those expensive Tony’s Chocolonely chocolate bars and I forgot how weird they make me feel. The whole bar is just mismatched pieces and I hate having to break them off and potentially getting chocolate on my hands or gambling on having the right size piece to eat. I honestly don’t think this is a personal preference/hatred either since it causes me at least some distress. I’m wondering if any of you feel similar or have things that make you feel equally as uncomfortable?

Struggling with some ROCD and SOOCD today. Ive been having thoughts like do i even know my boyfriend? Do I even love him? How do I actually know if i love him? How do i know if i know him that well? Would I connect with him more if he was a girl? How do i know? Feeling so much confusion and kind of dissociating when i really just want to enjoy our night together :(

Last year I lost my dog and since then it has been a roller coaster for me, im just trying to move through the feelings, and back in december i thought i found the last problem cause i realized theres alot of shame and guilt that i feel because I know in his last year i was not as close to him as his early years. So I worked with those feelings and then alot of things happened, I lost my grandma, then i developed health fears, changed my workplace which came with alot of fear and i found myself in these problems that also the fear and feelings of the grief of losing my dog came back. Im afraid of what will happen in summer when it will be a year since i lost my dog. I dont know what to do with the memories of seeing him really sick and barelly breathing, its normal that it makes me sad but when it makes you sick and it haunts you all day even after months its a problem. Theres also a feeling that im stuck, just now i went to his grave(yes we made a grave for him) and i thought i will have a healthy conversation with him in my mind, which will help me mentally healing the pain, and at first it was that, but then i got hit by a feeling that i cant describe, and i tried to move into compassion and not let these thoughts take away my peace, but then i felt like its wrong to change those sad feelings to happier ones, its like disrespectful, and there was a strong reaction of feelings to the positive thoughts like i dont want to feel better, its stupid, and when i tried to be compassionate to myself it made me triggered more... which made me feel stuck with those feelings of sadness and anger... Compassion sbould help me but actually it doesnt gives me peace,maybe thats normal at the beginning but i dont know how to react to those angry hopeless feelings that nothing helps me and the intrusive feelings that i dont want to be compasionate, i dont want to get better(i do, its just and intrusive feeling)

The Healthcare system is so dissapointing and my emotions literally can't handle it. They keep making plans that give me a twinge of hope then suddenly changing them and leaving me crashing. They're not calling, not giving updates, it's almost like they want me to die. Like I was already a wreck and attempted three times and yet they just think they can leave me at home to rot and not expect me to end up back in the hospital. I want help and I have asked for it but they are not giving it to me!!! There must be something about me that makes them think I'm just some overdramaric teenage girl because I told the psychiatrist at the mental health unit that I can't keep myself safe and he told me to have faith and then I went home attempted again and then came back and he's like "welcome back"??? I wouldn't have had to come back if u had just listened to.me when I said I was overwhelmed.

I don't really know if it's OCD, but lately I've been thinking a lot and in a very obsessive way that every single one of my actions, words or even thoughts will affect on how God will make decisions about my life. For example, if I lie to someone or yell at them out of anger, God will make happen something bad to me as a "punishment". I know it might seem silly, but it really really freaks me out sometimes... Does anyone feel the same? And if so, do you do something in particular to feel better? Thanks for your understanding❤️

Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, however if you are living with Relationship OCD (ROCD) this can be a very triggering day. Relationship OCD is essentially, the fear of being in the wrong relationship, not truly loving your partner, or not being loved by your partner. This makes you doubt the true nature of your relationship and makes you believe that your entire relationship is based on lies. It can make you feel like a bad person and not worthy of love. ROCD will make you believe that you need to leave the relationship just to find some peace. When we think about ROCD we often think that this only applies to romantic relationships, however ROCD can impact friendships and family relationships as well. ROCD will attack whatever relationship is most important to you. As an ERP therapist some of the most common obsessions that I have seen include “Is my partner ‘The One’”? “Maybe I am meant to be with someone else”. “What if my partner cheats on me or worse I cheat on him/her”? “I find X attractive. Should I break up with my partner and be with X”? “Do I even love my partner? What if they don’t love me?” This list could go on and on. The basis of all of these intrusive thoughts is fear and doubt. The compulsions associated with ROCD are vast. The most common include checking feelings to make sure you really love your partner, avoidance behaviors, reassurance seeking behaviors both from your partner and from others and ruminating on the relationship in the hopes of figuring out if this is the “right” relationship for you. ROCD, as in most theses in OCD, wants 100% uncertainty that this relationship will work out with no conflict or compromise. The problem is this is unrealistic. All relationships will have some level of conflict and compromise in them. There is no “perfect relationship”. Most of us have grown up with fairy tales where one true love will come and sweep up off our feet. Life and relationships can be messy and complicated, but they are worth it and are a key aspect of what makes us human. The fact is ROCD makes you doubt everything and will take the joy, excitement and contentment out of the relationship. The good news is that treatment is available, and it is possible to have a long, happy, fulfilling relationship despite ROCD fears. It does take time, perseverance and patience. Treatment using Exposure Response Prevention has been proven to lessen intrusive thoughts. You will learn to manage your expectations of the relationships while leaning into your fears and learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings. By doing this, you can bring joy and contentment back into you life and your relationships. I'd love to hear about how ROCD is showing up for you. Share your experiences in the comments below or ask your questions about ROCD and I will respond to them.

I’ve been single for a very long time. I’ve always attached really heavily to people and highly prioritized being in a relationship. I know I can be happy on my own but sometimes all i can think about is how I wish someone loved me like that, it consumes my entire brain. For that reason Valentine’s day feels pretty sad to me. I’m gonna have to stay off social media so i don’t see people posting about how much they love their significant others because i know it’ll make me spiral. Also since it’s valentine’s day i keep having intrusive thoughts of my loved ones having sex and it feels really gross.

Really struggling today so far. I have partner-focused ROCD so I’m constantly picking apart my partner and looking for warning signs that he doesn’t love me enough and doesn’t want to be with me or care for me. Valentine’s Day is really hard for me because it’s not a huge holiday for the two of us but of course my ROCD takes it and runs with it. It tells me that he doesn’t love me, things won’t get better, he doesn’t care, he’s lazy, he’s the worst boyfriend, etc. This sucks so much because I just want to accept the fact that my brain wants to tell me these things…it is just so hard!!! :(

6 months ago I had a severe panic attack and it’s changed my life. Scared of 99% of foods, can’t take meds out of fear, been hospitalized a few times cause of blood sugar drops and other health scares due to poor eating. I’m constantly scanning my body finding any little thing that’s uncomfortable and then fixate and panic over the smallest things. Whether be a smell I’m unfamiliar with, a weird sensation in my arm literally anything freaks me out….. who has had success with exposure or has dealt with similar issues. I feel like I’m unintentionally slowly killing myself but I’m too scared for meds and therapy doesn’t seem to make much of a dent right now. Please share some success stories I need hope.

Help Talk Help

these friends of mine that i don't consider friends anymore after this fact spammed me illegal p*** stickers to make fun of me because i'm the "moral" person of the group, it was a "joke" because they wanted to see me angry. they are not ****s but that doesn't change anything they still shared that fucking disgusting stuff so i don't consider them friends anymore, they crossed beyond the limit. i argued with them trying to make them understand the gravity of the situation, and how they were in the wrong, and i was so angry and also crying. i had automatic download deactivated just in case because I'm very paranoic and I was afraid of some shit like this happening in the future. i called a friend to confirm to know the content of what they sent and i was horrified. they spammed a lot of stickers and while it didnt show anything because i had download deactivated i wanted to delete the messages themselves containing that shit, and in order to delete something on whatsapp you have to press it, and when i did that it automatically got loaded instead and i was fucking horrified and i panicked. I immediately went to my folder and deleted that sticker and cleared the bin. And then I just left the groupchat without reporting. Even after all they did I don't want to ruin "people" lives. I searched info online and they said that if someone sends illegal content and I don't do anything abt it I could be held liable, that if i don't report them i could be labeled as a sex offender or worse. Someone also said that deleting it is a spoilation of evidence, and that it is a crime. But I have already deleted it, and when i discovered that files do not get permanently deleted i shredded with a third app the empty bin. I genuinely don't know what to do, do I report them to the authorities and create a mess and ruin several people's lives? I didn't do anything wrong, but I'm scared. I don't want to be seen as complicit of something I didn't do. The thing that is messing me up is that I accidentally clicked on the sticker and it got automatically downloaded... i cannot tolerate that.

