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I saw a video and this man said he got hard holding his baby which is foul. But I feel like im not better bc of the groinals amd intrusive thoughts I get. Can someone pls talk to me?

Here’s a thread for anyone who wants to share something positive about their day. For me, it was going out to lunch with my mom. You’re all doing great, and it’s going to be okay ❤️

hi. im so stressed for a week now and i wanted to share it with you guys, the things im stressing about and everything, and ask you if my fears are fears and ocd, or real problems. on saturday i started stressing about old stuff i talked about it with my boyfriend and i was still stressed but then new fears came up. i started stressing that i wasnt so attraced to my boyfriend in the beginning and that the attraction grew aswell as other feelings and it should have been like now from the start. then i started stressing that i dont love my boyfriend etc and that i didnt fell in love with him in the beginning. i had the urge to tell him that i didnt like his lips in the beginning. i was stressing because i didnt feel emotions and i cant recognize what i feel. my therapist told me that its because of the stress level and that my brain is "froze" in the stress mode and my emotions are in the back, something like this. i was stressing and i think i still am that i cant feel anything, i cant feel deeply and that it means i dont love my boyfriend. a year ago ive made the biggest mistake, i kissed my two girl bestfriends when we were drunk to teach one of them how to kiss but i dont know why i kissed my second bestfriend. i talked about it with my boyfriend, we had hard time for a month but now everything is okay. im still stressing about it. i told him in june which was three almost four months after this thing happend. i told him that when it happend wr didnt talked about the borders in our relationship but im scared that we actually did and i cant recognize rhe memory when we talked about the borders, was it after or before i did that. my boyfriend also know the day it happend and everything. im stressing that it makes it a new problem if i did that after we talked about the borders which was kissing your bestfriend the same gender is cheating. i dont know if i should tell my boyfriend that im not sure if it happens after talking about the borders or before im scared that it was before i think im 60% sure it was after talking about the borders but im not sure if thats my ocd that tells me it happend after. when i was talking with my boyfriend or my friends or school therapist i determined that it happend before the talk about the borders in our relationship. i started stressing about it few minutes ago. my boyfriend and i were having a sleepover for five days and almost the whole five days i was stressing that i feel nothing and that it means i dont love him.

I feel really mad at myself because there was this patient on one of my ride-alongs that we picked up from some kind of psych ward and the EMTs had to restrain him and put him in a spit hood because he was deemed as a danger to himself and/or others and he was spitting when we arrived on scene. He was extremely hypertensive and wasn’t talking at all so the paramedic had to take a blood glucose level. Long story short if the paramedic didn’t sedate him like he did the patient would have gone into cardiac arrest. I talked to this patient the whole time he was awake saying “it’s okay. You will get there safe.” The paramedic after the call told me that it was good of me to talk to the patient but that I don’t need to because he said the patient didn’t care. He then said that the ER we dropped him off saw him before and the cops said he had beat his girlfriend almost to death 5 times. Because I was tired of the paramedic seeing me as a naive young woman and because at the time I still harbored anger for when my loved one had to go to the ER for almost getting killed by her boyfriend, I said under my breath, “what a piece of shit.” And something like, “I’m glad I didn’t know that because I don’t know if I would have treated him differently.” I feel HORRIBLE for saying this because clearly I care about this patient. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him and his suffering to the past 2 months. But I feel like a horrible person for making this comment, and I overthink restraints and taking the blood glucose even though it was medically necessary because of my sexual trauma. I REALLY want to be an EMT but I keep thinking about this one patient interaction and I’m worried I won’t have the mental capacity to do this job when it comes to psychiatric patients like this patient. I care about EVERY patient and patient autonomy so much so that I can already see it is getting in the way of me doing my job and needing to use restraints when the person is a danger to themselves or others or needing to take vital signs for these patients. I know they are necessary but I didn’t like that this paramedic made this comment. And instead I am shaming myself.

