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Most of my compulsions now people have to do for me, do you have too make people do compulsions for you?

i really want to start recovery but i am unsure of where to start. i have suicidal ocd and i’m on a waitlist for therapy as well as being on fluoxetine but i want to start recovery now o just have no idea how to. any advice?

Is overthinking , scrutinized behaviour a type of ocd ? One more thing what to do about unproductivity , want to study but can't bcz of lack of motivation n drive , any medication for study or productivity (my OCD is ok now)

Hey, does anyone have any experience with fluoxetine/Prozac and doesn’t mind sharing how it was for them? I understand though that medication works differently for everyone:) Thanks!

My false attraction or whatever you call it seems so real. It targets mainly my female friends, but there are times when I get super anxious looking at an attractive famous person or a female I don't know personally online. I'm so scared because when I talk to them or just enjoying a regular friendship, I feel like I secretly like them. I'm so paranoid... I get images of them sometimes, but it's always their names that appear in my head. And when I smile at text messages or during a voice call, I get weird feelings ..... almost like I like them. These are the girls that I admire or envy, but not in a weird manner of course. I admire their beauty, intelligence, and talents but somehow my brain misinterprets those as "liking them." I'm so scared, I feel like I'm attracted to my friends. I also get these weird sensations: "butterflies in my stomach" and this weird tightness in my feeling. I'm so paranoid around both genders, to be honest :/ If I don't like a guy back, I'll get thoughts about "that must be a sign." Someone, please help ... :((((

When I was around 13 I remember putting black nylons over my face and making "comedic" videos. I hate myself for doing that. Absolutely hate myself. How could I have done that? How do I move on from that? It's been five years, I've grown from it, but I still feel bad. It was racist, but does it make me still racist?:(

Hey guys, I need some really help on this one. When I am out of the house I constantly feel like I want to pee even though I had already peed. This gives me great anxiety and I can't think of anything else. If someone has experienced something like that or has some advice, please let me know.

I feel so empty, so tired, so defeated. This is by far the worst I’ve ever felt in life. I hate being me I’m trapped in my own body and there’s nothing I can do about it. I want so desperately to live a normal life which I feel is impossible. At this point in my life I wish I was dead . I would no longer be a burden to my family.Every morning I wake up I hate it I hate living I just want to die in my sleep. There’s nothing I like about myself I feel two years old mentally and everyone can see it. I wish I could run from myself but I’m stuck being me for life. I’m just at a dead end . Life is so complex. I wish there was a button to press to end this miserable thing called life.

Please someone talk to me I'm suffering from pOCD and false memories regarding a real event that happened 3 years ago. The event was my interaction with a child, the false memories are... Well.. Gross and disgusting... I don't know what to think. Maybe I'm just being paranoid and not thinking logically but when you have ocd, anything is possible because doubt plays the main role here. I fear to have done inappropriate things to a child when I don't remember them... Does it make sense? I have the relief that she liked me! So it's highly probable I didn't do anything wrong but... I still have those false memories lurking... "did I flirt?" ; "did I grope her?" ; "did I put her in my lap?"; "did I touched her to get sexual gratification?" I don't remember a lot because my memory is fried. I don't know if I should k-ll myself or not

help? my brother found my journal without me knowing, and read every. single. page. i have severe ocd so i write down all my thoughts in there, which my thoughts are kind of gross and weird. i have no idea what to do. i feel like this is my fault. i left my journal in my room where i thought nobody would look. well, i guess he goes in my room because he found it, and shopped through everything. i’m thinking about just stopping journaling and burning all my books, i can’t do digital either because phone checks. writing was one of my only escapes, and it was taken away from me. (keep in mind these were thoughts not even my therapist knows.)

