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This is my experience everyone's experience is different and no one can tell you what to do, only you can make the decsion thats best. I tried breaking up I said I can't keep doing this and going on. The plan was to do it today. As I decided, my boyfriend told me if you do this there's no coming back if you do this we have to be done. And I felt sure then I sat at the door for 10 minutes deciding. I felt anxious and afraid of what would happen if I did, and I thought if I did I'm gonna wanna come back probably. I realized that being with him IS what I wanted, and that whdther I break up or not I'm going to face doubts and second thoughts. I will keep with my decisin its just the fear of not making the right one but no one can tell you that. Doubr will happen either way and I cried looking at him i just said I cant do it. I cannot make the permanent decision and say no. So I have not as strong sexual and physical attraction it depends on what he wears smells hormones my day etc. I love him and thats my commitment and I have to stick to it regardless of feelings. You cannot let your feelings lead you in life. My decision is to work on this and not give up

I am here as the grandmother of a 21 year-old college student who has had relationship OCD. His father is his trigger, which makes visiting home very difficult. I am a psychotherapist but not an expert in this area at all. Would love to know more about OCD and to hear that there is hope for this wonderful young man. One issue is that he is a new member in a Christian church that teaches that Jesus is the only way to Salvation. He is anxious to save the souls of his family members and fearful that we are all going to hell because we refuse to judge people of other faiths as being wrong. He insists that Jesus is going to heal him, and we certainly hope that is true! Yet we are uncertain as to whether this zealous intensity might not be part of his OCD. We certainly do not discourage him from the idea that healing by Jesus is possible!

today has been up and down emotionally and ive been stuck thinking about my real events again, and im trying really hard to not confess to my girlfriend because i have a bad feeling what actually happened is getting muddy with false memories. any advice on what to do instead??? i can feel myself wanting reassurance and its getting hard to not start confessing or bringing up the moral topic related to my real event that stresses me to test my girlfriends opinion and get indirect reassurance that way

My family did a lot of favors for other family and since I was so young like maybe elementary or early middle school, I didn’t have much of ocd like I have it now but my ocd is looking back and making me think I did something really horrible. I don’t have any memories but my brain is bring it up like maybe you did and just forgot, I was a little kid with too much internet access what if I did what I seen and forgot it until now. It’s kind of scaring me now

It’s a really strange feeling. Sometimes I really don’t want any of it,(my theme is afraid of being bisexual) but other times I feel completely like this is who I really am—I’m okay with it and I want it. Then I feel like I don’t dare let myself get too invested, because if I do, these things won’t go away and I’ll actually become that person. It really feels like I have two selves: one that wants it and one that doesn’t. Three things bother me: 1. Even before the HOCD started, I sometimes questioned whether I was gay. That fear—wondering if it was a possibility—was always there, and I don’t know if it was because I was bullyed in the school that I'm gay. 2. It didn’t start with just a single thought. It was more of an accumulation of things; it was already in my mind somehow. I’m afraid that maybe my true self or sexuality was actually emerging back then. 3. Some symptoms—or whatever you call them—didn’t go away even when I ignored them. Sometimes they’d come back, or a different one would appear, or one would get stronger. For instance, there was that thing with the men's thumb; sometimes I’d ignore it and it would vanish, but then I’d check to see if it was still there—and when it wasn’t, I’d wonder, "What if I’m just not in the right mood for it right now?" and then it would come back. There were also times when I ignored it and it spread to all the fingers. When these things popped up, I didn’t panic; instead, I felt reassured: "Okay, if I still have symptoms, then it’s OCD, which means I’m not bi." But now, the feeling I have is that if they didn’t go away, then they must have been real. Plus, there’s the fact that sometimes I test something out and like it right away. It wasn't like this with other things; usually, that ,,like feeling ,,only kicked in after I’d been testing myself for a while. And right now, I have this symptom where—whenever I’m in that state of mind wondering if it’s OCD or if I’m actually straight—I get that weird sensetion that I have to knock on my head. Before, that only happened when I was having intrusive thoughts. And okay, I accept that this is who I am, but the thoughts still don't go away. In fact, they get even worse. Ugh. Like I said, sometimes I feel exactly the way you see me now: mixing everything up, anxious as hell—and then, two seconds later, I’m totally fine with who I am. But then I start thinking: okay, but 1) when will they go away? and 2) if I really accept this now, there’s no turning back. What do you guys think? Is this who I really am? Am I in denial? Or it's just OCD screwing with me?