I’m wondering if anyone is having a similar experience. I’m finding the discourse around the Tourette’s outburst at the BAFTA awards very upsetting. I think this is because it is showcasing that a huge amount of people have just no concept at all of how Tourette’s works. As people with OCD, we have a lot of overlap with Tourette’s (as well as the significant number of us who also suffer from Tourette’s or Tics disorders), and it is so disheartening to me to see how little the world understands the way intrusive thoughts or tics/tourettes compulsions work. I also had Tics as a child, so I know intimately how little control you have over it, and from OCD we all know how much we do NOT agree with our intrusive thoughts or support them. It’s very difficult to realize that so many people don’t understand that it’s the very fact that we hate those thoughts, that makes them intrusive. Just wondering if anyone else has been following this, as this seems like the only community I belong to that I could think of that would understand how deeply this whole situation stings. Any thoughts?

I’m new here to NOCD. I had my first session last week. I struggle with hit & run OCD, intrusive thoughts, checking plugs, making sure toilets and sinks aren’t running or leaking, and checking door locks. I’ve had these symptoms for most of my life I’m 35 now. More compulsions and OCD have come into the picture over the years. I’ve had a long history or anxiety & depression treatment. Been on medication and talk therapy throughout my adult life with a handful of out patient programs and 2 inpatient. My OCD was always pushed to the side by doctors and therapists saying I just have the tendency but not a formal diagnosis until a few weeks ago. I just wonder if it was OCD a lot of the time that was untreated. I’m looking forward to starting therapy for my OCD, in hopes I can get back to a more regular life. It keeps me from getting out of the house and going to new places especially driving.

Hi there, I'm sorry if this is too niche of an issue, but just in case someone has had a similiar experience or knowledge. I've been on Venlafaxine since 2019, mostly at 150mg but I THINK I was higher (300mg) when I was first prescribed but I'm not sure (trying to dig up old scripts to confirm) and have also tried to wean off once (debilitating withdrawals went for 3 days and had to get back to work). And other than the withdrawals and initial low libido its been great. I was first prescribed for depression/anxiety but later got myself an OCD diagnosis which added a massive amount of context to my struggles. I recently had a massive OCD flare up for the first time in years and consequently saw a psychiatrist who prescribed an additional 75mg to my 150mg (225mg total), but had me taper up starting at 187.5mg. First 3 weeks were fine, I was actually doing really well, then fourth week started to struggle but have also had some life stresses so pointed to those. Then I had a follow up review with my GP who advised maintaining the 187.5mg as I seemed to be doing well without the full dose. Then, the last few days have been absolutely awful. I have woken up early each morning with extreme anxiety, seemingly for no reason (whereas my OCD usually latches onto a thought to obsess over). I have also had other symptoms such as dry mouth, agitation/restlessness, sweats/chills. And it has not let up since, each day has felt much the same and today I have broken down, I had to leave work early and got in with my GP who advised to further up to 225mg. I told him I am very scared to do so as I am worried the symptoms will worsen. I spoke to a pharmacist who suggested either maintaining current dose or weaning off but also said a doctor's opinion trumps hers. I am feeling very lost and confused. I thank anyone who has taken the time to read this and/or provide advice. Is this common? Has anyone had similiar experiences? What do I do? Do I increase, decrease or maintain?

Does anyone else suffer from comparison spirals? I recently visited a friend and our lives feel like they’re on different paths. I think our values are similar but the way we approach them is different. Anyway, I find myself wondering if what she’s doing is right and I’m doing is wrong. I’ve always been envious of other people since I was young and for the first time in a long time I’m feeling confident and stable in my own life and less envious of others. You’d think I would feel good about this but I’m just wondering if something is wrong with me and if I’m missing something. Any wisdom or insight? Without providing reassurance, of course.

