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I feel like a horrible person who doesn’t deserve to live. So even when I start feeling better I feel like I don’t deserve that. I just feel like a bad person who doesn’t care about anyone

Early this morning, my mom and I had a really, really long discussion. We talked about a lot, but it eventually led to me. She said that because of her past relationships, which she feels like involved some sort of power struggle, sometimes if I hug her too often, she gets uncomfortable/anxious. For context, before my parents (mom or dad) go anywhere, I'll say goodbye, I love you, and give them a quick hug or two. Even if I'm just going upstairs or walking away from a conversation! I've done this since I was little. It might've been a compulsion back then, but it's just habit now. But a couple of months ago, when I was in a really dark place due to OCD, I'd give my mom really long hugs because I just wanted comfort during that point in time. Unfortunately, it ended up stressing my mom out, and she pushed me away once and said it was weird or uncomfortable when I hugged her because it didn't feel genuine. That really hurt to be rejected like that, and then later, my sister told me my mom complained about me in the car about how it felt like I was draining the energy from her and annoying. Which... That hurt, too. But I mainly felt guilt because that wasn't my intention at all, and I've since tried my best not to hug her as often. So when she brought it up again today, she said she feels like she's experiencing a power struggle with me and that when I was younger, she said she felt like everything had to be on my terms. The context behind that is due to me being a really anxious child (and baby). I'd wake her up because I'd get really bad anxiety at night and panic, and she said it was really exhausting and that she's never known what to do with me. Then she went on to tell me really private details about my father and hers marriage (they've been divorced since I was little), and how that's affected her, and I just felt really uncomfortable. Like I want to be respect her boundaries, and I don't want to make her uncomfortable, but... I don't know what to do with all of this...? I didn't need to know those details about her and my father, and I feel really disgusting inside. And also guilty because my dad doesn't know that I know any of these things now, and I'm overwhelmed. I talked to my dad and his girlfriend about it, and I just started crying. I just feel so... Ugh :( They both comforted me, and my dad said that my mom's always struggled with physical affection and that I shouldn't take it personally. But it hurts to be rejected by a parent like that. I've tried the best I can to be understanding and supportive with her, but it just felt like she's seen me as a burden or something unfixable. If you read this far, thank you so much. I'm just really struggling to process this. I felt better after talking with my dad, but once he went to bed and I went back to my room, I just broke down.

my cat hides majority of the day to sleep and doesnt eat much at a time. i want to go to bed but im worried that shes so hungry and starving :( i gave her food earlier just in case, she ate a bit, then wanted to go back to her room to sleep. i cant leave the bowl in there because it will make ants show up. im scared shes starving. im so tired. but it doesnt take much to get up

Alot is on my mind u feel like I’m going to lose my mind , not really a lot but if I think too hard I think I’m gonna lose my mind , I was trying to slp n I think I’m gonna lose my mind , I’ve always been having thoughts about going crazy it never really changed , I have other thoughts and triggers but they always somehow lead Bk to me thinking I’m going to lose my mind , guys I’m so tired , do I even have ocd

i’m not sure (genuinely) if it’s a situation that needs to be addressed or if it’s ocd

Does anyone have suggestions on how to stop picking at their scalp?

I feel guilty writing this but I was wondering does anyone’s ROCD make them feel like they’re settling? I feel ill when my thoughts start running about that and I always seek reassurance to make sure I still love my partner. It’s so stressful especially when I acknowledge other people are good looking my brain jumps to the idea that I want to be with them which drives me insane sometimes. I even had to avoid a coworker at my old job because my OCD convinced me that I was in love with him even though we were both in active relationships and only at platonic discussions. I always had to review to make sure I said nothing wrong and I feel like I am doing the same with a friend currently. I’m not sure what to do…

Anyone else accidentally short circuit their pain receptors by trying to imagine solving the problem when you're in pain without actually solving it and then get hooked on the temporary relief? How the hell do I break this habit. Its lovely, but unhealthy

So I got dumped today by my situationship. For background, we talked for like 3 months, and I just recently lost my virginity to her. We only had sex twice. After she said we should still be friends, goofily (reassurance-seeking) I asked “but the sex was good right?” And she told me it was “good for a virgin” which hurt my feelings, then going even further she said “not in my top ten.” This made me CRY, like on the spot, right there in front of her (not the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done…. But definitely in my top ten). I started having intrusive thoughts about how I’m unattractive/unworthy of love. She asked me why I was crying, but I just said “I don’t like myself very much,” which is always the underlying problem with me. And she reassured me that I’m “not a bad person” and “it’s not because you’re not smart or not beautiful.” But the reassurance made me spiral more, bc I was thinking “I didn’t even mention feeling unattractive or stupid, she can just tell that I am.” Then it kept getting worse and worse, “I’m unattractive/unlovable/stupid. I’m not good at sex, I’m not good at anything.” I had to stop myself and realize it was OCD obsessing over the things “wrong” with me. I think I started this post wanting reassurance, but now I think I want to know if anyone has any tips on accepting criticism as someone with OCD, bc it always sends me down a “there is something wrong with me” spiral.

