Welcome to
the NOCD Community

(tw?: brief mention of quarantine ig) I still don't know if I have OCD or if I'm making it up lol but I do have an ADHD diagnosis and uh, I started getting symptoms that looked like OCD when I started taking stimulant meds. I have intrusive thoughts about mental health a lot, like I'll get a symptom I can't immediatly explain with ADHD and I'll go "oh it’s probably this disorder or this other one" and I won't be able to shake the thought away (which is definetly an ADHD thing) but the more I try to ignore it the more anxiety it gives me "I NEED to know NOW! I need to look it up!!" and I end up researching these disorders for hours and hours, it usually interrupts my homework time (since I'll be on my computer and it's easy to say "I can open another tab and look it up really quick and then I can keep doing my hw", but I never actually go back to my hw). While "just right" OCD symptoms fit me best out of all the subtypes I've seen, the mental health research thing is by far the most time consuming "compulsion" (idk if they actually are compulsions since I still don't know if I have OCD yet) since it usually takes 4 hours or more and I do it almost every time I touch the computer (read: every time I try to do homework hhhhhhh) and I get very anxious and irritable when I get interrupted. But even though I've read a lot about these conditions that have triggered this "but wHAT IF" kind of anxiety and every time I do I reach a conclusion "no I don't have it/oh yeah this is definetly me", I keep going back to it and reaching different conclusions every time. It happened with ADHD (which helped get me diagnosed), it happened (and still kinda does) with ASD, depression, anxiety and now it's OCD... I do really want to talk about this with my psychiatrist, but I can't see her during quarantine (for obvious reasons) and I don't know of any way to contact her outside of my appointments which just leaves me guessing and makes everything worse (but also my psych doesn’t seem to believe me a lot when I bring things up to her and the first thing she said to me on our first appointment when I told her I had diagnosed ADHD (another doctor dxd me) was "but you seem really fine to me" so idk, I'm hesistant haha). Oh no that's a big paragraph haha (sorry) basically what I wanted to ask is: Is mental health a common obsession? Does what I described sound like an obsession? (Thanks for your time and for reading aaaaa)

I know I shared my story before, and people may not be interested, but I need to get this all off my chest (again.) I am struggling because I remember when I was younger working at summer camp I had gotten semi-erections (I guess the proper OCD term is groinal response but I didn’t really have bad intrusive thoughts then) when playing with some of the kids. It only happened a few times, and I have done enough research ad nauseam to know that this can happen to someone, and I do accept that. However, what is scaring me now is that all of the times it happened it was a male child, and I am convinced now this means something. I know I have/never had any desire to hurt a kid, and when I told my therapist this she did not show concern, said all the usual stuff (it’s just a reaction to something on your body/ hormones/anxiety) all of which I agree with, and yet I am stuck here. I truly hope someone on here takes the time to read this and respond, it would help me immeasurably. I know seeking reassurance is bad, but just hearing that I’m not being judged can help tremendously. Please don’t think I’m a sick person.

I feel like i havent really been uncertain in a long time the only problem left with me is just not being able to love, to feel attraction, to have a passion for something because all of this is sort of related to my attraction?? Like i imagined my dreams and it all was nice because i wasnt having anxiety because of hocd and somehow i related a lot of things to love and men. So not being able to be attracted to men is like... lifebreaking it broke me and now i dont even think aboit the gay shit its just me being depressed and numb because my life just fought a big wat and now its like im just here with nothing left of myself tryna be happy and motivated but feeling attracrion will mae my life again.alsooo im finnalt able to go to therapy yaaay, but not yay bc ive been waiting for that moment for soo long buttt because im not rlly experience the wild doubting it feels like if imma talk about it with my therapist im scared it will feel like opening a wound like im gonna restart the doubting because im gonna be talking about it a lot, i do need fhe therapist because my life has just been so fucked up ever since hocd but im scared that its gonna attack if im gonna go trough alll my old stuff bevause im gonna have to catch the therapist up i cant just be like yo, fix me without explaing the story

Any tips on not taking other people’s ocd personally?? I’m a lesbian with SOOCD where I obsess over being straight/attracted to men. It’s been beneficial to use this app and look at posts from others with SOOCD because it gives me some perspective. However, it’s uncomfortable to see the fear that people have over the idea of being gay because I already feel like being gay is wrong/gross/scary and my brain takes those posts as “proof” that being gay is wrong so I’m horrible. I know that this is NOT a rational thing to think but my obsession on this topic are so intrusive I just can’t help falling into that train of thought. Essentially. I feel like this app is a double edged sword so I’m unsure of if it’s even worth it to continue looking at it.

