Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does forgiving mean forgetting what somebody did/said to you? It’s hard to forget the things people said to you when it had a big part of who you are today.

Does anyone else have the compulsion to confess? Even if I haven’t actually done anything my OCD will give me reasons that whatever I’ve done has either hurt someone or will cause people to dislike me. Is that just me?

Has anyone here recently had ERP therapy, and, if so, what was your overall experience with it? Did your symptoms improve and by how much? Thanks

I’ve been really struggling with university assignments at the moment, purely because I have a massive fear of failure. I get very panicked if I think I’m doing something wrong, or that I start believing that I’m going to fail everything. I have anxiety too but I was wondering if this could fall under ocd too? I had never thought about it until now. Would be very grateful if someone could help me out with this! ?

I find it helpful to distinguish between pure O and OCD because, while I do have some triggers in my environment, they’re not consistent enough to really establish a theme, and most of the time I’m triggering myself with my own thoughts. For years I didn’t think I had OCD anymore because my OCD was so adaptive, and I had no physical compulsions, besides reassurance seeking and avoidance, but the compulsions were so covert that I rarely, if ever, noticed them. It wasn’t until reading about Pure O that I was able to expand my understanding of OCD as a WAY of thinking rather than a strict set of obsessions and compulsions. As I learned about how my OCD had creeped into the way I thought about practically everything, I became envious of those whose OCD was traceable in a specific theme, e.g. contamination (although I know this is an oversimplification, and people with contamination OCD don’t have an easier time with OCD at all), because I felt like OCD was always two steps ahead of me, distorting my thinking about things big and small. Now that I’ve gained some serious ground, I can see OCD in every area of my life through the way it distorts, but it’s still a constant battle, and I have to do mental exposures all the time. It would’ve been helpful though for people to explain that thoughts can also be triggers, because that distinction kept me in the dark for years. I thought “oh, I don’t have OCD, because there’s not a SPECIFIC trigger I can trace all my obsessions back to.” No—my obsessions are also my triggers, and they are also my compulsions, combining into one great maddening combustible mass that becomes so circular that it’s impossible to figure out where it started. I hope that people can understand this and not just think of OCD in its most stereotypical form. I suffered from harm and morality obsessions when I was really young, and I prayed and tapped and did all sorts of things that made it much easier to diagnose back then, but since then, 20 some odd years later, OCD had crept in the back door in a way that was much more difficult to track, and I spent countless hours and money on therapy that made me worse. It’s frustrating to think back on all the lost time, especially KNOWING I had OCD as a child, and that it duped me for so long afterwards in college and young adulthood. I’m more accepting towards it now, but I just really can’t emphasize enough how important it is for people to understand that OCD is not limited by “themes”, and that it uses anything to its advantage. The good thing is that once we realize that, the common denominator of OCD-thinking is easier to recognize in day to day life.

Frustrated that mostly all resources about sexual orientation OCD speak of straight people and gay people but never mention bisexuals. This makes it really hard to educate myself about it because I feel totally left out of the picture so feel it musn't be real for me.

This is mostly just a venting post cause I don’t know where else to turn to anonymously talk about this. One aspect I hate about being at home instead of being on my college campus is I’m much less confident overall. ESPECIALLY in regards to my appearance. On campus, I could wear makeup or wear slightly revealing clothing and feel confident. Particularly crop tops, shorts, not wearing a bra, etc. and I knew my friends would hype me up and I didn’t really care about what the other students thought, cause I was mostly just thinking, “if they notice what I’m wearing, then they’ll KNOW I’m a bad b*tch.” But now I’m at home, I feel so scared to wear these things. Don’t get me wrong, I know lots of people can’t wear scandalous clothes at home and get away with it, but I think my anxiety about it is a little different. I used to be able to be around family without a bra on cause I felt safe. Now, I feel like if I’m not wearing a bra or if I’m wearing a crop top, my step dad would check me out. I have two brothers I live with and I have my dad but it’s only my step dad I’m scared of. I don’t know why, he’s never done anything to indicate I should be scared of him. I remember once my family was on a cruise and we were getting our pictures taken and I was in a thin dress without a bra on and he had to put his arm around my waist and I felt like he kept moving his hand down. He didn’t grab me and he probably didn’t mean anything by it, but it scared the crap out of me. Now he’s started living with us even though he married my mom almost six years ago, and I hate having him around. When he didn’t live with us he lived in another state and I’d only have to see him a few days at a time every few weeks. The stuff he does to bug me definitely doesn’t help his case. He knows I don’t really like him (I haven’t told him, I guess he’s just figured it out) and is sad about it, but he still does stuff to bug me. He triggers my OCD on purpose and laughs when I get upset and when I ask him to stop he tells me I’m being over dramatic. I have a very strained relationship with food and because my depression has kicked in during coronacation, I’m eating even less than usual. The other day he ordered pizza and I thanked him and he said something about me eating two pieces and then leaving it in the fridge until it had to be thrown away. I said it was because of my depression and once again he laughed and told me I was being over dramatic. Also I’ve always been told I need to wear a bra around men who aren’t family, so I think that could play a big part in this. Regardless, whatever the cause, I really hope my college lets everyone back on campus this fall, cause I don’t know how much more I can take. PLUS he works from home, so he’s ALWAYS here. So it’s gonna have to be me who gets out of the house, which would probably be good for me in some ways, like I can get a job or something.