Hi all, I’m struggling with a family situation and could use some perspective. I’ve had a couple of big fights with a family member recently — two “explosive” arguments in total. One of the issues is that I had told my family I would stay in the house for a year, but after the fights and ongoing tension, I started looking at jobs and considering moving out. During the fights, this family member criticized me harshly, made me feel like I’m not doing enough, and involved logistics around a baby niece. There was also a recent issue with the car where my sister wouldn’t let me leave and my dog’s bed being almost thrown away that caused additional stress — I felt like I had to constantly negotiate everything and couldn’t have any autonomy. After trying to have a serious conversation with them about my feelings, I found out that my parents had been telling this family member everything I said in confidence, including venting about the baby and household responsibilities. This broke my trust and made me feel like I don’t have anyone in my family I can confide in. Now, my family is upset because I’m considering leaving, saying things like: • “You’re overreacting.” • “You’re just being sensitive; I get cussed out all the time at work.” • “You’re leaving us in a bind.” • “It’s dishonorable because you said you’d stay a year.” • “It’s affecting the baby.” I’ve offered to give a full month’s notice, but the guilt and fear of disappointing my family are overwhelming. I feel stuck — if I stay, I feel trapped and resentful; if I leave, I feel like a bad person. I’m also trying to figure out logistics like moving, bills, and finding a pet-friendly apartment, while preparing for a new job that pays $49k/year. I’m leaning toward leaving because it aligns with my long-term goals and independence, but the guilt and fear are intense. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of family conflict when making a big move? How did you handle the guilt and fear of “hurting” family while prioritizing your own life and mental health. My ocd has been really struggling with chronic guilt and hyper responsibility

I’ll be honest I don’t wanna type this up because it feels like work. I feel paralyzed because what just happened today. So I’m pre pmsing and forgot to take my medication today but also need more medication for my PMDD. This girl and I been talking did a hit a week now and I know this seems dumb but I’m becoming more and more attached and so is she. Almost like an addiction. We met eachother in person on Sunday and hooked up. I was having ocd thoughts about contamination . Like what if I gave her hiv or sum. But I haven’t been intimate with anyone in over a year. I’m scared I ruined it because imma just be so blunt here and it’ll make me seem racist and I don’t blame you. But she was posting these pots on snap and one was this video of a girl grinding on her at a club or some and me being how I am I got jealous. I become crazy almost. So I’m at work at the reception desk and a get a phone call and before picking up the call I said don’t make me think of this word or don’t even start to form or word it. Usually I can myself down because the letters will start to form but I didn’t say it right? So I’m good. But I feared I whispered it while I was otp with the client . I usually tell my mom things I think about and she doesn’t judge she just listens but I already told her about this girl and she’s telling me I’m moving too fast. Maybe I am maybe I’m not. But I know how I feel and she can’t tell me how I feel. But Anyway I’m disappointed and angry more at myself because I wanted to be stronger in the moment but I was thinking of the post and then he word crossed my mind and I think we all know what word I’m talking about. But I feel horrible and that I ruined my chances with her. I just wanna confess but that’s gonna do more harm the good. I’ve been punching my head and crying because I can’t take these thoughts anymore. I hate to even type this but it’s like it makes me feel good or idk ugh I hate it. I don’t even wanna see her again because I feel guilty. I just wanna caught it off. I also realized she likes to cut off the convo like go on airplane mode or sum when she doesn’t wanna argue. So I end up getting pissed off and angry. I know we aren’t dating but I got jealous of the post because why would she post that? She just said going through old memories. Someone please help me. Also she wants to take me out this weekend but now I just wanna climb in bed and avoid it at all costs cuz I’m gonna feel guilty if she pays for me. brain often fixates on the most inappropriate or "taboo" thing possible for that specific situation. When you are angry, your brain may offer up the most "powerful" or "offensive" word it knows to match the intensity of your emotion, even if that word goes against your actual values. That’s what it feels like .

