Welcome to
the NOCD Community

My terror seems like it's become a reality. Last night when I asked him if he loved me (we both used to do that before he became really distant), he said he'd think about it. I thought he was joking, but when I checked to make sure, he just said "Good night." L-like, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?? Anyway, cried for a good hour/hour-and-a-half while hurting m*self cuz ya'know, I must have done something for him to be questioning whether he loves me or not. I'm too emotional? Jump to conclusions sometimes? I'm annoying? I'm too much?? I don't know why and it's driving me insane. I'm gonna try and call with him today but, I'm not eating anything. ROCD has made everything Reality. 😢😰😓

Therapist put it on the table that I should see a psychiatrist that she recommends. I felt relief because maybe the psychiatrist can tell me what's wrong and the plan going forward but im scared because what if my symptoms vanish or i miraculously get better (i doubt it) then what if i've been making a mountain of a mole hill. Or what if i dont know how to express myself. im obviously not scared of getting better, but i just don't want to seem like im making people scramble to treat me and then it turns out theres nothing wrong. like what if i don't have OCD and im just making all this stuff up in my head. what if i just want something to stress about

does anyone else with this theme feel like their suic. ocd skyrockets when something in your life happens?? i’ve been doing so good managing these thoughts and not panicking, but i had a event happen in my life and all of them are back hitting hard. i’m arguing with myself on whether im actually depressed or not and “what if this means my thoughts are real”, it’s all what if thoughts, but because ive been doing so good with them, what if they are real this time? like im panicking again because im scared they are real? like i’m not depressed im just going through a few things right now. idk what it is. but i really need tips on how to help with setbacks and what to do to stop myself from arguing with my mind when i already know the truth.

I’m tired of thinking about the same OCD thought to “kill mom” it just doesn’t leave. I try to break the cycle but when it’s broken it just sits there and waits to be interacted with. Idk what to do im tired of it. And it makes me feel like a psycho path and I’m tired of not feeling like myself.

I’m an ICU nurse and I’m so close to quitting my job. My existential OCD is so bad. Like I said I’m an ICU nurse and take care of my Alzheimer’s grandma full time, she lives with me. I really can’t afford to go to treatment but I think I might have to go inpatient . My existential ocd is so so bad that it is telling me life is meaningless. It’s not even a question. I’ve lost all insight as I truly believe this to be true. I’m too logical for religion. I’m a double science major. Please. If anyone could help me. I’m struggling so bad. Is this existential ocd even tho I’m convinced life is meaningless? Why are we here? And for what? Please help me. My grandma needs md and I feel like I might need to leave

Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too

Anyone know a whole lot about POCD? I need some support.

Heyy so has anybody ever experience in rocd like ur scared that what if u liked somebody else or had a crush on somebody else even tho u never had no romantic or sexual feelings for anybody else only ur bf but u still question urself?

I know I love my fiancé so much. The 5 years we have been together have been the best of my life, yet I am questioning everything all the time. The constant doubts and fears and negative thoughts about him are so loud and so persistent. It feels like this will never end

Earlier I had what felt like an urge but I’m not sure. I’ve had urges before but this felt different as the object was in front of me (not intentional btw) , I’ve been quite stressed lately and my OCD is latching on to that. I had an urge to harm and within that I had like 2/3 intrusive images that came to mind, I couldn’t rationalise with it, I felt “stuck” when I came out of it I felt scared immediately was trying to work out why I’d even think of doing that & was very upset. A while after I keep getting thoughts like “say your goodbyes it won’t be long until you act out” I cried to my boyfriend and told him everything. How do I know if this was intent vs intrusive urge?

I went to take my heart rate and bp at the store and the pharmacist said i should go to a doctor because my heart rate was really high and wouldnt go down. I haven't had time yet and im at the grocery store rn and my heart is beating lile crazy for no reason and im so scared. Ive had ekgs before and other tests and there was nothing wrong

I am probably going to start sertraline soon. Does anyone have any experience with this medication?

I'm a custodian at work. And this has happened to me before but I was sweeping a techs bay and he has a brake fluid pressure bleeder on the ground with the screw cap on that screws to the vehicles brake fluid reservoir. It has happened to me before where I sweeper and got close to the cap and sweeped. I told him about it, he said It’s okay, im not gonna worry about it basically. So I said okay. This happened again today but I'm scared to tell him again because I know it bothers him. I checked it real quick when he wasn’t there and there is some debris but doesn't look like debris from me. And it looked the same as when I checked it the first time this happened. So I went on with my day until I got hit again with "you should go check it out again just to see what you saw is legit, maybe you didn't check it out right" so I checked again and I was looking at it, and I eventually put it upwards a bit to see clearly the entire area of the brake bleeder screw cap which is the bottom side that touches the mating surface of the brake reservoir that seals the system to purge the system. When I did that I noticed some fluid on the edge and it looked like it was about to go towards the center where the hole is where the fluid comes out when it pressurizes the brake bleeder. I know for a fact that nothing went in because that was the only fluid on the cap but I never let it go inside the hole. But my brain won't believe it. It thinks something happened, and I should go check again or tell the tech so he can check it to make sure it’s okay. I'm so embarrassed, anxious, feel bad/guilty. It's hard

