Welcome to
the NOCD Community

how do I know ERP is working or that I'm doing it right.

I've been having ocd for the last 35 years. I did therapies after therapies but I think they never saw an ocd that intense. In the last 2 weeks I've been out of my mind replacing counting everything non stop day and night. I reached the bottom friday night when i didn't sleep at all all night. Im trying very hard to get better i just dont know how exactly. I love life but with this ocd im not functional and it's hell and no one around me understands it.

Hey everyone hope you are all doing well.! Its been so long since I used this app. A good sign that things are so much better now. I still have my bad days but I keep fighting and keep pushing myself to do things, that really is the key to recovery. I've changed my name from where does it end to "live to fight another day" because everyday is a fight! I know how hard it is to begin to overcome ocd and I just wanna say guys no matter how bad you may be feeling now things will get better with a little hard work and effort from yourself and possibly a great therapist. I will never forget the people on this app that helped me through some really dark days and believe me I had some very dark days where I couldn't see a light but I found it and all of you will too. Remember how strong you are and how beautiful you are inside out. Never give up I believe in you all ❤️❤️

so i have been with my boyfriend for three months and i love him so much. i have never once questioned my love for him in fact my friends are so tired of me going on about how much i do love him. however, these past couple of days for some strange reason, my brain keeps trying to convince me that i’m not attracted to him or that i’m falling out of love with him. it started when i didn’t get wet for the first time during sex with him because i was having panic attacks all week about this topic (and also the irrational fear that i was somehow a lesbian even though i know now that that isn’t true) and after sex, i started going “what if i never get wet during sex with him again and my relationship is a lie” and somehow tried telling my self that i needed to break up with him. although there is absolutely not evidence to support that i don’t love him anymore, my mind keeps trying to tell me that it’s a possibility. to add to that, the last time i saw him and said goodbye to him, i felt like i wasn’t “sad enough” about leaving him since i had been more upset about it before. and somehow my brain thinks that’s evidence for me not loving him. everytime i think about our relationship or reminisce on it, i become very emotional and i start crying and the crying gets worse when i think about leaving him or losing him. so, clearly my heart knows that i love him dearly but my brain keeps having these thoughts and i really do feel hopeless.

Does anybody have any ocd intrusive thoughts success stories? Like what helped you the most, and how you’re doing today. Please share

This just feels too real.. I’m terrified that this actually just real. We who have hocd focus on the sex attraction part, and that’s not what this is. I remember seeing pins or posts that say “Love is Love” and id sit there and be like “Wow I forgot that being lesbian /gay/bi ect.. has to do with falling in love” I honestly just didn’t think about falling in love and crushes or anything like that. Because we’re so focused on the sex part of this. Because it just feel real, and it’s not us. I know this isn’t me, I’ve only liked guys before and I know it was not forced. Also, my childhood has so much proof that I’m lesbian, but there’s also a lot of proof that I’m not. Like when I’d have fantasies that my crush was watching me dance or that my crush would finally ask me out. And just always liking boys and not girls. I just know I can’t be lesbian, yet there’s so many things telling me I am. But I’m not, I would know. Especially with all the advice that’s been giving to me. Anyway, sorry just here to vent. How is everyone doing? Let me know? Or maybe you have been through something similar ?

My OCD is primarily around my academics. I was wondering if this was the case for anyone else?

Hi all, This is a POCD question that I wasn't sure I should post. I have overcome so many types of OCD, but this one still brings me down and isolates me. Especially my recent situation, it's the worst. So I made the decision to share it and I pray that something good will come of it. I am in a sense afraid that I acted out on my thought. My OCD doc told me even if it were true i had no intention bc it was due to OCD so it doesn't matter so to stop torturing myself. Basically what happened was I was on vacation visiting family out of the country. I was practically guilted into attending a birthday party for my niece. Well after years of avoidance ( bc it took 9 years for my diagnosis) I am slowly but surely getting use to being around kids again and I was very anxious about going to this party. When my nephew was leaving he started making the rounds to give everyone a hug and my fear is that I am going to put my foot out and trip someone or stick something out and touch then inappropriately. So I cross my legs to guard myself you could say. Well as I saw him coming up to hug me I started got super fearful with how close he was getting to me. Next thing I knew I felt pressure on my knee that he was placing on me when hugging me. And in my mind it was prob his groin so I was terrified in that moment and I had an urge/ fear to push my knee back into him. And for the first time instead of fighting super hard to control myself my knee just let go and I slightly pushed back . So I basically freaked but had to look composed. My dad went with me bc I'm still getting used to these situations and told me he didn't notice anything wrong when I hugged him. But in my mind you can't really see a slight push and the fact that there is a higher chance that it happened where I fear bc of where my knee was when he hugged me I feel devastated , and just gross...etc. I mean does having OCD excuse something and on top of that I don't even know what to label what happened?? Was it bad or accidental , does that matter bc I pushed either way?? So I've been so depressed for the last 6 months not even knowing how to accept this bc it feels different then just thoughts. Please any advice??

