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the NOCD Community

I remember getting butterflies in my chest/stomach area when I was 15 to a gay scene from an anime that was playing in the anime club at my high school. I remember being anxious and nervous the first time I saw it and I avoided the series and I never talked about the incident. I never questioned my sexuality after that either, as I had a crush on a girl at the time. This event happened before my HOCD kicked into high gear. My HOCD is telling me that since I got butterflies to that gay kissing scene, it means that I’m gay or bisexual in denial and I’m currently scared for my sexuality and my identity because of this.

i just want these horrible disgusting thoughts to stop, i cant even be happy anymore! i cant even live my life! they’re so debilitating and horrific that they stop me from loving myself or being myself because i feel too guilty and upset with my own self to love myself. i never asked for this, i never would ever ever think of these things but somehow my mind TURNS SO DARK and i feel so uncomfortable being in my own body. death sometimes seems easier than this...i am not suicidal but my ocd tells me i am everyday, it’s like whatever thought i say to myself to reassure like “no i am a good person! i don’t want this thought!” my ocd will stab me in the back and say “ur not a good person! ur lying! ur actually evil! good people don’t think this way! u should die!” and i get so scared...like i am a lie, everything i say or do is a lie...everyone around me is being “fooled” by me...but i feel like i am just trying to get through life, i have no evil intent, i couldn’t even hurt a fly LITERALLY i like cant even hurt flies because i feel a sense of guilt...i am so upset with myself and the way i let my ocd take over my life like this. i go on a trip in 3 days with my best friends and i want to let go and have fun and forget about my intrusive thoughts and not feel evil or disgusted...i am so broken I AM SO BROKEN! how does one come back from such a dark place and such evil intrusive thoughts, i feel traumatized by my own intrusive thoughts.

Im really starting to doubt starting medication. Like ssri’s all i hear is it makes u fat, lazy and when you stop taking them you are a mess. Im terrified because i dont want to regret taking them but i know i need them :(

Whenever I’m alone with a kid I get so uncomfortable. Like rn I had to take my niece somewhere and my mind was telling me you’re gonna touch her and I get so uncomfortable because I started getting groinal response. Now when I got home my mind started telling me I did something to her. Does anyone else go through this

Everytime I think of beastiality and I give into my ocd I end up researching it and checking my arousal on videos etc I always feel really aroused. It's always dogs licking woman down below or sniffing there crotch and I dont want to be aroused by these things. Does this sound like I just enjoy these things or ocd ?

Was talking to a guy for a few months and I have health stuff that's happened on top of my ocd. (Seizures etc) and health stuff has made my ocd flare up. Lots of time im bed, lots of time to think. He came over, made moves on me, then I started questioning everything. (He wasn't clear about what we even were) Relationship ocd overload. Well he didn't wanna deal with any of it so he up and left pretty fast. Im devestated. He won't see me or really talk to me. And I feel really alone. Has anyone dealt with people leaving bc of your ocd?

Any OCD questions about Obsession Themes? Just gonna have a new topic each day I guess ☺️

The scariest part of HOCD is not feeling that much attracted to the opposite sex suddenly. It makes you feel lost as in identity and your personality traits are not so rigid anymore. It's an awful feeling to have

i feel like my so-ocd is different from what i read on here? or maybe it’s not? idk. but when i obsessively think about the orientation i don’t want to to be, sometimes i get excited and happy about being that orientation and then i get anxious like “omg i felt happy about it!!!” huh? and i don’t understand why i can feel emotional happiness and peace like that

I feel like I'm flirting with every girl I talk to now.I'm gonna kill myself :(

I cannot sleep due to my OCD. I haven’t gotten adequate sleep in days. What do you guys do when you can’t sleep? Help! I need sleep to help recovery.

Why do intrusive thoughts or OCD occur? For instance, I have a girlfriend I have been with for almost two years and I made mistakes that hurt her and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I’m a good person I believe, but for some reason since I have told her I now overthink sometimes about my sexuality, liking other people, and even thinking mean things to her, even basic feelings for her. I also tell her all of these things because i never want to keep anything from her and have secrets because then i feel guilty. It’s just a never ending cycle of thinking something, telling her, then having the cycle repeat. I just believe everything I think is true and I can’t distinguish my thoughts from reality and what I truly believe. I’ve never had any of these problems before. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her because she is the best woman I have ever met and she is so supportive, loving and makes me happy. It doesn’t get any better than her. I also know i want to be this amazing person for her that’s why i fight this so much. I just want to know the psychological reasoning behind these things because I’ve never had any of these issues ever in my life ever.