I just feel so hopeless today and these last few days. Slightly suicidal too. I just feel like it’ll never change. I can’t let go of my fear of being a narcissist because that’s all I have. If I fear it, it can’t be true. But as a consequence, I’m so fucking unhappy. I hate so many traits and thoughts I have. But I have to hate them, otherwise I’m MORE bad. I just feel so alone and lost. With most ocd fears, I know they’re untrue. But when I genuinely do have some bad traits that seem like such proof I am a narcissist, even though I’m not, what do I do? I don’t want bad traits. I just want to be good and friendly and kind and happy. That’s all I want. I want to give love and receive it. But I just feel like that’ll never happen. I’m so lost.

My girlfriend have anxiety and ocd, I want to help her as much as I can but sometimes I feel exhausted. She can be very distant with me and won't open much. She sometimes says she don't know what make her stressed and start her ocd and I believe her, but I also got the feeling that sometimes she just don't want to tell me. Any of you here are in couple with someone who have ocd and got some advice for me? Thanks

Hello, this is not ocd related but more about anxiety and feeling. I have trouble dealing with memories and nostalgia. Like about someone I will probably never see again, an apartment I will never visit again, times and memories which are gone forever. This kind of hurt my stomach, I feel anxious and sad when I get triggered. Does someone feel this way too ?

Does anyone do this when seeking reassurance or confessing? That is my main means of relief from OCD, and only with my partner...which I'm trying to break free from but its SO HARD. Anyways, its as though when I need to confess something I have to plead guilty to the worst possible case scenario even though it may not be true 'just in case' it could be true. For example, now I'm stuck on if a sexually intrusive thought was thought of on purpose versus was from ocd. My partner's reaction once to thoughts of this topic was...you were fantasizing?!? And of course my reaction was NO it's not like that! But now that I'm stuck on whether a thought was from me or ocd of course my brain jumps to...Was that fantasizing? Should you tell her? It was fantasizing. You should tell her. That's cheating. She's gonna leave. Your a liar. Etc etc. So now of course I want to tell her what I think I did (but did I actually?) but I am also hesitant that it's a compulsion. Again, am I digging my own grave here? The guilt is so rough.

Can someone please help me and tell me what this means. I’ve been in my relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years. This year I experienced hocd and started to work on recovery and I’m getting better and thoughts hardly come. I don’t know what is happening but I feel some odd feeling, I am so in love with my boyfriend and I wanna stay with him forever but I am scared what if I stop loving him and loose feelings? Sometimes Our conversations aren’t as exiting as before but that’s normal in a relationship however it’s causing me anxiety as I think what if I don’t love him. Or I’ll ruin the relationship? It’s all my fault. He dosent know I have ocd. My problems are Scared of loosing feelings Not feeling motivated or as exited to text him I love him I know I do but I don’t know why I feel like this

