Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I hate my life. Meltdowns used to be once a week, then once every few days, then once a day and now twice a day. My phone is acting like a piece of crap and it keeps deleting things which is one of my fears. I’m so exhausted.

People with HOCD and in relationships - how do you cope? Does your partner know? What are some techniques you use to stop the thoughts.

New to the group/app. Chronic OCD sufferer. First had my first brush with it at 17/18 I’m 29 now. Had a sexual thought about my mother that then turned into me thinking “what about if i have sexual thoughts about everybody?” I then had sexual thoughts about people around me, but my mind latched on men. I’m heterosexual, never questioned myself til that day. After months of searching for things and replaying situations back in my head i was able to live peacefully only with the occasional or lingering “what if’s?” This was 11/12 years ago. Over the course I’ve had the occasional intrusive thought popping in and out of my head during my times with women and wondering did i like the thought or the woman? The woma always won and I was mostly able to brush em off and keep it moving. More recently i made the mistake of eating a marijuana edible. Me and weed DONT mix. After feeling high for what felt like a lifetime i began panicking and wondering “what if i stay this way?” “What If i developed a psychosis?” “What if reality isn’t real?” “What if this is underlying schizophrenia?” Those hit me for about a week and a half...then it returned back to my worst, HOCD. I’ve been happily dating a woman for 2 years of course I’ve had my doubts and thoughts along the way but i was mainly able to shrug it off. We’ve enjoyed a healthy sex life and each other’s company. But now with the return of the monster i get choked up with anxiety about possibly leaving her and coming out of some closet that I know I’m not in and i begin revisiting and replaying every single moment of the past and thinking “am i even attracted to her?” “Why do i feel choked up/weirded out when we kiss now?” Etc. I realize it’s all anxiety but damn it’s been beating me down recently. Apologies for the long post. Take care guys.

Having thoughts like "your thoughts are real... you really are a bad person.... you don't have ocd, you're just using it as an excuse for your thoughts... you were 'diagnosed' by a college counselor, so it's probably not real... you like your thoughts....." and right now I'm able to keep the anxiety down which is good because I have one more class to get through today but I can tell that later I will be overthinking this and probably get extremely anxious. When I get really anxious I can't cry, I don't know why, but then my head tells me "well you're not crying so you're not really upset or worried about it because you're a bad person." Sorry in advance if I go on a posting spree later when this all hits.

Anyone have any insight/experience with OCS? Obsessive Compulsive Spartanism?

I know this probably won’t apply to people here, but maybe it will, just not exactly an “OCD thing” does anyone suffer from brain fog? I have it immensely bad, due to a lot of health issues, including type 1 diabetes manly but also depression can cause it. Brain fog is different than feeling overwhelmed and overworked etc..if you have it you will know exactly what I’m talking about when I say you don’t feel alive. It’s either feeling too much of everything or completely numb, NOTHING feels real, (which can lead to/goes along with depersonalization types of disorders but not always) I feel like everything is so hard to focus and hold onto. And on top of that I have silent migraines which leads to a lot of head pressure which just intensifies the brain fog. I had a breakdown in my car today crying for a good 20 minutes to my boyfriend of how upset I am that my life is this way. I understand things could be so much worse but some things like OCD (which of course I have) and brain fog, eliminates you from being able to see a brighter side, or make yourself better. How can you change your life if you can’t think clearly? ? just need some love and positive encouragement to carry on I guess.

It makes me feel so much better about myself knowing other people go through this as well. I’m so so fucking scared of my own thoughts and I hate it so much. I don’t want to be a bad person and I wish these thoughts could get out of my head once and for all. Thank you for making me feel understood.

TW Guys my false memories are scaring me so much today. my mind was trying to ruminate as I went to sleep and then I woke up and the thought was “oh yeah nobody would know or find out because you can’t just identify abuse by looking down there” horrible :( :( :( I woke up terrified what if I just remembered that I did something, what if I did?? Soniclen I know you are going to say I’m looking for reassurance maybe I’m am, i just cried all over my husband and of course all he did was reassure me I could never do something like that and “forget about it” because that’s not me But when I woke up and had that thought it felt so freaking real and I got so scared heart racing everything

Is it possible for OCD to go from harmful thoughts or paranoia thoughts to being completely about how my wife is cheating on me or going to hurt (poison me, attack me in my sleep)!?

Sometimes I feel like my life would be more empty without OCD. Even though it causes me so much stress and anxiety, I feel like that stops me from being bored. Sounds silly because I know that everybody STRIVES to be relieved of OCD and the trouble it causes. I guess I just feel like having OCD makes me different from other people (and I like to be bold and stand out). Without it, I’d just be like everybody else. And that’s why I fear NOT having it; that would mean I truly am just like everybody else and my thoughts are real. Idk. It’s also nice to be part of this community where we all push eachother forwards and celebrate eachother for all the things we do. I don’t want to lose that.

How to confirm that my sexual orientation is not changed... I m still same happy self.... This hocd/so ocd killing me daily... I just hate girls now.... I don't even want to talk to any... Deeply frustrated...

Back at university now in the house I'm living in for the year, which is where my ocd originally kind of started (or at least got extremely intense and horrible). I can already feel my anxiety getting worse. Hopefully the fact that the dosage of my meds has been increased will help a little. Would love it if you guys good think good thoughts at me x

Does anyone else’s hocd give you the thought whenever you feel attracted to the opposite sex “if you were a guy that would mean you’re gay.” And for some reason this gives me anxiety. I want to be straight and like guys..what?

Feel so alone. Does anyone else struggle with POCD and is / was pregnant? I just want my poor baby to be safe and feel so guilty about unwanted thoughts. This is the worst. I can’t even enjoy this pregnancy because of these horrendous thoughts.

trigger warning maybe so idk who knows andrea russett but she’s a youtuber and she just posted a video coming out saying she’s bisexual and it triggered me soooo much. like i’m so scared that i am when i literally have never felt attraction to a girl at all like that. any time i think a girl is pretty i automatically jump to that conclusion now. and i always have to check and look at her butt to see if i’m attracted to it. like social media makes it all worse too. i almost do it out of habit now which makes me hate myself for it bc i’m mistaking it w attraction but when i try to tell myself it’s just ocd my brain tries to twist it into thinking that i’m actually bi!!! it just sucks and i’m so stressed about it

Hocd and urges! Help

I have a really weird OCD problem. My brain doesn’t ‘like’ or has a fear of the number 6,9, and 12. When I see them or do something this amount of times it just feels ‘off’. I have to make a constant effort everyday to avoid seeing these numbers or doing something the amount of times as these numbers. I know it’s weird and ridiculous but I don’t know what to do.

i hate myself.. i got to the point where if a girl walks in front of me and my boyfriend i look at him and if i see if he’s looking at her direction i got obsessive thoughts and i get mad with him even knowing that he can look and even knowing that he only loves me and im the girl most beautiful (to him, i dont think that im beautiful at all), i hate myself fr..

I constantly have these moments where I have horrible thoughts of harming others and it makes me have a panic attack... what do I do to stop these thoughts?

I think I may be pregnant but it’s still too early to tell. It scares me because I think due to my ocd I may not be a very good mother. I think what if I have to be hospitalized again and can’t be there for my child? Or what if I get the intrusive thoughts about them? The ones about my husband have been coming back slightly but it’s definitely focused on health right now. My friend’s lung collapsed two days ago and she’s my age! (27) and now I’m terrified that it may happen to me or worse I may have a heart attack and die. If I am pregnant I may choose to abort. Idk yet, a part of me thinks that those of us with mental illnesses should be sterilized. I’m curious to know other ppls opinions on this subject...