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Does anybody else feel like someone will eventually bring their past mistakes or embarrassing secrets up and everything will go to waste? Everybody makes mistakes, yes, but I have a hard time accepting mine, specially when those happened during my teenage years/young adulthood and they went on for an extended period of time. For me it's like, it doesn't matter how hard I try or what I achieve: someone will bring up my past mistakes and just like that my whole life will go to waste: no job opportunities, no partner, no friends, no nothing. Does anybody else feel like this? How did you manage to control these thoughts? Any tips? Thank you :).

today was a really exhausting day especially mentally, it started off pretty good but then it just started to hit me randomly throughout the day and my mood became more and more down and outright grumpy to everyone around me but to me it was extreme frustration and there was nothing i could do about it because i just wanted to clean what i needed to clean, shower, and go to bed. i was triggered though, by something specific so i know where the panic and anxiety came from but it's so exhausting and i'm really really sick of it and the fact that nobody i know can help me because it isn't possible for them to understand the extent of it and pass the stereotypes of OCD but also the frustration that the person i need the most can't understand or even realise that there's something genuinely wrong with me and as much as i want to talk to her, it's really difficult for me and i'm not sure why because i can talk about it to my friends and i suppose on here too but idk and im sat here ranting now with a headache from crying and that's probably tmi but yeah it makes me feel a lot better being able get out everything i can't say in real life, especially anonymously to strangers online who actually do understand the fear and anxiety as it makes me feel slightly less alone although i don't wish this burden on anyone as it's truly a long nightmare that just keeps coming back. i apologise to anyone reading this with how long it is (you wouldn't believe the amount compulsions i experienced throughout this or maybe you do) anyways im probably gonna go watch law and order: svu (my favourite show ever) and i hope everything is going well for anyone reading this and that this makes you feel less alone hopefully <3.

so i've been through countless therapists atp. i have ocd, adhd, anxiety, depression, and chronic illness, and am almost certainly autistic (i am being officially evaluated next month). no therapist has really been equipped to handle the complexity of everything im dealing with and ive spent hours and hours going through therapist profiles in the past. i've been seeing a LCSW for a few months, and honestly she is putting no effort into actually treating me. basically they are just venting sessions, which is still cathartic sometimes, but we are not actively getting to the bottom of any of my issues. then again, my nervous system is already so overloaded and exhausted all the time from being chronically ill that i don't know if i have the capacity to get into deep processing of trauma right now, or whether that would be a wise choice. i think the only way im going to get a proper therapist at this point is if i choose someone who's not in-network with insurance, which of course is stupid expensive and i already have such high medical costs. i've been in therapy on and off for many years and have spent most of my life trying to "improve myself" and resolve my issues and while meditation is finally starting to help, there is still so much going on and im just not really sure what to do anymore. should i keep my current sessions just to have a space for venting, or is that actually worth $40/month? is it better than paying $200/session to actually make progress? i'm just so tired.

Constantly thinking your partner is cheating or will cheat or has cheated and you missed it. Or that you’re on the wrong path, you aren’t with the person that was Gods will for you. I obsssess over if he is talking to other women on his phone, and then ask for reassurance, and then feel guilty and apologize, and then the urge to accuse or check or say something comes back again. It’s ruining everything. And I’m sad

Hey everybody, this is my first time posting in here! I've been in here for quite a bit now but now that I've got some courage I'll ask something I genuinely can't figure out myself. Two years ago, I fell victim to an online scam and one of my social media accounts got compromised. Apparently, the hack of this goal was to get money out of the victim so they could get their account back: luckily enough I refused to pay and I was able to recover my account thanks to the platform's support team. Roughly two years have passed with no signal that there's an active threat coming from that compromise, and I was able to simply move on. However, recently, this event came back to my mind and it's been making me lose my mind. The thing here is that I had private chats with some close friends, and as you might guess, there was some sensitive personal information in those chats (nothing like bank-related information, but still). The thing here is that during the compromise, they technically had access to those chats and everything in my account. Years later, this event is bothering me again. I'm asking this because I've never dealt with something like this and I can't genuinely tell if this is real event OCD. Has anybody experienced something similar? Does anybody have any tips? Thank you all!

so i was in a relationship in the past that, i was married. it was really intense and up and down and we ended up getting a divorce, i struggled a lot with ROCD in that relationship too. A LOT. it put a damper on things. anyways, around 6 months of massive healing and moving to another state, i met someone who's amazing and now we live together. it's been almost a year. it's AMAZING. i never thought id be happy again. my OCD went away. but lately it's been creeping back in, i have thoughts that its not "deep enough" and maybe i've settled. but im happy. i'm so calm. ive never felt calm in a relationship EVER. and i do with him. but what if it's not enough, what if im meant to just be single. like i'm not meant to have any romantic relationship. that thought makes me so sad. and in every past relationship when i've had ROCD it ended up being true. so what if it's true again. i feel so lost and that im going to ruin things with him. i don't want to do that.