I’ve been living with this horrible illness officially for 11 of the 20 years I’ve been alive and I feel like the older I get the worse it gets and it’s killing me. I just want some relief I’m in so much pain. This illness has hurt myself, my fiends, my family, and has even caused the man I love who also has ocd to break up with me. I feel like I’m a lost cause and I hate it. I don’t know who I can trust anymore and I just feel so broken. HELP

Having hocd feels like I don’t have a fucking choice on what gender I want to be with ever since this hit me like a brick. Hocd doesn’t give a fuck if I want a man and to marry my amazing bf. Fuck this

Atm I hate my life so much.. I maybe have 5 minutes in the morning that I don't think I have a terrible disease, the rest of the day is filled with googling and fucking myself up again. I know I shouldn't Google, but I just cannot stop it.. Anybody has some tips??

There are my pasts which I am not proud of and make huge mistakes.......now after so long suddenly these memories are coming back to me.....getting a worse anxiety...and feeling shit about myself...I don't think so I can ever forgive my self It turns me to a bad person...I don't know what to do.....how to live anymore..Is this even normal in OCD....or it's not my OCD...I don't know how to correct my past..

Like now, what the hell are making me arousal and excited? I cant understand, I dont want to go to porn or masturbate. As I said before, I am tired of doing this and then askimg forgiviness like an endless cycle, like if I am not true regreted my sins. I dont know what to do anymore, I just want to be a good person, christian and good by the eyes of God, but idk how to deal with these sins. Sometimes I just wanted to this to not be sin. And said all that, i am obssessing so much that I end up taking a lot of pills to go asleep.

I’ve been doing a good job controlling my Urges, but I suffer from responsibility OCD. My check is with paying. I am always worried I will forget to pay for something or accidentally take something. So I check old credit card statements, from months and years ago! I have worried about everything from food to clothes to car washes. I have also Contacted old doctors to make sure I don’t owe money. Does anyone else do something similar?

I had a dream about a past “relationship” (we didn’t even date and knew him for a week, he’s from another country and he left after telling me he loved me when he really had a gf back home! What a dick head!!!) and for a while I was upset about it. Cuz it was like “exciting” I guess. But in the end it wasn’t really much. But he randomly pops into my head out of nowhere and I hate it. I don’t have feelings for him and he used me. I love my boyfriend so much but now my intense ROCD is back. I keep thinking “what if I don’t really love him and I love this other guy” which is just NOT TRUE. the way my boyfriend makes me feel is just...amazing. Never met anyone like him. But now everything is hard again and s*x has been SO HARD for the past 6 mo since I’ve been off my meds. This is so long and so fucking much but I’m beginning to worry my relationship is getting ruined.

Hope - can anybody share their story, perhaps from a pure ocd (like scrupulosity) where you started with no hope of possible recovery. Say you felt like it beat your faith down so hard you thought recovery was nigh impossible. But then you did!

I know I’m sexually attracted to women, but my HOCD is telling me I could be attracted to men as well. You would think it would be easy to just say to yourself, “So what if I am straight, gay, or bi”. Why is it not that easy. It seems like that should diffuse the situation.

Could somebody help me? I have problems with porn and masturbation and this makes me feel so bad that affect my belief. Like I am christian and I keep thinking about my salvation, God forgiviness and my sins. I have OCD, mainly on POCD, but taking meds this changed a lot. The intrusive thoughts changed and start to be about death, future and religion. I have too much anxiety too and sometimes out of nowhere I just start to feel aroused and excited and my anxiety goes really high. My stomach even hurt like if I am with stomach ache and this dont pass until I watch porn or masturbate. Its like a torture that drive me to use this things as a escape. I am not here asking reassurance, but asking help to overcome this problem or understand it. Its dificult for me because of my religion condenm these acts, even if you are single. I kind understand, but this make me suffer a lot. At the same time I keep doubting myself like if God is angry at me doimg thos over and over again after asking for forgiviness for him for doing this. I really dont know what to do, I indeed wanted this to be a normal thing and not be condenmed. And I am not questioning it, but just saying out loud what I feel and that I dont want to do that again if it will make me feel guilty and bad and everything.

I’ve been obsessed with the fact I’m on benzos and that they might be ruining me, doing all sorts of online research reaffirming this theory. It’s like all I can think about. I tried to come off a few times abruptly because I got so scared and of course that didn’t end well. My doctor says I need them to get stable (I’ve had a lot of trauma) and then slowly wean off. But I get so scared like what if I fail again and am too weak.

Are any straight girls here turned on by boobs/naked women in porn? Does this mean I’m gay???