I’ve been dealing with ocd for years when it first happened it tore me apart I completely convinced myself I was the worst person on earth and I could not continue after months my ocd jumped to different themes and each one usually distracted me from another. Fast forward I recently went through another bad episode constantly focusing on the past and how I’m a horrible disgusting person comparing my story to everything I could and coming to the conclusion mines the worst and therefore I’m X or Y then it went into somatic/idk if I actually have this incurable condition that terrifies me but now it’s both it’s the uncomfortable sensations and going back on certain memories that I can’t tell if are real/don’t want to be real/ don’t make complete sense but feel real and now I can’t get out of the idea that even ifs not real I’m always gonna think it might be idk it’s a lot I just know I don’t want to be these things and never will ever want to be. I want to confess again so bad but my bf is not understanding at all like these “memories” or thoughts genuinely traumatized me when I remembered them.

I cannot for the life of me stop ruminating or checking how I feel about thoughts or focusing on thoughts or creating more thoughts. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I want to scream. I try not to ruminate about the thoughts, but trying not to just makes me think about them more. I try not to check, but somehow, I still check. I want to let a thought sit in the background, but the more I try not to focus on it, the more I end up focusing on it. I don’t want the thought to expand because that feels like engaging with it, but I can’t just stop it from expanding. It feels impossible. People keep saying I’m in control of my compulsions, and maybe that’s true for the physical ones. But when it comes to the mental compulsions, I swear I have no control. It feels like I’m missing something that everyone else seems to have, like there’s some tool they’re using that I don’t have. Controlling mental compulsions has never felt possible for me. I’m starting to fear them. And every time someone says I’m in control and can just choose not to do them, I end up beating myself up even more when they happen. Or when I *choose* I guess. I don’t know anymore. If this is my fault, if I’m responsible for this, then what does that make me? I feel like a monster. I am at my wits’ end. How am I supposed to control mental compulsions when it feels like they control me? I freak out when they happen. They don’t bring me relief, they just make me panic. I want it to stop so bad.

Had a false memory that I touched somewhere inappropriate to my cat while petting its mid / lower belly so ive been compulsively petting my cat on its belly to make sure I did it “just right” and to replay my memory and show myself I didn’t pet my cat wrong. Now I feel much worse. (Wrong meaning scared when I was petting it my arm touched its groin) so I put my arm in the way I was petting it in my head (regularly) and trying to see if any way I moved it was inappropriately touching my cat. I was sitting here inspecting my cat (not touching it inappropriately) but just making sure wherever I pet wasn’t touching its groin. Or trying to see if the false memory in my head could’ve been real. So everytime I pet it’s lower belly I was checking to make sure and see if my cats groin was touching my arm (which it wasn’t) but now im scared if I accidentally did while doing this compulsion and I would’ve known but im just scared. Compulsions make me feel worse ik this I just was scared and trying to make sure

I’m curious how many other people experience this! I’ve been diagnosed with severe OCD for 20 years now, about 10 years ago my little OCD brain came up with a series of words. It is saying everyone in my families name and then something negative, and then something positive. Since my brain attached to this series of words, it hasn’t stopped repeating in my mind. Like I said, it’s been 10 years, and this “phrase” is constantly repeating over and over in my head. When it’s finished, it just restarts again. My brain is constantly exhausted since it’s always talking. It’s kinda hard to word this so idk if it’ll make sense to you but let me know if this is something that you might experience as well!