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Can I please talk to someone?? I'm extremely anxious tonight :(

My therapist said I have OCPD as well as OCD and it sent me in a downward spiral to where I had a hard time sleeping last night. Now I think I’m having intrusive thoughts about OCPD and worried my therapist is damaging me. The problem is that this is sort of an unanswerable question that can fuel obsessive doubt, which I already do, but if I do have OCPD, that seems like something I would NEED to know. It’s like a catch 22 for OCD, because ‘needing to know’ is a problem, but not knowing whether I have OCPD or not has big implications, I would imagine, on my treatment/prognosis. If anyone has useful suggestions on how to deal with this it’d be a huge help, because maybe these are just new intrusive thoughts and I just need to do an exposure on it, or maybe I need a another professional opinion.

I had very obvious and observable behavioral symptoms of OCD as a child and young adult but I didn’t realize how it has manifested itself as an adult. After a very emotionally abusive dynamic in my last long-term where my obsessive thinking and compulsive researching led me to expose a terrible fraud and even cope with the fallout of leaving him. It had been almost exactly a year and I was still researching and digging and exposing more fraudulent info about my ex. I was about 6 months into a wonderful new relationship that we took very slowly (he waited 4 months only texting with me until I was ready). At about one year from when I started uncovering my ex’s cons, I began obsessively looking for flaws, lies and infidelity in a wonderful man. And on the one year mark almost to the date, i hurt him so terribly when I randomly just sabotaged over the course of about 2 days with my suspicions that he couldn’t get past it. He took about two weeks to try to start over with me and I just kept making it worse. It’s been two months now yet I’m still ruminating and trying to convince myself I was right and I know deep down I was wrong. I can’t fix it. He’s moved on and moved on far too quickly which validated my suspicions even though I know I’m wrong. And I’m still digging into his life like I was and can’t seem to stop. It’s been two months and he’s very happy with someone new. Now add to it that I can’t stop punishing myself. It’s dug up the trauma from my ex all over again. I just realized my medicine got messed up in my refill just two weeks before this all happened (I was supposed to be taking two smaller pills instead of my usual one larger dose pill but didn’t realize it) but its no excuse. I then realized in my overthinking that in my 30s I ended all of my relationships right before easter and in my 20s all of them right before my birthday so now I really have something all new to overthink about. I feel so overwhelmed and I feel so awful that I hurt someone. I want to make things right but I realize that’s just more of my harmful behaviour to want to fix everything and try to justify my actions. I don’t ever tell anyone about anything I’ve done because I don’t want sympathy or encouragement or placating. I am new to trying this method and i will do my best to learn from this. It was bad enough when I only sabotaged me but I hurt someone who had a very traumatic set of experiences when he was at his weakest moment and needed me most. It was my wake up call. And I’m finally ready to ask for help.

I am so afraid to get help in case it turns out I am gay. I don’t want to do anything out of fear things won’t get better and I won’t ever have a good relationship with my SO. Anyone else have these fears

So this is really hard to talk about but my past even ocd and other themes are killing me When I was a child I used to do weird things with a dog like dry hump Then in my early twenties I'm sure I remember letting the dog lick down there and I am so ashamed I cant get this memory out of my head, my family have all said to move on and to stop trying to self destruct but I cant move on I do not do this now and am not attracted to dogs at all. I love my dog and absoloutly love dogs and find them therapeutic. I just want to stop feeling like a criminal and that I'm not alone.