Okay so I need some advice. I have always liked boys ever since I was little... I was/still am boy crazy. I also found the gay community (especially male with male) interesting even when I was younger too maybe because I wasn’t really exposed to things like that often so I was always like “wowww” but I never identified with it, it was more of an amazement than anything else. I have also found two girls attractive... one was very masculine and I have always wanted to be like her because she is very laid back and chill but I never thought of her in a romantic way more like a cool way and I am still friends with her now. The other one I met recently and i even had a thought pop up “you are acting like you like her” I thought this was a weird thought I was like wtf but I went on with my day because again I never thought of her in a romantic way nor do I want to. But right now my HOCD is telling me “see you have always known you like girls” but I have never looked at a girl in a romantic way nor do I want to. I am perfectly happy with my boyfriend and I want to marry him. I am also perfectly happy with liking boys... that’s who I am and I don’t want to change that. I have found a moment of clarity right now where I know I am straight and just because you think someone is attractive does not mean you are gay or bisexual. But what bothers me more is that I know I will choose my bf right now but the thought that pops up is “well because you like girls now what if in the future you have to divorce your husband (current bf) and then you have to be with a woman and your kids are going to be upset because their parents don’t live together anymore and they aren’t even together anymore and it’s all going to be nothing like you dreamed of” Side note one of my BIGGEST fears is divorce along with the fear that I will lose my bf and our future won’t be with each other. Like I really want to marry this boy but all of my thoughts always go against my wishes. I have always dreamt about marrying a boy especially my boyfriend now that I have him so I have no idea what to do with this. I guess everything ties in with ROCD but HOCD is just so so terrible and I don’t want to like girls not right now and not in the future why isn’t this enough. I always seem to doubt it with the “what if’s” I also have seen people in the lgbt community be in denial so then “what if I am in denial” but like I don’t want to think this way I want to always be straight I am okay with liking boys and being with boys and I don’t want that to change it has caused me so much distress. Does any one have any advice?

Content warning especially for people of color - discussing intrusive thoughts and OCD features with racism-related content. —— I have both Tourette’s and OCD. My Tourette’s tics regularly include slurs - usually against minority groups I’m a part of (against trans people, dykes, women), but often with a side of slurs against groups I’m not a part of, which I repress as I don’t want them to come out and hurt those around me. Unfortunately, repressed tics tend to get stuck in my head as anxious energy and intrusive thoughts. Lately I’ve had a particularly nasty racial slur tic which I’m naturally unwilling to let out get stuck in my head and turn into an intrusive thought that’s pounding away at me all day. It comes with feelings of intense shame, of course, and also with thoughts like “I’m a monster,” “I’m a racist” - harm OCD, in other words. Fear of harming non-white people around me. I really want this word and its attendant harm OCD to leave me alone. Fortunately the harm fears haven’t taken very deep mental hold yet, but I’m concerned they could if this tic urge doesn’t go away. Obsessing over it will prevent it from going away - my Tourettes latches on to the random noise in my brain and makes some of it into tics. I’m constantly reminding myself that Tourettes tics are involuntary, that they aren’t expressions of what I really believe, that they’re not my fault and I shouldn’t be embarrassed of them. This one, however, is one of the most racially hurtful words in the English language, and because I can’t let it out - because I don’t want to hurt people with it - it’s turned into intrusive thoughts and harm OCD. I’m not sure how to release it from my mind. I’ve tried saying the hurtful word into a pillow in a room by myself where no one can hear it, so that I can release the tic and help it go away, but I’m so ashamed of saying the word even where no one can hear it - it makes me feel like I’m really going to hurt people. The one time I got up the nerve to try it, it felt so wrong, and doing it only once isn’t enough to release a tic that’s this intensely built up. This is a really dicey situation, and because a lot of my friends aren’t white, I don’t want to put them in the position of having to support me through it. I would really appreciate advice from people experienced with harm OCD and really shame-inducing OCD of any kind - POCD, et cetera. Thank you all for your understanding. It’s taken me some nerve to be able to write this post.