I’m having difficulties distinguishing between legit feelings and OCD thoughts about my relationship. I’ve been dating this guy for a few months. He lives an hour and a half away, so it’s been a lot of driving (he doesn’t have a car because everything is walking distance for him). The drive felt worth it at first, but now I’m just exhausted. A few weeks into dating, I found out he was still on tinder and messaging people. We concluded it as a miscommunication due to different dating cultures (he’s from South Korea), but my trust hasn’t been 100% with him since then. He did delete his profile and I haven’t seen anything suspicious since then. And no, I did not go through his phone, I saw a notification pop up from it while he was showing me a video. Also, when we first started dating he told me that he’s never cheated on anyone before. Well, the other night we got drunk and we were talking about our pasts. He mentioned having a girlfriend when he was in his young 20s, and how they would only see each other on the weekends, so he would go “be intimate” with other women during the week. I told him that’s cheating and he tried to say it was just for physical relief so it didn’t count as cheating to him. Then he told me they broke up because she cheated on him. And I’m just like “Buddy, you’re the villain here. You cheated on her first.” And he said basically that she never knew, so she was in the wrong for cheating on him. Anyways, he said he doesn’t see things that way anymore and wouldn’t cheat on me, but part of me feels like he’s full of shit. And now I’ve been getting thoughts like “I don’t care about texting him back anymore” “I don’t want to drive to his place next weekend, I’d rather just stay home” “the way he views certain things pisses me off and I don’t know if I can like someone like that” or I just simply get annoyed/irritated thinking about him. I am struggling to tell if they are OCD thoughts or my actual feelings. I do like spending time with him, but after some of these inconsistencies with being honest, I don’t know what to think anymore. Outside of these instances, he treats me great. He’s always cooking for me, buying me food, and tells me in cute/pretty constantly. Our sense of humor also goes really well together. So yeah, I don’t know.

Does anyone else feel like they have a hard time connecting with people and making friends? I feel like most people have bad intentions off the bat and are only wanting negativity towards me. I also feel like I can’t connect with people or really know the proper way of interacting with them.

It wont let me study certain topics anymore All because of some stupid thing I saw, I hate the fact that it even happened, it’s been getting sort of better but i can’t stand that it’s gotten this far and hasn’t dissipated entirely yet Only thing that takes my mind off of it is playing grace since its kind of hard to be depressed over being in a psychological headlock when your running for your life It’s so stupid what caused this, I just needed to talk here.

Hello there ! I'm new on NOCD Community and I'd like to share my OCD experience. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and OCD and I wonder how the trauma could have affected the OCD theme. The trauma happened when I was 8 years old where an older schoolmate tried to sexually assault me , I managed to push him away and he then humiliated me and hit me. The OCD started with intrusive thoughts about harm from dangerous people on the person I love more than anything , my niece. At first it was about intrusive thoughts that someone dangerous harms her in this way , and I was so horrified , distressed and overwhelmed by the thoughts that they became worse and they started coming as false "wishes" that violate my deepest values and are my worst nightmares. I know it's incredibly shocking and abhorrent , I can't get over it , I cry every day , I feel unbearable pain. I have Harm OCD and Morality OCD. I am doing CBT and my therapist is really helpful ! But the pain still feels unbearable since I am at the beginning. Anyone who experienced something similar like having a specific phobia (mine is sexual abuse) after a trauma and a related OCD theme?

So I have cheating ocd and false attraction ocd and rocd and I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. He means the world to me. I struggle a lot with feeling like I have crushes, Ive kinda moved past it n learned to be comfortable with uncertainty. But today at work I had an intrusive thought of having sex with a coworker and my first response to it was recognizing that it's hot but not actually wanting it. Like about a COWORKER. And Im like ok, fantasies are normal. But I feel so sick. I am filled with guilt, I dont even WANT anything to do with this coworker at all I constantly ignore him, I recognize hes attractive and I KNOW its normal to find people attractive/hot or whatever but I fucking hate it. I feel like a horrible partner. I want to make it all stop. He doesnt even deserve me because my mind is full of disgusting thoughts. Im genuinely like having a panic attack over this because I feel some part enjoyed the thought even if I didnt want it. I feel sick. Please Like I dont want reassurance or whatever but I need help.