Does your harm ocd thoughts ever tell you you want to do the things your worried about? I always worry I’m gonna become a serial killer or just go crazy and kill people. Everytime I worry about this I go no no I don’t want to do that I’d never do that but my thoughts tell me “I do wanna do that I’m an evil person” and “I wanna kill people” these leads me to even more anxiety and I literally burst into tears everytime it’s horrible

Did my ERP for HOCD and it spiked me way up worse, obviously the goal but there was something else. Instead of making me feel better, it made me “feel” gay. Obviously you can’t feel gay and gay people don’t feel gay like we don’t wake up feeling straight but when I tell myself I’m straight I feel like I’m lying and I’m actually believing the OCD thoughts that say I’m bi/gay and thoughts about women that wasn’t there before is coming. I told my therapist and she said “it gets worse before it gets better” and I have to go through it to become better. Did ERP make anyone feel like this afterwards? Am I on the right track with this? Is this really part of the process? I don’t fully feel comfortable with my therapist yet to tell her everything but I do tell her enough and I don’t think she understood when I told her this. This feeling of it feeling like it confirmed my worse fear of doing ERP and realizing it was the truth but obviously I know it’s not but I doubt what I even really want. I have two more ERP sessions to do today but I really don’t want to do it again if I feel this low. It takes me several hours to bounce back after ERP. Any resources about ERP would be great.

Hi, I have struggled quite badly with relationship ocd for about a year now and am always getting new worries coming and going at different times. Was just wondering if anybody here ever creates situation in their head like: ‘how would I react if an ex partner or someone else wanted something to happen between us’. Even though I know I would never do anything as I am very happy with my current partner the more you question the deeper into the intrusive thoughts you get. I can tell it’s stemmed from ocd as it just randomly popped up recently and took off really quickly in my head, I still become obsessed in my mind with things like: ‘why am I thinking that’ ‘I shouldn’t think that if I’m with someone else’ even though I know it’s the ocd I find it very hard to differentiate and not ruminate. Thanks everyone

Having an extremely difficult time. I honestly just want to vent. I understand if you accidentally give reassurance but try not to. This is long. So thank you if you read it all. Hoping I will look back at this one day and be like “Wow. I actually got through this.” But for now, my OCD has been UP. A. WALL. since I moved back in to a toxic household. First it was ridiculous obsessions over coronavirus when lockdown started but being too depressed to even actually clean anything so I just would freak out all day but I’m like well nothing can be 100 percent clean so there is not point. Flash forward about month into April, a lot has happened in my house and my parents are getting a divorce. My dad is extremely abusive and has mental health/alcohol problems himself but is untreated. I’m trying my best to be here for my mom but also dealing with my own issues. It seems like my dad’s actions have triggered me into thinking I’m a terrible person and will do or I have done exactly what he has done. And I’ll back on that bullshit where my favorite shows I watch have content that makes my brain go “Oh you would do that.” “You support that.” “Your mom is dealing with your dad cheating but your favorite character cheater and you love her blah blah blah” “You’re a terrible person for thinking that/doing that” it’s like something every day!! And now I’m having this guilty about killing bugs, or just literally every single thought all day is like “Hey remember you did this/thought that. That was bad” My brain latches on to some guilty thought I had, something I said, or some action I did. It’s like my thoughts have to be 100 PERCENT PURE or I’m like “I’m a terrible person. I should die, I don’t deserve to live.” There have been several things I have done/said that I absolutely cannot stomach right now and feel like I don’t deserve to live but I have no intent on killing myself. I do want to run away from home though but I know I can’t. But then I feel like I just want to cause a scene and I feel bad about that. Everything is just like “Remember when you said that? Or your posted that. You shouldn’t do that!” It’s like all day every day. Or if I think back to something guilty I feel about a friend I just want to completely cut them off and start over and not hang out with them but I know that is a compulsion to avoid. Today I forced myself to hang out with a friend even when I felt that urge. I could be here all day and telling you every single obsession but that is basically what it all is is moral/guilt/shame OCD, as well as several other topics I’ve been having like harm, contamination, perfectionism, obsessing over flaws, sexual orientation etc.. I am so overwhelmed. If you made it this far, thank you so much for your time. I could have made it way longer my trying to resist that perfectionism urge LOL

For those of you that have successfully managed your symptoms, what helped motivation-wise? Did meditation, reading, etc help you find the courage to stand up to OCD? I feel like I’m lacking the mental/spiritual/psychological energy to *really* do the work, and it’s so discouraging.