i don’t know what changed, but in the past 1-2 weeks something switched in my brain and now i am obsessing over every mistake I’ve ever made, and i firmly believe the guilt i feel is justified. i am a pathological liar and i’m realizing i may have lied about more things than I ever intended to. i think i tricked myself into believing some things and now I feel awful that I’ve lied to myself and others about so many things. my mind is a mess and i can’t even tell what is a lie and what isn’t anymore. i also feel like i’ve been taking advantage of my boyfriends family who has financially supported me for these past few years, because i had convinced myself and everyone around me that my physical health & mental health was worse than it actually was. i never meant to take advantage or hurt anyone, but i can definitely say that i became complacent and comfortable living these past few years without having to worry about work, school, or really anything. i think i used “not feeling well” as an excuse to not do anything because i was too afraid to leave the house and function in society. i feel so awful and disgusted by my behavior and the guilt is eating me alive. i even feel bad using my phone because they pay for it, and feel bad being in my apartment for the same reason. i feel like everything about me is a lie and they’ve been paying for and supporting a person completely different than they thought. maybe i’m not who I portrayed myself out to be at all. i’ve felt so disgusting and so awful i can barely stand it. this morning i woke up feeling like i was suffocating, my chest hurt so bad and i felt like there was absolutely no way out. i really felt like i was dying. other than the lying, i’ve felt awful about things i did as a child where i didn’t know any better, or i even feel bad about my own thoughts and emotions that I have no control over. my mom says i’m being too hard on myself, and that i can’t help that i lie, but i don’t believe that. i think i deserve to feel this way and that i’m not being hard enough on myself. i lied and took advantage and therefore i deserve to suffer. i caused people to worry for me when it wasn’t necessary, when i was fine. i deserve to feel so guilty that i’m nauseous, i deserve to feel ashamed. i feel like i don’t deserve to eat or feel better, even though i desperately want to. i feel so guilty and so shameful i literally can’t function. i want to escape this feeling so bad, i want to get out of this guilt that’s keeping me from moving on and improving myself. i acknowledge that i have a lying problem, that it’s a mental illness, but i am ashamed of it and feel disgusted that i’m this way even though i can’t help some of it. i truly don’t know what to do or how to have compassion for myself. probably a good idea to share that my dad is a pathological liar and never received help, and i’m pretty sure i learned this behavior through him. not to mention all the stuff i did as a kid that i feel bad about, or the fact that i feel bad about things i can’t control. and i even feel bad about finding certain things funny. the guilt is killing me and i don’t know how i’m ever supposed to become a better person if i’m so sure that i’m undeserving of ever feeling better. in my head i truly feel like im a monster. i feel like i’m having a crisis because i’m realizing i lied about a lot of things without even really realizing it. or i deceived myself into thinking things. and I’ve lied about things for sympathy, for attention, to make myself seem more interesting, or to make me seem less pathetic than i actually am. i’ve lied about some serious things, and i’ve lied about things that don’t matter at all. i don’t know how to keep living. i want to go home to my apartment and be in my safe space, but i feel disgusting being there when i’ve taken advantage of my boyfriend’s family, even though it was never my intention. no matter what I do and where i go, i feel wrong. because i’ve done so many bad things and i can’t forgive myself. i feel so morally wrong i can’t stand it and i don’t see things ever getting better. i feel like I’m going crazy and i feel so alone. i can’t escape this guilt no matter what. and i feel overwhelmed because I know this isn’t something that can be fixed quickly. am i ever gonna be able to live without shame ever again? am i ever gonna be able to do the things i love again? the things that brought me comfort? nothing brings me any comfort, and i spend all day in bed or sitting around doing absolutely nothing because i can’t distract myself. i can’t stop thinking about all the things i’ve done no matter how hard i try. i obsessively read and look up online things to try and find reassurance. i feel like i’m going crazy. and i just feel so sorry. to everyone. and i’m so extremely ashamed of my behavior. i can’t stop obsessing about the past, the present, and the future. don’t i deserve to feel this way when i’ve lied and done bad things? even if it wasn’t my intention, or if it’s a result of a mental illness? don’t i deserve to feel debilitating guilt when i’ve been a bad person? even though i know i never had any bad intentions, i don’t think it matters. am i gonna feel this way forever, where everything i do or everywhere i look, im reminded of the the things ive done?

