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For those, but specifically females who suffer from HOCD, do you find the OCD thoughts switching up on you? I went to my first meeting with my therapist, as they were talking my thoughts were like, “No, I’m gay. I like girls.” Like it was this switch. When before I was obsessing and fearing over being gay. Then there was this sensation of pleasure, like my body liked the thought and my mind was I exhausted to counter the thoughts but it didn’t fee right. My HOCD has now fixated on “boyish” females and I get that weird pleasure sensation that didn’t I have to before. I know we tend to feel more for the things we don’t want but OCD is a vicious monster.

Anyone know anything about OCD and the crippling need to confess things?

Hi. I just needed to post here about some stuff I’m feeling seeking support or a kind perspective. To sum up my background story I spent nearly 10 years suffering with a hormone imbalance. I now take a hormone replacement daily, and my mood has dramatically improved and literally my life has changed. During those 10 years though I had a lot of ups/downs. Fortunately, nothing too terrible ever happened, but I was suicidal and couldn’t control my emotions and my judgement was impaired. All that to say I hurt some people along the way. I have a friend who I’ve known since high school. She’s been there for me through some of my worst times but, as we’ve gotten a little older, we’ve drifted a part some and lost some of our connection. She made me her maid of honor in her wedding, and I didn’t live up to her expectations and I think that’s out a further strain on our relationship. I have some hurt from her too so I decided to write her a letter a couple of months ago basically sharing with her some of the hurt I was feeling and also seeking to mend things with her. I feel that we need to have a deeper conversation about some stuff. My intention which I told her was to make our relationship better, and I also told her about my health because she doesn’t know about what’s been happening with my hormone replacement or how that’s impacting me. My intention with telling her that was so that she might be more understanding of me. It’s been 2-3 months since I emailed her, and I haven’t heard back. She has a child so I’m thinking that maybe she just hasn’t had time to sit down and write me back, but I’m still feeling hurt and rejected that I haven’t heard from her and afraid that I won’t. Up until I wrote this letter we were still talking about once a month so we weren’t in a terrible place, but I felt like I needed to share how I was really feeling or our relationship would met be able to grow. I was hoping that my letter would make us better friends, not more distant. I don’t regret anything I wrote because I was kind and honest and I needed to say the things I said. But I am sad to not have heard anything from her. I’m trying to remain hopeful that one day I’ll hear back from her, but there’s also a fear in me that I won’t or that what I will hear back will really hurt. This is someone I’ve invested a lot of time to. We’ve been friends for a little over 10 years so not having her in my life would really hurt. I hope things can get better, but the uncertainty is getting to me. I’m also really sad that I had this hormone imbalance all along and that it effected my emotions so much. I am grateful to have figured out my problem, but I wonder how much better my life would have been if I could have discovered it sooner. I feel like I would have lived up to her expectations and other’s expectations better and wouldn’t have lost friends like I did. I also that I would have been more careful in my dating life and wouldn’t have dated some of the guys I dated and thus wouldn’t have gotten hurt like I did. I just think overall I would have had an easier time and things would be better for me right now. Instead I feel really lonely for friends. I don’t have anyone close to me other than my fiancé-not my parents, siblings or a friend. I really long for connection and for friendship. My parents and sister, unfortunately, are really different from me and I’ve tried to find a closer connection with them but it just doesn’t work. My friend who I mentioned above has been like a sister so losing her as a close friend would break my heart. Anyways that’s what is going on in my mind. Thanks for listening.

I saw someone (a UK based supposed ‘expert’ in OCD) talk about rationalising your fears, sort of like ‘why would this be really that bad?’ And saying to truly get over your fear you’d have to say to yourself that even if your fear came true you’d be able to cope and you should realise it’s not that bad. But isn’t that counterproductive? As our fears are often quite distressing/taboo/or ego-dystonic.

how do i tell the difference if i have ocd or not ?