I am freaking pissed. I wasted a year teaching my nephew how to read. Except that he puts zero effort into his school work and his dad puts zero effort into trying to help or motivate him. I am really freaking pissed off. Not only does my nephew not even try in his school work, he is EXTREMELY disrespectful of my husband and I who have done nothing except try to help and support him. And his dad bold faced lied to me about him completing his school work when he didn't. And he was dumb enough to send back the uncompleted work! If you're going to fucking lie right to my face, at least be smart about it.

Ocd Recovery a guy I follow on Instagram talked about science and what happens after death. I believe in God and pray and stuff like that but there is always that doubt that persists in my mind. Like for example, when I die where will I go? Well his post talked about eternal blackness. Basically when you die there is nothing but blackness forever. Which I guess doesn't really matter seeing as your dead. But it still bugs me a lot. I'm afraid if I dont believe in God I'll go to hell so I know I do believe in him but the act of even questioning him feels like a sin. Sorry for the rambling this post is kind of all over the place just venting my frustrations.

I’m upset again because I’m not sure what I said or if I said something, it was while I was on my way home and my mom had the music blasting so loud I can’t even remember anything yet could I even hear myself whisper but my thoughts were annoying me I don’t know if I said “shut up” out loud for some reason I remember being cut off because my mom was telling me something but it had to be that because my mind was annoying me, and I said that in my head just before and I might’ve been trying to repeat it for reassurance I might not have said it in full so like a because I feel like I was cut off, my mind thinks I might’ve just said “shu-“ which isn’t even a word but my mind is overthinking and trying to point it to the fragile and hurtful topic that was annoying me, and the music was too loud I have no memory but I don’t know my mind is making me think/feel like I am crazy. I couldn’t hear anything and I can’t get past what exactly I said or if I even said anything but at least I know what I meant to say ? this was towards the intrusive hurtful thought in my head btw not to my mom, please help me

for girls only !! okay so i had my favorite dress on when i suddenly got my period completely unexpectedly. there was a small stain in the dress and I washed the dress 4x and I even went over it with rubbing alcohol :( the stain is completely gone but I still Dont dare to wear the dress because I think it is dirty :( what can I do? someone tips ???

It feels like I don’t even care anymore what I do, like I can grab boobs and do that and just not care anymore but I don’t wanna I hate this I just wanna be straight This isn’t how a lesbian feels if this is I HATE IT

I'm really struggling to deal with this, any advice would be helpful honestly. I keep having this memory from several years ago when I saw a daddy kink video which had acting in it that made me uncomfortable. The actress had made several videos like this so she was 18+, so it was okay like that but it's just that the nature of it is disturbing. This never really bothered me before moral scrupulosity/pocd themes came into my life, before that I just pushed it off as another weird video Online catering to weird fetishes (porn is full of them). But now I feel like I have to ruminate on it, feel shame and guilt for ever coming across it because that acting had made me so uncomfortable. I keep trying to think if I turned it off immediately. I'm sure I did. But OCD keeps making me feel uncertain. This was literally when I was a young teenager (14/15 maybe 16? I'm not sure, but I was young). :(

Guys I would like to hear your experiences: What is your theme and what exposures you'are doing. Right now I'm dealing with pocd and sensorimotor ocd and I'm doing self erp and I feel it's working,mindfulness has been helpful too,even though I'm not seeing a therapist.

I posted on Reddit last night with my entire sexual history and someone said to me maybe you’re bi. I feel helpless

I know that this really sucks. I'm tired of this...every single day all the time. Can I get a break??? ?

Hi guys... I'm new here & not sure how this works but I could really use some help. I have the kind of OCD that hasn't let me eat or sleep in over a year now. I'm 8kgs under weight. I have not been able to function. I have nightmares & paranoia and sleep with all my lights on (if at all I manage to sleep). I'm always scared and struggle to breathe. I'm really restless & I have suicidal thoughts, sometimes. I also have anxiety disorder, depression & panic attacks. I don't know what to do. I want it to stop. Even if its for a few hours. Can anyone help me...? Please...?