I’m really struggling at the moment and was wondering if anyone can relate or has any advice. I keep getting intrusive thoughts about things I don’t actually want to think about. They’re usually disturbing, uncomfortable, or sometimes sexist thoughts that don’t reflect how I really feel. The problem is that I feel an overwhelming urge to tell someone about them, usually my boyfriend or my mom. It’s almost like I can’t relax until I’ve said the thought out loud. Once I tell them, the thought feels “neutralized” and the anxiety around it goes away for a while. I find it extremely difficult to resist this urge, but at the same time I feel so ashamed that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place. Has anyone else experienced something similar? What do you do to cope with these thoughts without having to confess them to someone? Are there any techniques or strategies that have helped you?

does anybody literally fear that they will be arrested for something? like there was a few things like 7 or 8 years ago that I have been in terror that I'll be arrested for and publicly humiliated. and then something when I was a kid that I can't remember happened for sure. like I haven't had an police contact me or any notifications or development in those stories but it feels so vivid that any day could be my last. and I can't focus as work or make any plans because I'm about to move and I want to be excited for it but I just feel dread that my life will be over. and I spend hours researching and trying to remember and looking at the laws around it.

I currently can't afford treatment on this platform, and I can't seek "traditional treatment" like seeing a therapist in person. The situation with my insurance is a little complicated at the moment. I basically have to pay for everything that's not handled locally myself. I can't seek therapy for it because it would have negative consequences for me. (These consequences have nothing to do with OCD; they're related to employment and education.) What options do I have? My OCD is unbearable sometimes, and I'm not sure what I can do to manage it. I've read self-help books and tried other things like that. On top of that, I've tried 50 mg of Zoloft, but that didn't help. I managed to get it from my doctor without being diagnosed with OCD. My OCD did not improve while I was on Zoloft. I combined it with ERP, but it didn't work. Of course, I did ERP myself–I don't have access to healthcare of that sort. I was on Zoloft for over half a year. I know that self-directed ERP isn't ideal, but that's the only option I've had so far. It doesn't really work for me. It gets too difficult, and then I give up. I don't want to start it and not do it properly.

I have intrusive thought and emotional/relationship OCD And idk if I need to seek more professional help than what I’m getting I’m seeing a therapist but maybe I should one that specializes in ocd specifically. I’m not sure to be honest I wonder if it’s more than my ocd. It’s really hard for me to accept love…of all kinds not just romantic. My parents gave me a book of all the things they loved about me. I feel really guilty for admitting it but I don’t feel anything. I can’t be happy as much as I can be sad or angry. But I don’t think I’ve felt loved truly in a really long time. I think apart of that is the way I always have to go through a check list or things have to mark of boxes for me to experience something “genuine” (but that kinda defeats the whole point) which I think is why I struggle so much. But when it does come romantic love it’s kinda always been difficult for me. And maybe it’s just because I’m 17 or maybe there is something wrong with me. I never really like relationships when I was younger but I still had a few boyfriends it never went anywhere…but it went places when I tried girls. And every time ended in tears. My first kiss…sobbed my eyes out. When I told my ex I loved her I had a panic attack. It’s not that I don’t accept myself for being gay because I do really like girls. But regardless of its men or women I’ll never feel comfortable enough to let myself be okay with being loved. I also know how taxing it can be to be friends with someone like me let alone to me dating someone like me. “Stop asking if I’m mad at you or if you did something” “Why haven’t you answered me or reached out” My ex was the first person I told about my diagnosis because it made our relationship and why we ended make sense. I’m aware of how mentally draining I was. Idk I think I could talk about this for a while…I just don’t really know what to do from here I also think it got increasingly worse when I was SAd by someone I was seeing it wasn’t necessarily violent it was more just mentally manipulative and mentally abusive. I feel like people don’t really believe me and I don’t really need them too it’s not like I went public with it. I just kinda stayed quiet the best I could. It’s really hard for me to be touched now not even in a sexual way I mean I froze up when I went on a first date and started crying… I always hated big gestures and gifts but I think I despise them even more now. I haven’t seen anyone in almost two years just because I don’t really see a point. I don’t ever see anything going anywhere else but making me feel like what ever this feeling is. But I don’t like sitting with it. Anyway I really hope I don’t sound crazy or emotionally thirsty ig idk