YALL IM HERE TO LISTEN TO U ALL LIKE SERIOUSLY ANYONE WHO HAS SOMETHING TO SAY CAN SAY IT HERE

My HOCD and ROCD are using me insecurities against me. “You’re gay and now everyone from your school is going to judge you and you will have to find new friends” (I am the type of person who is shy and insecure and I’m scared to embarrass myself all the time and scared people will judge me) I also read that people in the closet fear what others might think of them so I’m terrified this is me right now. I also get the thought “you’re not breaking up with your boyfriend because you’re too nice and too much of a coward to do it”. I have so many fears such as losing my boyfriend because I am gay or bi... I am scared I will one day decide to date a woman... I am scared I am gay or bi... I am scared of how people are gonna view me differently... I am scared I am going to lose myself... I am scared I’m in denial... I am sad I have these thoughts because I love liking guys and I am so happy liking boys and my boyfriend makes me so happy but just that thought scares me too. I don’t know what to do I feel like since the thoughts don’t come out with anxiety I have accepted them as true and for someone reason I can’t stop myself from mentally checking if I felt this way before or not and it’s so automatic. I just want this to go away. I want to be happy with my boyfriend and love him forever without the fear of being gay and without being insecure about my feeling. I know love is a choice and feeling come and go and I’m completely fine with that. I just want to choose him always and all of these thoughts get in the way and I feel like the thoughts are my truth now and I’m just in denial. I’m sorry this was a lot I just needed to let it out

Does anyone ever worry that they aren’t sexually attracted to kids, but like, emotionally attracted? If that makes any sense. I know I’m not interested in kids sexually, but I’m afraid I have “crushes” on them. It’s why noticing things about them being cute or doing something sweet is so difficult because how do you know if what you’re feeling is normal or not?

Does any one feel that the general things people go through because of ocd doesn't necessarily apply to you? Yet you have been diagnosed by multiple therapists as an ocd patient. The things i listed down mostly applies to people with high brain control or a high level of personal strictness i do not mean to sound condescending at all just trying to seek help. So here are some points that are confusing me let me know if anyone can relate. 1. People have anxiety with thoughts but for me i can easily control my anxiety level its entirely up to me to feel 10/10 or 1/10 anxiety. It won't make the thought go away or anything its just i would be feeling different with different levels. High anxiety may cause extreme shivering and want me to hide myself from the world, while low anxiety feels like I'm claiming yes this is my ocd thought/compulsion so what no ones opinion on me matters. 2. Ocd patients have difficulty talking related to their obsessions, have difficulty doing certain actions, extreme fear of triggers while it makes no difference to me whether i interact with them or not. Its not like anything changes by experimenting with these behaviours so whats the fear about.... 3. Getting reassurance can be that i am not a bad person or anything else, again i felt like ocd doesn't change who you are so i know what i am even your opinion doesn't matter ocd. 4. Though i had issues dealing with guilt in the beginning as my compulsion goes against my religious beliefs but when i learned about the leniency for patients in religion i have no guilt for these obsession/compulsion. 5. Paying attention to thoughts this thing has never had any meaning to me as a person who constantly tries to change himself for better i haven't been able to do so ever since the thoughts started paying attention or not does anything really changes? Besides these i had a really hard time adjusting to medication took me 8 months just to get a suitable SSRI but these medications just limit my compulsions while deactivating certain parts of my brain and sets my stamina to ZERO. Not talking medication increases my compulsions but gets me on normal brain levels and regular stamina. Now I'm not questioning the abilities of my therapists but it feels a waste of time and money. Felt no improvement over a year all i do is adjust myself to feel different which i have been doing before therapy. Contribution of therapy in my life feels null. Can anyone advise me where to move forward from or what is the forward for people like me?

