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Hey guys, I recently had to return home from abroad due to a relapse. A bunch of things went wrong (outside of my control) when I was abroad which may have resulted in the relapse. ( I was stressed but still challenged my OCD triggers). I would always encourage people to challenge their fears but I'm angry at myself for challenging mine during a stressy time because I feel like its made me worse as a result. How do you guys cope with ruminating on the past and over past decisions? Ie. I'm angry for going abroad and so on. I just cant let myself off the hook, I also cant seem to move on because I'm caught up in worrying I'm a bad person and I'm also dealing with false memories. As you can see I'm in a bit of a mess over this! Thanks for reading this far ?

Anybody have harm OCD the fear of hurting someone? I have really bad anxiety so I freak out about everything.

I know this is kind of seeking reassurance but how do I know that I’m not just scared of what people will think of me.

For my fellow christians: This is reaaally beside the topic but i have to get it of my chest. Okay so like i really wanna be excited for jesus to retun but damn that makes me sooooo anxious. When i imagine it it makes me scared an di know u should be excited and so happy and u should be wanting it but as much as i force myself to feel thst all i feel is extreme anxiety and sometimes i habe a whole panic attack because of it snd i dont want to feel it it makes me feel like i will go to hell for it and i always wanna do better but i just cant and i dont even take the time to read the bible and if i loved jesus i would do that but im too lazy and focussed on otber things and idk it sll makes me so anxious

***extremely triggering for those with hocd/tocd*** .................. My boyfriend told me a true story last night that triggered me so badly that I felt like I was going to pass out. He said that it was about an effeminate gay man from the 50s who despite having a cattle rancher father who was accepting of him, he wasn't able to accept himself. I guess his dad caught him cross dressing and his father said that it was ok and that that's just you and you'll never be able to change it. The dude was like no, I don't want to be this way and tried really had to be really masculine and pretend that he was straight and his dad told him to stop pretending and to just accept who he is. A story like this would have made me happy in the past, but now hocd has me thinking what if I'm just like that guy in the story and I'm not able to accept myself as a lesbian. I started crying and had an internal panic attack and I disassociated. My boyfriend kept asking me what was wrong and if there was anything specific on my mind that I wanted to talk about. I really wanted to tell him about hocd, but I feel like I should wait a few months until after the holidays so that if he doesn't take it well, I don't ruin Christmas for him. I'm so sad because I had a really great time with him the past few days. I'm 100% attracted to him, but my brain keeps saying that that's only because he is sexually relevant and not because I'm straight. I'm heart broken that such a happy story could completely destroy me.

Do you ever just try to be relatable to someone who hasnt hocd and ur like omg do ever feel like u jusr dont enjoy life anymore and im done im soo not happy and sad all the time but u know damn wellnits because hocd and they litteraly would be like uhhhh, sis u depressed and then im like why tf am i trying to convince myself that its normal and that the feelings i have are natural and human. Theyre not its hocd and its just not normal to have it and its not a common thing to happen to a lot of people so its not weird that i feel like this if i make sense. Im trying so hard to normalize my feelings just so i can convince myself theres nothing wrong with me but there deadass is a lot wrong and it has a reason. How tf do i want myself to relate to someone who doesnt have hocd bevause they wont relate and that’s logical. Idk if i make sense its hard To explain but its like i try so hard to be normal and i try to make people feel related to my problems so i csn convince myself its not hocd and i just be having normal people problems but its like the whole ass reasom why i feel like this is because of hocd. If i didnt had hocd i wouldnt feel like this knowwhatimean. Thats the problem but i try so hard to avoid that hocd is the problem i want normal people to relate to my problems even tho they dont have hocd so that i can be *normal* again. Ugh i need me some therapy

Hi my names Allison I am new here and I have been diagnosed with OCD through 6 questions in a online test, I got 5/6 and I am very much in fear, I just turned 14 and trying to reach people with similar problems So far the symptoms I've recodnized by myself are My OCD Symptoms Long showers Flickering lights or switches Creating unwanted balance in random objects Redoing everyday things at a specific value Counting for no reason Suicidal thoughts Feeling like you are a danger to the ones you love Repeating words unnecessarily at a certain value Easily getting mad Mentally hurt or torn down at most times I don't know if anyone here has anything in common with me but I hope someone can help me get through my experiences

Hello. My name is April. I'm new to this community. I'm here because my OCD has morphed into something much worse. It's as bad as it's ever been. I'm 49 years young. Single. No kids. I hope to find help here. ?