When I was in my past relationship, there was a guy I’m friends with who definitely had a crush on me. I thought he was very cute objectively but did not want to pursue that, would never in a million years leave my bf for him. I got scared cuz if I imagined him flirting with me (testing) I would feel like I’d probably feel something? I feel like I would with most people but this friend has a sort of charm that seems to work on everyone and I LOATHED that in theory that would make me feel something. Even now I feel like it would but I don’t go pursuing him! I questioned it but the conclusions drew back to how I want my ex, not this guy. But I wouldn’t dare do such a thing. However, I’m scared that I made it seem like he had a chance? I mean I definitely didn’t at all and never hung out with him when I was with my bf but maybe I was too friendly at some point? I’m not sure I don’t really think I was but it’s like a real event OCD kind of thing I think…. But also, sometimes I’d put together cute outfits and be like “that friend would understand this” because he has IMPECCABLE taste in style and girls, so part of me kept having the thought “would friend think it’s cute? would friend think this outfit is hot” NOT BC I WANTED HIM TO THINK IM HOT NECESSARILY, but because I knew he’d understand the style if that makes sense? I NEVER dressed for him but I’m scared I did? I would’ve worn those clothes anyway but I don’t know

Over the course of a couple of weeks I began seeing videos about OCD that popped up on my feed. Watching these videos I began to realize it sounds incredibly similar to my anxiety. Perhaps I have OCD? I highly doubted it so I did quite a bit of research, did some online quizzes, and ultimately decided to ask my psychiatrist if I could to screened. ( My prior diagnoses being late diagnosed ADHD inattentive, GAD, and recurrent depressive disorder ) She asked me to state obsessions and compulsions I have, which I had difficult time answering. I simply blurted out the first ones that came to mind. I only had 30 mins with her so I tried rehearsing what I wanted to state over and over, just to fold. When I mentioned this she told me that I probably just have anxiety and began stating typical OCD traits ( washing hands and closing doors repeatable ). To which I respond, "yes? those are OCD traits?". She then stated that I might have OCD patterns due to be parentified from a young age but that doesn't necessarily mean I actually have OCD. She then stated that OCD is actually quite rare and a lot of people think they have it ( Her saying this confused me, I'm not trying to get diagnosed for fun LOL). TBH I do agree to a certain extent, I might not have it, but I wish instead of directly challenging me she would have given me the space to state what I'm experiencing then arrange another call to properly figure out what's up. On another note, diagnoses are so difficult, I feel like I have to know just as much if not more than my psychiatrist...

Battle is not going well, I can’t fight anymore

I have two dogs one is male and one is female. My male one is extremely aggressive towards anybody who isn’t us and it really bothers me and I’ve tried to get him to stop for years and today I was working and he just started going off on the sea guy which stressed out my other dog and my cat so I popped him on the butt and I am just feeling this immense guilt from it. I did not pop him hard at all just a light spank, but it just put me on this intrusive thought of I have watched dogs before I am a big animal lover and now I am worried that I have done something to those dogs like hit them or yelled at them which in my mind I know I haven’t at the same time I’m worried that I have my other dog. The female one is very very sweet, but she’s very very bad on the leash. she’s actually dislocated my arm pulling me to go try to get another dog. She’s drugged me in the middle of the road. She is extremely aggressive towards other dogs and I have popped her as well or I’ve had to pull her hard and that’s why I switched to a harness. I don’t really know how it got this bad today just for my dog barking, but I am in a very bad state of fear and guilt. Just thinking that I have maybe harmed other peoples dogs in my back of my mind. I know I haven’t but I just fear I have. I love my dogs and they love me, but it’s been a very hard time with them because of this aggressiveness and we’ve had trainers leave and I’m not sure what else to do my dog on the walks is doing a lot better and I’m having more patience with her, but my male dog is still aggressive and I don’t think that will change. I was just wondering does anybody else have pets and struggle with this guilt as well that’s something will happen and it’ll just spiral you and the more thoughts. My main intrusive thought is that I watched a coworkers dogs. One was very old and senile and the other one was a puppy the puppy was very sweet, but he was very very hyper and it stressed me out, and I know that I might raise my voice at him and now my mind is just bringing me back, trying to convince me that I harmed him and I know I didn’t

Please help me, I have intrusive feeling of guilt, it's religious, what to do.