Thought I'd share my recent struggles and thoughts for anyone else who may get some value from them or see they aren't alone. A ton of my OCD thoughts come from distressing thoughts about my identity and existentialism recently. It often feels like my thoughts are in 1 reality and my body is in another. My brain constantly has recurring thoughts about things my mom would say, how she would react in scenarios, how she would comment on me, etc. It "pulls" me to act like my mom in a strange way, which doesn't feel very true to myself. That sucks :( my mom's not a bad person of course, but I don't want to be her. I want my own individuality. It's so strange and exhausting feeling my mind "pull" me to be this person that has nothing to do with me. As I've delved more into philosophy, it has simultaneously alleviated many distressing facets of my OCD while also creating new obsessions (because of course it did.) Thinking about how small my own existence is helps me keep perspective on my thoughts and emotions. Like "do I REALLY need to worry about X thing? I'm one of 7 billion people alive at this random point in human history that I had no control over, and ultimately I'm just gonna die. So why worry?" That kind of positive nihilism actually helps me a fair amount. But it also spawns new identity fears, making me question if there really is a "me" at all, if everything I've ever loved or wanted matters at all. It started creating some reall apathy and almost disregard for myself. Sort of like "why should I care about myself and what I think and feel? I'm a tiny human among 7 billion humans and I'm not changing the world. I really don't matter." I had a powerful meltdown yesterday afternoon just crying and so desperately wanting to stop thinking about larger than life topics like the nature of the universe, my own identity and existence, time and reality itself. It's exhausting. I pine for the days when I just had small human worries like if my hair looked the way I wanted or if my bank account was doing well enough. These existential thoughts about how nothing ultimately matters in life has simultaneously resolved a lot of my anxiety while also making me so much less passionate and INVOLVED. It feels like my opinions have vanished. It's just "everything's perfect. Who cares?" Which is very distressing paradoxically. Like I worry less, but now I worry about "wait... is this even me? Where'd all my opinions go?" I long for my true self to return. The one who struggled yes, but cared, and had strong opinions and likes and dislikes, and felt like I was "home" Idk how much sense this all makes. Kinds feels like I'm describing some dissociation frankly, albeit mild. My true self feels obscured behind layers of thoughts about my mom and fear of "becoming her" and existential ideas that are so out of sync with the real "me" it feels like. I wish I could just worry about what game I wanted to play next and what I was going to have for dinner again. Thoughts of doubting identity and the existence of yourself and feeling "pulled" to be something by your mind is so disturbing.

I feel like for the past few weeks I’m going through life but not in control I’m here but not here, it’s like a very weird feeling, I don’t like it and don’t know how to explain it, what is this? Anyone know? It’s like I’m here but disconnected

idk how to work this app too much but I’ve looked at symptoms and mine don’t seem like the typical symptoms but I’m just scared I’m telling myself I have a disorder when I don’t

So I've been seeing a lot of people talk about how therapy has been amazing for them which I would love to, but it's out of my price range and there's not many OCD specialists in my area, also therapy is very taboo here. So I am always seeing aout EPR and exposure and for the people that have actually went to therapy, how can I practice EPR bymyself and what should I do since I don't have a therapist to guide me? I've been better than before but I'd really like to move on from this phase in my life and actually manage myself. Any help would be appritiated thank you.

Does anyone else ever remember hurtful stuff that was said to them years ago and often are triggered or just even randomly pop up in your head and you get mad or depressed and ruminate on it