My hocd hasn’t been this bad in a while, I used to be able to ignore the thought, even though I knew I didn’t want it I was able to go along with my day without seeking much assurance. However for the past two days all I’ve been feeling is that it’s true and that I really am lesbian and that I’m only straight because of how I grew up, which I don’t want and I don’t think is true because all my crushes have been on boys and I have such a loving boyfriend that I’m so in love with and I don’t wanna let him go. I keep questioning why I enjoyed lesbian porn, why female moaning turns me on a little more than male moaning, why my friend and I experimented when we were really young (I was just around 7 and she introduced me to lesbian porn and we used to act it out sometimes & we’d always play king and queen and I’d always wanna be the queen but she never let me) <—— my tocd also uses that as proof... anyways, I’m so stuck, I’m struggling to see a normal straight life even though I want it so bad. I used to tell myself (I’m not homophobic so please no one take this the wrong way & am against the camp) that I would literally send myself to conversion camp if my thoughts are trying to display my truth and trying to tell me something. I feel like I’m living a lie. I hate this.

An online acquaintance reached out to me saying they think they’re experiencing intrusive thoughts - I did my best to help and provide resources in our country. However they said a few things that imply the thoughts may not be ego-dystonic (thoughts of just doing it, etc.). I’m just wondering what my role is here. I want to help them, but I’m not sure what they’re experiencing sounds much like intrusive thoughts. But if it is, I don’t want to trigger them and make them worse by validating that their fears are true! I understand this is a bit confusing, but if anyone could shed some light on the right move here I’d really appreciate it!

is anyone here with HOCD who has/had also symptoms of TOCD. It’s hell. I’ve never questioned my sexual gender identity or my sexual orientation before (16, straight female) Do you think TOCD is a part of HOCD? But why it feels sometimes so real? Please help !!

I used a crisis hotline and now I’m even more in a crisis and I want to cry and feel like I need to disappear even more. I feel sick to my stomach. I want to vomit. What do I do? What do I DO.

I’m so weird. I literally one day will delete all of my social media then want to be social the next day and download it back. Then the next day I’ll want to just dip out of the state without telling anyone. Idk man

I feel sometimes that I am beyond repair Some things in life just don't work out and it's better to end it than suffer endlessly .

i’m not self diagnosing, but a part of me thinks it’s possible i might have bdd, and i read about it, and it is linked to ocd. does anyone here have bdd?

#sexualorientationocd I'm a bisexual girl and have SO OCD (and rOCD). I'm with a male partner and have been feeling like I've made a lot of progress in working through the SO OCD.Until... A bisexual female youtuber I used to watch just posted a "second coming out" video where she says she is gay and her and her male fiance of 10 years are broken up. This just triggered me so hard and I spiraled to the point where I believe/am afraid that labeling my fears as OCD is a form of denial about my sexuality. I used to recognize that that fear is a part of OCD, but after this video I just feel so shaken. Any words of advice?

When a guy texts me, I get weird thoughts: "he likes you, do you like him?" "you won't ever like him back" "this is why you don't catch feelings for ever guy you talk to cause you're gay". When a girl texts me, I also get similar thoughts that's like: "you smiled so you like her" "is she going to be your gf" etc. It's messing with my relationships with friends and family?? Why is it messing with everything? I'm so more aware of things, it's crazy.

My boyfriend doesn’t know about my ocd, I’m not even diagnosed yet so that’s why I haven’t really told anyone what goes on in my head except my mom. I feel like I’m living a different life towards him, even though I’m just being me without my stupid thoughts. I feel like I’m lying and putting up an act. It makes me feel guilty, secretive and untrustworthy. Anyone else here that hasn’t told their s/o?

Does anyone else have a fear of being “exposed”? For example you may have said something less then nice you feel bad about (but isn’t as horrible as you’re making it) and are afraid that it could be used against you and then everyone will hate you? Especially if I’m no longer close with the person it freaks me out more. It’s a fear I’m dealing with right now, and I was wondering if anyone else had experienced this or has any advice?

Can someone please help of maybe keep me company?...so many things just happened in one night. I searched up what blank face meant and my brain distorted in and suddenly the guys in my fantasies all have a blank expression. Like it's making me uncomfortable :(. I had a dream that I was in a threedome with two girls and I felt something down there. I feel so uncomfortable but also not so anxious. I'm so stressed, I just fucking woke up :( ughh. I wish I could die at this point. I'm so so scared that I'm gay secretly and denying it. :(

Has anyone had some event make them Obsessed about something? Ever since then you have been worried about something constantly? I have had that when painters came to my house and then there were a bunch of flies in the house. Ever since then I have been constantly checking everything to make sure there are no bugs there.