Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hey, I would like to apologise before I begin as it's my second post for today and I'm afraid I'm being too much to handle in such a short time. Anyway, I've had this question/doubt at the back of my mind for a very long time, but because there were other things to worry about I just didn't pay (enough) attention to it and tried to let it be. However, because today it felt like I thought about my thoughts on purpose and wanted to think about them, the doubt became stronger. The doubt is whether I'm truly struggling with a mental illness or I'm just a weirdo. I've seen before that other people struggle with this too, but I've noticed certain features in my case that could prove the fact that I'm just a really terrible human being, who has been creating stuff in her head from the beginning. Here are some of the main ones: 1. First and the most important: the fact that I can allow myself to think of the thoughts on purpose. They are what I fear the most - why on earth would I want to do such a thing?! It's inexplicable, I don't desire it but it still happens. Weird... 2. I've barely shown symptoms of physical anxiety since all this mess started. I know this may sound weird but the majority of people with OCD that I've met/talked to have had physical/physiological symptoms of anxiety. All I'm experiencing is just a few of them, and they are mild and mainly happening in my brain (e.g. all or nothing thinking, second guessing, wanting reasurrance). This makes me doubts big time! On a side note, I struggle with social anxiety and there I can see a lot of physiological symptoms all the time. To me that shows that I indeed have social anxiety. But with OCD is totally different. 3. It seems that OCD doesn't affect me the way it affects other people. Again, weird but it feels like people struggle much more than I do. I'm not saying that I want to struggle more but something doesn't add up. To conclude, it feels like I'm an outsider and I should have not being diagnosed with OCD as I don't meet numerous criteria. I know that my therapists are great professionals and I'm not trying to offend them by saying that they gave me a wrong diagnosis, but I feel like I belong in a prison rather than being free thinking that my brain works in a different way (than the average brain) and that I feel and think the way I do because of it. Okay. I'll stop now. I'm sorry as this turned out to be a really long post. I'm sorry if I've said something stupid and/or irrelevant but these are my current thoughts and I really wanted to share them with you. Thank you so much for reading this!

So today I’ve actually been really sarcastic w my intrusive thoughts and I’ve noticed that it’s helped my mood and and I no longer feel depressed or guilty like I normally do. But now I’m scared that I shouldn’t be funny ab it and that somehow something bads gonna happen now that Idc and I’ve stopped agonizing. Does anyone know why OCD does this or how I can stop feeling like somehow I’m “ok” w being a bad person just bc I’m not scared of it like I used to be?

Uhhh is it possible to be aroused by someone while having no desire to actually have sex with them or not even like their body? Fuck me because I get physically turned on by guys even though I can't imagine sex with them not being traumatic and only want it when I'm extremely mentally unwell as a form of self harm and punishment...

Would a child still like me (seh really likes me even after all these years) if I had touched her inappropriately??? (this is a false memory) My therapist once asked me if I felt arousal that day and I said that no, I didn't remember There were 2 witnessee there but what if I left them at some point to hurt the child? I never touched anyone inappropriately and I was always very strict about peoples privacy but I'm afraid that I changed suddenly because I had started masturb- I feel like a monster...

I'm really upset because my aunt sent me a tiktok video on whatsapp which I found really innapropriate and I deleted it immediately. But i keep having intrusive thoughts that it's still somewhere on my device and I'll get into trouble for it! She didn't think it was innapropriate, but I found it innapropriate:( she sent it to lots of people including my mum, but still, idk intrusive thoughts are taking hold :( Obv I cannot control what I get sent from other people, and I guess that's the same for everyone but I just feel disturbed.

!!!!!PLEASE RESPOND!!!! TW FOR HOCD!!!!*** So I know theres truth to my theme. I know I have a sexual response to girls. I don't like it makes me anxious and upset, BUT I also experience extreme OCD symptoms at the same time. I feel like I have to solve everything in one day, and break up with my boyfriend, it constantly makes me think that I shouldn't be in my relationship anymore. I'm upset and scared by the fact that I no longer find boys attractive or don't right now, or when I think I do I get worried that it's just aesthetic attraction which I think is true. I feel like at this point I should try being with a girl, but it makes me so stressed out and upset that I can't, it makes me miss my boyfriend when I think about it even if he's right next to me. I'm so contradicted. I left my boyfriends house today where I've been living because I felt terrible and went back to my parent's but now I'm just crying and I can't stop. I'm sad that I want to be with a girl now, but I do. Please help. I cant lie anymore. I'm horrified by the idea of lying which I've realize has also been taken over by OCD. My biggest fear is that I'm going to make a big decision before I get help for OCD and then realize that all of this was OCD and not reality. I'm not equipt to handle any of these things. I dont know what to do so I've been blocking everything. Or maybe I have the fear that I'm blocking something and I'm not really? I'm scared that I'm lying about all of this.