My ocd is very severe. I have tried meeting with therapists for a long time (ocd speciality therapists), and now I am seeing my therapist twice a week and have been since November. I have tried ERP and can’t do it. My therapist at home (not college) believes I can’t engage in ERP because my symptoms are too severe to engage in it, and it interferes with it. She used the analogy of if a depressed person is unable to go to therapy because of depression or they couldn’t get out of bed, you wouldn’t say they aren’t trying, you would say the depression symptoms are preventing them from getting treatment. I have tried 200mg of Zoloft, and am currently on 80mg of Prozac, 10 mg of abilify, and upped to 60 mg of buspirone last week, and I haven’t had any side effects positive or negative from any medication. My therapist at college has a supervisor (cause he’s a student in training) who believes that because I haven’t had any side effects to 10 mg of abilify, there could be something else going on. Therapy has not helped a ton, and medication have not helped at all (as far as I can see). It’s clear that I am not getting the right amount of care. The next steps for a situation like this are usually clomipramine or TMS. I have a psychiatrist appointment in 3 weeks which seems like a long way away, where I might be able to be prescribed clompiramine or another medication that isn’t common, but I can’t get new medication before that, because that is the soonest I can see the psychiatrist. I’ve looked into treatment resistant ocd options. I’ve seen TMS, DBS, and anterior capsulotomy. Both the therapist at college and at home think that residential care at Rogers would be good when I can do ERP. The issue is that when I talk to my parents about these options, they say it costs a lot of money, and are not huge fans of it. My dad had a conversation with me yesterday and said the most important thing I can do is get my bachelor’s degree (I’m a junior in college). He more wants me to wait until this summer, but I don’t want to wait that long. I’m having trouble ending this cause of ocd, and knowing what to say, but I feel like my parents are too focused on the financial aspect of it. My dad said the people talking to me don’t understand the financial aspect of it. I’m willing to pay my own money for some stuff (for some things like DBS I might not be able to afford it, but TMS I can), but with TMS, they want me doing it at home and not 5 hours away at college. I might be blaming my parents too much which is not my intent, but it is frustrating, because I feel like they don’t understand how bad my ocd is. I know these treatments are expensive, but I’m not doing well. It’s a frustrating situation

Adults only Adults only As much as I don't want to admit it, I have a compulsive porn use problem. I've been escalating to videos I don't want to see but I watch them anyway because that's what I feel gives me a rush. It will be taboo acts that can be deemed disgusting, humiliating, or taboo, content with celebrities, ai focused fetish content, animations of famous people, sexual drawings of celebrities, and people doing sexual acts in public. I hate that I can't control myself from watching this and what I hate even more is that I feel strong attraction to any of this. Something that was one disgusting to me is something I can't stop myself to watch now. I hate the AI content so much. I see ads plastered everywhere on sites showing real people's faces being used for this awful stuff as I scroll by. I feel disgust and shame when I see it. I see a lot of gross things while looking for the content I want and I just want it to stop. I don't know the solution to this though.

I was wondering as ive done research into this and i feel awful I need to know if im not the only one to have this i feel awful about it. So basically ive been with my girlfriend for a year now I love her so much she's the love of my life but when I was 13 some girl said she liked me and I was friend with her and I didnt know what to do so I went out with her for 3 week and that was it I was fine and thats the end of it. I love my current girlfriend and want to marry eventually anyways im now friend with that girl from when I was thirteen with my girlfriend and im also best mates with her boyfriend now but basically I wanted ask I had a feeling of jealousy run through my body at one point like a month ago and I keep questioning why I felt that because 1 I dont want that and it really scared me I love my girlfriend now I dont want anyone else she my world I really really love her and thats all I want she's the best things thats happend to me and when I calm down from my spilling of ocd it chucks that jealousy card at me and sets me off again its really scary and I only want my girlfriend now nobody else i wish I never went out with anyone else i only wish I went out with my girlfriend now she's the best thing in the world

I have been dealing with intrusive thoughts for almost 9 months. People say it gets better, but unfortunately, for some people it doesn’t, my brain will do whatever it takes to make me feel discomfort, creating things in my head, including people I care about like friends or family just to make me feel disgust and shame, I just need advice right now during these hard times please help me.

I have been having intrusive thoughts about my sexuality for years but I have always dated men and know for a fact I could never be with a woman romantically. I have had intimate encounters with women before that were not too serious just kissing or hand holding (I am a girl) but recently I have taken it to another level. The other weekend I went home with a girl and it ultimately ended in a sexual encounter. I have been desperate to experience this with a woman in full to be able to push down the thoughts and come to a conclusion but it only worked temporarily. Even during it she asked if I was attracted to her and I said no. Now my brain is starting to force the narrative again telling me that I must be into it because I did it, or that I did not collect enough evidence in my encounter. I am also in a relationship with a man and I told him about it and now our relationship is on the line. Seeing how much this hurt him I know I would never act on this again, but I hate the flow of thoughts I have been having. I am aware that what I did was wrong and I hate that I took it to this extent. If you struggle with this sector of OCD, how do you cope?