I need a friend with pocd (and maybe with false memories too) to talk to... I'm so sorry for the weird request, I just need a friend. I'm 24, f. Idk what to do anymore

The urge to confess should I ? Should I not? I feel like when I confess I feel at peace ugh. Tips ??

I suffer from PCOD thoughts at the moment. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing about them for days on end. I believe I’ve suffered from Ocd thoughts since I was a kid, back then it was religious type thoughts like , going to hell for being blasphemous, then my thoughts morphed Into HOCD which I thought at one point was the worse of all thoughts to obsess and fear. I’ve always been the type to hold on to negativity and thoughts. Like when I suffered from Insomnia a few months back, I was convincing myself I had some kind of terminal disease that would cause me to lose sleep forever and eventually die, my eye floaters have gotten worse the past month and I started obsessing over those thinking I was going blind. Now with these PCOD thoughts I feel like these are the motherload of negative obsessional thoughts. I’m at the point of feeling like Hanging in by a thread when is this thread gonna snap. My thoughts were recently triggered by my pregnancy. Found out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. I feel like them theme has always made me uncomfortable and the thoughts were there before but somehow I was able to manage them because they don’t bother me or I didn’t make a big deal out of them . Now it’s like I just don’t see an escape from this hell i’m living in. I guess my question is, because I’ve been on various types of medications all my life , what medication has helped you guys out with your OCD thoughts? I suffer from inward compulsions too not the “typical” ocd compulsions. It’s hard for me to say what’s worked for me since I’ve stopped and started so much medicine. Because I’m also pregnant at the moment no psychiatrist wants to prescribe anything. Sorry for the long post guys.

i would really appreciate if carl cornett oils respond to this? someone with ocd just told me that i am heterophobic and biphobic. (my ocd is making me this way). and when i told them i’m not trying to be insensitive to bisexual peop because i think bisexuality is valid and beautiful, i just have ocd too like them and it makes me act this way— and also i don’t care about other people being bi it’s only me i care about being bi (or heterosexual) just like how i think all bodies are beautiful but because of my body dysmorphia i think my body is disgusting. and then they said i have a victim mentality and using my mental health as excuses and i’m being abusive to them. i don’t know what to think anymore

I know to get better I have to do erp, but I don’t want to(I know most don’t) I don’t want to purposely bring up things that stress me out...I already think about it all the time, so I don’t understand how it actually works when I’m already worrying about it all the time I don’t know if that make sense haha. Can someone explain how it helps

i am having so much trouble with guilt and sadness surrounding my intrusive thoughts, they pop up in my head and i get super anxious and just wanna cry. i literally make a disgusted face when they pop up in my head and i like wanna rip my hair out they never shut up. i am trying so hard to just sit with the thought but i can’t i feel so anxious all the time. i just wanna confess and tell people so i am not stuck with myself, i am legit scared of my own brain. 😭 i wish i could go back to being normal and knowing i am a good person and being comfortable with myself, now i just panic and get super afraid of being alone with my thoughts or feeling IMMENSE guilt even though i know i don’t wanna think about this.

I went to a party where there were more people than the recommended and I wore a mask but my partner took his off and so did I then cause I thought what's the point if I'm just going to kiss him later anyway, and now I'm stressing thinking I've caught Corona and that I could pass it on to my partner's grandma who could die. I always have a cough 24/7 so it's hard to tell if I have a new one and my partner's dad doesn't care if anyone has a cough so he'd go to work anyway and he doesn't wear a mask where he works and they don't social distance, and the nan does care here so if I told them I have a cough the dad would go to work anyway but the grandma would probably flap and stay in and my partner gets anxious around her because he literally hates talking to people for a long time. Has anyone broke the rules before? And has anyone worried about something like this? I hate this pandemic

What would my life look like without OCD? ... OCD takes up so much of my time, energy, and has done so for years. I cant begin to imagine life without it. In some ways OCD is like a coping mechanism. As long as I keep doing my compulsions and obsessing I dont have to deal with the trauma of my childhood and with figuring out who I am or what I like. I have been sick since I was 12 or earlier. Now Im 29. I dont know who I am without this. I dont know what my dreams are. What I enjoy. I avoid almost everything. Im scared theres no way back to leading a normal life. Besides the obsession that "I will never feel better, and this will last for ever", I truly wonder, is it possible to create an adult life in a way from "scratch". I have no social network, no interests... I hope so. I an hopeful and grateful for finally starting to get help, and for SoMe who brought me resources to realize Ive been maltreated for years! Grateful for the courage to confront my psychologist with his lack of competence on the area.