Hey everyone!Im new to this app.I dont really know if I have OCD.My intrusive thoughts r driving me mad.I cant handle them anymore.The problem is that sometimes my thoughts turn into beliefs.Is like a part of me refuses to believe them and another part keeps believing them even tho I know they r not true.I dont know if these are false sensations or if the thoughts define me as a person.I dont want to be a bad person,I dont want to think anymore,I dont want to create false believs,i just want to be normal again.Im done with this.Its like u dont want to be gay,but ur mind creates the belief that u r gay and then u kinda feel the attraction towards the same gender.I dont know if this is a false attraction,i dont know who i am anymore.Its like is hitting me by making me be the person I dont want to be.Is there anyone else feeling like this?Please I just want an advice cause sometimes the only thing that comes to my mind is suicide.My parents do not understand me.Im exhausted...

*something i wrote a few days ago.* it is no secret that anxiety has run my life. there was a time where i didn’t worry my parents were going to die today, that i wasn’t going to make it past 22, that the assignments i handed in were completely plagirised even though i knew they weren’t, that the children i babysat weren’t breathing when i would put them down to sleep, that i was cheating on my boyfriend and blocked out everything i did or that he was going to get into a car crash and die, that i was going to jail for something...i worried so much over everything it made me physically ill to the point i couldn’t eat and lost 10 pounds. everyone would tell me i looked wonderful because weight was shed, but they never knew or asked how. i wasn’t sleeping because my dreams would reflect my fears or anytime i tried to fall asleep and heard my dad make a loud thump in the other room i’d have to get up to check if he was alive. the uncertainty and what if’s drove me insane. the doubt made me sick. i’ve been in therapy for 2.5 years for grief work when i told her what was going on, she told me i was displaying characteristics of someone with ocd. “ocd?” i said. “i don’t have compulsions. im not scared of germs or clean everything.” then she explained to me how that is a common misconception. i have ocd because i get an obsessive thought, like my father dying, and the compulsion is to check on him. if i didn’t check on him, my brain would come up with 100 different scenarios of what happened so the compulsion to check is to make sure everything is ok and safe. its a disorder because it disrupts my daily life. when she said that it all made sense. we then went over my other fears. fear of cheating? i checked every social media app, every message, every memory to make sure it didn’t happen. fear of plagirism? i’d check my assignments over and over to make sure they were all original thoughts. i’d put them into many different plagirism checkers to reassure myself. fear i was going to die? constantly check google for symptoms of different health related issues. ive made countless doctors appointments to make sure there was nothing wrong. i was a compulsive checker. constantly checking on everything. if i didnt check or reassure myself the knot in my throat would grow bigger and bigger. if i did check, itd go away for a little bit and i felt relieved. this is how ocd works. its a monster.

I've seen people saying there are no good or bad people just people who do bad or good things, but what about psychos or killers? there is no way they are good. This is causing me a lot of anxiety

What medicines are y’all on? What are some of your side effects?

i’m sorry for saying this. big trigger warning. but i have a huge compulsion to confess this. i had thoughts about my father, i used to think about him in a disturbing way. but i know i would never actually do anything with him. i don’t even find him attractive. i 100% know this. i don’t know why i ever thought like that. it’s just the guilt that’s killing me. i don’t even want to exist just thinking about it. does anyone have any tips? or advice..? or anything. i feel so helpless and distraught.

i’m curious. what are some of your interests?

A false memorie can jump like an intrusive thoughts and instantly believe it? Im afraid if im suffering of real event ocd or false memorie ocd and i do not this lool really detailed.