We are hosting some friends while they are in between houses. They have 3 kids & a baby. I have 3 kids. I was helping get their kids situated for bed & offered to help with the baby. I'm always careful in wanting to express that I'm willing to help, but also want to make sure the mom feels comfortable. I offered to help with bath time & stuff. The mom let me & was thankful for my help. But then I got really concerned that what if me offering to help was weird or creepy. & then I got concerned that what if she thought I offered to help because I wanted to see her baby naked. I was only wanting to help because it was late & it's their first night here & I want them to feel settled. I feel a lot of anxiety about them ever thinking or perceiving me as a not safe person. I've struggled with POCD my entire adult life, so I'm always hyper analyzing how other people perceive me & don't want to come across as creepy. I trust my friends & at the same time find myself concerned that what if I go to bed & they go into my children's bedrooms. I originally felt very comfortable with the entire situation, but once they got here, all these anxieties popped up. I've been ruminating for a couple of hours & am hoping that processing this some on here will help me feel some relief. I've also been having a lot of harm OCD crop up (like "what if I throw this baby down the stairs" & then I back away & angle the baby away from the stairs because I'm anxious that I would lose control). Also contamination OCD cropping up because all of their belongings are in my house & it feels like it's contaminating everything. I didn't anticipate feeling this way. It's only the first night, so I'm hoping I feel relief as time goes on.

I feel like I live in the constant fear that I am about to die from something medically. Like every bodily feeling is something serious that’s about to kill me. I’m extremely healthy, and all my doctors tell me I’m healthy. But the anxious feeling kills me. It makes me feel like I want to run out of my body. A lot of the times I feel anxious that I’m going to have an anxiety attack, and in turn that makes me have an anxiety attack. I feel like I have no peace or calmness in life anymore. I had my first anxiety attack 5 years ago when i thought I was dying (literally only from a clogged nostril) but ever since i know that anxiety attacks were possible, I have them all the time. Every day.

I’ve replied to a bunch of posts, but have been reluctant to share my own struggles with OCD — mostly because it’s expressed in so many different ways. It’s like an ever-shifting kaleidoscope, flipping switches from one subtype to another always seeming to know where I am at my weakest and most vulnerable at any time. I seem to ping-pong between these which leave me so utterly exhausted and feeling like I’m totally wired the wrong way as a person: 1. Pure O: I’m mostly terrorized by intrusive thoughts and ruminations not always triggering specific compulsions 2. Sexual and POCD: So many of these thoughts are graphically sexual, usually taboo, sketchy, or violent 3. Perfectionism OCD: Seriously, I gave spent almost 20 minutes writing, rewriting, rereading, and editing this text already!!! Even the idea of “good enough” makes me uncomfortable and twitchy. 4. Real Event OCD: I replay, relive, and re-suffer stuff from years and years ago fearing that I will be discovered and severely punished or jailed for past mistakes. 5. Harm OCD: I can’t cross train tracks without thinking of stepping in front of a locomotive; I don’t go over or under a bridge without thinking of doing a head dive off of it; I dream about setting myself on fire. I can live with the checking and counting — it’s the sum total of the rest of this that has me praying that I will not wake up in the morning. I don’t care if I check the refrigerator door 3 times before leaving the kitchen. I just want to feel OK in my own skin again — sometime. Please. Sorry for the dump. Anyone else struggle with this?

Let’s chat and be there for each other.

I have very severe ocd. I can’t even properly explain it to my therapist. I can’t even write this without ocd saying I’m doing something. I feel like my mind has created a reality that is so warped, that there are many things that are ocd that I am not recognizing, making me believe lies that ocd tells. On NOCD, I had a very bad obsession about prayers which is when it all started. I was so convinced I genuinely meant bad prayers, that when people told me they were intrusive thoughts, I said “no they’re not,” and it seemed obvious they weren’t. It seemed like a fact to me. The thing that doesn’t make sense though, is how can I be this upset about prayers and still be making bad prayers on a constant basis. Eventually I found out it was ocd. The problem is, this likely applies to things other than prayers. Since I have no insight on certain things (and I don’t know what they all are but it’s clear there are some things I have no insight on), my descriptions become warped when talking to ocd specialists, and I might not get the best advice from them. There are certain things that my mind warped so much that I won’t get in to, but there was a lot of flawed logic. I know I’m not making much sense, and I feel that is a symptom of the ocd as well that’s making treatment harder or impossible. I have tried the max dose of nearly every medication and augmentation for ocd (I’ve been on chlomipramine 100 mg for over 4 weeks, and I’m on 150 mg now), and nothing has even made a slight impact. I also have had basically no side effects to medication including 10 mg of abilify, and 1 mg of Xanax (I may have had side effects to 2 mg of Xanax which my psychiatrist said I could try limiting it to once a week), but I don’t remember what happened a lot of that night. I’m likely starting TMS next week, which is probably a good step, but I don’t think it’s going to be enough. I think I need surgery, and I might be wrong, but from the very start of therapy, it’s design has not seemed to be able to treat my ocd well