I don’t understand why people can’t just be honest up front and why people lie about serious things. As someone with OCD, Im pretty sure I’m living my worst nightmare rn. I just need advice right now

Hey yall!! I’ve had a pretty big spike in my ocd lately. I have some real events that really do conflict with my values and that makes me feel terrible, dirty, broken, and impure. It’s spiraled into fears of being arrested and tried for these things even though that is highly unlikely and the events in question took place long ago, and no evidence of any legal investigation against me exists. Nevertheless I find myself in a constant loop of reassurance seeking, confessing, and googling (sometimes even using ChatGPT for reassurance, which I really hate myself for since I’m very anti ai.) How do you guys stop punishing yourself for your real events?

Hello, I am new to both my OCD diagnosis and the NOCD community, as my therapist just told me about it this week. It is nice to meet you! Please excuse the length of this post... I am recently dealing with a lot of obsessive thoughts about being a "bad person" or that something is "wrong with me" — that can translate to a lot of different things, depending on the trigger. Sometimes the thought is that I am a "bad friend" — triggered by feeling overwhelmed by text messages and not responding right away, then feeling more stressed about doing so the further it gets from the last time we spoke. Sometimes the thought is that I am "bad at *being* a person" — feeling like I struggle to do things that seem to be so easy for other people (I also have been diagnosed with ADHD which I think contributes to that feeling). Sometimes the thought is that I am lazy, or selfish, or one of many hundred other "bad" adjectives and that because of that thing, I am not deserving of love. Shame has been a big part of my life and self-image and it's dragging me down so much. Today the obsession was the thought that I might be a covert or "benign narcissist" and went right to the internet to read about it and try to determine if I am. Often, I seek reassurance from others or by researching things to try to come to a conclusion. Sometimes I watch YouTube videos about internet drama and find myself trying to catalog different rules in my head for what makes a "bad person" and how I can avoid being that way. I feel like I tend to have a black-and-white way of seeing things, and it can be very difficult for me not to label things as bad and therefore to be avoided. I am not trying to seek reassurance now or have anyone tell me that I'm not a bad person, but rather I would just like to know if this resonates with anyone and if you have dealt with similar feelings, what are some things that have helped you to sit with the uncertainty or stop labeling things in such black and white terms? Thank you for reading, and I appreciate any thoughts you may have. ♥️

i’m never going to be able to accept uncertainty with this topic. every time i tried to “accept uncertainty” like people tell you to do, it makes me extremely upset and i’m not able to function normally. i believe that there’s a way to get out of pocd without doing all that accepting uncertainty stuff, because i know that real arousal doesn’t feel like my body’s tricks on me, but everywhere i go is still telling me that i need to accept uncertainty. is this necessary?

This post is going to be really complicated to make, because it genuinely feels like an issue only I have. I have had an addiction to porn and hentai for a long time now. One of my fetishes is one that is literally impossible in real life, so animated content has been something I've regularly consumed for years. My idea on animated characters was, as long as they aren't so obviously a small child, it was easier to just head canon them as an adult, just because that was easier in the long run. I even mentioned this idea to a friend of mine, and they had agreed with me that it was just easier. But now that my POCD has flared up beyond belief, this ideology doesn't... Work, anymore. I'll see an animation or post of a fictional character aged up, and, despite them LOOKING adult now, I can't help but violently panic over it. So then, the classic OCD rumination began. I remember random videos I've watched pertaining to my fetish (which isn't inherently illegal, mind you) and realized just how many videos probably depicted animated minors (Some so obviously did and I'm so confused as to how I didn't realize it.) and I simply never thought about it that hard. I just told myself "yeah these are adults" because that was easy to do. Or I didn't realize that a particular video was fetishizing something horrible because I wasn't focusing on that. And that's only covering my concerns over animated minors. I have seen so many other weird things depicting animals and what have you that I had viewed in pursuit of my specific fetish(s), and then in retrospect I am like, horribly disgusted. I dunno. Maybe I sound insane. But I just feel so gross. I keep looking back at stuff I had watched without really caring, and am now realizing how truly disgusting some of it was. I was so good at separating this stuff from my reality for a while, but now it all feels like proof that I'm attracted to some of the worst possible things. Despite that never being like... The REASON I was watching any of these things.