I'm sorry if posting this seems like reassurance post but I just need to get this out... I googled symptoms of psychopaths again because my mom got really upset and I didn't feel sad or as empathic as I felt like I should. Of course it didn't help. Saw post saying psychopaths fake cry, then got me worried and scared that when I cry it's fake or i don't mean it. It especially makes me think that cause one minute I can be crying and the next just empty. I saw they lack empathy or quilt or remorse. Maybe it's just emtional numb/empty from depression or depersonilzation, but I worry what if i don't truly feel those things? What if I'm a heartless apathetic person? I get scared that what if I can't feel those things? It talked about how they commit crimes and some enjoy causing pain or hurting or even killing others, but I would never do something like that...I'd never find joy In something like that. Another concern is I don't feel I feel things like I should. Most emtions feel empty...I get scared I've forgotten how to feel love, happy, etc. I read about how they don't have a conscience, would someone who is crazy beware they don't have conscience? I'm sorry for all this, It might come off as reassurance and if so, I wasn't trying to..... I just needed to get this out.

guys I’m honestly embarrassed to admit this and I feel really guilty but it’s an unhealthy habit that I think I should deal with. Sometimes, rarely I’ll like sext other strangers cause idk it’s like an escape or something from real life and I always hate myself afterwards, I never show pics or anything but it’s a way where I can feel more safe about getting rid of sexual feelings idk I usually hate the idea of sex cause I have pocd amongst other things and not knowing the other person takes off some of that tension cause I’m not constantly asking myself questions like why are you attracted to them? Etc. anyways I really am just hating myself right now I feel like the worst human ever any advice on this subject would mean the world to me I just don’t know how to deal with myself or forgive myself.

Most of my family doesn’t validate my ocd they don’t believe in it really. My little brother knows that it gets to me tho and he can be quite cruel and today when he was mad he told me I was a psychopath who needed to get checked and I wasn’t normal and that I had anger issues and a lot of other mean stuff. He uses all my triggers against me in fights. He calls me fat cause I’ve struggled with my body image my whole life and was anorexic in middle school, he calls me psychopath knowing I ruminate over the idea in my bed for hours. My dad is the same way and when he gets mad he tells me my ocd is just an excuse or that it’s for attention. I’m feeling very hopeless right now my mind just keeps telling me they are right they are right they are right. Nobody cares and I wish they would just try to understand. Even my mom thinks it’s just an excuse. I’m on some new steroids right now and also my period, and I haven’t slept in days, and the combination is bad so my temper has been short and I’ve been very sensitive to everything and I wish they just understood that and I hate myself for getting overly frustrated over tiny things and I hate myself for getting mad so easily but I wish they understood that I hate it too and I wish they wouldn’t just tell me I’m everything I fear I am when they get mad at me. Just feeling like maybe I don’t deserve life and that no one would miss me if I was gone except my sister who is my only comfort. Maybe I am all the things I hate and don’t want to believe and I’m better off gone they’d be better without me I know it

My mom asked me if I was depressed.. I didn’t know how to answer it so I just laughed it off. I feel like I just lost any chance I had to make conversation of the topic.

As my flight to see my son comes closer, ocd is trying harder and harder to get a hold of me. Ive been a having a hard time. I can't even look at pictures of my son or think of him without gettign triggered. I battle with worrying I may actually want to harm/kill him and I hate it. I feel like Ive failed as a mom, like I won't ever be able to give him the childhood he deserves. I wanna watch him grow and travel the world with him, but I often just wanna stay away to keep him safe. But then I wanna break the cycle, I promised Id give my son Id be involved and be the mom for him I didn't have. But it feels that the more I try, the more I fail. I feel like Im unworthy of him and the world. I look at myself in the mirror and I think to myself that I am a beautiful woman, but none of that matters because Im trash on the inside because of these thoughts. I wanna have a normal life, with my son, and be happy with friends and family. I don't want this to be my life

This is kind of pessimistic, so trigger warning for that. It’s just...endless. I am so tired of fighting the same monster for years upon years. I have good periods, but then a small trigger brings everything down. I try accepting my thoughts. I try not to think about them. I try to talk about them. I try not talking about them. It seems like nothing helps. I still can’t let go of all-consuming fear, shame and guilt over misconstrued memories and what ifs. It’s so hard. I hate it. I’m moving away from my therapist bc of university. Now I gotta deal with finding a new therapist, and I’ll probably have to fight for it. I don’t know if I have the energy to deal with than upon everything else. Anyways, fuck you to my POCD for making a living hell out of my miserable life.

I can't stop thinking about real events from almost 2 decades ago. The guilt and shame are driving me crazy...