Sometimes my OCD makes my parents very angry. It bothers me so much. Cause i dont want to have this thoughts. I dont want to be this way. I used to hate the way my father looked at me when i did my ocd rituals. I thought i see shame in his eyes. When i was in school. Every time i did my rituals I felt ashamed of what i was doing infront of others. It hurted so much. I so wanted to stop this. I just hated the way i looked. It just feel bad when my mother says "your driving me crazy" or " what have i done that you became like this" or "i wish god kill me" when she is bothered by my ocd. Or when they shout at me. I feel so bad. Cause i dont want to be this way more than anybody else. Im trying and i have improved so much. Im still trying. But my mother constantly put me under preassure for going to my therapist. I think she dont like her because she expect therapy to work fast.

I’m in the weird spot where nothing is causing me anxiety and I just feel scared and tired by my thoughts. They are trying to latch onto something but nothing is coming up. What should I do when this happens?

i’m getting freaked out by myself. Please help. I was wondering if it was wrong to have sex with someone if one person was drunk or tipsy and the other wasn’t but they gave consent. I thought for me at least not anyone else, that if i gave consent when inebriated then it would be okay. But also i see how it’s wrong because why would you want to do anything with someone who is under the influence or not be on the same level as someone when doing these things. A guy i was talking to said he didn’t wanna kiss me once because i was tipsy one night and said no matter what he wouldn’t even touch a girl if she had a drink and i completely understand that, but in my mind if i give consent then that’s okay. Is that wrong though? I don’t like how my automatic response wasn’t the same as his. I don’t want to take advantage of someone or anything ever so i searched it up and people were saying that you can’t give consent when inebriated so now i feel like a terrible person. I feel even worse because when i was thinking of scenarios it felt like i was a little turned on and i feel wrong because what if i felt that way because i enjoyed the thought of taking advantage of someone and but i just don’t want to be the type of person that would do that to someone or think it’s okay. This may be tmi but i imagined giving a guy head and he was drunk but he enjoyed it and it turned me on but now i hate myself because that’s literally wrong. I’ve never even had sex before but i’m still worrying about this. Now i know i for sure wouldn’t engage in anything with someone under the influence but i feel like I don’t even know how i felt about this in the beginning, i feel like my mind automatically jumped to me being the worst. Like is kissing someone when one is drunk and the other isn’t wrong? I just want to avoid doing something wrong or taking advantage of someone at all costs but i’m stressed because what if my way of thinking thinks it’s okay to do those things. Like even if my mind is telling me it’s okay i will avoid and not even go near a drunk guy or try anything but i don’t like that I thought that was okay or that my body responded that way when thinking about it. I hate this. I don’t want this to be me but what if it is. Like why do i feel a sense of arousal or a groinal response when i think about it? is it because it’s of a sexual nature? is it misattribution of arousal? Or am i just actually the worst person on earth? I hope it’s everything but the last, but it seems like that’s the truth. Like this is making me want to refrain from engaging in anything sexual with anyone because i just feel wrong as a person now and that no matter what i’ll be taking advantage of them because of my thoughts.

lately i have been very overwhelmed with my religion (christianity). There is a girl i am in love with and this goes against my faith. this triggers some existential confusion about whether or not my faith is true. and if it isn’t, then my life is meaningless and i have been living a lie. i am trying to fight the thoughts that my whole life and faith is a lie but i think this situation with this girl triggers it even more. i am afraid that God isn’t real because i cannot be sure. but on the OTHER hand if he is real, my unbelief could send me to hell. but i don’t want to have faith out of fear for the unknown what kind of life is that? the same 3-4 questions roll around in my head constantly and no matter what i do i cannot gain any sense of control or calmness.

I'm 14 (turning 15 soon) and I believe I have hocd. I'm constantly reassuring myself and checking because I get so paranoid that I might be gay/bi. Growing up, I've always been attracted to men and my first love was a boy. Now, it feels like I'm lesbian or I've been living a lie my entire life. I understand that usually people at my age are questioning their identity, but my thoughts are constant. They won't go away, they're always replaying in my head 24/7 (even in my dreams). Sometimes, I get to a point where those relentless thoughts make me feel so numb and lost. My anxiety has spiked a few weeks ago, so I no longer experience any anxiety. May I add that I've never felt any emotional, romantic, or sexual attachment to the same-sex. I've always found women aesthetically attractive, but nothing more of course. However, my thoughts refuses to understand this whole situation logically. Also, with these constant reoccurring thoughts, I've lost interest in many daily activities I used to enjoy, including reading, playing video games, and dancing. I also noticed that I can't properly concentrate on any school work due to this. Does anyone have advice?