Hey everyone, my name is Stephen Smith and I’m the Founder and CEO of NOCD. I also have OCD, which is why I founded the platform. Specifically, I have “intrusive thoughts OCD”- relationship-based, sexual, and religious thoughts that made me at one point question many fundamental elements of my character. Although google searching for answers to my thoughts was my most noticeable compulsion, my compulsions were mainly mental, where I would reassure myself, mentally review past events, pray, and even check my body for different sensations. Since I didn’t suffer with the “standard symptoms”, I ended up getting misdiagnosed 5 times which caused me to get really severe, drop out of school, and become housebound. While housebound, I started searching my thoughts online which led me to realize that I had OCD. Then, when searching for evidence-based OCD treatment, I stumbled upon exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy. Although ERP is extremely effective (about 80% of people with OCD see a significant reduction in symptoms after going through treatment), there was only one therapist in my area who specialized in it. She had a 7 month wait list and charged $250 per session- making the care pretty much inaccessible for me. I got lucky though since my mom, who was desperate at the time to see me get better, found money from a family friend to pay for my treatment. She also called the clinician and begged her to get me off the waitlist. If it wasn’t for her, I probably wouldn’t be here today. After doing ERP with the provider for 12 weeks, I ended up getting better- so much to the point where I was able to go back to school, finish up my football career (I was a college quarterback) and eventually complete my degree. Because I managed the OCD fears by accepting the uncertainty behind them (a core principle behind response prevention), the anxiety over time went away, and the thoughts decreased in frequency as well as in severity (since they didn’t really matter to me anymore). After that happened, I ended up returning back to normal pretty much- feeling as good as I did before my severe OCD onset. That’s when I started pondering the question, “if OCD is so treatable with a good ERP therapist, then why isn’t treatment more accessible to people going through the condition?” It’s a question I’m sure many of you are currently asking or have asked before. Now to the good news....There is no more need to ask that question. Now inside of NOCD, you can do live, face-to-face therapy sessions with a licensed therapist who specializes in treating OCD using exposure and response prevention (ERP). After signing up, all you need to do is open up your phone or laptop and start the session with the ERP therapist. It’s all video-conferencing. It’s the solution that I always wanted when I was going through treatment, so I hope you can find value in it if you are suffering- especially those who are stuck on the waitlist or who live hours from care. Anyways- if you have questions about doing ERP therapy with a NOCD telehealth provider or with another therapist feel free to ask them here. I will definitely give you the pros and cons. Much love!

Hi Friends!My name is Raja Shanmugam.I am from India.I am suffering from OCD(Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) mixed type severe OCD with tricholottomania(Hair Pulling Disorder since 2012.Now my age is 24.I am suffering since I am 15.I suffered in silence with this also I have completed my graduation(Computer Science Engineering) passed in First Class with CGPA 8.0.After that I went to Job in IT there my OCD becomes very severe and I had panic attack daily. In workplace my obsession is to scold the HR Manager with bad words in whatsapp.I got anxious about this fake thought 24/7.The sleep was decreased.The compulsion i performed to overcome is I will be reading the managers three times each when i get that obsession of scolding the manager.The hair pulling disorder also increased.At the time my first month salary credited in my account then suddenly came the obsession that I am sending the money through paytm random strangers and I am emptying my bank account.The compulsion i performed during works I will count the payments apps like paytm,phonepe by looking into my phone during workhours each time when i get the obsession.Then finally i thought of finding the solution to this stupid disorder making the sufferer to suffer in silence.Its really a fucking disorder only the sufferer we knows its pain in daily life 24/7 fighting with our own mind.Then i resigned my job in IT.I paid rs:300 in practo consultation for psychiatrist and explained my problem in detail to him it was a online consultation because i think all of you know about the stupid stigma amoung people regarding mental illness.People will easily portrait and make fun by calling "Psycho", " Crazy" etc.Then the online doctor told me to visit the local psychiatrist doctor who is specialized in MD psychiatrist.Then after 10 years of suffering with this devil without knowing itself. First time i explained to my parents they were shocked and begin to cry loud and my mother fainted at that place since i am the only son for them they could not tolerate that I am suffering from Mental Illness. Then we visited the local psychiatrist in my district very kind doctor he appreaciated me saying that without knowing disorder itself he had completed his graduation in first class and he gifted me his favourite Parker Pen. Then he prescribed me the SSRI(Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor) Flunil 60 mg after this i didnot sleep for 10 days i was admitted in his hospital he injected me lorazepam and clonazepam etc still nothing improved in my sleep. On the 11th day i woke up from my bed in hospital i pushed my parents and rushed to the doctor to take the private jet and go to the bangalore I am a car why i am here. The staff nurse and attenders were laughing at me i started to should loud and i started to talk nonsense irrelavant sentence to doctor. Then the doctor to my parents that my mind cannot tolerate SSRI and your son has a Mania Switch which is a condition of Bipolar Affective Disorder then doctor tied my hand and injected 10 mg lorazepan liquid form in the deltoid area arm. The doctor told my parents to take me to the NIMHANS Hospital Bangalore Asia's best Neuropsychiatric hospital. I was taken in my car with hands tied . Then NIMHANs started medication (Antipsychotics and Mood Stabilizer) For Bipolar Affective disorder i was in Mania for ten days after that my sleep improved my OCD is still at the same i stayed at NIMHANS for 55 days they gave Cognitive Behavioural therapy for hair pulling Tricholottomania and ERP(Exposure Response Therapy) for OCD. They prescribed also SSRI but in my case its been switched to Bipolar disorder so i have to take both. Then we shifted from our own house to city outerside villa since i am getting frequent panic attacks. We did not even inform to our relatives anybody due to that stupid stigma around the society and I have no friends also all my friends in my college days separated me after seeing the little little compulsions and hair pulling behavious. I am a single person in my family fighting with this mind fucking disorder 24/7.Friends my kind advice is Be Strong dont consider others they dont what we are suffering . Take medication regularly dont miss. Do yoga by simply closing eyes for half an hour. You all are my Friends. Stay Strong Stay Happy. If you want to connect with me in whatsapps means my whatsapp number:+91-8608657313.Thank You friends.