Can I talk to someone please? I'm anxious and very scared rn :(

"First pOCD story + false memories" [Trigger warnings] pOCD, false memories, self-harm *Introduction:* this is the earliest story I remember I have dealt with pocd - I don't remember how it all started. It causes me panic, sleepless nights, suicidal ideation and motive to cut myself. *basic information:* female, 20s, I identify as demisexual panromantic (you can think of myself as bi), in therapy with a non-ocd specialist but diagnosed with it by 2 different psicologists since November 2019 (though I haven't had therapy since February due to the virus), I suffer from pOCD since early-mid 2017. My OCD exploded into major proportions in July 2019 - - - × - - - Like I've mentioned before, this is one of the first events (or the very first) that made me wonder if I was a "p". Summer 2017, I went to a friend's house and I met her younger sister (8, at the time). She was very sweet, pretty, adorable and I liked her so much! She showed me her toys and she was always around me... But in that moment, I feared I felt some sort of romantic attraction to her... Sometimes I get on the verge of tears because it was so strong... - this felt like attraction. As I'm recalling the day, I'm remembering the warm feeling I experienced (like I was developing a crush). I spent the whole day panicking internally, wondering If I was "p" and if I was attracted to her - I tried to dismiss the thoughts believing my head was trying to fool me so I still enjoyed the day and tried to fight those thoughts by engaging with her and playing with her, despite the fear I felt. I've always wanted a little sister and one day (at that time), I wanted to have a daughter someday. Later that day, we went to the pool and I played with her again and even gave her piggyback rides and grabbed her and thrown her into the water (like I used to do with my brother). This where my false memories begin. (which will later be explained) After the day was over, I regreted playing with the child, thinking that, if I was a "p", I shouldn't had... That "p" people want to play with children and touch them... (like the piggyback) and I was so afraid the parents didn't like my actions. - - - - × - - - - - **FALSE MEMORIES** (due to my OCD and constant worrying, my brain became fried and the wrong portions of the memory are broken and make me wonder what I did) December 2019, I put the idea on my head that I have "hurt" a child on the past. And this is the only story I have where I interacted with a child. While I gave her the piggyback ride, I don't remember where I placed my hands: under her legs (the **right** way - like this: https://www.123rf.com/photo_28650454_man-giving-piggyback-ride-to-his-girlfriend-isolated-on-white-background.html) or under her butt (the **wrong** way: https://www.yayimages.com/7090938/mother-giving-son-piggyback-ride.html). For this reason, I am absolutely terrified that I placed my hands on her butt with evil intentions. Part of me believes this "memory" is false because I have never done anything inappropriate (that I remember); my piggyback rides are always the right way (but I I also vaguely remember pondering that I obviously had to hold her correctly); for the longest time I had a "clear" conscious (which means that I thought I didn't do anything wrong except wondering if I was attracted to her); I don't remember having evil intentions. But my mind... It doubts everything... It's tiring. My logical side vs OCD 1. - Me: I don't remember placing my hands under her bottom - OCD: but i don't remember where I placed my hands. 2. - Me: but I don't remember having bad intentions - OCD: just because I don't remember, doesn't mean it didn't happen. Plus, I pondered about how I should place my hands. - me: ok but I vaguely remember that I told myself that I obviously had and wanted to hold her the "right" way. 3. - me: I never did anything inappropriate to anyone before nor ever wanted to. I don't get pleasure for touching people without their consent. And even when I touch affectionately (non-sexually) people with consent (like hugs and touching the hair), I never got sexual gratification! I was happy for making others happy - ocd: there's always a first time and if I'm a "p", I only want to touch children. 4. - me: but I'm not capable of hurting anyone!! - ocd: but I have done that in the past! You may have never hurt anyone physically/sexually but there's always a first time for everything. 5. - OCD: I felt pretty guilty about that day... Maybe I did something bad... And I don't remember what happened... - me:... I think I felt guilty because I thought I was a "p" and that I shouldnt had interacted with her, specially the piggyback! - OCD: but you aren't sure though! 