I am crying write now as typing because I was always straight and never had a crush on a man I would wished I like to look like that so I can get all the girls or have bigger muscles I am 15 and then I was watching porn one time then stumbled to the idea that I may be aroused by the man this started my hocd then I had like groinal responses and I still do u had it for a month which is not long but it’s been bothering me then a few weeks later I thought popped in my mind I am girl which I know I am not because I love being a boy and being masculine then now I am scared I am non binary or turning because I stumbled into the idea there are more then two genders which is making everything feel real I know I am boy and I love being boy wearing boy clothes I love puberty and getting taller please help me I don’t wanna be non binary please someone I am crying help I don’t if I have ocd or not but these thoughts make me nervous even searching up non binary please help ???

Looking for anyone with Self-Harm/Suicidal OCD to chat with, it’s kind of hard to deal with this during quarantine and such

The more I don't react to the thoughts the more they feel real and true, and like I like and want them. I seriously don't know how I'm going to go on. This is too much at times.

My OCD tends to come in waves. For the last few weeks, I was fine, on top of the world, happy, but lately I’ve been feeling completely defeated by my intrusive thoughts, which really sucks because I JUST got over my theme of my loved ones dying if I didn’t do things repetitively. Not sure if anyone has any advice on how to handle these thoughts, but if you do, PLEASE let me know, I feel so empty because of them. It started with a major existential crisis, which led me down a path of discovering my spiritual beliefs (after discovering them, I felt happy, joyful, at peace with nature, all other souls, and the universe). Starting yesterday, though, I’ve been getting this intrusive thought saying that no one else in this world is real, and is a “fake” person, animal, etc. created by angels to test whether I’ve become the best version of myself I can become, meaning that everyone I love is fake. I know in my heart that this is false, that it makes no sense (especially because I don’t even believe in angels or a traditional god [more of the Hindu idea of universal oneness, or pantheism], meaning this is in direct conflict with my own beliefs). When I try and argue or disprove these thoughts, my arguments make sense, but the intrusive thoughts argue back- for example, if I think no, that’s not true, and list a reason why it makes no sense, the thought will counter, and tell me that if I seek help, it’ll just be people who are “in on it” trying to push me back into the illusion. This thought in particular is just so vicious in that no matter what I tell it, it tries to convince me that it’s true. I know deep in my heart that it isn’t true, but it’s making me feel so awful, making me feel hopeless, pointless, and just completely depressed. Bought some 5-HTP and L-Tryptophan to help increase my serotonin levels (5htp to initially boost and l-tryptophan to keep my levels steady) Please, does anyone know how to help? I try accepting them as true, but it makes me feel worse than just questioning them, because if everyone and everything I know is fake, what’s the point of going on at all?

Guys I am concerned about something which doesn't have to do with OCD, but I could use a clever opinion, just like yours. I have a boyfriend. I love him. We are in love, I think. We've talked about getting married. I really think and want hime to be the one. Imagine how much the guy means to me. Last night we discussed the possibility of going abroad to study, because one of our friends is doing so. We are not young, we are about to reach our thirties. We both want to study abroad too. And although we haven't started going after it, it did make me wonder what would happen to us if I started working towards that goal. Should we break up if one of us decides to try to study abroad? What if we don't work as a couple in the long run and we refrain each other from achieving what we want in life? I al sad and anxious even though none of us is searching that possibility just now. Any tips?

Can Suicidal OCD make you reach a state where you believe that you really want to die and in turn feel complete hopelessness and depression to the point where you are unable to function at all? I’ve reached this point and the thoughts still cause me so much distress and I feel like I’m in great danger.