Don’t know what’s real. (ROCD) I’m freaking out so much. I don’t even know where to begin but for some reason it feels like I don’t want to be with my partner. I feel like nobody understands what I mean when I say this. It isn’t a thought, it’s a FEELING. It’s so terrifying. And it’s like my body is saying “just break up and leave.” But I don’t want too, but at the same time I wonder if I’m just in denial. It feels like denial. It FEELS, emphasis on the feelings, that I don’t love him or want to be with him. And I wonder what if I don’t want to break up solely because I’m scared of hurting him. I don’t know anymore. And I’m scared that what if I start recovering from ROCD and then I don’t want to be with him. Then when I feel calm, and I get the thoughts, it feels like the truth, like I don’t really like him or want to be with him. And it feels like I’m not getting a deep down feeling of “I love him.”

I feel like I am really struggling, back in a spike. There is a lot of change happening in my life right now, and I just can’t seem to feel worthy of good things or move on from past mistakes. Any advice would be much appreciated ❤️ or even just some encouragement. I feel like I don’t see many people talk about real event, and for me it’s been one of the most debilitating themes I have ever faced. I would love to start a conversation about it and what recovery has looked like for some of you 🫶

My partner and I have been together for nearly 5 years. We get along wonderfully, but after the honeymoon phase I’d have the dull back of mind thoughts that maybe I was not attracted to him, or I didn’t love him as much as he did me. I never imagined our wedding after the 2 year mark, but never wanted to leave, either. I knew I had to rip off the bandaid at some point and move in with him, so we toured and found a place that checked our boxes and signed a July 1 lease. Fast forward to a month ago, I have a stress in my mind I cannot quite name. Then I discovered the concept of comphet and I completely fell apart. I was always insecure with how much I felt I “wanted” sex. I often had sex because I wanted to want it, but I never disliked it either? I always attributed it to sertraline (been on it since I was 8 for GAD). I also love to flirt with men without acting on it if I’m out with girlfriends because it’s an ego boost. I also do find women more beautiful than men oftentimes. In an art club I’m in I gravitate towards drawing them because their bodies are more interesting to me. But I’ve never really had romantic interest/intent toward them except with maybe a curiosity to kiss one after some drinks who identified as gay/bi. I want to get through this, I want this to work. I got so scared for a while to say “i love you” even though I said it first in our relationship, and now I can’t stop saying it to him through tears. I feel so broken. I want him to be the one. I want to move in with him without this pit in my stomach. But I’m so scared that the presence of these thoughts in a dull capacity means they were true and now I have ROCD from the denial of him not being the one. He’s perfect. We never fight. I want to want him to be the one.

Hey all, 20yo bisexual guy with what I believe to be Sexual Orientation OCD on and off since 14. I've been attracted to both genders since I was a kid, i think i was attracted to guys first. As a kid i used to be afraid i was gay and used to obsess over it a bit on and off. In 8th grade I remember feeling attracted to women. I get aroused by women , flirting, physical contact. Had sex with one girl for hours with zero anxiety everything went well. But with other women I can't get hard during makeout sessions because I'm in my head the whole time, and I avoid sex out of fear of not getting hard. My brain latches on that I'm secretly gay and avoiding sex because of that. I ultimately regret avoiding sex later on. The intrusive "I'm gay" thought shows up randomly. The word gay triggers me when i hear it or read it. In the moment i get major anxiety and it feels like Im actually gay. The word bisexual also triggers me a bit. I've tried accepting being gay before but kept feeling attracted to women. My brain can't accept bisexuality and that bisexuality doesn't mean 50/50 sometimes I feel stronger attraction to certain men or i feel more attraction to women. Now that I'm talking to a new girl the OCD is back hard. I know I have some attraction to women but I can't trust it. Sometimes it feels like it's not enough. Anyone relate or have advice for someone bisexual navigating SO-OCD?

When having an OCD episode or being triggered, have you ever been told that what you feel isn't "correct"? I've been told that many times especially by my family. That fact making those words far harsher. As someone who sometimes struggles with understanding emotions, is it wrong to feel offended by this? Personally, I found such talks to be quite offensive as if I'm being denied my right to feel a certain way to certain stimuli. That I'm being talked down to by people I know for sure would be upset and even nastier when something similar happens to them? I gotta ask you this: have this ever happened to you? How have you felt? What did you do? I just wanted to know that I'm not alone here as I've been told before.