Thinking sexually of alll and anything in this world

I will never recover. I first saw a therapist age 8 who wanted to put me on anxiety meds. My parents refused. I got worse. I saw a doc at 12 who decided I was depressed and put me on Prozac. I developed more anxiety and restlessness, as well as insomnia. OCD compulsions as well that got mistaken for racing thoughts. Got dxed bipolar by the next doc and put on lithium, lamictal, risperdal. Kept getting told for years by professionals and family that I had bipolar, but not why or what that was. Never got erp. OCD got worse with talk therapy. I never improved. Got a rediagnosis from bipolar to ocd. But I still live in constant fear of insanity. I don't want to lose control or hurt people. So many of us got screwed over by docs. I can't trust them anymore. I was told for years that SSRIs would cause severe mania and they were the absolute worst thing I could be on. Now I am getting told that they're the best thing to be on and by not taking them ATM I'm choosing to suffer. My parents got married to the bipolar dx and defended it at all costs. When I share my severe, crippling anxiety and panic due to the dx they fight with me and tell me I'm overdramatic and being ridiculous...even though they were the ones defending it for years. All of the professionals I have met have been incompetent or cruel. I have been trying to reach out for erp for years. No one will take me bc of comorbid Autism and the fact that I'm a student who only lives near the therapy part of the year. None take my insurance. I have a final tomorrow. For the past few nights I have had severe panic causing insomnia. I spent 24 hours awake this past night bc of insomnia. I have been up since 1:30 am with panic today and depression. I have to study. But I don't have any hope anymore. I keep getting told to see someone who can help. I'm trying to. But people make things worse so often....I do not see a point anymore. I'm in pain constantly. I have no support. I feel guilty for everything. I do not want to go crazy and hurt everyone. Things have steadily gotten worse. I don't know why God would do this to me. I'm supposed to get help but no one can. I do not trust anyone anymore, an I don't trust myself. Plus anxiety and insomnia can cause psychosis and brain damage so I am afraid of that. I don't want to kill myself because I just don't. But I also do not ever believe I will be happy. I am also socially isolated. I want someone I love to hold me and tell me things will be ok. But I am alone and I suffer alone I'm in so much pain and the people who were supposed to help me only caused more

Pushing a finger twice on my cheek getting anxious because what if a bus route doesn’t work. This is a normal part in my day. I click my fingers when I get doubtful thoughts. I think that’s why now I pushed against my face trying to do something about my worry. Or sudden movement I do with my leg when I think what if none of this is anxiety? Or you won’t believe it. That’s a thought thats stuck to my head. Another thing I realized I do usually use 4 things like 4 bounce sheets, 4 squarts of hand soap, body wash, things like that. Feeling the need of swallowing before I take a drink, vape, take a hoot of marijuana. The thought comes to my mind what If I need to blink and I do it. Even though I don’t and it happens on its own unnoticed but it causes me stress when on my mind. Making a clicking sound with my tongue I do that when I get a what if thought that worries me and that can do with anything that doubts me. Even the simple things. Thoughts bother me just about things that shouldn’t and I just want to let it go but I am stuck and I feel I need to usually listen to music, especially gospel to help me feel better. And I close my eyes and twirl in circles (left) to the music. And usually enjoy it like that, I’ve done that for years. It fees good. When I was little I used to always twirl in circles. Left only. Right would get dizzy. Everytime I see a pic of somebody like family I have like certain sexual thoughts I hate and I try avoid it and it only makes it worse and makes me feel worse and I look back at it and I feel I need to do something about it. I start thinking I’m a bar person. Right now I swallowed because my mind tried to trick me into thinking that wasn’t true but swallowing minimizes the stress of the thought. And I did a leg move me because I had a thought thinking what if swallowing doesn’t minimize the stress. This is ocd. Hard to handle. Im in constant doubt. I do a weird gesture or movement with my face when I have a what if thought that is doubtful and highly unlikely to be true. I don’t understand why but I do it. Before I used to click my toes a lot too where they’d be sore and same with my fingers. Another thing I always feel guilty with god and if I don’t pray I feel good things won’t happen. And I know this could be scrupulosity. Ive been suffering with my ocd related to god for a long time. And it’s been worse before especially with sexual thoughts and just feeling bad for things I don’t need to feel bad for. A lot of the time I feel like I’m going to hell. I feel like the things I’m doing in my life are all bad, because I had two ex boyfriends. One was trans and I might have another one soon too who is trans guy. I really like him and he is one of the kindest persons I’ve ever met. I always try remind my self that even though I’m in these relationships I feel like I’m not supposed to be and That I’m interrupting with gods plan for my life and that I’m doing it wrong. But I know Jesus as love and complete forgiveness, I’ve always believed and surrendered my life more then once to him. I believe and pray. But life hasn’t been great and I feel I can’t even get a job. It seems so hard and stressful. I’ve been really depressed. For longer then I can remember. I’ve been depressed before I moved to Edmonton. Worse since I got into hard drugs and dropped out of school. Cause I been on hard drugs. alcoholism for years. I dropped out of school I feel like nothing In my life and I’m in over $1400 of credit card debt and my credit rating is low now and the only thing that makes me happy is just getting high on weed and being with the people I can enjoy getting high with cause they have depression and anxiety problems too it helps all of us be more level. There’s people smoking meth in this house where I live and I hate it so much and worried if that stuff gets into my system somehow. I feel a feeling against my foot as if something gonna happen to it so I move it to avoid anything happening. That can be my whole foot or just a part of it like a toe. Before I’ve had thoughts like something evil wanting to grab it. When I’m twirling in circles listening to music sometimes I’ll think something bad will happen to me cause my eyes are closed and having my cat in my room helps. I constantly check if my bedroom door is locked to make sure no one comes in when I’m twirling and listening to music. It helps me feel better. Also another thing when I get a scary thought that doesn’t matter that’s just a what if thought I come up with another one that minimizes the anxiety that comes. Like I have a bad thought and question myself and then try hold onto another thought that’s good like reassuring and then the what if question just gets worse after. And then I’m feeling worse about myself. And I do that a lot. Idk if that’s part of ocd but it scares me a lot and I can’t handle it. I just found my self being able to type this all down because I’m person I don’t think I’d be able to explain all of this as clearly and throughly as I did typing it.