i feel like i have been posting a lot about this and i will try to stop since now but i just don't know where to start or what to do, and i can't take therapy right now either. my event is about something that did actually happen; i had a boyfriend and we had a 1.5 age difference (i know this sounds stupid) but the thing is that we both started to sext a lot since he was 14 and i was 15. we shared audios videos pictures ect and i don't know how to just let this go, even when i know that i never really forced him into anything and i was always constantly worried about him being comfortable, when to stop and ect. the memories keep coming back to my mind and the guilt is eating me up slowly because i keep thinking that i'm a predator or a groomer or something like that. i don't know how to deal with the what ifs either, lately i haven't stopped thinking what if i sexually harassed or sexually exploited him or something like that. how do i deal with the cycle of guilt and constant what ifs if i also feel like my event is worse than others i've seen? please help me with this. it's getting a lil tiring and even if somedays i know how to deal with this, i still get really triggered sometimes. this wouldn't even bother me before, i wish i could just get back in time before this theme popped into my mind. my life has been a hell since then and i live constantly scared and suicidal.

Please don’t judge until you read this I have religious beliefs and I want to understand the lgbt community but my beliefs is that being lgbt is a lustful sin and I don’t like it. I have been trying to tell people I’m not trying be mean it’s just what I read in the Bible and what I believe. But I’m not gonna kick my friends out if they were to come out at any point. And I’m not trying to spread my beliefs but it is also my calling as a Christian to spread the gospel as well but I do believe that you can still be saved even if you’re lgbt if you believe in god but I worry about that because my god doesn’t want people to keep sining over and over again and I love people but I hate how they don’t understand me. So I just try and pray for them and hope they understand. I feel horrible so I never know if I want to go back to god or not.

I had a horrible thought and it was my own thought. I feel awful. Also my heart is racing all the time

i’m terrified to get a diagnosis. What if it’s not actually OCD??? I made a list of reasons why i think so and then i think what if im lying and i actually don’t do this stuff and am just dramatic and i just want to have OCD so then my thoughts are justified?? I have struggled in the past year with Pocd & Rocd and then also some bits of thinking im constantly in danger or being watched? I’m scared.

That tragedy that happened in my country Dominican Republic at the nightclub taking 221 people lives is affecting me even though I didn’t have no family members there I can’t stop thinking about it that that’s all we here and one minute we are gone I can’t stop thinking about what’s the point of all of this getting married having kids more father ect car house what’s the point of anything if we have to die anyway I never felt like this before :( I m so afraid to die I m afraid of my family dying how can I move on from this I m scared that I m wasting my life being depressed and anxious I feel that I should’ve never been going through ocd and depression how I m supposed to enjoy life going through this plus I feel guilty for struggling with mental health I m so confused. and lost 😭 why are we here doing all of this if we gonna die ? Why we have families and then have suffer from our families dying

That's what OCD feels like. Especially the constant questioning and doubt and the more you do it, the more you doubt yourself and it ends up leaving you open for other 'attacks'. I left the house today with my mom to run errands and things were fine, like my intrusive thoughts weren't bothering me that much in the beginning though they're constant in the background. Then when we stopped to get a drink from this store before leaving, I got more anxious because there were lots of kids around (it's afternoon here and i guess school was coming out). Kids were walking around in school uniform and I just told myself to keep looking away because i knew that my intrusive thoughts were going to flare up. Obviously that just made it worse and I just wanted to run away and crawl into a hole or something. Then a few minutes passed and then my brain said what if you were leering at the kids or looking at them inappropriately. And then my brain kept telling me that I wanted to or must have filmed one of them even though it's not something I want to do and know deep down that I didn't do it and don't want to. Ever. I just felt so disgusted with myself, I had to stop myself from crying on the way home. I hate this disease and I hate that its made its home in my head.

Hi everyone. I'm wondering if anyone has any tips for dealing with religious OCD. I'm a Christian and I struggle with Harm OCD but then somehow, my religious beliefs got mixed into this where I am suddenly asking all these questions on whether God/Jesus is even good. And as a result, I feel so distant from my faith which makes dealing with my harm OCD so much harder 😢 Any advice would be appreciated.

I have HOCD and ROCD and it makes me wanna puke all day I live with my husband

I obsess constantly about my hands being dirty and feel like I can actually see the germs and bacteria crawling all over my hands if I can’t wash them as soon as I touch something. It’s really embarrassing since people in my life have noticed this “weird” behavior but it’s a huge problem for me and I don’t know how to make the obsessive thoughts stop.

I feel like every day I try to sit with uncertainty, but it just feels never ending. Like I receive a little bit of hope and get to the top of one hill and feel like things may get better in a while, there's another hill right in front of me that feels more frightening. It's really frustrating. I know it's the nature of this disorder but ughhhhh