Been ruminating a lot on the fact that the groinal responses that I got that caused my OCD all happened with kids of the same gender, that’s been terrifying me lately. It’s making it feel more real ya know? That if it was just OCD/intrusive thoughts it would be gender specific. Have any of you guys had anything like this, where the same type of kid caused your OCD to start?

Anyone has email OCD? I constantly check emails and I fear that I might not see the notification so I open and check emails again and again and this happens entire day everyday

The constant thought I'm facing today is, what if I'm a bad person? Ughhhhh

Hi, I’ve been having intense anxiety today about past events. As a child I would have intense periods where I would obsess about bad things I did in the past and confess them all to my parents and sometimes to friends. I’m having another such period now, but I think the things I’ve done that I’m obsessing over now are absolutely horrid. I confessed a few such things to my mom a few months ago but there’s more things to confess now and I can’t tell if I’m a horrible, disgusting person or if I’m just obsessing and should keep things to myself, like they might pass soon. I think this is OCD but I’m feeling extremely anxious right now.

I’m so terrified of being called out as a disgusting person and I haven’t even done anything to my knowledge but I’m still terrified. I don’t find kids attractive at all! It disgusts me to even think about!! So why am I so scared? I’m scared of telling certain friends I’d trust about pocd and them thinking I’m a pedo. It’s terrifying.

This massive argument happened in a group I'm in with other people who have the same business as me, and all I cared about was for it to hurry up and end so I could focus on figuring out what I was ruminating over. I feel so detached from the rest of the world. Like they're actually living and feeling things in the real world, and I'm living in my head and feeling things in my head.

I have moral/responsibility OCD and I constantly feel the need to report things online where I feel someone may be going against the rules/regulations. Or something may be inappropriate/illegal (even if I'm not sure) I avoid most websites, mainly porn sites where I feel the likelyhood of coming across something like that is higher and gives me so much anxiety and fear. Anyway, because I dont feel comfortable going on an actual pornsite, I've been going on a erotic literature site (literotica) for ERP. Literotica states in all its stories the characters depicted are 18+. I was scrolling past the stories today and came across a title where there was an alice in wonderland themed story. I'm assuming the characters would be depicted 18+ otherwise it wouldnt have been allowed but the title creeped me out. I didnt click the story so I have no idea what was said in it. My brain is saying you should have reported it, just incase. But the whole point of ERP is not to do your compulsions. I cant stop ruminating on it though. I keep thinking I should go back and report it as I cant be sure all characters in the story were depicted as 18+? Ugh I've been ruminating on this for hours now.