6. - me: I was worried about having a romantic attraction NOT a sexual attraction! - ocd: ok but since I started masturb-, I've changed... I started thinking about s-x a lot. Am I certain I didn't wonder if i were sexually attracted? - me: oh... Yeah... Now that you mention, I'm not sure. 7. - me: I don't even like butts!! - ocd: are you sure?? The other day I thought that naked lady on tv had a pretty butt! - me: but I don't want to touch it!! Nor I enjoy seeing people naked. It's uncomfortable! And this happened 3 years ago! I'm almost sure I hated butts back then too! - ocd: am I sure?? 8. - me: but she liked me so much!! And my friend reassured me that I didn't do anything wrong that day. - ocd: maybe the child didn't notice! Maybe my friend doesn't remember either! And so on and on... I also don't think I felt arousal or any groinal response. (my therapist asked me this) But I can't be sure. My memories of that day are very blurred. I've shared this story with my therapist and she told me that the reason for this fear is because I was mentally sexually abused by a family member and I'm terrified of doing to others what people have done to me. (and I always hated being touched in the butt) plus, according to her, due to the lack of affection on my childhood, I can't tell the difference between affection and attraction. and when I started masturb-, I made a bigger mess in my head. I'm so afraid to be in denial as well... Like this is all a lie I'm telling myself... I don't know what to think anymore. I remember enjoying her company and wanting to spend more time around her... But I'm so scared that I had bad intentions, because "p" people want to be around children. I feel like there was more than "having a child/sister for a day" because of my strong feelings for this girl. (I also want to add that I never was alone with this child) At the end of the day, I remember feeling guilty for fighting those thoughts… because I was afraid that I did something inappropriate that I didn't notice. I regretted this whole day. When I went back to her house, I avoided the child at all costs. I also would like to add that, thinking back about this event, I felt so disgusting and so evil… To be honest, I've always felt that way. Whenever I am insert in friendly social interactions, I feel like a monster, like I don't belong there. And that day was no exception but these these "evil" feelings were a lot bigger because of my thoughts and I honestly felt like a "p". Does it make sense? I felt so disgusting because I felt like one. I felt like a pervert… I felt dirty. This distress of thinking that my actions or conversations might have been inappropriate led me to crying, cutting myself and suicidal ideation. What keeps me sane is that the child said that she liked me to her mom and a month ago I asked my friend if I had done anything wrong that day (I didn't specify what) and she said "no, that I am never inappropriate". Me and the child were never alone too, my two friends were always around. The past 2 months, Ive been getting some Closure about the false memory and I told myself that I would never do that. Not today and not in the past because I was never like that. I never wanted to touch anyone inappropriately. But sometimes this fear returns and I'm so tired to deal with it. Two months ago, I created a swarm of new false memories where I had played with her hair / put her on my lap / gave her kisses... And I'm getting a lot of (what I hope it is) false images where I can imagine that and they feel like memories... Update! (June 25th, 2020) this will sound stupid but I tried to recreate a scene with my teddy bear which is big enough to give a piggyback ride the "wrong way" (hands under the butt) and it's so possible this false memory is true... Now I'm afraid that I may caressed it too! I want to cry because I don't remember what happened!! This is gross, but I groped my own butt to see if I've done it to the child in the past and I don't remember plus, I don't know how to grope someone but the experience with the teddy bear put my hand in a "good" position to grope someone... I'm almost sure I didn't do it because I don't remember but It feels like a deja-vu, does it make sense? I have a feeling that I did it, despite me not remembering it. That's what is making me going insane. Update! (June 26th, 2020) During this entire day, I don't think I was ever alone with the child but it crossed my mind that I could have forgotten it! After the pool me and my friends (including her sister) went to the child's bedroom where she showed me her beautiful drawings (she drew really well!). Like I said I don't think I was ever alone with her and I believed that after she showed us (me) her drawings, me and my friends went back to my friend's bedroom (I know it's a bit confusing) Suddenly, tonight, I remembered that my friends were bored about listening to the kid talking about those drawings..."what if they left?" I thought... I don't remember being alone with her and I'm afraid to ask my friend what happened... But it's possible I stayed alone because my friends were bored (though again, I don't have recollection of it) I'm panicking because maybe we got alone together and I did something wrong to her and I can't remember.. I feel terrible and shitty... I want to throw up!! I don't know what to do! What if this really happened?? Do I deserve to be happy or to kill myself?? I just- I'm still ao worried about this. I woke up in the middle of the night worrying about this. And then I slept for 10 hours so I didn't have to deal with this.