Hello ?? I’m new here. I’m a mother to a 7 year old boy that has not only been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum, Sensory Integration, ADHD but also OCD. He is afraid or germs, and he’s constantly asking me for reassurance with bad thoughts he is having. From his mind telling him he’s going to hurt me but he doesn’t want to, to telling me his mind is saying he likes boys but he thinks it’s nasty, to constantly repeating things that he did bad years ago that no longer matter even tho he has already told me. Also him saying things that I know didn’t happen but yet he says he’s not sure if it did or if it didn’t happen. To him brushing his teeth and counting. He can brush his teeth now and 2 minutes later I’ll ask him if he brushed his teeth and he will say did you me brush my teeth and if I say no he will say he doesn’t remember and he will go and brush again and again until I say yes I saw you. This is all so overwhelming I don’t know what else to do.

Do not work with Dr. Steven even Phillipson. His clinicians are not properly trained and will try to extort as much money out of you as possible. I'm putting it out there because I'm tired of the just switch therapists rule when therapists are being unethical and harmful.

how do I know ERP is working or that I'm doing it right.

I've been having ocd for the last 35 years. I did therapies after therapies but I think they never saw an ocd that intense. In the last 2 weeks I've been out of my mind replacing counting everything non stop day and night. I reached the bottom friday night when i didn't sleep at all all night. Im trying very hard to get better i just dont know how exactly. I love life but with this ocd im not functional and it's hell and no one around me understands it.

Hey everyone hope you are all doing well.! Its been so long since I used this app. A good sign that things are so much better now. I still have my bad days but I keep fighting and keep pushing myself to do things, that really is the key to recovery. I've changed my name from where does it end to "live to fight another day" because everyday is a fight! I know how hard it is to begin to overcome ocd and I just wanna say guys no matter how bad you may be feeling now things will get better with a little hard work and effort from yourself and possibly a great therapist. I will never forget the people on this app that helped me through some really dark days and believe me I had some very dark days where I couldn't see a light but I found it and all of you will too. Remember how strong you are and how beautiful you are inside out. Never give up I believe in you all ❤️❤️

so i have been with my boyfriend for three months and i love him so much. i have never once questioned my love for him in fact my friends are so tired of me going on about how much i do love him. however, these past couple of days for some strange reason, my brain keeps trying to convince me that i’m not attracted to him or that i’m falling out of love with him. it started when i didn’t get wet for the first time during sex with him because i was having panic attacks all week about this topic (and also the irrational fear that i was somehow a lesbian even though i know now that that isn’t true) and after sex, i started going “what if i never get wet during sex with him again and my relationship is a lie” and somehow tried telling my self that i needed to break up with him. although there is absolutely not evidence to support that i don’t love him anymore, my mind keeps trying to tell me that it’s a possibility. to add to that, the last time i saw him and said goodbye to him, i felt like i wasn’t “sad enough” about leaving him since i had been more upset about it before. and somehow my brain thinks that’s evidence for me not loving him. everytime i think about our relationship or reminisce on it, i become very emotional and i start crying and the crying gets worse when i think about leaving him or losing him. so, clearly my heart knows that i love him dearly but my brain keeps having these thoughts and i really do feel hopeless.

Does anybody have any ocd intrusive thoughts success stories? Like what helped you the most, and how you’re doing today. Please share

This just feels too real.. I’m terrified that this actually just real. We who have hocd focus on the sex attraction part, and that’s not what this is. I remember seeing pins or posts that say “Love is Love” and id sit there and be like “Wow I forgot that being lesbian /gay/bi ect.. has to do with falling in love” I honestly just didn’t think about falling in love and crushes or anything like that. Because we’re so focused on the sex part of this. Because it just feel real, and it’s not us. I know this isn’t me, I’ve only liked guys before and I know it was not forced. Also, my childhood has so much proof that I’m lesbian, but there’s also a lot of proof that I’m not. Like when I’d have fantasies that my crush was watching me dance or that my crush would finally ask me out. And just always liking boys and not girls. I just know I can’t be lesbian, yet there’s so many things telling me I am. But I’m not, I would know. Especially with all the advice that’s been giving to me. Anyway, sorry just here to vent. How is everyone doing? Let me know? Or maybe you have been through something similar ?

My OCD is primarily around my academics. I was wondering if this was the case for anyone else?