What’s one small win or act of bravery you’ve had this week, even if it felt really hard? **OCD recovery isn’t about perfection—it's about progress, even if it's tiny. Maybe you delayed a compulsion by 30 seconds. Maybe you showed up here today to express you struggles or support others. These are wins, and they matter. Let’s celebrate them together.

S-so uhm my bf (?) and I have been a little distant and his spotify yesterday was the same where it says that he's my future husband, and today, it was changed. L-like, i-is he g-go-gonna break up with me??? I'm so scared I'm nauseous and I don't want this stress to cause another seizure, but also kinda don't care at the same time because it would ha-have to be my fault??

Does anyone else have a fear of riding in a car and just opening the door and jumping out even though you don’t want to. It’s like an urge but I’m no where near suicidal I just have a fear of losing control or going crazy.

My husband and I host karaoke. Last night, we had a couple men offer up $200 to get someone in line after we had booked up. Which is ludicrous, and I wouldn’t have accepted it… we’re a local dive bar in the middle of nowhere. So I explained that I would see what I could do, but they didn’t need to pay us. And that we’ve had issues before with accepting money like that and being dragged across the Internet and called greedy. Some of my singers dropped out of the lineup, so I was able to get that girl a spot. She was 5th in line when a local, well off community member came up and offered us $300 to put her next. I could tell that they were all passionate about hearing her sing, and I touched his hands with the money and said you don’t need to do that, I’ll make her next. Don’t worry about it! And then he STILL put the money in the tip jar. I practically begged him not to do it. That it wasn’t necessary. And I said I couldn’t accept the money, and he said “yes you can.” He was so kind and hugged me as I cried and thanked him, and he asked “is this going to help yall out?” And I told him yes, and he asked why and I explained that we had a lot of debt. He proceeds to give me another $500. I’m crying, I’m still telling him it’s too much and that I can’t accept it, he’s still telling me I can. Point being, now I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m waiting for him to wake up in the morning and regret it or ask for it back, or something wild. I can’t accept good things that happen to me. I’m always waiting for things to go wrong. I feel like I never deserve blessings like this. Me and God have a complicated relationship. Even more so now that I’ve learned that excessive prayer is a compulsion I struggle with. But last night, my husband and I prayed that we would get through the night, physically, mentally and monetarily. Just enough to be able to pay a little bit down on one of our loans we’ve been stuck on. And then this happens. No naturally, OCD has taken a very strong foothold and has told me I don’t deserve this, that this is going to be taken away, that something bad is going to happen because I accepted this money, that it only happened because I prayed for it and if I stop praying bad things will happen. It’s been a nasty spiral all morning. When I should just be like everyone else and accept the blessing with gratitude and peace, and choose to believe there are good people in the world who want to help people out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. It’s a rough morning (and I even feel guilty for saying that, because I should just be grateful)

TW// suicidal ideation There are things I want to do like i have an interview tomorrow for an exciting internship, but i also feel like I kinda don't wanna be here anymore. I'm not actively trying to do things to end my life, but I'm getting more and more tired of the same shit every day and i don't think I even want to come to terms with it and live for the next 40 or 50 years. maybe my constitution just sucks but idk if that's something I want. I don't want to accept OCD. im exhausted and frustrated. I don't want this in my life. But I'm not sure I want a life anymore anyways.

Can I just text counsel?

I've been struggling with ocd since I was 7. I'm 18 now and it feels like the older I've gotten the worse it's gotten. I don't know how to deal with it and i feel so lost and alone. Its hard for me to even say what my intrusive thoughts are or to even fully acknowledge it to myself in my head because im scared that if i put it out in the world itll be true or if i acknowledge the thought it solidifies it and makes it true. i feel like im just over exaggerating what im feeling and im turning something that isnt there into something bigger which makes it hard to talk about it with other people. Especially because im not diagnosed but I know it's ocd but what if it isnt? What if im lying to myself or I'm just doing it to get attention and I don't realize it? I just try to deal with it on my own but it's so hard and feels impossible. I feel like ocd has contaminated every part of my life that I enjoy. The things that used to bring me comfort are now filled with things that trigger my ocd and bring me anxiety.