Let’s play a game! How many times have YOU been tested for Covid-19? I’m going on 4. Love ocd and fear related to symptoms. ?

I have an interesting subtype of OCD (I’ve been diagnosed) and just wanted to see if anyone has the same thing or similar compulsions. Ever since my first serious relationship, I’ve always been terrified that my significant other will cheat on me. I’ve been married almost 10 months now and since covid hit it’s like a whole new level. I cannot tell you how many sites or apps I’ve “checked” to try and see if he has accounts. Kik, WhatsApp, meetme, tons of dating apps, hookup sites, onlyfans, and the list goes on. I check various usernames and email addresses (even ones that could reasonably belong to another person) and it’s exhausting. If I don’t find anything, it’s not that it isn’t there, it’s just that I haven’t discovered it yet. It’s seriously so exhausting and logically I know it’s pointless because even if he is cheating on me he could probably find a way to hide it. Some days I feel a little better and don’t feel much need to check, but most of the time it’s all I think about and there have been times I’ve spent up to three hours a day checking random things. It sucks so bad ?

MY OCD STORY I’d like to tell you guys my ocd story because why it happened is still a mystery to me. I have never dealt with ocd for my life. I only dealt with some thoughts recently that I would worry about and obsess about but...most of my ocd thoughts would be something that my ex boyfriend would say. For example. My ex boyfriend would say things like, “I’d fuck her” about a random girl. Now I get those thoughts and deal with sexual ocd trying to repress those thoughts. Another thing is my ex used to say weird things about girls younger than him. Way younger, and talk about their body and how they’ve changed so much since the last time they’ve he’s seen them. This caused me to struggle with pocd. Anybody have any thoughts about this? I am not trying to blame him but just wonder if someone else had this experience or can explain what more this experience means for me. My therapist calls these traumatic memories, which I then obsess about.

Hi guys, I'm really sorry but it's me again me. I apologise for posting so often. So, as I've mentioned before, I have POCD (and possible real event and harm OCD, but this doesn't really matter at the moment). I've been struggling a lot with believing that this is not OCD and the real me, hence I've been dealing with a lot of disgut and hate towards myself. One of the things that has recently contributed to the doubt that this is not OCD is absolutely weird, and I apologise beforehand for any confusion caused: I have this thing where I almost don't want to be productive at all. It seems that I don't want to do my university work, read, listen to podcasts, finish my first embroidery, or anything that brings me happines and requires focus and attention. It feels like I would rather act on my thoughts, especially that I live with a child - my brother who is 8 years old - which to my brain seems really easy to do. It feels like I don't want to spend time being a productive, good person but harm children and being a disgusting deviant instead. I really tried to focus on my university work today, as it has piled up for the past months and I really need to get it done as soon as possible, but all I was able to think about was that I wanted to go and harm my brother. As always, it came with a really strong and overwhelming sensation. Me trying to focus on reading articles and learning stuff seemed so fake; I felt so in denial. As I've said in other posts, I really think I have some very weird symptoms, if I can call them that, that don't match with OCD, and I haven't seen anyone talking about this type of symptoms before, which makes my worry even more terrible. The worst thing is that this is not the only weird symptom I'm currently dealing with; I have so, so many others, and they all scare me and make me feel like a true pervert. Anyways... I'm really sorry for the lengthy text or/and if it makes no sense, but I really needed to share this with you as I've been feeling so miserable all day for experiencing this. Thank you so much for reading and being patient with me. I would like to know your opinions regarding this. I hope you have a lovely evening or day, depending on where you are on this planet. Take care x

I really need help I just read an article saying that people think HOCD isn’t a real thing. Have people actually recovered from this? What if it’s just internalised homophobia? I don’t want to be with girls it’s so distressing I just want all the thoughts and constant questioning to stop I feel like I can’t live him life properly anymore I just want to be happy and back to my usual self I feel like I can’t enjoy anything anymore.

I can’t get through my wedding with all this evidence swirling in my head. If I’m gay, I’ve betrayed him deeply. I don’t know what to do, this anxiety is making me think I should just run away instead of hurting him. I really don’t want to ruin things but I’m terrified sex will never get better, we will never get better, I will only like sex with a woman, etc. I’m supposed to be getting married. This sucks.

Everyday after 5pm I feel terrible... I don't know why, but since last year, when summer comes, i feel that. I don't know anymore what OCD I have, beacuse sometimes i have harm ocd, times like this i have existential ocd, because if i want something, i get this tought that, im really want it? Do i will be happy with that? Maybe nothing makes sens... and you always will feel like this... and than I feel terrible. Today i felt terrible because ocd makes me rude and i am sensitive and i get frustrated quickly, and than im rude with my family... and thats why i feel bad... Idk why i feel like nothings matter some times... i want this to end. I always was a nice with others, but this makes my so rude, that i hate it...I want my old life back! I will not let ocd win over me, so please guys, give me advices what i do when i feel these feelings and thoughs.My psychologist wont help, because she didn't know what ocd is... so guys if you help me i will appreciate it. And also is it possible to have multiple ocd?

I’m worried because someone came out gay on this app and he thought he had hocd. Now I scared I don’t have hocd and the thoughts are true pls someone comment